Bittersweet Recollections

Virgil

I envy women for the sole reason that if they feel the need to cry they can without being embarrassed too much. Unfortunately for us guys, we're expected to keep it in no matter how much it hurts. I wonder if my brothers feel as I do…that's a stupid thought because I know that each of them is hurting just as badly as I am. None of us was prepared in any way to lose our dad not that you can ever prepare for such a huge loss.

"Scotty, want some coffee?" We had only just returned from our father's funeral and I needed something to do. Hopefully, something that might keep me from dwelling on not having either of my parents or grandparents around any longer.

"Yeah, that would taste good, Virgil," he answered, quietly. The two of us sat in companionable silence, drinking our coffee. The silence gave me a chance to think of all the times Dad had said something to me that made me feel better without even realizing it.

Flashback

"Virgil, you're going to have to relax and concentrate," Jeff coached. "You can do this." Taking a deep breath, Virgil forced himself to relax and then hesitantly reached out to grip the yoke. Once he had a firm yet controlled hold, Jeff released the yoke that he'd held until Virgil had been ready.

"I can do this. I can do this," Virgil muttered under his breath. For a boy who'd always been around planes, he was terrified that he'd do something wrong. Scott had taken to flying like a duck takes to water. John had been a little more hesitant but he'd managed to do a decent job. Gordon and Alan were still too young to fly their dad's plane even if he was sitting right next to them.

"Pull back just a bit," Jeff said. Automatically, Virgil did as he was told. "You're doing fine, Son." No sooner than the words had left his mouth that they hit some turbulence and the plane shuddered violently. Remembering what his dad and Scott had said about turbulence, Virgil pushed the yoke just a bit and the shuddering soon stopped. "Well done. You remembered what I told you about handling the rough patches and didn't overcompensate."

"That was an experience I could have done without even if it was just a brief moment of being shaken," he replied, his voice not quite steady. Jeff reached over and patted his son on the shoulder, laughing.

"You did a lot better than Scott did the first time he encountered turbulence," Jeff admitted. "I'll deny that I said anything should you repeat what I'm about to say but Scott had to utilize the bag on the side of his seat." Glancing down where his dad was looking, Virgil realized that there was a bag for those who had a bit of air sickness to contend with.

"You mean Scotty hurled?" he managed through his laughter.

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean but again I'm warning you that if you should say something, I will deny it," Jeff answered. "And it wasn't just once. He had to use several bags before we cleared it. He couldn't even control the plane so I had to take over.

"I won't say anything," Virgil said before once again laughing at the thought of his big brother puking over a bit of turbulence.

"Bet you never thought that he'd have problems, did you?" Jeff asked, chuckling a little. Unable to talk through his laughter, Virgil shook his head in response. Once the fit of laughter subsided, he grew serious and focused on flying before his dad called it a day. "Time to take her down, Son. Your mother will have dinner just about done and I for one have no desire to get on her bad side."

"Especially when she fixed lasagna and garlic bread for dinner, right?" Virgil smirked, knowingly at his father. "You can never resist Mom's lasagna." Father and son laughed at Virgil's remark as Jeff landed the plane. "Thanks, Dad." He didn't elaborate but his father knew what he meant.

End flashback

I was startled out of my thoughts by Scott's voice.

"Where are you going?" Scott called out before the door shut.

"Out," John called back. Scott was out of his chair and outside before I could react. Gordon and Alan had just come into the kitchen when I hurried out the back door. John may be quiet but he had one hell of a temper and Scott's temper was volatile as well. The three of us stopped when we saw John drop to his knees, crying. Scott had dropped down to his knees as well so that he could hold him.

"He's gone, Scotty." His words were hard to understand as his cries intensified. "He's gone just like Mom and now I don't have anyone." Dumbfounded, I shifted my gaze to my younger brothers who responded with a slight shrug. I missed what else they said until Scott's voice got a bit louder.

"Sorry, little brother, but you are not alone and you never will be," Scott shot back. "Right now the five us need each other and I'll be damned if I let you go off to grieve alone."

"Yeah, Johnny, we need to pull together." I said, dropping down to embrace my brothers. Suddenly, Gordon and Alan rammed into us so that we were in a small huddle on the ground.

"Hey, we love you, jerk," Alan offered.

"Yeah, what Blondie said," Gordon said. It never ceased to amaze me that the five of us were so different in personality but we'd always been a team. Being men we couldn't just admit that we loved each other or that we'd go through hell to protect each other but I can say it here and if anyone says I'm a sissy, I'll just say that I was grieving.

"Thanks, Mom and Dad, for giving us such a strong sense of family. I miss both of you but Dad's back with you, Mom, and don't be fooled by anything for he missed you so much. Grandma and Grandpa, I miss you, too. I love all of you and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'll be watching the heavens and will take comfort in the thought that all of you will be watching over us."