A/N- Thanks for the reviews everyone! You guys are the best. The title is a quote from Tim Burton's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." The first half of this chapter is Lupin's memories, the second is Narcissa's.
Also, just a note- I wrote a story about Lupin's Hogwarts days before, it's called "Fragments." Some of his memories are from that, if they look familiar.
Hope no one minds. This is the longest chapter yet, so grab a bucket of popcorn and get ready.

Picking Up the Pieces Chapter Eleven I'm Sorry, I Was in a Flashback

Cognito-Remus Lupin --

Mr. and Mrs. Lupin stood around the hospital bed of their nine-year old son, looking at the Healer with identically dumbfounded expressions.

"A werewolf? My little boy?" Mrs. Lupin said, her clutching her husband's hand tightly.

The Healer, a tall black woman, shook her head sadly.

"It must have happened while he was playing outside.
There's been a rash of these attacks...mostly on children.The Aurors are working day and night to find the werewolf who's doing this."

"This is preposterous- there must be some kind of antidote!" Mr. Lupin said angrily.

Remus looked between his parents, feeling very tired and ill. The last thing he remembered was playing in the woods by his house, hearing something rustling behind him, and a searing pain in his left arm. Then he had woken up in St. Mungo's, having absolutely no idea what was going on or why his parents were so upset.

"A werewolf?" He asked weakly.

His mother looked at him, her wide blue eyes glassy.

"Darling, you should be sleeping. You're sick."

"What am I sick with?" He asked again.

"Son, just try to rest. We'll speak with the Healer outside." His father, a kind-looking man whose brown hair was graying rapidly for someone barely past thirty.

His father motioned to the doctor that they should leave. He watched his parents go outside with the woman, and looked through the window as they seemed to be having a very heated discussion.

Remus looked at his bandaged left arm. He had heard of werewolves- in scary stories told by his friends or books he had read. But he never really believed in them- he could accept that he was a wizard, but a werewolf on top of that? It seemed impossible. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling small and lonely in such a big room.

A few moments later, his mother walked in by herself.
His father and the Healer were still talking outside.

"Remus, are you awake?" She sat beside him, pushing his brown hair off his sweaty forehead.

"Yes." He opened his eyes.

"I'm afraid the Healer's given us some news...some news that's going to be hard to hear. But know that your father and I love you, no matter what, and we'll help you through whatever it takes."

"Whatever it takes to what?" He sat up, getting frightened.

"You've been bitten by a very bad man who turns into something called a werewolf at every full moon..."

--

Albus Dumbledore looked at an eleven year old Remus Lupin, sitting between his parents.

"Well, this is a rather unusual case." Dumbledore said, his fingers together under his chin as he sat at his desk.

"I want him to have a normal life. He's been waiting to his whole life to go to Hogwarts. And there must be some way, some way you can help him be safe when the...change happens."

Dumbledore closed his eyes, as if in thought for a moment. He opened them, looking straight into Remus'
eyes.

"Do you want to come to Hogwarts, Remus?" He asked him, as if they were the only two people in the room.

"Yes, sir. More than anything." Remus assured him,
sitting on his hands and feeling nervous under the old wizard's penetrating gaze.

Dumbledore smiled at him, his eyes now twinkling.

"Then you shall come."

"What about his problem?" Mr. Lupin looked confused.

"I have a wonderful solution in mind. You two can have every faith that I will keep your son, and his fellow classmates, safe."

"Could we ask what this solution is?" Mrs. Lupin pressed.

"A few miles away from Hogwarts, in the village of Hogsmeade, there is an abandoned building that I will enchant to appear very much haunted, and very much unavailable for entry any other way than the way I will show to your son."

--

Remus Lupin sat on the train to Hogwarts, feeling exhausted. The full moon had occurred right before his first week, which was lucky in some respects, but had left him tired and sick for his Sorting.

The compartment door banged open, revealing a boy with messy black and brown eyes.

"Can I join you?" The boy asked.

"Of course. I'm Remus Lupin." He replied, shaking the boy's hand and giving off the air of an adult trapped in an eleven year old's body.

"James Potter." The boy with the messy hair smiled,
sitting across from him.

They settled into pleasant small talk, when the door opened again. A boy with strikingly good features and a wide, white smile ambled in.

"Hello, all." He sat down next to James as if he'd known them forever.

"Have we met?" Lupin looked at him.

"Not yet we haven't. I'm Sirius."

"Serious about what?"

"That's my name, you git."

Lupin grinned.

"Nice name."

"Whereas Remus is really catching on." James laughed.

"So your name's Remus. And you're…"

"James Potter."

"Well, my friends, are we nervous about the sorting?
My cousin Bellatrix told me I better get in Slytherin,
or the family's disowning me." Sirius laughed.

"Isn't Slytherin regarded as producing wizards and witches who are a bit…dodgy?" Lupin said tactfully.

"More like evil. Don't worry- I don't plan on following in the family footsteps. I might enjoy the occasional fit of mischief, but I'm not really into the whole Dark Arts scene. Mum was so disappointed"
Sirius rolled his eyes.

"My mum and dad said Gryffindor or Ravenclaw's what you want. Hufflepuffs for the cream puffs, and Slytherins…well, you said it, Sirius." James said.

"Well, here's to hoping they sort us where we belong.
With the best." Sirius smiled, instantly liking James.

"You're rather arrogant, did you know that?" Lupin pointed out, grinning nonetheless.

"Am I?" Sirius looked confused.

"So do you two like Quidditch?" James changed the subject abruptly, eager to talk about the best sport ever invented.

A rampant debate over the best Quidditch team began as the storm rumbled outside.

--

"Lupin, just tell us the truth! Where the hell have you been? Why is your face all scratched up?" Sirius was shouting now.

"That's NONE of your business!" Lupin yelled back,
looking pained.

"What could be so bad?" Peter chimed in, trying to coax it out of him.

"Lupin, we never keep things from each other." James said, in a very calm voice.

"You'll all think I'm a freak." Lupin's voice broke slightly.

"We already think that." Sirius said, smiling, trying to break the tense mood.

"Just forget it!" Lupin went to stomp off.

"I'm sorry! Come on-stop being so weird about this,
and just tell us the truth!" Sirius threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Nothing could make us stop being your friends." James assured him.

"FINE! FINE! YOU WANT THE TRUTH?" Lupin turned around,
now in a towering temper.

"YES!" Sirius matched his rage.

"I'm a werewolf!" Lupin hissed through gritted teeth.

No one spoke for a moment.

"Like a real werewolf?" Peter finally said, his voice tinged with awe.

"No, Peter, the fake kind." Lupin snapped.

He looked at James and Sirius.

"Guys, please say something." He begged.

"So you're a werewolf? Is that all?" Sirius shrugged dismissively, grinning.

"What?" Lupin looked confused.

"What'd you think we'd ditch you or something? No way." James rolled his eyes.

"You don't think I'm…some kind of freak?"

"Not in the least. In fact, Sirius just got a great idea." Sirius said thoughtfully, carelessly pushing his dark hair out of his eyes.

"Why is Sirius referring to himself in third person"
James looked at his best friend, grinning.

"Because I'm celebrating my brilliance. Are any of you familiar with the term Animagus?" Sirius said, leaning back in his chair, his mouth widening into a wide smile.

--

Lupin looked at Lily's wide-eyed expression.

"So there's the truth. One Gryffindor prefect to another."

"Remus, I had no idea! So that's why you missed those meetings!"

"Yes. It's quite annoying, really." Remus sighed.

"Can't you take a potion or something? To stop the transformation?"

"I dunno. Probably."

"You could ask Severus- he's a total brain at Potions." Lily suggested, remembering the greasy-haired boy who sat close to her seat in Potions and always got better marks.

"Snivellus?" Lupin said almost automatically.

"Please tell you don't resort to the same levels as Sirius and that bloody stupid James Potter." Lily said disapprovingly.

"James is hardly stupid." Lupin said defensively.

"I'm sorry. That was rude. I forgot how you liked them." Lily shook her head.

Lupin looked at her carefully for a moment.

"You really don't like James, do you?"

"I don't like either of them."

"But especially James? I mean, you two can hardly be in the same room without you starting an argument."

"I don't start anything. I just point out when he's being an immature git." She shrugged.

Lupin raised his eyebrows, grinning slightly as he was hit with a sudden realization.

"What?" She demanded, giggling at his rather comical expression.

"Lily, we're friends, right?"

"Right."

"And I just told you a pretty huge secret, right"
Lupin said, choosing his words carefully.

"Right-Remus, what are you getting at?"

"Can I ask you something? And you have to tell me the truth?"

"Sure." Lily shrugged.

Lupin drummed his fingers on the table, as if deciding whether to ask her or not.

"Come on, after all that, you have to ask me!" She laughed.

"All right. Lily Evans, how do you really feel about James?"

Lily was taken aback for a moment, and felt her heart leap into her throat.

"I hate him." She shrugged, but her voice was a little higher than normal.

"Do you really?" Lupin looked at her, smiling patronizingly.

"Yes! Of course! Why on earth would you think otherwise?" She said defensively.

"I don't know. You just talk about him an awful lot for someone who hates him." He said, his smile widening.

