A/N: Some humour for you guys. ;D Two chapters in a row phew

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A couple days later, Hermione stepped into the training rooms rubbing her eyes. The Death Eaters had another Muggle-raid in Dublin, causing many casualties before the Order arrived to scare them off. They captured five and killed two, but it still was a sad day. It also added to the tension of the upcoming battle, which was just what they needed.

Hermione frowned as she noticed Malfoy wasn't already there. She'd just been by the observation room and he wasn't in his room, so…

Her gaze was drawn upward for some reason, and her jaw dropped as she saw Malfoy dangling upside down from the ceiling.

"Malfoy? How the—," she stuttered trying not to laugh.

His chin pressed to his chest he said, "I don't know…"

He looked so pitiful, she pressed her hands over her mouth to suppress the giggles surfacing.

"Um—ehem," she tried not to snort with laughter. "Do you have your wand?"

He let his head fall back to look at the floor and pointed down.

Hermione looked at the ground and leaned down to pick up his wand.

"Wait!" he shouted, but was too late.

As soon as her fingers touched the wand, she shot upward, flipping so her feet touched and stuck to the ceiling. She dropped his wand but still had hers.

Suddenly, she found herself facing a right side up Malfoy. Thank god she wore jeans and a tight shirt today. Malfoy seemed to find her hair standing straight up very funny though.

"Oh yes, and yours looks perfectly natural," she said as he tried to bat at her hair. "Stop it. You're being ridiculous." She frowned bending back away from him.

"Well, you look ridiculous."

"Well, if that isn't the cauldron calling the kettle black…"

"Fine. Then how do we get down?"

"Well, let's try something." She pulled out her wand and pointed it at his feet and before he could protest, muttered an unsticking spell. It didn't work.

"Hey! I could've fallen on my head!" Malfoy proclaimed.

"Stop being a baby," Hermione replied, frowning at her failure. Then her eyes lit up as she remembered the spell she used to undo one of Fred and George's pranks that might work.

"Assilio," she muttered pointing at his feet again.

Nothing.

She growled in frustration.

"Ugh! Ron! Harry!" she yelled.

Malfoy shook his head. "I should've known."

She looked at him. "Don't be silly. This is totally Fred and George. I'm simply calling for help."

"Well, I don't think they can hear you."

"Well, thank you Captain Obvious."

"So what are we supposed to do now?"

Hermione scowled at him. "This wasn't exactly part of my agenda for today."

"Oh, just today?" he asked smartly.

"Yes. Hanging from the ceiling with my old school bully was supposed to be next week."

"You look like you've been severely shocked."

Hermione glanced at him and huffed to see he was grinning, looking at her hair again.

"Yeah, well you look like your hair gel dried the wrong way."

"This is ridiculous. How did they get hold of my wand?" said Draco.

"Oh, they have their ways."

"They can't get away with this," Draco huffed.

"Oh, what are you gonna do, make slashing motions at them with your bare hand?"

She didn't know what else to do with her hands and so hooked them in her back pockets.

"Since when did you start wearing black?"

Hermione whipped her head back around to look at him. He was frowning in confusion, studying her clothes.

"Around the time you started wearing Muggle clothing," she responded.

"You look…weird."

"I love it when blokes say that to me."

Malfoy snorted. "Did you really expect a compliment from me?"

"Do you really think I care one way or another?" she retorted.

"I think you do," Malfoy said crossing his arms.

"Surprise, surprise. Malfoy can think. I love learning new things."

"I think you are so used to all the attention and guys treating you like some sort of queen…"

"Remember what that kettle called the cauldron…"

"…From being The Boy Who Wouldn't Go Away's best friend…"

"You're sounding dangerously close to jealous…"

"…That you either expect guys to simply be nice to you or at the least, fall at your feet."

"Malfoy, do you ever even listen to some of the nonsense you spout, or is it only people in close range who suffer?"

"But I'm different you see," he continued, ignoring her running commentary.

"I see many pointed blonde things."

"I'm different because you actually want me to pay you compliments."

"I see the pointed thingies sharpening their ends…"

"Admit it, you're helping me simply to get your daily eyeful."

"…Before they curve and aim straight for your scalp…" she continued staring up at the floor, seemingly ignoring him.

"You want me to show Weasley how much of a woman you really are."

