o0o

Lucius stood in the corridor leading to Severus's Defence classroom, twirling the head of his cane absently in his fingers. All the pieces were in place. He was dressed in his most impressive robes that could almost pass for appropriate teaching wear. A decadent luncheon was set to arrive in his chambers, complete with champagne and succulent summer fruits. Now, all he needed was a student out of whom to coax information about Hermione. He smirked inwardly as he saw a pigtailed figure walking determinedly down the hallway.

"Miss Abbott! A pleasure to see you."

Hannah froze as Lucius Malfoy, resplendent in red velvet, swept down on her. "P-Professor Malfoy?"

"No need for that formality when we are not in class, my dear. I would be delighted if you'd call me Lucius," he said with a charming smile.

Hannah's eyes darted frantically from side to side, looking for an exit. "I- I- I'll be late for Defence."

"Calm yourself, my dear. Severus has a frightful temper, but he's really all bark and no bite, you know. I had hoped to speak with you on a subject of a delicate nature, so if you are available at lunchtime today, I would be honoured if you would join me in my rooms for a tete a tete."

"I can't."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," said Malfoy, mentally moving on to the next name on his list. "Perhaps another time?"

"I'm sleeping with Hermione!" blurted Hannah.

Lucius blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"That's why I can't have a tete a tete with you today at lunch," said Hannah, sounding oddly confident. "I'm going to be having sex with Hermione. We do it all the time, you know. Goodbye, Professor Malfoy."

Lucius stared at her as she practically sprinted down the hallway. Well, that would certainly explain Miss Granger's antipathy toward the male staff. He shook his head, attempting to clear the image of Miss Granger doing unspeakable things with Miss Abbott's pigtails from his mind's eye, when another set of footsteps caught his attention. He picked a piece of nonexistent lint from his robe.

"Mr. Finch-Fletchley!" he called to the approaching student. "A word, if you please?"

"I'm sorry, Professor Malfoy," said the boy in obsequious tones, "I was just on my way to Professor Snape's classroom. No time to chat, sorry!"

Lucius stepped deliberately into Justin's path. "I will speak to Severus on your behalf if I make you late. I greatly desire to speak with you on a matter of some urgency. Given your schedule, perhaps you could come to my quarters during lunchtime? I would provide refreshment, of course."

"I'm sorry, Professor Malfoy," said Justin, "but I will be otherwise occupied."

"Really, Mr. Finch-Fletchley," said Lucius with a throaty laugh, "what could possibly be more tempting than what I have to offer?"

"I'd love to fill you in, sir, but what happens between me and Hermione stays between me and Hermione."

"I haven't the pleasure of taking your meaning," said Lucius, hardly daring to believe his ears.

"If that's so, then I owe Hermione a full body massage for casting such good Muffling Charms," said Justin with a conspiratorial wink. "Well, I'm off to class! Cheers, Professor Malfoy!" He walked off, whistling.

When Justin had disappeared around the corner, Susan Bones came tearing down the hall and collided with Lucius. He seized her arms to keep her from falling, and she ended up pressed against his chest, looking up into his eyes.

"Professor Malfoy, I'm so sorry!" she said breathlessly. "I was trying to look up the countercurse that Professor Snape hinted he might make us know for class today and-"

"Hush, my dear," whispered Lucius, pressing the pad of his index finger to her lips. "I am relieved to find you unhurt."

Susan lowered her gaze. "That's very kind of you, sir. I'll be going now."

"What's your hurry?" asked Lucius, running his hands gently down to cup her elbows.

"I can't be late! If I am, my own classmates might accidentally curse me when I enter, thinking I'm Professor Snape."

"Very well," said Lucius, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I suppose I can wait to continue this conversation over lunch, if you're available. Say, my quarters after your class?"

Susan's eyes widened. "I'm afraid I'm not available."

"Really, Miss Bones, you nearly run down a lonely widower, and you can't be bothered to take lunch with me?"

