Just before school the next day, I joined Abby and Helen, same people I chatted with online last night, on the playground, still smarting from the cruelty I was treated with last night. This isn't the first time I wished I had parents and maybe siblings, but the pang that comes with it never faded. I made it through the entire night in the guest bedroom completely terrified, but by morning, it wasn't so bad. I didn't see the ghost of last night and the storm had subsided. Yet, it seemed an interminable length of time before Mrs. Pearson finally let me out.
As usual, I took my breakfast in the kitchen with Bessie after my aunt and cousin finished breakfast and Bessie and I finished washing the dishes. Mrs. Pearson told me long ago that I'm here on charity and must earn my keep. "The streets of New York is not kind to little girls," she said sharply, and I knew I must be cautious to stay on her good side. One wrong step and I would be history. Yet, I dared commit no fault and they always seemed to find my shortcomings. They always seemed to blame me for everything bad that happened even when I had nothing to do with it.
I walked the 6 blocks to school while John, Jane, and Jaclyn received bus fares. John was a freshman, Jane was in 7th grade, and Jaclyn was in 6th grade, which meant she and I won't be together for another year. I dreaded the thought of passing her them in the hallway in middle school next year, seeing their mocking faces, and facing daily humiliation. Little did I know what was to happen in the years to come.
"You signed off so quick, Allison," Helen admonished. "What happened?"
I didn't know quite what to say. Even though they knew more tan anyone else what I was put through every day, they didn't know the half of it. Right then and there, I decided to spill my guts. I told them about John knocking me against the glass door of the cabinet, the glass breaking, and me getting blamed for it, after which I was locked in the guest bedroom where my uncle died 8 years ago.
"Nobody ever used it until now. All that for chatting with you," I finished with a flash of passion swelling inside me, breaking off a petal of daisy I just plucked from the ground. "I still have another 8 years and I'll be gone for good."
"And go where?" replied Abby.
Before I could answer, the bell rang and we all headed inside. Anywhere, I thought. As long as I could sever all ties with my folks. We then moved on to more cheerful topics, like clothes and hairstyle before we separated and I took a seat in Ms. Dalton's homeroom where we basically screwed around and not paying attention to the morning announcement.
Sarah Dalton was only a little older than John and was just in her first year of teaching. She was stunningly beautiful like Blanche Ingram from Jane Eyre but also like Ms. Ingram, had a tendency to look down on others, which in this case was her students, especially me. Just when I felt I couldn't feel any smaller, she does something even worse to me. She even called me stupid and allowed everyone to laugh when I answered a question wrong during world history.
While pondering over math problems 3rd period, I saw Ms. Dalton start to collect homework, which I didn't have at the moment, earning me my first demerit in my ten years.
Just before recess, Ms. Dalton kept me inside while the other kids headed for the playground. She berated me for not turning in last night's homework for 3 subjects, which was a rarity on my part. My heart sank as I thought of how the incident last night could possibly allow me to get everything done. I was lucky to get the other 4 subjects finished. But that would seem like dog-ate-my-homework type of excuse, so I retorted, "So I missed a few assignments? So does everyone. Besides, I got the highest GPA in my grade. I deserve a little break." It was all I could do to refrain from telling her to step off.
"You can have your break from recess until you make everything up. You're lucky I'm giving you this opportunity." I pretended to scowl, but I was actually glad of it. At least no one would pick on me for being the shrimp of my class. No one would criticize me sense of fashion, or lack thereof. Best of all, I could enjoy one day of no one teasing me of having no family. I thought maybe I could deliberately leave my homework undone and stay in at recess every day, but I decided against it. There are 3 people who departed this world who would stand by me if they were alive, my parents and uncle. Whenever I made a decision, I always asked myself if they would approve of it.