"Well-I just talk about how much I think he's a stuck-up, over-hyped-"

"All right, I get your drift." Lupin said, still with that maddening smile on his face.

"What a ridiculous question." Lily said, tucking her hair behind her ears, flustered.

"Riiiight." Lupin nodded.

"Remus, come on! I mean, James Potter and me? I mean,
you claim he's a good friend, and I'll take your word for it, but for me? I mean even thinking about…about kissing him or something…" Lily trailed off, trying to shake a rather pleasant mental picture that had just appeared in her mind.

"Who mentioned kissing him?" Lupin smiled even wider.

"No one! I mean…I just…just drop it, okay, Remus? I don't like James, I'll never like James, end of story!"

Lupin put his hands up in surrender.

"Fine. Just wondering."

--

The Gryffindor common room was reverberating with sounds of celebration, as all the seventh years rejoiced in the fact that they were finally done with their Hogwarts education, and the real world was out there waiting for them. Lupin sat among his three best friends, and Lily, James' now-girlfriend.

"Firewhiskey, anyone?" Sirius said, a bit tipsy from a bottle he'd managed to coax out of the house elves.

"As Head Boy, I feel I must confiscate that." James said, pointing stupidly, quite tipsy himself.

Lily walked over, snuggling against James as he lazily slung an arm over her shoulders, grinning foolishly at her.

"Bit knackered?" She tried to look disapproving.

"Darling! What an unfounded accusation!" James said,
much louder than was necessary, Sirius dissolving in bark like laughter.

"Real nice example, James." She shook her head,
smiling.

"Oh, come on, love, you know you can't stay mad at me for long…" He winked, kissing her rather sloppily.

Lily laughed, pushing him off.

"Down boy." Sirius rolled his eyes, looking rather revolted at his best friend's sudden descent into monogamy.

"What's wrong, Padfoot? Scary to see James in an actual relationship?" Lupin observed.

"Terrifying." Sirius shivered slightly.

"I think it's sweet." Peter shrugged.

"So are we sad to be leaving dear old Hogwarts"
Sirius said, levitating the bottle of Firewhiskey over to a group of girls who'd been watching him. He gave them a sly grin, at which they dissolved into giggles.
Sirius tucked his wand back away.

"I'm more excited-I mean, real jobs, houses of our own, no more Snivellus, no more detentions…it's going to be grand." James smiled.

"And the only people from Hogwarts we have to ever talk to again are sitting right next to me." Sirius smiled widely at his friends.

"Sirius, remind us of who else you talked to at Hogwarts?" Lily pointed out.

"Why, Lily! Are you insinuating that I'm unpopular?"

"Not in the slightest. It's just…let's just say, you picked your friends, and have not wavered from that choice."

"Well, that's me. Loyal to the core. I like who I like. And sometimes am forced to like people when they weasel into my group by seducing James." Sirius raised an eyebrow at her, grinning.

"I did not SEDUCE James!" Lily rolled her eyes.

"That's her story." James raised his eyebrows,
receiving a punch in the arm from Lily.

Peter, who'd been looking at a copy of Daily Prophet from that morning left on the table between them,
looked up suddenly.

"What do all of you think about this Voldemort character?" He said, holding up the rather grisly headline depicting a rash of Muggleborn murders.

"Wow, Peter, what a highly inappropriate topic"
Sirius sighed heavily, as he felt the good mood deflate from the group.

"Do you think it's all true?" Lupin suddenly spoke.

"Who knows?" Sirius shrugged.

"I think it's true, but the Daily Prophet might be dramatizing it a bit." Lily suggested.

"Yeah, she's right, I mean-he's just one crazy person,
how bad could it be? The Aurors will catch this Voldy-whatever and ship him off to Azkaban. Don't worry, Peter." James said casually.

Problems of the outside world felt very far away from the common room at the moment.

--

Lupin sat down across from Bellatrix Lestrange, seeing a disgustingly proud expression tainting her beautiful features.

"Bellatrix Lestrange, do you know why you are here"
Remus asked, hating everything about this woman and the fact that she was making him miss the birth of Lily and James' first child.

"Of course I do. I tortured the Longbottoms until they screamed like children...poor, pathetic children,
begging for my mercy. And here I thought your precious Order was going to threaten the Dark Lord's crusade.
Weren't they some of your best?"

"That's all you have to say for yourself?"

"What do you want? An apology? Go fck yourself." She snickered.

Lupin looked at her, repulsed.

"Then, Mrs. Lestrange, sign this confession sentencing you to life in Azkaban Prison." He slid it over to her across the table in the holding cell of Azkaban.

She did so with relish.

There was a long silence.

"Why are you doing this? I've always wondered that about the Death Eaters. What's in it for you?" He suddenly asked her.

She leaned towards him, her long black hair cascading over one shoulder.

"You could never understand. What it feels like...to have real power. To watch people die and know you caused it. To know the whole world's at your mercy.
It's the best high a person can experience," she moved even closer, "Better than sex, better than anything your little group of pansies could ever call pleasure."

She was now inches from his face. Remus hadn't moved.

"You can honestly tell me you wouldn't want any of that?" She whispered.

He looked right into her dark eyes.

"Never." He said quietly, standing up and pushing her away, back into her chair.

"Your loss." She shrugged.

--

Remus Lupin walked down the corridors of Azkaban once again, led by a burly guard, ignoring the screams of pain and the sickly thin fingers reaching through the bars for his help.

He had never felt more alone in his entire life. James and Lily had been killed. Killed by Sirius telling Voldemort of their location. And now, Peter too had been murdered by the "madman" Sirius Black.

He was a traitor to them all.

It still sounded false even to think it.

And now he was here to question Sirius Black, a man he had counted among his best and oldest friends.

He reached Sirius' cell, and the sight of his former friend made his stomach twist with pain. Sirius looked like he had lost his mind.

Lupin forced an expression of indifference onto his face.

"Mr. Black, you have a visitor." The guard said gruffly.

Sirius saw who it was, and scrambled towards the bars gratefully.

"Lupin! Thank God you're here, you've got to help me-"

"Mr. Black, I am here on Order business to ask you a few questions." Lupin said in a cold, distanced voice.

"Moony, come on! You have to hear me out! I didn't do this-Peter framed me!"

"Mr. Black, if you don't calm down, I'll have to administer Veritaserum." Lupin said, feeling his throat tighten at the look on Sirius' face.

"DO IT THEN! I'm telling the truth!"

"Were you the Secret Keeper of Lily and James Potter"
He asked, barely able to say their names.

"NO! Peter was, we just told everyone it was me to throw Voldemort off!"

"Sirius, please. You've been convicted, there's no point in lying now." Lupin said; his voice strained.

"I'm not lying!"

"He's clearly hysterical-you're not getting anything out of him." The wizard guard muttered to Lupin.

Lupin nodded, turning to go.

"LUPIN! NO, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE! YOU'VE BEEN MY FRIEND SINCE I WAS ELEVEN, YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T DO THIS! I'D DIE BEFORE I'D BETRAY ANY OF YOU! IT WASN'T ME! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!" Sirius' voice cracked with tears, his hands gripping the bars so hard they turned white.

Lupin looked back at him.

"Save yourself some dignity, Sirius." He muttered,
leaving with the guard.

Lupin tried to ignore Sirius' cries as they echoed through the cell block.

--

Lupin sat in Dumbledore's office once again, a much older man now than the last time he'd been here.

"So. Remus Lupin. What brings you back to these hallowed halls?" Dumbledore smiled at him.

"I need a job." Lupin said simply.

"I see. A teaching position?"

"Yes. I heard there was an opening for Defense Against the Dark Arts. I scored an Outsanding at both the O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. level in this class-"

"No need to list your credentials, Mr. Lupin"
Dumbledore grinned.

"I'm sorry?"

"I know you. I've known you since you were eleven years old. And despite your friends' many dalliances,
you were always the one everyone could count on to do the right thing. I known you've been through more than any man should ever have to bear these last few years,
but I still have every faith you have grown into the same kind of man. We do happen to be searching for a teacher after Gilderoy Lockhart's unfortunate.
accident. This is not a job to be taken lightly though...in light of recent events, I am guessing many would question my hiring of you."

"You're referring to the reports of Black's escape"
Lupin said, long ago abandoning calling Sirius by his first name.

"Yes. Many parents attended school with all of you,
and know how close you and Sirius were."

"I can promise you, Dumbledore...I would never aid or assist Black in any way."

Dumbledore looked at him searchingly for a long moment.

"But part of you still wonders..." Dumbledore said quietly.

Lupin sighed.

"No. I would never harbor an Azkaban convict. I don't care who they are."

"I believe you. Now, I'll take you on as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor under one condition...you must go talk to Severus about making you Wolfsbane potion every month."

Lupin's face fell.

"Remus, don't you think it's time to put old grudges aside?"

"I've been making it myself since I was twenty, sir."

"I know, but Severus is a veritable expert at Potions.
With him, there's less chance of mistakes."

"And more chance of me being poisoned." Lupin pointed out.

"He's changed, Remus. All of us have. Give him another chance." Dumbledore said.