"It's not that, sir, it's just that I have scheduled a- a liaison over lunch."

Lucius glared at her. "Let me guess. You and Miss Granger. I hope you'll forgive me if I doubt the veracity of your excuse, as it has already been given to me by Miss Abbott and Mr. Finch-Fletchley."

"Of course they said the same thing," explained Susan patiently. "That's how the entire Defence class unwinds."

Lucius's expression on someone with a lesser reputation for gentility might have been described as gaping. "All of you?"

"Well, not Professor Snape, of course," said Susan.

"Together? Intimately? Penetratively?"

Susan blushed more deeply and disentangled herself from Lucius's grasp. "A lady never kisses and tells. Goodbye, Professor Malfoy!"

Lucius's shock was just beginning to fade when Harry and Ron appeared from around the corner, deep in discussion. Lucius hid behind a suit of armour and listened.

"So, do you reckon it would be a good idea to try again with Susan?" asked Harry.

Ron shrugged. "She seemed to like it when you did it in class."

"Yeah, but I thought maybe she liked making Professor Snape yell at us more than she liked me touching her."

"You know me, I'm much better figuring out blokes than girls."

"Yeah," said Harry, shoving his glasses further up his nose. "I know you don't want to be in the middle of all this."

"Well, try doing it after class after Snape leaves. It'll be the perfect opportunity. I'll even try to distract the others so you can have a little bit of privacy."

"That'd be brilliant!"

"Just one thing."

"What?"

"Promise me you won't do that thing with your hair. It makes you look like a prat."

"I only do that to get a rise out of Snape."

Ron gave him a doubtful look. "How?"

Harry grinned. "You know how my dad and Snape felt about each other? Well, the hair thing is something my dad used to do. Seeing me do it makes Snape twitch like mad!"

Ron roared with laughter. "Hermione's idea?"

"How'd you know?"

"She's the only one I know that subtle at pressing everyone's buttons, the brilliant, scary girl."

"I'm awfully glad she likes us."

"Me too, mate," said Ron with a satisfied smile. "Oh! I nearly forgot- are we all getting together at Hermione's tonight?"

"Yeah. She said she found something in one of Malfoy's books that she's anxious to try."

"The girl is insatiable!" exclaimed Ron.

"C'mon, let's get to class," said Harry. "I've got a girl to distract from her studies."

When the two boys had gone, Lucius emerged from his hiding place, shock rapidly disintegrating into unadulterated lust. The children were copulating like conies while under the auspices of the Ministry of Magic! It was devious. It was deviant. It was giving him an erection the size of a Bowtruckle.

He made a beeline for the dungeon stairs, cloak wrapped obscuringly around himself, and slammed the door of his chambers behind him. Moments later, his clothes were gone and his hands were flying up and down the shaft of his penis as images of his students writhing over and in one another played against the insides of his eyelids.

When he had spent himself with a groan, he flopped back on to the bed with a contented smile on his face, fingertips slick with ejaculate. Who would have thought Hermione Granger had an appetite for such things? "Insatiable" even? He could hardly wait for class to begin.

o0o

That evening, Severus Snape had settled in to mark his Defence Class's essays comparing and contrasting basic Mermish and Gobbledygook spells when there was a brisk knock at the door.

Lucius never knocked. It could only be a student. "Go away!" he said loudly. To his surprise, the door opened to reveal Hermione Granger.

"Out!" he snapped, pointing his index finger towards the door.

"No, thank you," said Hermione pleasantly, taking the seat opposite his desk. "We have things to discuss."

"We have no such thing," said Severus. "I have marking to do, and you are disturbing me."

"Then we'll just pretend that you threatened me with bodily harm and hexing a few times and get to the heart of the matter. Lucius Malfoy made me an interesting proposition today, and I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter."

"I couldn't care less who propositions you, Miss Granger."

She raised an eyebrow. "I thought you might be interested to know that Lucius propositioned me on your behalf."

Severus nearly upset his inkwell. "WHAT?"

