A/N- Be warned. I'm back. -cue Jaws music-
Disclaimer- What author would want to claim responsibility for THIS?
Jon giggled. He giggled again. He liked to giggle. Maybe he should giggle more.
"Jon?" Thayet poked her husband. "That was weird."
"What was?"
"Why did you giggle?" Thayet poked him again.
"I did not giggle. Giggling is for girls. Men chuckle."
"Gods, Jon, it was a giggle. Oh, oh, look! An innocent commoner! Why don't you go and rob him of his life savings?" She pointed in the direction of a man who looked like he would drop dead in the next five minutes.
Jon's eyes lit up.
He ran over to the man. "Excuse me, commoner, but, BY MITHROS IS THAT A SQUIRREL?" He pointed into nearby brush.
"Where? Where!" asked the man, wheeling around. "You mean a medium-sized rodent of the family Sciuridae that (unlike deer or rabbits) cannot digest cellulose which therefore means they must rely on eating foods that contain fat, carbohydrates and protein?"
Jon had understood about five of the thirty-five words the man said. "No… I mean a squirrel. The fuzzy things."
"A SQUIRREL?" The man ran over to the brush, but before he did, Jon grabbed at his pockets and took out his life savings…about two silver nobles.
"Honey, look!" he showed Thayet the money. "I made money all by myself. And now you can't go around telling everyone it's you who keeps Tortall from collapsing into civil war!"
He skipped along back to the palace.
The Boredom Bunny! was tired of learning how to Muhahahaha correctly with Daine and Numair. "I'm bored," he declared.
"Really?" asked Numair. "How redundant."
The Boredom Bunny! glanced at them both. "What do you do when you're bored?"
Daine and Numair exchanged looks. This was their chance….they were both hungry…
Lightning flashed in the distance. Rain came pouring down. "We hunt…" said Numair, voice low. "For Boredom Bunnies!"
The Boredom Bunny! shifted in his seat. "Umm…I see one! Over there, in the bush! Go, human! Go for the hunt!"
"I think I see a perfectly good one right here…"
Poor, unfortunate Neal. Here he was, a knight in the mighty realm of Tortall. Ready to go off gallivanting in the woods, to save young, blonde, curvy princess from the highest tower in the tallest castle from evil beings-
"Neal, you should really milk Kel!"
"WHAT?"
Dom laughed. "Cows need milking. Kel's a cow. Two and two, Meathead."
"But...but…the anatomy isn't right!" Neal spat out.
"You can milk a goat, right? And dogs give milk? So why not Kel?"
"Fine! I'll milk Kel!"
Dom went away, whistling to himself. He walked until he found himself outside of Alanna and George's quarters. He walked in, and nearly had his head cut off by a surprisingly-calm Alanna. If she had been in a bad mood, he would have been decapitated then and there.
"Dom!" she yelled. "What if I had been indecent?"
"Then I would –I mean wouldn't- have taken advantage of you!"
She gave him a twisted look. "If that's not pedophilia, I don't know what is."
"Eww, Alanna! You're more than a decade older than me! Go play with George. Be nice, don't bite."
Alanna gave him an even weirder look.
"Ugh, you know what I mean! Not like that, I meant play nice with swords and knives!"
She shook her head. "You have a sick, sick mind Masbolle."
Neal burst into Alanna's quarters. He held up a jar of…milk?
"See? I can milk Kel!"
Dom stared at the jar, and then at Kel who was still on four-legs beside Neal. "Moo?" she asked.
Dom fainted.
"Oh, what you can do when you bribe maids into giving you fresh cow milk," he told Alanna.
"Pass the tail?" Daine asked, reaching for the bowl which held part of the remains of The Boredom Bunny!
"You should really try the hindquarters," commented Numair, ripping meat out of such part. "It would go well with gravy. Shame we don't have any out here."
Daine chewed slowly, a thought coming to her mind.
"Numy…" she asked.
"Yes, dear? And please don't call me that. Only rabid fan-girls in the village do."
"Sorry, Sweetilpums…anyways, if we just ate The Boredom Bunny!, than we can't be bored, right? Because the evil villain is dead?"
"You're right! We solved Tortall's problem with boredom! When we tell Jon it'll be money, girls and parties all around! Or, in your case, money, boys and parties!"
Daine grinned.
All across Tortall, boredom starting retreating. Scanrans picked up their weapons, ready to start war and killing. The royal planners decided to have a 'Spring Fling' dance. A progression was marked to occur in two years' time. Jonathan regained some fraction of sanity, but occasionally had an itch to go and play with squirrels.
An ill wind blows once and a while, and sends a shiver down backs of people who were there the Day of Boredom.
Everyone knows what that means.
The Boredom Bunny! may strike again.
Will the Tortallans be ready?
Who knows…
A/N- I am weird. Hope that cured some of your boredom, for those of you being stalked by none other than The Boredom Bunny! himself. Thanks go to my evil rabid plot bunny who had a cameo as the aforementioned bunny. Muchas gracias to my reviewers out there as well. :D
See y'all later,
-Phoenix, that crazy teenager who is bored way to often for the sake of FFN