XxXxXxXxXx
That afternoon, as I got home, Mrs. Pearson summoned me to the master bedroom. As I timidly closed the door behind me, she signaled me to come with her index finger. I stood before her face to face and saw her eyes full of venom, as if ready to attack at the slightest provocation. In a deathly calm voice, she said, "Your uncle Pearson's dying wish was for me to treat you as my own. However, you have deliberately made it impossible for me to love you. You ate us out of hearth and home for the past ten years. Now it's time to send you away."
I stood there dumbfounded, unable to think of a single reply. I had been longing to get away from here, but now that the prospect of it is here, I wasn't so sure I want to leave. Where would I go? Aunt Pearson answered that for me as she continued, "I will arrange for social service to come get you and you shall be in foster care till you're 18."
Right on the spot, I exploded. "My uncle wanted you to treat me as your own and you broke your promise to him!" I shouted. "He and my parents could see from heaven how cruel you treat me. They could see how sadistic enough you are to lock me in the guest bedroom when I done nothing wrong."
Seething, as if unable to tell whether I was a child or a fiend, she barked, "That's enough, Allison! You shall go to your room till dinnertime and if I hear a single word out of you, you will stay in that bedroom for another week. Now go." I stood there with my feet glued to the ground, still smarting from the rapid changes ahead of me. I knew foster care wouldn't be any better than where I am now. Indeed, I heard lots of horror stories about what hapened to the kids from TV and newspaper.
"Go!" Mrs. Pearson yelled. I left as fast as my feet would carry me and slammed the door to my room, which consisted of nothing more than a bed and a dresser. There wasn't even any electricity meaning I must complete all my homework before darkness descended upon my barren room. I got started on that rght away, as there was nothing else to do. Maybe foster care would be better than here after all.
XxXxXxXxXx
As Jaclyn came into the house, bursting with news about her day at school, Mrs. Pearson, after willingly talking with her on that subject, asked her if she and her siblings would like to take the subway to Central Park with her. She would be delighted, but explained that John would be at the mall with his girlfriend and another couple on a double date and Jane would be at the movies with friends. Therefore, only she get to go. I also heard Mrs. Pearson tell Bessie to keep an eye on me lest I be out of my room. Well, she had just wasted her breath because I had no intention of doing anything of the sort anyhow.
Meanwhile, as I waited till dinner, it was all I could do not to think about food and by 5 pm, I was famished. Sure I had only leftovers, but they were only from the day before and was still better than the lunch they served at the school cafeteria. Just when I was about to faint from hunger, Bessie called from downstairs to announce it's dinnertime. I walked casually out of my room and downstairs even though I wanted to barge through the doors and run, because I didn't want to appear too eager and I was punished for that once.
As I approached the kitchen (the dining room was reserved for my aunt and cousins), Bessie told me to wash up, which I did promptly. As we sat down to spare ribs, I gathered up the courage to ask Bessie when I am to leave. "I don't know," she replied. "Why would you want to leave? You live in a big house with all its concenience and with a kind aunt and cousins. Shame on you for being ungrateful!"
I thought it over and despondency settled over me like a black cloud. Did she really think it was convenient that I live without electricity or heat and that I couldn't eat until they're finished and all the dishes are washed? Was my aunt and cousins really kind to shun me constantly. Surely she could see that I'm invisible when I'm not punished. No one even knew I exist. How could she just turn a blind eye on the extent of their mistreatment of me? I noticed that she is capable of being nice to me when they're not around.
Sure enough, she continued, "You must be glad to be leving your Bessie so soon." Indeed I'm not. I didn't realize how much I liked her till I was leaving. We're not the closest to each other, my relationship with her was the closest I ever came to being on good terms with people, except, perhaps for Abigail and Helen. I could at least bear with Bessie, who probably didn't hate me at all. She was just torn between pleasing the Pearsons and ... loving me.
In earnest, I replied, "I'm not glad to leave you. In fact, I'm rather sorry." We finished eating and after we finished the dishes, Bessie and I embraced for the first ... and the last time. Within my tortured soul, I realized, with a growing sense of foreboding, that things will change forever, possibly for the worse.