Hermione hid smile. "That's a collective 'your.' Both of you. At once."

"I'll hex him into next week," said Severus, standing. "That walking set of genitals has gone too far this time."

"There's no need to be so melodramatic, sir," she said. "But I would like to know what you know of his intentions."

"What makes you think I know anything about Lucius's little love games?"

"You're his friend," said Hermione, "and a close enough friend that he was most convincing on the subject of your ardour for me."

"Miss Granger," said Severus stiffly, "I don't know what malarkey Lucius has been feeding you, but I assure you that I had nothing to do with it."

"That much is clear," she said nodding. "Today in Runes I was exposed to the most unsubtle flattery and flirtation I've had the displeasure of experiencing, and all the while, Lucius was claiming it was you who said it first."

"Yes," said Severus, mouth a thin disapproving line. "It's a tactic he's tried before."

"I believe he meant to make himself more attractive to me by painting you as the lecherous teacher and himself as my confidante."

"Precisely."

"I don't think it worked exactly as he intended, though. By the time I left, I'd convinced him that I was coming up here to seduce you."

Severus snorted. "I'm certain that went over well."

"A little too well, and that makes me suspicious. My question for you is simply this: do you think he's after a ménage a trois or something more permanent?"

Severus sighed. "Both, if at all possible, I should think."

"Oh," she said. "That makes sense."

"If so, then you're starting to get the measure of the man," said Severus, sitting down and taking up his quill. "Now, will you leave me to finish my marking?"

"I have a few more questions for you, sir, if you don't mind."

"And if I do mind?"

She shrugged. Severus had to admire the girl's chutzpah.

"Miss Granger, I really do have better things to do than gossip about Lucius."

"Then it's a good thing I don't have any more questions about him. Rather, I'd like to invite you to join me and Lucius tomorrow evening for intimate entertainments."

Severus's quill stilled. "I beg your pardon, Miss Granger. I thought for a moment there that you propositioned me."

"I did."

"That's enough," said Severus in a flat voice.

Hermione ignored him. "It's interesting," she remarked, "how one little suggestion, or in this case, how one ham-handed comment like 'just think how two experienced men could make you feel,' can bring about a watershed realisation."

"You suddenly decided that you wished to copulate with two men you despise?" He laid down his quill and rested his chin on his hand. "Merlin help me, I'd like to hear this."

"It's quite simple," she said, fidgeting hands the only external sign that she was nervous. "I can't help imagining what a man skilled in Defence Against the Dark Arts would be like as a lover. 'The Dark Arts'," she quoted, walking around his desk, "'are many, varied, ever-changing, and eternal.' Surely, you can grasp my curiosity."

"How nice," he said sarcastically. "She remembers my speech."

"It's easy to remember words when they're delivered so memorably." She leaned on the edge of his desk, leg nearly touching his arm. "'Fighting them is like a many headed monster, which, each time a neck is severed, sprouts a head even fiercer and cleverer than before,'" she quoted, boldly extending her hand and brushing her fingertips against his collar.

"Miss Granger-" he began in a warning tone.

"'Your defences must therefore be as flexible and inventive as the arts you seek to undo,'" she recited, leaning her face toward his as her fingers deftly unfastened the top button of his robe.

Severus practically jumped out of his chair. "Enough! All of this does nothing to explain why you accepted Lucius, then, for all his clumsy flirtations?"

"All I said is that they were obvious and ham-handed. I didn't say they were ineffective."

"So," he sneered, "Lucius teased you to bursting and sent you to spew your sexual frustration in my direction. How neighbourly."

"I don't think you can blame Lucius entirely for this," said Hermione.

"Miss Granger, you never would have considered me as a lover before Lucius planted the thought in your head," said Severus harshly. He held up a hand to forestall her protest. "I know this because he did the same thing to me."

Hermione looked utterly gobsmacked. "You?"

Severus nodded.

"For me?"

Severus glared at her. "Yes."