--

Lupin walked into Snape's office, where Snape was hunched over a piece of parchment, writing furiously.

He couldn't help but picture the greasy kid he'd once known, hunched over class assignments in just such a fashion. Lupin stifled a laugh- yes, he'd certainly changed.

Snape looked up at his entrance.

His face paled with shock for a moment, then returned to its usual indifference.

"Well, well. Remus Lupin. The one member of your little gang to get out alive and unscathed." Severus said coldly.

Lupin fought down his emotion, merely standing there stoically.

"I've taken a teaching position at Hogwarts. Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Snape's eyes narrowed.

"Dumbledore already gave you the position?"

"Yes, he did."

"I see."

"But if I'm to work here, I need you to help me"
Lupin said, hating even saying those words.

"Oh, really?" Snape looked highly amused.

"Yes. The Wolfsbane Potion...I believe you're familiar with it?" Lupin said, crossing slightly into the room.

"Not as intimately as you most certainly are, but yes,
I know it." Snape said, still with that horrible smirk on his face.

"Well, Dumbledore would like you to make it for me.
Every month. To minimize risk to the students."

"My, my. What would the mummies and daddies say if they knew a werewolf was living among their students?"

"Severus. Please. Let's not resort to this."

Snape and Lupin looked at each other for a long moment, as if deciding if their past could ever be forgiven.

Finally, Snape broke the moment, looking back at his parchment.

"Fine. Tell Dumbledore I'll do it."

Lupin stood there awkwardly a moment longer.

"Thank you." He said, surprising them both.

"Well, we're colleagues now. It's the least I could do." Snape said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

--

Lupin and Sirius walked into Grimmauld Place, the first members of the Order to arrive.

"Wow...it's really...er..." Lupin looked around.

"Horrible? Yes. I know. I blame all my many childhood complexes on this place." Sirius shuddered.

"I was going to say nice, but you know I'm a rubbish liar." Lupin grinned, putting his hand on the dust-covered walls and sniffing the stale unmoving air distastefully.

"Well, it will serve its purpose. I just wish...I mean, anywhere but here..." Sirius sighed, leading the way under a cobweb into the miserable living room.

"I'll come by as often as I can, I promise." Lupin assured him.

"Yeah. Dumbledore wouldn't really say it, but you could tell he just wants me to hold down the fort.
Can't go anywhere, can't be seen by anyone. You do know how I love being inactive."

"You'll be fine. People will be in and out all the time, and I'm sure there's plenty of things for you to do here."

"Like what? Clean?"

"Perhaps you could get a lovely little maid costume.
I'm sure Remus would enjoy that."

They both spun around at the sudden unwelcome voice,
seeing Severus Snape standing in the doorframe.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sirius spat.

"Sirius...Snape's joined the Order."

"WHAT?" Sirius exclaimed, looking at Lupin incredulously

"Don't worry, Black, I'm not staying long. I just came to get my assignments." Snape said, looking at Sirius with great dislike.

The feeling was obviously mutual. Lupin sighed.

Just in time, more members of the Order began to arrive. McGonagall, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Bill and Charlie Weasley, Mundungus Fletcher, Mad-Eye Moody and assorted others, and finally, a tall black man and a young witch with bright pink hair.

Arthur Weasley led the girl and the dark man to the front of the group.

"Everyone...these are two highly accomplished Aurors I was lucky enough to recruit to our cause from the Ministry...Kingsley Shacklebolt and Nymphadora Tonks."

"Arthur, please, just Tonks." The girl sighed.

Everyone greeted them warmly, except Snape who was standing in the corner, looking thoroughly disinterested.

The girl made her way over to Sirius and Lupin.

"I'm Sirius Black. We're actually pretty distantly related." He said, motioning towards the wall hanging of the Black family tree.

"Oh, yeah...Kingsley's told me all about you. It's so good to meet you finally." She shook his hand.

"Yeah, you too. Nice hair by the way."

"Oh, you like it? I'm kind of ready for a change." She wrinkled her nose, her hair suddenly turning a dark shade of purple.

Sirius nodded in appreciation.

"A Metamorphagus. I had no idea we had one in the family. Oh, this is my friend, Remus Lupin."

She looked at Lupin, her lipscurving into a smile.

"Well, hello." She shook his hand, her big blue eyes never leaving his.

"Nice to meet you." Lupin said, feeling uncomfortable.

Wasn't Sirius the one who was supposed to have girls look at him like this?

Sirius looked between them, grinning.

Thankfully, Dumbledore arrived then and everyone gathered around them to get their first assignments as the newly formed Order.

--

Lupin and Tonks looked into the living room, seeing Sirius on the couch, staring miserably into the fire.

"Sirius?" Lupin said tentatively, stepping into the room.

"What?" Sirius said dully.

"Tonks and I have to go meet someone who might have information for the Order."

"Fine. See you later." Sirius still didn't look at them.

"Sirius, this is ridiculous. You can't just mope around the house all day." Tonks said, exasperated.

He turned to look at them.

"Easy for you to say! You can leave anytime you like!
You're not stuck here all day, everyday!" He was nearly shouting.

Lupin and Tonks didn't say anything in reply.

Sirius sighed.

"But, sorry, don't let me ruin your little date. Go have fun."

Remus took her arm.

"Come on. When he gets like this, there's no talking to him."

Sirius glared into the fire, not speaking again.

They walked out through the front door into the cold night air.

"Sorry about that. Sirius gets in these moods"
Remus motioned back towards the door.

"It's okay." Tonks said, shrugging.

They both felt the awkwardness between them, and Remus sighed, explaining.

"He thinks there's something going on between us...likes to make jokes about because he's bored and likes knowing everyone's business. Just ignore him."

Tonks looked away, tucking her blue-streaked brown hair behind one ear.

"Well, is that so crazy? That something could be going on between us?" She said, still not meeting his eyes.

Lupin looked at her. A horribly uncomfortable silence fell, and she finally met his eyes.

He still hadn't spoke. Apparently losing patience, she stepped closer to him.

"I've liked you for a long time, Remus." She said quietly.

"Tonks...I'm almost twice your age. And a werewolf with no job. I'm not exactly a catch. Don't be ridiculous."

"I don't care about any of that." She said fiercely, stepping still closer to him.

He could smell her now...a fresh, citrus smell. Her big blue eyes reflecting his, her lips parted slightly...Lupin felt suddenly a stab of desire somewhere deep within him. It had been so long since he'd... No. This was insane.

"Tonks-"

She moved to kiss him, and he turned away from her.

"We can't do this." He said, unable to look at her.

She stood there, her cheeks burning with embarrassment.

"Fine. Let's just go." She said, her usually cheerful voice cold and distant.

They apparate off to Hogsmeade, both deciding to never mention this again.

--

Kingsley threw open the door to Grimmauld Place,
shocking all the members of the Order present.

"What's wrong?" Tonks jumped up from the table where she and Sirius had been playing cards.

"Harry and his friends. Department of Mysteries"
Kingsley said, his deep voice fearful.

Lupin, Tonks, and anyone else present grabbed their cloaks and wands without another word. To Lupin's dismay, so did Sirius.

"I'm coming with you." He said, daring Lupin to disagree.

"No, you're not!" Lupin shouted, feeling very angry-
they didn't have time to waste.

"Like hell I'm not! He's my godson!" Sirius yelled back.

There was no time for arguing. Without another word,
the Order set off for the Department of Mysteries.

--

In the fray of the battle, Lupin turned just in time to see Sirius and Bellatrix battling. He heard Sirius say something, laughing that familiar bark-like laugh,
standing on the dais.

The dais. The veil. Lupin registered what it was one second too late, trying to open his mouth to tell Sirius.

In a sudden, horrible moment, Sirius had stumbled and fallen through the veil.

Lupin felt the bottom drop out of his stomach, and could barely stand.

He automatically reached out for Harry, holding him back as he raced towards the veil, the skinny boy pushing against Lupin's grip with all of his might.

Harry…he's gone." Lupin's voice sounded foreign to his own ears.

He could barely hear Harry's shouts of protests. A dull roar seemed to echo in his own ears as he looked at the veil that had claimed Sirius taking him to the afterlife. He'd be with James and Lily now.

--

Lupin sat in his shoddy apartment, feeling warm and disoriented. This Firewhiskey was really something else.

He hadn't gotten properly drunk in ages. It was rather nice.

It had been two weeks since Sirius' death. After leaving Harry with the Dursleys, he hadn't spoken to a soul. It was odd. He just didn't care...not about anyone, not about anything...he had lost it all.

With this thought, he took another pull, feeling more and more peaceful by the moment.

He never needed to leave here. He'd just stay here, on this couch, drinking this. He wasn't needed for anything anymore.

You know that's not true, the annoyingly persistent voice in his head spoke up.

He kept drinking. Maybe that would shut the voice up for good.

Suddenly, there was knock at his door.

It was loud, and made his head hurt.

"Come in." He slurred.

"I can't. It's locked." A distinctly feminine and vaguely familiar voice answered.

Tonks. Oh yeah. He hadn't thought about her in awhile.

He stumbled to the door, opening it.

She stood there, wet from the rainy night outside.

"Can I come in?"

