Chapter 9: The Cupcake Mystery

I looked in vain for my dear cupcake. Unfortunately, it was no where to be found. I looked everywhere, behind every dog ear and underneath every rock. It was nowhere. I was walking, crestfallen, out of my office. Hopefully, I thought, I left it outside in the rain. The poor thing. Lost...alone...cold. How could I? How could I have done this to my cupcake? But it was too late now, because it was lost and I must find it. Anyway, I was walking out of my office building when I bumped into Wakka.

"Why, hello Wakka," I greeted, tipping my tiara.

"Yo mon," He replied.

"Have you...perhaps seen my cupcake?" I asked. Wakka was pointing at his lips and staring at me. I looked confused. "You ate it? You ate my CUPCAKE?" I cried.

"No!" Wakka yelped shaking his head.

"What then? Have you seen it?" I asked shrilly. Wakka sighed and finally shrugged. He did though, agree to help me on my quest. We walked down the street, looking all over. I even stopped people and looked under their shoes, but I wasn't lucky enough to even find a rainbow sprinkle.

Space

It was night time. The moon was shining like a flashlight upon a lonely but still sturdy cardboard box, in which it was alone and empty and that's why it was so dark inside. But still no sign of my dear old cupcake. Wakka was eating his fingernails out of hunger, and I was pacing feverishly in front of him, my hands frustratingly thrusted into my trench coat pockets.

"We must think Wakka," I continued. Wakka added some salt to his toe nail and nodded, biting it. "Where could I have left my cupcake?" I asked for the millionth time that day. Wakka was about to answer when out of nowhere Irvine comes walking in to the scene.

"Princess! Babe! Where've you been?" Irvine asked with his hands up, grinning and walking over to me.

"Not now, Irvine," I slapped my forehead. But that didn't stop him from giving me a bear hug, almost crushing me to pieces.

"You look so down. Why you guys look so down man?" Irvine asked.

"I...lost my cupcake," I admitted. Wakka nodded hurriedly when Irvine turned to him, aghast.

"Anything I can do?" Irvine asked, loading his sniper.

"Help us look for it perhaps?" I proposed.

"You got it," Irvine agreed smirking and winking at me. I shook my head and waved them forward. Though it was dark, Irvine and Wakka's stupidity combined would give me enough light to find my way...and hopefully bring me the path to my cupcake.

Space

We walked for miles. Finally, after a rain of hail, a blizzard, a tornado farm, and many buffalo stampedes, we found a sign post.

"Welcome to Idaho!"

I wasn't surprised. "Dang buffalo," I heard Irvine mutter behind me as him and Wakka trudged past the mountains of buffalo droppings to catch up to me.

"Search under those droppings. My cupcake could be under any one of them," I ordered.

"Do we have too?" Irvine complained but we both already heard a squoosh! As Wakka had already eagerly dove in the mountains of the droppings to look for my cupcake and possibly other interesting treasures. I gave Irvine a stern look and he reluctantly poked at a dropping wad with the tip of his sniper.

"All clear. I found nothing," Wakka declared popping up from a hole in the ground.

"Alright men, let's move on," I replied sighing with disappointment.

"Ah c'mon Prinneh, don't feel so down, we'll find it," Irvine said sincerely, and I would have taken him seriously if his hand didn't start sliding down my back. I slapped him and Wakka laughed as Irvine grumbled and rubbed the side of his face.

Suddenly a truck full of sheep stopped at our side and a toothless man hopped out. "YoU fEllawZ need 'em ar RiDez eh?" The man asked. I had trouble understanding him, so I turned to Irvine.

"What did he say?" I hissed. Irvine shrugged.

"Idaho language isn't my area of expertise," He whispered back.

"If this man were a woman, then would it be?" I grumbled and turned back to the man. "Listen...we're from the city, you know...big buildings, up to date cars, uh...sanitary bathrooms?" I tried. Wakka and Irvine nodded. The man gave us a confused look.

"Hey guys, whadda ya doing here?" A familiar voice called out suddenly. Rikku popped out from the haystacks with the sheep in the back. She waddled over to us, a dead cricket between her two front teeth and hay twigs stuck in her hair.

"Rikku...Hi. What a surprise," I said.

"She's stalking me again! Ah!" Wakka cried and flung his toenails into the air.

"Sis, what's going on?" Another voice came. Then Riku, from Kingdom Hearts, came out of the haystack mess. "Who are these guys?" He asked.

"These are my friends!" Rikku proclaimed with a string of drool coming down her mouth. "The non imaginary ones," She added in a whisper. Riku looked at me and Irvine in awe. Irvine and I looked at each other and I couldn't help it, I grabbed his arm in fear.

"C0Me$z oonn NOW, l37$ G0!" The toothless man cried and hopped in the truck. Rikku waved us forward.

"C'mon, my adopted foster uncle can take us to our house, then you can call home!" Rikku cried and hopped in the back again. Riku, the guy, had walked up to me and was staring at me with awe.

"Can I have your autograph?" He breathed.

"Um, maybe," I replied nervously.

"Hey man, save some air for the ones who matter eh?" Irvine grumbled waving Riku away from me.

