Johnnycake & Ponyboy

"I can't take much more." Johnny spoke my own feelings. "I'll kill myself or something."

"Don't," I said, sitting up in alarm. "You can't kill yourself, Johnny. We all need you, every member of the gang. Me most of all. You and me are real close. I don't know what I'd do without you, Johnny." Johnny looked up at me and smiled.

"You really mean that, Ponyboy?" I loved Johnny's smile.

"I sure do." I realized I'd been staring at him, and quickly looked away. I lit a cigarette. Johnny inched closer to me. My skin was tingling at his touch.

"You know," he said, "it's nights like these where I'm glad I got you and the gang. Without that, I don't got much else."

Suddenly, I could feel my shirt get wet where Johnny's head was. I looked down and saw he was crying.

"I just wish they'd care about me more. My parents, I mean. And I know you guys are all here for me, but it just ain't the same as havin' your own folks love you... sorry, Ponyboy. I'll shut up now." Johnny lifted his head and wiped his face with his shirt. I tried to concentrate on what he was saying, but it was so hard! My mind kept slipping back to Johnny's leg against mine, his face soft with tears. I swallowed hard.

"J-Johnny?" I struggled out.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." Glory, I must be outa my mind. I'd always felt close to Johnny, but I never thought of being in love with him. I... I guess I did after all. I'd just never realized it before. Now everything was resting on Johnny. I held my breath, waiting for his response. Johnny hesitated. But then he laughed.

"Yeah, sure, Ponyboy." He didn't take me seriously! I wondered vaguely why he hesitated.

"No, I mean it! Johnny, please..." I jammed my cigarette into the ground before pulling him off my shoulder and turning him to look at me.

"You serious?" He was staring at me so hard, I felt he could see right into my thoughts. I blushed and looked away.

"I... I... Yeah."

"Shoot! Ponyboy, I've loved you as long as I can remember!" He wrapped me up in his arms and held me. I relaxed and buried my face in his neck. "I always wanted to tell you, but I was too ashamed to in front of the guys."

"The guys..." I said. "What are we goin' to do about them?"

"Well, I don't know. I never reckoned..." Johnny trailed off.

"We ain't gonna tell 'em!" I exploded. "Especially not Darry... I don't know what they'd say. What if they thought we weren't tuff anymore? You said yourself they were all you got."

"Why don't we run away?" We were silent for a minute. I knew what it would mean to leave Sodapop, and even Darry, but for some reason, I don't know why, I wasn't scared. I guess that... knowing Johnny was gonna be with me, I didn't have to be.

"Okay," I said. Johnny smiled at me. Then he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. It was only for a second, and I wasn't expecting it but it still felt nice.

"You dig okay, baby," Johnny replied. We lay back down in the vacant lot, this time with my head on Johnny's shoulder.

"Where should we go, Pony?" he asked me. I closed my eyes.

"I dunno, honey. Away from all this fighting."

"Yeah. We'll just get outa here. Go somewhere far away. No more Socs. We can start over, and no one will know who we are, no one will ever call us "greaser" again. We'll just be normal. You and me. I love you, Pony."

"Love you too, Johnnycake." I think he said more, but I don't remember. I lost conciousness, and fell asleep against Johnny's shoulder.

♪