"What is it?" He said, squinting slightly.

"I just...everyone's worried about you. No one's seen you for weeks."

"And?"

"I just thought you... you could use a friend."

Lupin laughed.

"Okay, fine. Hope you drink, because I'm planning on drinking quite a lot."

Tonks stepped past him, looking a bit surprised.

"Seems like you already have." She said, crossing her arms.

"Nobody's making you stay." He said, flopping down on the couch.

She sat down beside him.

"Remus...I know how hard this must be for you."

"No, actually you don't." He said harshly, pouring himself another glass.

"But you can't do this to yourself."

"Why? Give me one good reason why." He looked at her,
her fuzzy outline sharpening slightly.

"Because people out there need you! Harry needs you.
The Order needs you. You always think you don't matter to anyone but you do, Remus!" She said, frustrated.

"Yeah, right." Lupin laughed, starting to drink the glass, but Tonks took it away. He looked at her,
affronted.

"What the hell-"

"Just stop it, Remus. Stop it. Stop pitying yourself,
stop wallowing like this. It's pathetic. You're thirty-five years old. I know this is hard, I know it hurts, but this is not what you do with the pain. You don't cut yourself off from the world like this. And you know what- more people are going to die. It's a war. That's what happens. Tomorrow it could be someone else you care about. But you don't just stop fighting.
Think about James, and Lily, and Sirius--would they be proud of you right now? No. They'd be ashamed to see the cause that they gave their lives for, you're ignoring and hiding from. Stand up and fight, don't hide in your apartment like a coward."

She drew in a deep breath.

"You're not alone in this, Remus. I'm here. And for the record...you matter to me."

Before she could say another word, he took her face in his hands, kissing her hard.

Tonks kissed him back, her hands sliding around his neck, shaking slightly with surprise and nervousness.

They fell back onto the couch, pulling at each other's clothes, knocking over the firewhiskey.

That night, two friends became lovers.

And for the first time in what seemed like forever,
Remus Lupin felt truly alive.

--

"So you're doing undercover work? With the werewolves?
Remus, that sounds really dangerous." Tonks sat forward on the couch, concerned.

"I'll be fine. I'm one of them, remember?"

'You're not like them." She said fiercely, taking his hand.

"You know what I mean. I'll be able to help the Order and protect people from these attacks. If Greyback's leading them, they'll go after children. I'm not going to allow that to happen to someone else."

She considered this for a moment, playing with her long, blond wavy hair.

"If this is what you have to do...I understand." She said, lacing her fingers through his.

"Thank you. That really means alot to me." He said,
kissing her temple.

"When do you have to leave?"

"Tonight."

"You're kidding." She blinked.

"Yes...Dumbledore wants me there as quickly as possible."

She stood up, taking that in.

"We've only been together three months."

"I know. I hate this. I don't want to go either."

Tonks sighed.

"All right. If I need to contact you, I'll send you my Patronus."

"Likewise."

"Are you packed?"

"I can't really take much. I just threw a few things together."

"Okay."

They stood there, Tonks still messing with her hair.

"Do you want to go to dinner or something?" He asked.

"No, not really." She said, trying not to sound too miserable but almost on the verge of tears.

"Tonks, please don't cry. I'm rubbish with girls when they cry." He stood up, crossing to her.

She opened her mouth to reply, but ended up choking down a sob.

"I'm sorry, I'm not usually like this!" She said,
profoundly embarrassed.

He put his arms around her, and she hugged him tightly.

"I'm so happy this happened between us...even though it's the worst possible timing ever."

Lupin nodded, kissing her forehead.

"I'm going to miss you so much." She said tearfully.

"I love you." He suddenly replied.

She pulled back, shocked.

"What?"

He swallowed, realizing there was no way to backpedal out of this one. It had just kind of come out, and was one of the maybe five impulsive things he'd ever said or done.

"I said-- I love you, Tonks. I'm in love with you."

She smiled, wiping the tears off her cheeks when she saw he looked rather nervous.

"Oh, come on, Remus. I've been in love with you a long time. You know that."

They kissed, enjoying how new this still felt to both of them, a slow, romantic moment that seemed to make everything else disappear.

"I'll see when you get back." She said when the moment ended some time later.

He nodded, picking up his small knapsack, and walking out the door.

There was really nothing left to say.

--

Snape and Lupin sat across the table from each other,
midway through Harry's sixth year. Lupin usually met with Tonks to update the Order on his progress, but she was on Auror business, so to Lupin's vast displeasure, the only person available on the deceptively beautiful Saturday morning was Severus Snape.

"So tell me of your progress." Snape said the moment they had sat down, obviously wanting this over with as soon as possible.

"Things are going well. I've found out the next attack is scheduled to hit Rowena Circle, so alert the rest of the Order and put extra security around that neighborhood."

Snape nodded.

"Is that all?" He said, looking bored.

"Yes. For now, that's all the new information I have."

"Well, it's been a pleasure. I do hope your daughter--oh, pardon me--girlfriend is available next time for this." Snape said, smirking.

Lupin's face burned slightly, wondering how the hell Snape had any idea about that.

"Your life must be really depressing. To be so interested in everyone else's." Lupin said angrily.

"I didn't actually know anything. Now I do. How sweet.
The werewolf and the jailbait. What a charming pair"
Snape smiled in an annoyingly self-satisfied way.

"Please pass my message on to the Order." Lupin said coldly, inwardly ordering himself not to lower to Snape's level as he had told James and Sirius countless times.

--

Flashes of Dumbledore's death and funeral and a wedding passed through Narcissa's consciousness, and everything went black. She had reached the end of his memories.

--

Cognito- Narcissa Malfoy

--

Narcissa stood in her pink party dress at her eighth birthday party. Her older sister, Bellatrix, was pouting in the corner because all the attention was not on her. Her cousins, Sirius and Regulus played Exploding Snap in the corner, the only boys here and excruciatingly bored. Her younger sister Andromeda was changing her hair different colors for the party guests.

"Mommy, it's my party. Not Andromeda's." Narcissa whined to her beautiful, dark-haired mother.

"Narcissa, darling, look at your beautiful presents"
Her mother pointed her thin shoulders in the opposite direction to a veritable Mount Everest-worthy pile of gifts.

"I want a kitten." Narcissa said, stamping her little foot.

"Daddy got you a kitten, sweetheart. Just don't tell him I told you." Her mother leaned towards her confidentially, kissing her rosy cheek.

Narcissa looked over at her handsome, blond father. He smiled at her, walking over.

"Cissa, princess, go look in the kitchen."

Narcissa run into the kitchen, seeing a beautiful white kitten with a pink bow around its neck playing with a ball of yarn on the floor.

"Oh, daddy, she's perfect!" Narcissa threw her arms around her father's neck as he lifted her into the air.

"Perfect just like my princess." Her father kissed her nose.

Narcissa smiled. She was going to get everything she wanted. Just like she always did.

--

Narcissa and Sirius waited to board the train to Hogwarts for their first year.

"Look, you can't just hang around me all the time because I'm your cousin. Go make your own friends"
Sirius hissed under his breath.

"If I leave, you'll be all by yourself and look really stupid." She said, sticking out her tongue.

"You're such a brat." Sirius shook his head.

"Fine. Be alone." She shrugged, tossing her long blond hair over one shoulder and flouncing away to a group of equally pretty girls.

--

Narcissa looked at her paper in shock.

It was her first attempt at O.W.L. work, and she'd failed. FAILED. She'd never failed at anything in her life.

And at the top, in Professor Slughorn's messy writing,
were the words:

See me after class.

She gave an indignant sniff. She wasgood at everything. She was Narcissa Black. Her whole life,
she'd been the prettiest and the best. Or at least that's what her parents and friends had told her.

As soon as class ended, she marched up to the desk,
looking at the almost comically rotund form of Professor Slughorn. She heard someone walk up behind her, and turned around to see Severus Snape, a very quiet, very smart person in her Potions class. And she'd seen him in the Slytherin common room before,
but never really talked to him.

He never really talked to anyone. He was supposed to be very strange.

"Can I help you?" She finally asked, his unwavering look making her feel uncomfortable.

Slughorn smiled indulgently at them both.

"Actually, my dear, this is going to be your tutor in Potions. Do you know Severus?"

"No." Narcissa said.

"Well, Narcissa Black, this is Severus Snape."

"Hello." She said dully.

Snape just nodded, putting his hands in the pockets of his robes. How dare he look bored? Since when was he better than anyone else?

"You two will meet every Thursday afternoon after class for a two hour tutoring session."

"Two hours?" Narcissa whined.

"Yes, in my classroom. I'm sorry, my dear, but you'v been struggling for awhile now in this class. This is for your own good. Every Friday, in my classroom."

"NO! I'm not taking 'Remedial Potions' in plain sight where anyone could walk in and see!" She stamped her foot, feeling her face burning at the very thought of what her friends would think of their 'perfect'
Narcissa now.

Slughorn sighed. Snape still hadn't said anything.

"Very well, my dear," He began writing something on a sheet of paper, "Severus, these are directions to a room I think would better fit your needs."

"You're actually indulging her in this?" Severus rolled his eyes, taking the sheet of paper.