"But why is it a bad thing to have an acquaintance point out something you hadn't noticed before?"

"Because, Miss Granger, it is manipulation, pure and simple, and I, for one, have had enough of it."

"I disagree," said Hermione, "and I'm not going to turn my back on an idea that I feel has merit simply because I don't trust the person who suggested it."

"Then what a pity for you and Lucius that I have no use for children in my bed."

"Very convincing, sir," she said sincerely. "And I'm certain you wouldn't respond a bit if I did this." She seized his face with her hands and pressed her lips gently to his. It took Severus a moment to clear the dense fog that had suddenly settled in his brain and stop kissing her back.

"Certainly not," said Severus, eyes ablaze. "Such behaviour would be highly inappropriate and land you in a spot of trouble." He seized her about the waist and returned her kiss with unyielding lips.

She enthusiastically returned the kiss, moaning softly into his mouth and applying a truly impressive variety of embouchure. "I like this spot of trouble," she sighed, breath hot in his ear.

A warm shudder ran through his body. This was not good. He pulled back from her reluctantly.

Her face was flushed and her kiss-reddened lips were turned upwards in a dizzy smile. "Can I count on you to be there tomorrow evening?"

A nasty thought occurred to him. "It was a valiant effort, Miss Granger, but I'll not be got rid of so easily."

It was Hermione's turn to look confused.

"I am well aware of what happens to teachers who dally with their students. I must congratulate you on an impressive impersonation of desire, but I can only believe that this is yet another of your ploys to have me removed from my position. I must renew my request that you remove yourself from my presence."

Hermione stared at him, uncomprehending. "Just like that?"

"I could curse you to make my refusal appear more vigorous, but the skill you demonstrated with your tongue seems to have brought out my softer side."

"I don't suppose you'd believe me if I assured you that getting rid of you was no longer my goal because Neville Longbottom wants to keep you?"

"Not even if it were the truth. Now leave me in peace. While you're at it, you might develop some scruples. There are a number of unkind words for women who use such tactics to get what they want."

There was a definite sheen of unshed tears in Hermione's eyes. "I suppose I can only blame myself. There's a Muggle story about a shepherd boy who delighted in making the townsfolk run about by crying 'Wolf!' Then, when a wolf really did come, the boy was out of luck."

"I am familiar with the story."

"Then why are you leaving me to the wolf?"

"Two reasons: first, because I don't trust you any further than I can throw you without magic, and second, because I think you'll enjoy being eaten by the wolf, given that you two are as alike as two tails on a Crup."

"Having a brain and not being afraid to use it doesn't make me the kind of person Lucius is!" she exclaimed in frustration.

He clapped sarcastically. "Bravo, Miss Granger. To lay it on thicker would require a trowel. If I were ignorant of your penchant for stealing potions ingredients or your flagrant misuse of a Ministry-granted Time Turner to aid a convicted criminal, I might be taken in."

"That's rich coming from an ex-Death Eater who killed the most beloved wizard in England!" she shouted, losing her temper at last.

"That's the interesting thing about motivation," said Severus silkily. "It can make the difference between a hero and a-," he cleared his throat, "criminal. Thus, if you were able to produce someone, preferably not under the Imperius Curse, who could attest to the veracity of any of your statements to me, I might be more inclined to consider you. As it is, go back to Lucius. He'll make you a fine husband, even if he will resort to charms to ensure that your offspring are blond."

"Haven't you delivered enough blows to my ego tonight without mocking me, or is this the part you enjoy?"

"Go away, Granger. I decided to stop suffering your presence several minutes ago."

A sudden light lit her eyes, but as quickly as it had appeared, it vanished beneath a bland expression. She turned on her heel and left the room without speaking a word.

Oddly unsettled by her reaction, or lack thereof, Severus returned to his grading. A tiny section of his brain whispered that she was up to no good. However, it was soon distracted by Hannah Abbot's extraneous apostrophes in the word "its."

o0o