A/N: Guys, I need your help. I'm curious if I am going to need to rerate this. There will be some 'unspecified sexual activities' in the next few chapters, do I need to change the rating to M, or is that just if I start perving out?
Disclaimer: I pwn. But I own nothing but the story.
Oh, and I have neglected to thank my beta reader (and wife) – thanks Leelee, I love ya!
And dammit, why the hell are the lines not working!
-(line goes here)-
Chapter 7
Harry woke up to an extremely disturbing site.
Neville.
Bouncing at the foot of Harry's bed.
In a pair of pajama bottoms.
And nothing else.
"What the hell is your problem, you wanker?" Harry yelled, pulling on his glasses.
"I want to get back to the flat. There's porn to look at!" Neville replied with a rather glazed look on his face.
"Fine Nev. Drop me off at the electronics store, and I'll meet you back at the flat at some point." Harry said, realizing that nothing he could say would dissuade Neville from his new addiction. "And do me a favor. Put a proximity ward on the door. I don't want to walk in at an 'inappropriate' time."
-(line goes here)-
Walking through the electronics store was like walking through a candy shop to Harry. Everything he saw he wanted. But keeping in mind that he really didn't need too much else (since he had bought half the store the last time he went there) he tried to keep it to the basics. Two more cell phones, a satellite dish (with unlimited TV and internet viewing prepaid for a year) and about 20 power strips.
Arranging for delivery later that day, he headed over to the flat (grumbling all the time something about 'why the hell didn't I ever learn how to drive a car) to find Neville having become much better acquainted with technology. He had 2 PC's going full bore downloading stuff, one laptop one each side of him, and the plasma TV hung on the wall in front of him playing a rather hardcore video.
"Merlin, Nev! What the hell is all this?"
"Well, I discovered how those little pieces of plastic work. You just type in the number, and they let you get movies. I was actually just talking to a woman in Sweden that said that for a couple quid she'd give me a private show. How amazing is that?"
"Dear lord," Harry thought to himself, "We really need to get Nev laid or something."
-(line goes here)-
After giving Neville one of the cell phones that he purchased (with an admonishment to wash his hands before touching it) and shrinking some of the stuff he wanted to start working with, Harry decided that it was about time to learn how to apparate solo. Doing the breathing exercises Professor Dumbledore had taught him, he visualized where he wanted to be, and…
pop
splash
Harry cursed the entire quarter mile he had to swim to get to the shore of Azkaban prison. Maybe thinking about how much he DIDN'T want to end up in the water was counterproductive. Or maybe it was because he had to pee. Whatever. Apparating sucks.
-(line goes here)-
Hermione Granger walked into the Hog's Head a divorced woman. She was still amazed how fast it had all gone. It seemed like yesterday…
Well, it WAS yesterday, actually. Apparently after their fight, Seamus had visited a solicitor, and smelling blood, the solicitor was able to fast-track the divorce paperwork. Seamus had decided to deliver it in person.
"Oh Seamus, I knew you'd come to your senses!" Hermione gushed as her husband strode into the room she had rented the day before in the Leaky Cauldron.
"I sure did, Hermione" Seamus grated out, apparently oblivious to the fact that his wife had started to disrobe.
"Come over here baby, I need you right now." Hermione said as her blouse floated to the floor.
"Not anymore Hermione. Never again. I just wanted to bring you this in person, and not hide behind my cowardice like SOME people. Now I promise you that I told them as little as possible about your lies and your involvement in Harry and Neville's situation. But I swear to you, if you try to argue this divorce, tomorrow's headlines in both the Prophet and the Quibbler will be centered around you. Your choice."
Hermione had never heard such steel in her husband's voice. And as ashamed as she was to say it, it turned her on. But as she took some time and read the paperwork that he had handed her, she couldn't help but reflect on the fact that it was all her fault. Barely glancing at the paperwork (which she had to admit looked a lot fairer than had the situation be reversed) she signed it, barely feeling the bite of the blood quill as she did, and with a tear in her eye, gave it back to Seamus, all the while watching the marriage bond magically dissolve.
Hermione shook herself out of her thoughts as she saw a familiar pair of redheads sitting at the bar. She wiped off her tears and put on a rather fake smile.
"Good evening Ginny, Ron. How are you guys doing?"
-(line goes here)-
An hour or two later, Ginny had to leave to get to work. And privately, she was happy that she was leaving. Even though they shared a huge secret, she found herself questioning why she was ever friends with these two. Ron's continual "Life's not fair" comments, compounded with Hermione's analysis of what she could have done differently, translated into a rather boring, if angst-ridden time for her.
"Well," Ginny thought to herself with a smirk, "maybe they'll get drunk enough to go shag somewhere. Merlin knows they both need it. And then perhaps they'll be happy enough for two seconds to have the talk that we need to. Now should I wear the red or the green bodysuit for work tonight?"
Back in Azkaban, Harry was trying to set up his new satellite dish. Of course, it wasn't going so well.
"What the hell does it mean a southeastern line of sight? I have a damn CASTLE in the way!"
Cursing and grumbling, Harry came to the realization that he was going to need to head back to the store. So he moved on to his next project.
Setting up the wards on the doors were easy.
Attaching the wards to the cell phone to trigger the speed dial that calls his phone was a little more difficult, but still nothing hard.
The hard part was trying to figure out how to test it. A simple alohomora didn't do anything to open the door. A reducto bounced back at Harry and almost took off his head.
He finally figured out that even though the doors were warded, the bricks around them weren't. A couple of quick spells later, and he ended up with a rather serviceable 'door'.
And a minute later, his cell phone was ringing, alerting him that somebody was at the door.
"At least I got SOMETHING done today" Harry grumbled to himself. "I'll do some reading about my other problems when I get back to the flat. Now let's see if I can apparate back without killing myself."
pop
thud
"Oh, bugger!"
-(line goes here)-
"Oi Harry! Look at this!" Neville yelled to the bedroom that Harry had retreated to with his laptop to avoid the onslaught of porn occurring in the living room.
"What now Nev? I swear to you if there are farm animals on the screen again I'm gonna hex the crap out of you" Harry said rather testily.
"No, this is cool. Come see what I figured out!" Neville replied rather excitedly.
"If this is something disgusting, you're dead" Harry grumbled as he walked out of the room…then stopped in shock as he looked at what was showing on the screen.
"Um Nev, is that Parvati and Padma?"
"No, now it's Susan and Daphne. Remember that spell we learned to project pictures on a wall? Well it works with movies, too."
And with that, they spent the rest of the afternoon laughing at the 'situations' they put their schoolmates into. Hermione and Ron were Harry's favorite targets…the more degrading the better. Neville was a little more indiscriminate. Things were going great until…
"Dammit Neville. I already told you. Anybody but Ginny. Hermione, Ron, they screwed me over. Lavender, the Patil twins, that's just fun. Making Draco into a woman and Milicent into a guy, that was just good comedy. But Ginny…just don't. It still hurts too much."
"But Harry, she screwed you over just as much as Hermione and Ron, didn't she?"
"I don't believe that's the case, Nev. I saw her at my trial. She was crying, and I don't think it was because of Percy. Even with everything that happened, I still have hope that she may still feel something for me. So cut it out."
"OK. I gotcha. Hey, not to totally change the topic, but I was reading something about a place in London we may want to visit. It's called 'Magical Charms' and it's what they refer to as a bunny ranch. Basically we can go there and pick ourselves up a girl for the evening. What do you think?"
"Nev, that's the best idea I've heard lately. Do we need an appointment?"