She glared at him.

"I'm not in the business of embarrassing my students.
I don't mind if this is a private tutoring session"
Slughorn shrugged.

"Fine." Severus tucked the piece of paper into his bag.

"Why not start today?" Slughorn put up his pudgy hands, as if this was wonderful news.

Narcissa and Snape looked at each other with immense dislike.

"Fine. Follow me." He said, his big black robes looking ridiculous on his thin frame.

"Nice outfit." She smirked as they stepped out in the hall.

"It's a school uniform. We're all wearing the same thing, if you haven't noticed." He said, not looking at her.

"Everyone was right. You are weird." She said as he walked extremely quickly down the hallway.

"Look, Miss Black, I don't want to be here anymore than you do."

"Ooh, sorry, am I keeping you from something?" She asked sarcastically.

After climbing an ungodly amount of stairs in silence,
they were walking down a corridor on the seventh floor when he approached the blank wall across from the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy teaching trolls to do ballet.

Severus stood there for a moment, not speaking.

"What are you doing?" She stood there, hands on her hips.

He put up a hand to silence her.

Suddenly, a door formed on the wall. Severus opened it to reveal a room with two desks with parchment and quills, two cauldrons, Potions books and materials,
and a blackboard.

"How did you-" She sputtered, stepping into the room.

"The Room of Requirement. So your precious dignity is maintained, we shall meet here every Thursday after class. If you arrive late and wish to enter, just stand outside the wall and think 'I need a place to help me stop failing Potions." He said, his lips curving into a sardonic smile.

"I am NOT failing-"

"Yes, you are. Just drop the act- why are you trying to impress me, of all people?"

"I don't care what you think." She pouted, sitting down at one of the desks.

"Of course you do. Your whole life is worrying about what other people think of you." He sat down across from her.

"My friends. Not freaks like you."

They sat there for a moment, both feeling immensely uncomfortable.

"All right. Go get the workbook from the shelf on Potions, fifth year." He motioned over to the shelves,
taking out his own book.

She rolled her eyes, complying.

"Turn to page 394. We'll begin with The Somnus Draught."

--

Narcissa and Snape began meeting every Thursday, never speaking during the lessons except of Potions and both leaving as quickly as possible.

"He's just so strange." She commented to her younger cousin, Regulus, who was a third year now.

Regulus looked up from his Transfiguration homework,
following her gaze across the Common Room to Severus,
hunched in a corner.

"Really? Looks totally normal to me." Regulus grinned.

"I mean, I am doing better in Potions."

"Well, that's something."

"Yeah.. And he is really smart. But like, creepy smart. He makes up his own spells and potions--I've seen them written in the margins of his book. It's scary."

"Stay on his good side, then." Regulus laughed.

"We don't really get along. He'll probably hex me into next week if I fail an exam." She giggled.

"He probably fancies you." Regulus said cheekily.

Narcissa's eyebrows went together.

"You think?"

"Of course. He's this little weirdo who's getting to tutor probably the best-looking girl in their year...he wants you bad." Regulus was now laughing harder.

"You're thirteen years old! What do you know about this stuff?"

"Yes, but Sirius is my older brother. I know about girls." Regulus said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Narcissa looked over at Severus, still writing in his book.She wondered if he was right...did he like her?
Surely not, he always acted so horrible to her during their lessons.

Regulus watched her looking.

"Cissa...you don't..." His jaw dropped incredulously.

She laughed, forcing her eyes away from him.

"No, don't be ridiculous. Please." She rolled her eyes.

--

Their next lessons were rather awkward. Narcissa couldn't stop thinking about what Regulus had said.
She didn't dare bring it up though- how would one broach a subject like that?

"So, how did you do on last week's exam?" Severus asked, snapping her out of her reverie.

She reached into her bag, pulling out her exam,
suppressing a smile. She lay it on his desk, the paper bearing a large A with the words 'Good job!" in Slughorn's messy handwriting.

"I think I did all right." She said, shrugging.

Snape looked up at her, and he smiled. Just for an instant, and it was gone. She looked at him in shock--she had never seen him smile in the entire year they'd known each other.

"Good work. Let's hope this improvement continues." He said, looking displeased with himself, handing her back the test.

"Thank you." She said, a little disappointed.

Well, what were you expecting? A hug? She thought to herself.

With that, Snape took out his book and began showing her the next potion they would try.

She began growing bored as usual, and her mind wandered again to Regulus' thoughts on Severus. It was killing her-- what did Snape really think of her?
Could he possibly be right? Why did she care so much?

She began twisting her long blond hair around one finger, a seemingly unbreakable nervous habit.

"Do you understand what I mean?" Severus looked at her, pointing at the page in the textbook.

She looked at him for a moment, summoning her courage.
She'd never backed down from anything before.

"Severus, can I ask you something?"

"Of course. That's what I'm here for." He said.

"Anything?"

"Yes." He said.

"Do you want me?"

Narcissa had never been much for tactfully approaching situations.

Snape looked at her blankly.

"Want you to what?"

She smiled.

"I mean, like, want to be with me."

He didn't say anything.

"Sexually." She elaborated, getting annoyed.

Severus shuffled his papers together.

"Miss Black, this is a very inappropriate topic."

"Just call me Narcissa. We've known each other a year.
And answer the damn question." She said, not used to men not being interested in her. Especially when she'd put herself out like this.

"I'm your tutor." He said, still not looking at her.

"Well, maybe I could teach you a few things..." She let her voice trail off seductively, giving this one last try.

He finally did look at her.

"Why on earth would someone like you want to be with someone like me?" He asked, rather coldly.

She closed her book.

"You know what, forget it. Forget I said anything"
She said, feeling her face burning red.

"We don't even get along." He said, refusing to drop it.

"No, you're right. It was a stupid idea. Forget I said anything, please."

He looked at her, genuinely dumbfounded for maybe the first time in his life.

Narcissa couldn't stand this. She'd never felt so humiliated.

"I'm just going to go." She said, getting her things together.

"We still have thirty more minutes."

"Yes, well, I can't concentrate today." She slung her bag over her shoulder.

"Very well. I'll see you next Thursday." Severus said,
still looking confused.

She went to the door, and suddenly turned back to him.

"If you tell ANYONE about what I said..."

Snape sighed.

"Your secret is safe with me."

Things were back to normal between them.

And she didn't know how she felt about it.

--

She watched him, being harrassed by Sirius and James,
after their fifth year OWLS had drawn to a close.

he felt strangely protective of Snape.

Their relationship had been as icy as ever after their awkward little discussion that one day, but she still felt something for him. Not friendship, not love, but something. She couldn't identify it, no matter how hard she tried.

And he was the reason she had just had any prayer of passing the Potions OWL she'd come from.

And now she just stood there, watching everyone laugh at him and make fun of him. She wanted to say something, but didn't know what or how to say it. He was so frustrating- without a doubt, the most complicated and intriguing person she'd ever met, but also one of the most infuriating.

She was fascinated by him, but knew that anyone ever knew how she felt, they'd just laugh at her. So she couldn't exactly talk to her so-called friends about her...crush? Was that what it was? Not exactly, but that wasas close a definition she could think of.

She watched him scramble away in humiliation, the whole crowd laughing, loudest of all Sirius and James.

She stood there with her friends, all equally pretty girls, including her sister Bellatrix, who were laughing along with everyone else.

Suddenly, she realized he was heading towards them,
looking down, not realizing where he was going.

He ran straight into her, and her friends laughed even harder.

Snape looked up at her, and their eyes locked.

She froze. Her friends looked between him and her,
confused.

"Excuse you!" One of her friends finally said,
laughing.

"Sorry." He finally said, breaking eye contact and pushing past her roughly.

She watched him go.

"What's wrong, Cissa?" Bellatrix looked at her, with a strangely questioning expression on her face.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." Narcissa said weakly.

The whole group looked at her.

"What a freak." Narcissa laughed, tossing her hair over one shoulder.

They all laughed along with her, Bellatrix's smile not quite reaching her eyes.

--

The next year, her sixth year, Narcissa began to receive failing grades again in Potions. She wondered if it was subconscious...some secret part of her just wanted to see him again. He never spoke to her, never even looked at her.

She hated it. Now that she knew he didn't want her,
she wanted him so badly that she was finding it hard to think about anything else. It was horrible- it felt like she had this huge secret that was eating her alive.

She didn't care who he was, how much everyone else thought he was a freak- she wanted him. She wanted him to want her. And it was making her crazy.

One day after class, she marched right up to him.

"I need help in Potions." She said, blocking his path in the hallway.

"Oh, really? And here I thought you were doing so well." He said, totally disinterested.

"Severus-" She grabbed his arm.

"You're talking to me in public. This is unexpected.
What if your friends see?" He said patronizingly.

"I need to talk to you." She said, not knowing what was possessing her to do this.

"About what?"

"About...Potions." She said weakly, releasing his arm.

She saw Bellatrix coming towards her out of the corner of her eye. She needed to end this quickly.

"So will you talk to me? Tonight?"

"I suppose."

"The room. Nine o'clock." She said quickly.

"Fine." He shrugged, walking off.

Bellatrix came up to Narcissa.

"What was that all about?"