"Them city kids, they ain't nice," Riku growled to Irvine all of a sudden and spat into the grass. Wakka hopped on the ceiling of the car, and with his super powers he stuck on there so he wouldn't fly off. Irvine helped me into the back with Rikku and Riku and then it was suddenly silent as the truck started up and we drove down the remote dirt lane.

"Where did ya get your hat, eh Mr. City Kid?" Riku asked Irvine, breaking the silence.

Irvine fingered his cowboy hat and narrowed his eyes at Riku. "Forever 21...why?" He asked.

"No reason," Riku muttered, then his facial expression turned from hatred to complete admiration as he turned back to me. "I like your hair. It smells awfully nice," Riku said, giving me that wide eye stare. I inched away and laughed nervously.

"Ain't Riku polite?" Rikku cried clasping her hands together.

Riku blushed, then suddenly again, he had his eyes narrowed and he stared menacingly at Irvine. "Is that a real gun?" He asked.

"Yeah...want me to try it out on you?" Irvine replied sarcastically.

"Come on gentlemen, let's not fight," I said, trying to ease everyone down. Suddenly Rikku and Riku gasped.

"She said the G word!" Rikku cried out in a hushed whisper. Riku took his hand away from his mouth and put it on my knee instead.

"Don't worry, you didn't know," He smiled sweetly at me. Suddenly there was a gun shot and Riku pulled his hand back hastily. Irvine grimaced through the smoke at Riku, who frowned right back at him. As the truck drove on, my mind wandered far off again...and where, oh WHERE could my cupcake be?

Space

Indeed, Rikku and Riku's uncle drove us to a beat down diner where there was at least one phone booth whose cord wasn't bitten off by gophers. "I tried everywhere. Even Yuna's cell phone, but nobody is answering," I said turning to Irvine as I pounded the phone back into the receiver.

Irvine patted my shoulder then lightly pushed me aside. "Let me try," He said and punched in a number. He waited, taping his foot and filing his nails. "Yo, it's Kinneas," He said after awhile. I rolled my eyes and tapped my foot as well. "Yeah I want two cheese pizzas, one sausage. Deliver it to Beat Down Diner Drive. Thank you, Sayonara!" Irvine hung up and turned to me smirking. I gaped at him.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?" I cried at him angrily.

"Don't worry toots, everything will work out great," Irvine declared proudly. Meanwhile, Rikku and her uncle were trying to get Wakka off the car ceiling, and Riku was walking over to me bashfully, hiding something behind his back. "Oh, um...I-I have something, uh...um...before you go," He said to me, turning red.

"Ok," I replied. I turned to him and embarrassingly, he extended his fist and dropped something into my hand, like a five year old that found something special. I opened my hand and stared down at my newly acquired present.

"Wow...a piece of lint. Gee...thanks," I said in a bored voice and pocketed the lint. But no matter how many lint pieces I acquire from grey haired kids that talk in a country accent, it will never replace my cupcake. Then their uncle came by and bowed low to me.

"Don't you remember me Princess?" He suddenly asked in perfectly understandable English, that much sounded like a sort of business man.

"N-No," I stammered from the shock of him transforming all of a sudden.

"Stand back Honey Buns, he's gone mental!" Irvine cried shielding me.

"No, no," Uncle Weirdo guy laughed modestly. "It's me. Arnie."

There was a dead silence. The Earth stopped. TV's went bad. Dogs stopped barking. A raccoon got blown up in the middle of Arkansas, and as for me, well, I stared long and hard at the man who claimed to be Arnie.

"Arnie...?" I gasped.

"Yes, I know, I got a hair cut awhile back," He replied. I shook my head. It all made sense now. I shrugged one shoulder and added up everything that happened, and yes, this was definitely Arnie.

"Do I have to blow him to smithereens my darling Cumquat?" Irvine inquired to me.

"NO! This is Arnie, he's cool," I replied.

"Thanks," Arnie told me and gave Irvine a brief stern glance.

"Alright, well we have to go now, and your Jamaican friend will have to go too. He's permanently stuck to the roof of the car," Rikku informed us. Irvine and I just shrugged. Two seconds later a motorcycle drove by us, and whoever it was driving it took his helmet off. It was Cloud, and he shook his hair. Then as soon as his eyes fell upon Irvine and I, and well, everyone else, he yelped like a little girl.

"What?" Irvine asked, feeling around his face.

"You guys made this delivery?" Cloud cried. Suddenly there was a pause. Then everyone broke out laughing.

Wakka walked over to us with the truck on his back (all the sheep and hay falling out of it) and he barked out laughter too, and cried, "Haha! Cloud delivers packages!"

Cloud turned red and started to cry. "Leave me alone! NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!" He cried and wailed like a baby.

"Wait, wait," I said hurriedly as I wiped tears from my eyes, "How come you're not back at the hotel resort with the rest? Why are you working during Spring Break?" I asked.

"I...I-I-because I feel like it, ok? Everyone else is busy worrying over their problems, and nobody wants to do anything with me so I sometimes deliver these damn packages out of pure boredom!" Cloud cried.