"Oh, nothing." Narcissa said flippantly.

"Didn't look like nothing." Bellatrix crossed her arms.

"I just need help with Potions. He's a total brain at that stuff." Narcissa shrugged.

"I can help you with Potions. I'm already at NEWT levels." Bellatrix said, still looking confused.

"Well, he's in my same class, so he's more familiar with the material." Narcissa said, backpedaling quickly.

"Ohh-kay." Bellatrix looked at her, with that same strange expression.

"What?" Narcissa demanded.

"Nothing. You've just been so weird lately." Bellatrix said asthey began to walk down the hall.

"Sorry. Just stressed out...schoolwork, you know"
Narcissa said, trying to keep her voice casual.

Bellatrix stopped, looking at her.

"You're lying."

"I'm not!"

"Yeah, you are."

"Look, Bella, there's just a lot going on right now."

"Well, then, tell me about it."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"We talk about everything."

Narcissa sighed, getting frustrated.

"Well, not anymore."

Bellatrix looked at her, hurt for a moment. Then the hurt expression was gone, and she looked furious.

"Fine. Do whatever the hell you want." Bellatrix shrugged, tossing her long dark hair over one shoulder and storming off.

--

Narcissa sat in The Room of Requirement, nervously twisting her hair. It was 9:05. He still wasn't here.

She didn't even know what she was going to say. She didn't even know why she'd asked him to come here.

She just needed to talk to him. It was the most bizarre thing ever, but she missed seeing him every week.

The door creaked open, and he stepped into their familiar Potions room.

"Hello." He said, sitting at their familiar desks across from each other.

"Hi." She said shyly.

"What did you need to ask me?"

She swallowed hard.

"Do you miss seeing me?" She said, cursing how high her voice sounded.

Snape looked at the ground.

"I thought you wanted to talk about Potions."

"When have I ever wanted to talk about Potions?" She smiled slightly.

To her surprise, he smiled back.

"That's true. Yes, I suppose I do miss our little sessions. I like teaching." Snape said, putting his hands on the desk.

He had surprisingly masculine hands. She felt her heart jump slightly. She had never noticed before.

"That's the only reason?"

He sighed.

"I suppose this is the part where you want me to say that I'm desperately, secretly in love with you."

She blinked.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, that's what you're wanting, isn't it?"

"I-I don't know what I want."

"Clearly."

She felt anger flare up within her.

"You care about me. I know you do." She said.

"When have I ever given you that impression? Do you think just because you're beautiful every man who spends any amount of time with you wants you?"

"Look, Severus, this wasn't easy for me to ask you here! Do you know what it would do to my reputation if anyone found out about how I feel?"

"How you feel about what?"

"Nothing! Forget it!"

"Narcissa, for once in your life, be honest." He said,
looking straight at her.

It was the first time he'd ever called her by name.

She felt so uncomfortable under his eyes that an incredible, towering anger bubbled up through her. She got to her feet.

"No, this is so stupid. I don't even know what I'm doing here. You're a freak. You're a disgusting freak.
No one at this school cares about you, least of all me. You're lucky I would even talk to you in public today. Probably the only time a girl's ever touched you."

Severus' eyes darkened.

"What, am I hitting a little too close to home? You know it's true! You're pathetic! You have no friends,
you spend all your time hunched over that damn Potions book, you act like you're so much better than everyone else, and you're NOT! No one even feels sorry for you,
because you're so horrible to anyone who tries to talk to you! Do you even know who my family is? Do you know what they would say if they found out I was talking to you right now? They'd be embarrassed! They'd be asha-"

He stood up suddenly, grabbing her upper arms.

"Stop it. Just stop talking, you arrogant bitch."

"How dare you talk to me that way." She hissed, trying to wrench her arm away.

"It's about time someone saw you for who you really are." He said fiercely.

"And I suppose you're that person?"

"I see it, Narcissa- you're weak, you're frightened to death about what everyone else thinks of you. You try to make your money and looks count for everything, but they don't. Not with me. Never with me. You're scared of me because I'm the only person who doesn't buy your story. I know this isn't who you really are." He was merely inches from her face right now, and she felt her heart speeding up slightly.

"Oh, really? And who am I?" She said shakily, tears brimming in her eyes.

"You're better than this. Somewhere, underneath, we're both better than who we've become." He said, as if he desperately needed to believe it.

There was a long moment between them, inches apart.
Her skin felt electric, her knees were shaking.

Suddenly, he let go of her, as if mentally shaking himself and walking towards the door.

"Please don't go." She sobbed.

It all happened so quickly. One moment, she was standing there alone, in tears. The next moment, he had crossed to her, slamming her against the wall,
crashing his mouth into hers.

They ripped off buttons, knocked over glass bottles,
left scratches on each other's skin, but neither felt a thing. It felt like every inch of them had to be closer, every embrace had to last longer, or this moment would end and they'd be back to the lives they'd hated for so long.

They came together right there, against the wall, and it was hurried and unexpected and earth shattering.

When it ended, they awkwardly gathered up their torn and wrinkled clothes, both flushed and out of breath.
Neither knew what could possibly be said after something like that.

Narcissa pulled on her Slytherin sweater and skirt,
lacing up her shoes. He had pulled on what was left of his shirt, and was fastening his robes.

Finally, they were both dressed again. They sat down on either desk, still struggling for the right words to say.

There were none.

She stood up, going towards the door.

"Tomorrow night?" He suddenly broke the silence.

She turned, her face emotionless.

"Yes. Tomorrow."

--

Things continued on like this for awhile. But as the weeks passed, they began to actually talk afterwards.

They would talk about things they'd never told anyone-
their parents, how they really felt about school, what they were afraid of, who they wanted to be. It was as if some barrier between them had been broken down that night, and now everything was out in the open. The barrier was still up with everyone else, but with each other, they finally had found someone to confide in.

They would always leave separately, and he would create clever scenarios for her to tell her friends if they asked where she'd been. He was shockingly funny-
you'd never have any idea on first meeting, but the more they talked, she discovered he was a cuttingly witty as he was clever.

No one would ever suspect they had even met if they saw them at school. Narcissa and Severus took great care to never talk in the hallways, or even make eye contact. It was as if their room was one universe, and Hogwarts was another, and what they did in one world had no effect on the other.

Narcissa thought it was a nice, if a bit strange,
arrangement. It was like her own private secret that she could smile to herself about when forced to spend four hours listening to her inspid "friends" talking about their hair.

He seemed happy with it as well. But one night, near the end of their sixth year, when they had planned to meet, she went there and found the room empty. She sat down, thinking he was just running late.

Nearly an hour went by until he finally came in the room.

"Severus...finally." She laughed, getting up and going to kiss him.

He stepped away from her.

She looked at him, confused.

"What's wrong?"

"I didn't even know if I should come here.
Narcissa...we can't keep doing this." He said quietly.

She blinked with surprise.

"What? Why not?"

"Because! This is horrible for both of us...all this sneaking around, lying to everyone..." He sounded strange, and she realized he had been drinking.

"Severus, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've never been able to tell anyone the things I've told you. How could that be bad?"

"Because this isn't a real relationship--we're just using each other."

"What?"

"You're using me to rebel against the way your parents and your friends want you to be."

"And how exactly are you using me?"

"I don't even know what I'm saying." Snape rubbed his temple, obviously feeling a bit fuzzy.

"You're drunk. Let's not talk about this now."

"I just don't think anything that actually is a real...friendship or whatever it is we have would require hiding from everyone else."

Narcissa looked at him.

"I can't tell anyone about you."

"Why not? Honestly tell me why." He demanded.

"I don't know." She faltered.

"Yes, you do." He said, forcing her to look at him.

"Because..."

"Why?"

"Because you're not what they want for me."

"And what exactly do they want?"

"A pureblood wizard with money. You want the truth,
there it is."

The words hung between them for a long, horrible moment.

Finally, he spoke.

"And I will never be those things. This has to stop."

"I don't want it to stop!"

"That's life, Narcissa."

"So, what? We just never talk again, because of my parents and my stupid friends? Sod them! I don't care what they think!"

"Yes, you do! And you always will!" He said,
frustrated.

The truth of this statement hit them both.

"So...this is goodbye, then?" She said miserably.

"I think it's best. The more we let this continue, the more we're both going to get hurt."

"And you don't think this hurts?"

"I assure you, somewhere along the road, you'll meet some man that will fit what your family wants, and you'll be ridiculously rich and happy together and forget all about me."

"I won't!"

"Yes. Yes, you will. Let's just call this what it is."

"And what would that be?" She felt like she was about to cry again.

"Not meant to be." He assured her.

"But I...I love you." She stammered.

He looked at her, with a heartbreaking expression of surprise. She wondered if anyone had ever said that to him.

"No, you don't." He shook his head.

He walked out .

And that was that.

--

Narcissa and Snape did speak occasionally after that,
and even formed a tentative friendship after passing by each other in the common room too many times in awkward silence.

By their seventh year, she was unconcerned enough with her popularity to actually sit with him in the common room. Not at length, and not where any of her very close friends or certainly could see, but she would.
Regulus would join them often- he rather idolized Snape, because he was rumored to be so good at the Dark Arts, and Regulus was very interested in them.

One day they'd all been sitting around the fire when Artie Fletcher, a shifty-looking redheaded Slytherin,
approached them.

"I'm supposed to take pictures for graduation. Could you three all get together?"

Regulus jumped up, his wide, white grin firmly in place.

"Come on, you two."

"I despise being photographed." Severus said moodily.

She looked at him. Everyone would probably see these pictures.

But suddenly, she just didn't care.

"Oh, come on." She said, grabbing his arm and pulling him next to Regulus.

Artie snapped the picture, gave Narcissa lecherous wink, and walked off.

--

Narcissa had graduated from Hogwarts two weeks ago,
and was at her eighteenth birthday party.

Much of her family was already gone to assist Voldemort- a new powerful dark wizard who had been emerging as the person to get behind if you wanted blood lines to stay pure. Regulus, her father, and many others were missing from the dinner table.

Her father's good friend, Lucius Malfoy, had attended though, which she thought was interesting. She had met Lucius once or twice growing up, and thought he was extremely good-looking, but didn't really know anything else about him.

He was nearly twice her age, having just turned thirty-three, but she still harbored a slight crush on him.

To her surprise, he sat next to her at the table.

"Happy birthday, Narcissa." He said, kissing her hand.

She felt a slight shiver pass through her.

"Thank you ."

"Are you missing Hogwarts already?" He asked, cutting her a piece of chicken.

"Some parts of it." She shrugged, tossing her hair over one shoulder to give him full view of her silver silk dress that left little to the imagination.

"What are you planning to do now?"

"I'm not quite sure."

They talked for most of the night, and as she was saying goodbye to her guests, he put a small red package in her hand.

"A birthday gift." He whispered, kissing her cheek.

She watched him go, thinking he was practically the embodiment of the Prince Charming she'd been wanting.
That they'd all been wanting.

Narcissa opened the box, revealing a diamond and emerald bracelet. She gasped, clutching a hand to her chest. It was one of the most beautiful pieces of jewelry she'd ever seen. And they'd only just formally met.

He was everything she should want.

Everything she did want.

Or at least that's what she tried to believe.

--

Narcissa and Bellatrix had gone out for dinner that January at a restaurant in Knockturn Alley called The Devil's Advocate

"So...you and Lucius, huh?" Bellatrix said, taking a bite of chicken that nicely displayed her new sparkling wedding ring.

"I suppose." Narcissa smiled.

"Father will be so pleased."

"We're not engaged or anything."

"Yes, well, we'll see." Bellatrix grinned knowingly.

"Has he told you anything?" Narcissa looked up from her salad with interest.

"Not really." Bellatrix teased.

"What did he say, Bella?" Narcissa hit her arm.

"My lips are sealed." Bellatrix shrugged, giggling at her sister's expression.

"Have you heard from Andromeda at all?" Narcissa asked.

Bellatrix rolled her eyes.

"Still with that Muggle. What the hell happened to her?" She shook her head.

"I don't know. That's love, I guess." Narcissa shook her head.

"No, that's not love. That's idiotic. A Black marrying someone like that? It's embarrassing."

Narcissa tried to stop the image of Severus that flashed unbidden through her mind.

"Well, don't you think it's possible to fall in love with someone you're not really supposed to?" She asked tactfully.

"No. It's not like you just fall in love and have no choice. She chose to associate with someone like him,
and there we are." Bellatrix said angrily,
gesticulating wildly with her fork.

"I suppose." Narcissa said, cutting delicately into her salad.

A good while and several glasses of wine later,
Bellatrix looked at her diamond encrusted watch.

"Sht. I've got to be going home."

"Why?" Narcissa whined, feeling more than a little drunk.

"Darling, I'm Mrs. Lestrange now. I've got other responsibilities. Here, my treat," she said, placing five galleons on the table, "Owl me later this week-
we haven't had a good shopping trip in awhile."

Bellatrix gathered her things, kissing Narcissa's cheek.

"Love you, Cissa."

"Love you too." Narcissa said, squeezing her sister's hand.

Bellatrix left, apparating out the front door of the restaurant. Back home to her husband. Narcissa smiled.
Who would have ever thought Bella falling in love? It seemed preposterous.

But love doesn't always make sense. These words kept flashing through her mind. Perhaps Lucius made too much sense for there ever to be real love between them. She did care for him. Cared for him greatly. But the first time he had kissed her, it had been pleasant. Nice even.

But she hadn't felt the same passion, the same insatiable need to have him kiss her, touch her. And she knew she probably never would find that again.

She sighed, wiping her mouth primly. She looked foolish here all by herself. She got up, pulling her cloak over her bare shoulders. It looked like it was a cold night out.

"Narcissa?"

She turned at the familiar voice. Regulus, her favorite cousin, had stood up from a nearby booth.

"Darling!" She said, kissing his cheek.

"I haven't seen you in ages." He said, looking worn and tired, with none of the youthful good looks that had once enlivened his fine-featured face.

"Are you all right? You look so..."

"Exhausted? Yeah, I rather am. You know, duty calls"
He motioned to his arm, where she knew it bore the Dark Mark.

"Everything's going all right?" She asked.

His smile faltered for only a moment.

"Yes, yes, of course. Everything's moving along well."

"Well, that's wonderful. Who are you here with?"

"Oh, an old friend." Regulus grinned, motioning over to his booth.

"Hello, Narcissa."

It was Severus. Narcissa felt her breath catch in her throat. She recovered as quickly as she could.

"Severus. Hello." She extended her hand.

He took it briefly, getting up.

"Well, Regulus, I agree with your plans. Thank you for coming to me."

"Of course." Regulus said, shaking his hand.

"If there's nothing else, I really should depart"
Severus pulled on his cloak over his black sweater.

Narcissa wondered if he ever wore any other color. She also noticed how nice his body looked under the sweater. He certainly wasn't the skinny thing she had met three years ago.

"Regulus...Narcissa, it's been a pleasure." He walked out of the restaurant.

Narcissa watched him go.

"Regulus, owl me later. Tell me everything, all right,
darling?" She said distractedly, kissing his cheek.

She hurried after Severus, out into the cold night.

"Severus!"

He turned around.

"Yes?"

"I just...I wanted to say how good it was to see you again."

"You as well." He said abruptly.

"I've really missed you."

He looked at her for a moment, as if deciding something.

"I live not far from here...a nightcap, perhaps?" He said, extending his hand.

"Yes, please." She said, taking his hand with a smile.

--

Narcissa looked down at the engagement ring on her finger. It was beautiful, large almost to the point of gaudy, encrusted with emeralds...the kind she'd dreamed of receiving her entire life.

She was not even close to worthy of him. Who was she kidding?

She sat in Severus' small apartment, watching him get their drinks. He set them down on the table between them.

"So, it's official then." He said, following her eyes to the ring.

"Yes." She said quietly.

"I see."

She took a sip of tea in the awkward silence that followed.

"Severus..."

"What is it?" He looked at her, concerned .

"I'm pregnant."

He took a long swallow of his drink, expressionless.

"Congratulations."

"What?"

"Tell Lucius congratulations from me."

"I will."

"So the marriage is impending then, I suppose?"

"Yes. Next month."

"That's wonderful."

"You're invited, of course."

"Lucius and I have been quite preoccupied by the orders of the Dark Lord. A wedding sounds like a welcome respite."

"So, we'll see you there?"

"Yes."

"Well, I just wanted to come here to invite you personally."

"Thank you."

"Of course."

--

Narcissa fixed her pearl necklace around her neck, her white silk dress' train trailing behind her as she looked into the full-length mirror.

She looked beautiful. She knew she did. And she supposed she was happy.

What is that old saying? Be careful what you wish for?

She sighed, pulling her long blond curls over her shoulder carefully to not disturb her veil.

Suddenly, there was a knock at her door.

It was Severus. She turned to him. He watched her for a moment, transfixed.

"What is it?" She asked, breaking the moment.

"Lucius sent me to tell you the ceremony's ready when you are." He said, looking very nice in a black suit.

"Oh. I'll be right down."

"Very well. I'll let him know."

He crossed to her instead of leaving.

"You really do look beautiful, Narcissa."

"Thank you." She said, suddenly feeling her eyes sting slightly with tears.

"Whatever there was between us, I'm truly happy for you both." He said, touching one of her curls.

"No you're not." She smiled.

"Perhaps I'm not." He smiled back.

She hugged him suddenly, not caring about wrinkling her dress. He put his arms around her, and she felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks.

"What is it?" He drew back, wiping the tears off her cheeks.

She collapsed against him, her thin shoulders shaking with sobs that she'd been holding in for far too long.

"Severus...it's yours. Of course it's yours.You're the father." She choked out, unable to keep it inside any longer.

He pulled her back, holding her shoulders tightly.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! Do you think I would have brought this up otherwise! I'd never even been with Lucius when I found out I was pregnant...it's yours."

"But we...it was only that one night..."

"I know."

His eyes darkened.

"You should have told me."

"I wanted to tell you! But I just..."

"Was too afraid." Severus said, releasing her and turning his back.

"Severus...I'm so sorry...I don't know what else to do now..."