"Well, I'm missing my cupcake so-," I started, wondering if Cloud could help out. He is after all, cute and blonde and blue eyed and cute and has a motorcycle--

"Look, just give us our pizza and beat it," Irvine cut me off.

"Fine, here," Cloud replied sniffing and handed Riku the pizza. After Cloud drove away a little tear drop ran down my face, but I got over it as soon as the smell of pizza came to my nose.

"Hey! Hand over those pizza pies!" An annoying voice said out of nowhere when we all were about to get a bite. Yuffie hopped on by and aimed a water gun at all of us...menacingly.

Irvine yelped and hid behind me, trembling. "Please...please, not my hair...please," Irvine stammered eyeing the water gun with fear. Yuffie gave off a maniacal laughter and pointed it at Arnie.

"You! Hand me the pizza and no one gets hurt!" She cried. Riku himself stood before me, trying to impress me I guess, and bravely handed her the boxes.

"Go ahead, take it all! Just please don't cause Lady Princess any harm!" Riku cried out. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Put the water gun down too, please," Irvine whimpered.

"Hmm...no pepperoni, eh? We'll see about this!" Yuffie cried. She shrieked like a...I don't know she just shrieked really loud, hurting my ears and waved the water gun around while pressing the trigger. Little drops of water fell down on us.

"No-o-o!" Irvine cried and rolled onto the floor dramatically.

"Irvine! Don't you have a hat on?" I cried rolling my eyes.

He stopped and slowly got up. "You're right," He replied and I slapped my forehead.

"I LIKE TRAINS!" Selphie cried out and popped up from a hole in the ground.

When everyone started arguing and shooting water, hay, sheep, dirt, brownies, and a strange glowing slime I have no idea what it is at each other, Selphie stole the pizzas, the truck, Rikku, Arnie, and even 15 of Wakka's hair. It was too late for us because we didn't notice until four hours later.

"Good thing she didn't take my toe nails," Wakka said cheerfully.

"You know what? What are you doing here anyway? I only started this short story to give a little credit to the characters that didn't nail a role in my parody...," I cried at Wakka. He shrugged.

"I don't do anything in your parody! So yeah, I followed you and acted like I was in this story, ok?" Wakka cried angrily.

"No! Get out of here and go back to the parody! Go hang out with Zell or something," I yelled at Wakka. When he wouldn't budge I used my magical writing skills to type the following sentence.

Wakka got struck by a series of lightning bolts, and soon after that a herd of squirrels carried him off back to the hotel to hang out with the lucky ones who actually are in my parody (And actually do something, and doesn't show up in this short story as an excuse to be famous and useful. Hehe.)

I turned to Irvine. "Well, I guess it's time we give up. We're never finding that cupcake, no way, no how," I said sadly. He wasn't listening and was grooming his long pony tail of hair and noticed I was talking.

"Oh sorry, what were you saying?" Irvine asked me. I suddenly started to cry.

"I'm never finding my cupcake! NEVER!" I cried and bawled.

Irvine sighed and said sternly, "That's not cool Boo Boo."

"Huh?" I asked with tears streaming down my eyes.

"C'mon! Don't cry! It was just a stupid cupcake! Why the heck would you even start this lame story involving a cupcake anyway? Just buy a new one or something," Irvine complained.

"...Irvine? How could you! This isn't you, I didn't know you felt this way!" I cried shrilly. Didn't he understand? This wasn't just some cupcake, an excuse for me to write some nonsense story involving idiotic things that are just a waste of time. No! It was much more than that. It was a warm cupcake, its bottom tanned and baked to perfection. The top was the true beauty though. It was swirled with pink frosting, and had exactly 34.6 amazing and extraordinary rainbow sprinkles that varied in almost eight different colors! Didn't he understand the true beauty of it? Didn't he? I turned to Irvine as I thought all these things. And as I did...I realized something. And then I found myself in complete shock.

"You...," I suddenly breathed.

"Huh?" Irvine asked.

"You! You did it! You stole and ate my cupcake, didn't you?" I cried.

"No! That's not cool, Boo Boo," He said in that cool like voice again. I stomped my foot angrily.

"Then who? Who took it?" I cried.

"Look, would ya stop yelling? All that pink frosting on your lips is spraying onto my limited edition trench coat with real rabbit fur lining," Irvine said dusting his sleeve off. I stopped and...felt like kicking myself.

"I...I ate it. It was me."

I ate the cupcake! Why, of course! That would explain everything, and as I swiped a finger across my lips I saw that I really did have frosting on them, and it was pink too!

! Why, of course! That would explain everything, and as I swiped a finger across my lips I saw that I really have frosting on them, and it was pink too!

"It was me, me all along! I ate it, I ate it, oh! That I did! A-ha-ha-ha!" I cried maniacally, and started to laugh hysterically.

Irvine looked at me worriedly, like how everyone does to Rinoa when she eats too much ketchup. I started to whoop and shout and bouncing like Tigger I ran off into the road, laughing and yelling to myself.

"Yep," Irvine announced proudly as he watched me turn smaller and smaller while I bounced into the distance.

"She really is mental."