He looked back at her with a solemn.

"We all come to a point where we must do what is necessary, Narcissa. I understand."

"You understand?" She cried, incredulous.

"Yes. Thank you for telling me."

"Please...don't ever tell anyone..."

"Asalways, my dear, your secret is safe with me. Get yourself ready- Lucius is waiting for you."

--

Narcissa heard the doorbell ring in the middle of the night.

Lucius stirred next to her, his arm around her eight month pregnant stomach.

"Darling...could you get it? I have to be up in two hours." He whispered, kissing her ear.

"Of course." She rather laboriously got up, holding her stomach protectively as she padded down the massive staircase and entryway in her white silk slippers.

Someone was furiously knocking at their door.

She opened it, seeing the scraggly, disheveled form of Regulus Black.

"Regulus! Come in, you look awful!" She said, leading him in.

He fought against her.

"No! I can't stay. Thank God you opened the door...I didn't know who else to ask."

"What is it?" She asked, startled by how upset he was.

"I can't tell you what it's about. Just...please, take this and destroy it." He pressed a ring into her hand,
a delicate golden band.

"What is this?" She looked at it questioningly.

"Don't ask me, please! I cannot tell you...just,
destroy it. Will you do that for me?"

"This looks like a wedding ring..." She said, turning it over in her palm.

"Will you destroy it?" He shook her by the shoulders.

"Yes, Regulus, of course." She said, not knowing what else to say.

"He's going to kill me." Regulus said, tears suddenly threatening his almost feminine big brown eyes.

"What? Who?"

"I cannot tell you...no one would understand. I must go. Please, PLEASE do this for me." He hugged her tightly, sounding like he was about to cry.

"Please tell me what's wrong." She said, hugging him back.

"Goodbye, Narcissa." He said painfully, running into the night without another word.

--

Narcissa tucked her five year old son, Draco, under the covers. His light blue eyes and blond hair nicely echoed hers, and any casual observer would have seen a resemblance to Lucius as well. But she saw the shape of his eyes, strangely wry sense of humor, and rare smiles as reminescent of one thing- Severus.

"Good night, darling." She said, kissing his forehead.

"Mummy, I'm not tired!" Draco whined, kicking his little feet into the air, his covers flying off.

"Draco, you've been up since early this morning. It's time to sleep."

"NOOO!" Draco wailed.

"Go to sleep, or I'll cancel Christmas tomorrow." She grinned.

"You can't do that." He rolled his eyes, cynical even at his age.

"Of course I can. I'm your mother."

"Father wouldn't let you." Draco said, sticking out histongue.

"He would if you don't go to sleep in the next..." She checked her watch, "Ten minutes."

Draco looked at her.

"Oh, all RIGHT." He said, pulling his ridiculously expensive sheets over his head.

"Good night, sweetheart."

"Night, mummy."

Narcissa walked down the hallway, smiling to herself,
pulling her white silk robe close around her. The house was chilly tonight.

She went into she and Lucius' bedroom, where a nice fire was crackling in the grate. Lucius was sitting by the fireplace, staring into it intently.

Narcissa smiled, stepping in and closing the door behind her.

Lucius didn't look up at her entrance.

She threw off her robe, revealing red lingerie.

He heard the robe hit the floor, and looked over at her.

"Merry Christmas, baby." She grinned.

Lucius looked at her near-flawless figure for a moment, then sighed, looking away.

"Not exactly what I was expecting." She said,
momentarily deflated.

She walked over to him, putting her arms around his neck.

"What is it, darling?"

He pushed her off, standing up.

"Severus told me some rather interesting news today."

Narcissa actually felt her heart stop.

"Whatever do you mean?" She said, her voice unnaturally high.

"A little secret you've been trying to conceal from me."

She thought she was going to pass out.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course you do." He said angrily.

She waited, feeling every thud of her heart echo in her ears.

"Regulus Black?"

She felt her heart slow down again. He didn't know.
This was about something else. She was safe.

"Regulus? What about him?"

"You assisted that traitor?"

"What? When?"

"Five years ago, he came to you for help. Severus said he also came to him for assistance shortly before he was killed for betraying the Dark Lord. Severus, of course, reported this suspicious activity. You, on the other hand, did not."

"He just gave me a piece of jewelry, darling--I had no idea what it was about."

"Did you destroy it?"

"No, of course not. He seemed manic--I thought he had lost his mind."

"Where did you put it?"

"In my jewelry case." She pointed over to her bureau.

Lucius crossed the room, throwing open her case. After digging through her things, he finally came up with the gold ring.

He looked at it for a moment, a flash of almost frenetic pleasure crossing his features.

"You've kept it safe. And now it can be entrusted to us." He murmured, holding it up to the candlelight.

"What do you mean?"

"You must keep it protected, Narcissa. Put it in the family safe." He carefully placed it back in the box.

"What is all the fuss with this ring?" She cried out,
exasperated and feeling rather foolish still standing here in her underwear.

"It's vitally important to me. To us. To this family.
Just keep it safe, no matter what."

'That's all you'll tell me?" She said, putting her hands on her hips.

He crossed back to her, his hands sliding up her body, pulling her against him, that same frightening yet exciting look reflecting in his cold eyes.

"With you wearing that, you don't really want me to talk about work, do you?"

She looked at him, smiling devilishly. He really was irrestible when he got like this- something about power really turned her on.

"No, I really don't."

He kissed her savagely, and all thoughts of the ring were forgotten.

--

A sixteen year old Draco Malfoy sat by Narcissa in their living room, Severus sitting across from them.

"Draco... this is no small responsibility." Severus said.

Narcissa watched her son squirm slightly, but do his best to hide it.

"No, I want to do it."

"You honestly think you could commit murder?" Snape looked at him skeptically.

"I'll kill anyone who the Dark Lord needs. Just tell me when and where to get my tattoo." Draco shrugged,
obviously thinking a drink would be nice about now.

Narcissa tried not to shiver at the coldness in her son's voice.

"The Dark Mark is not a tattoo, Mr. Malfoy. They hold you down while the Dark Lord burns the Mark into your flesh. If you scream, you're killed." Severus looked straight at him, a rather intimidating figure in the shadows.

Draco swallowed hard, his face flushing slightly

"I don't care. I'll do it."

Narcissa put her hand over his. Draco shrugged her off.

"Mum, please."

"All right. Narcissa, if you really think he's ready,
I'll take him to get initiated. The Dark Lord will be very pleased."

Narcissa bit her lip.

"I don't know about this, Severus."

"Yes, I'm ready." Draco stood up.

"What does the Dark Lord want from him?" Narcissa said nervously.

"We shall know when we ask him." Severus said, handing Draco his cloak.

Draco pulled on his cloak, looking between Severus and Narcissa, whose eyes hadn't left each other.

"Go wait outside, Draco." Narcissa said, her blue eyes cold.

Draco obliged with a shrug.

Narcissa crossed to Snape, grabbing his arm.

"I don't want him to do this."

"The Dark Lord asked for him personally. If we refuse,
he might kill us all, including Draco. And he'll do worse to Lucius than just jail, believe me."

Narcissa shook her head furiously.

"I don't want this life for him..." she lowered her voice significantly, "I didn't think you would either."

"As I've told you before, we all come to a point where we must do what is necessary, Narcissa. No matter what the cost, some things fall into place in unexpected and unpleasant ways, and there's nothing to be done about it."

"You could help him! You know you could!" She said,
seizing the front of his robes desperately.

"We'll talk about this after his initiation."

"Please, don't make him go." She cried.

"It has to be done." He said.

"This is because you're angry with me." She looked down at her feet.

"The past has no relevance to these events. Come talk to me next week, in my usual apartment. Contact me with your Patronus to tell me of your arrival."

She looked like she was about to protest, but he suddenly raised his hand to her cheek. He hadn't touched her since her wedding day. She felt the once-familiar feeling of longing pass through her.

"When have I ever failed you?" He whispered against her ear.

She looked at him, realizing that the feelings between them would never completely fade.

Before she could reply, he was gone.

--

The memories began to flood together, memories of Draco, Lucius, Snape, Bellatrix, and many other nameless faces in a dizzying whirl of color. And everything went black.

--

Lupin and Narcissa snapped apart from each other with the force of an explosion, her chair rocketing into the back wall and Lupin being knocked onto his back.

Tonks looked up with interest. It seemed like nearly an hour had gone by. She had started to wish she'd brought a magazine.

She helped Lupin to his feet, and they both looked at Narcissa. Her eyes were locked onto Lupin's, seemingly pleading with him.

Tonks took his hand. She touched his cheek, concerned.

"Did you find out anything?"

--

A/N- Boy howdy, did he! This is the longest chapter I've ever written, and I hope everyone enjoyed. Don't be too harsh- this took a heckuva lot of work, so go easy on me, my brain's too exhausted to deal with scathing reviews right now. Thanks for sticking with it--reviews make me smile!

Next time- so what has the trio been up to during this time warp? Will Lupin spill the beans on Mrs. Malfoy?
And the real Draco and Snape, not the memory versions,
what have those crazy cats been doing?
And...and...what about the Ginny girl? Hmmm...all to come next time around.