"Ah, the delusions. Can't stop the delusions…"

"You're really bad at hiding it, Granger."

"Do you talk simply to hear yourself speak, Malfoy."

"Why? Think my voice is sexy, Granger?" he lifted a pale eyebrow at her.

"Do I look like Pansy?" she rolled her eyes.

"Do you really want to hear my answer?"

"Would you hear me if I said no?"

"You look much better than she ever did."

Hermione looked at him and frowned.

"She primped and simpered like the proper little Pureblooded witch that she is," he continued, holding her gaze, "But her wish for status and power was as deep as she went."

Hermione snorted. "Are you saying you're different?"

"I wanted to please my parents. They weren't very pleasant people when unhappy."

"And Pansy pleased them."

Malfoy nodded. He looked very smug about something and Hermione wasn't sure what it was so it made her wary.

"And now?"

"And now what?"

"You don't want to please them?"

"They aren't here to please anymore."

"So you're having this ridiculous epiphany about me all the sudden?"

"No," he let his gaze run over her figure. "I've known you're not a total loss as a girl for a while now."

"Well, take me now, sailor…"

"Like you'd ever have let me do anything about it, if I had even tried."

"Okay, now you're freaking me out."

"Like you'd be happy to find out I was trying to get into your knickers while planning the demise of your precious Headmaster."

"Now I'm getting pissed."

"Fortunately, half-way through the year I met a very friendly Hufflepuff—"

"How redundant…" she muttered.

"She took quite a shine to my green queen set…"

"Spare me the lurid details…"

"To make a long story short, I quite managed to get rid of my…let us say 'itch' for you."

"How resourceful of you," she intoned.

"Just thought you should know, so you can get the last vestiges of your romanticism under control."

"Hey. Leave my vestiges out of this."

"Oh, so if I kissed you, you wouldn't kiss me back?"

"Well, if you mean kissing you as in my knee connecting forcefully with your ballocks, then yeah."

"Big words for a girl stuck to the floor."

"Ceiling," she corrected.

Suddenly she bent forward and wrapped her arms around her legs.

"What're you doing?" asked Malfoy.

"The blood is draining to my head."

Malfoy smirked. "You don't say—"

"Oh please, I thought you were done being inappropriate."

"It hurts to hear the truth," he replied smugly.

"Among other things…" she muttered into her legs. Then she frowned and twisted her neck to look at him. "Why isn't your head hurting?"

Draco pasted on a dreamy face. "I'm thinking about that Hufflepuff…"

"Oh, my god!" she turned away as she realized his meaning.

Malfoy chuckled.

"Are you always such a prude, Granger?"

"Do you always leave your zipper down, Malfoy?" she countered.

Startled, Malfoy glanced down at his fly and saw it was zipped up properly. His head whipped up to glare half-heartedly at her. But she was laughing into her knees.

"Like I'd really glance down there to know such things," she chuckled.

"Now who's being inappropriate."

"Actually, I thought it more than amusing."

"I'm sure you think a lot of things. That does not make them all true."

"In that case, I think you have the best hairstyle I've ever seen."

"Do Potter and Weasel know what a cheeky witch you are?"

"If they don't are you suggesting that I show them more cheek?" Hermione glanced at him with her eyebrows raised.

Draco frowned at her. "Are you drunk?"

"You're drunk."

"Nice retort, Granger."

She giggled.

What the hell?

"It's a bit warm up here, don't you think?" she asked as she unfolded and fanned herself.

"Don't tell me you get airsick."

"Okay. I won't."

"But do you?"

"Just a little."

Draco sighed. "Great."

"Hey," Hermione said suddenly. "You know what?"

Humouring her he said, "What?"

"We could take our shoes off."

"You don't think I tried that?"

She ignored him and started untying her shoes. She pulled one foot out successfully. Draco's jaw dropped.

"How…how," he sputtered.

Hermione gave him a big smile as she gripped her shoes, pulling her other foot out and letting her legs dangle towards the floor. Muttering the levitation spell, she let go and floated to the floor.

"How…how did you do that?!" Malfoy finally managed to ask.

She shrugged. "Maybe because it's your wand that was hexed that it alters its effects on others."

"Well, are you going to get me down then?"

"I don't know. It's so much easier to stare at you when you're stuck in one place. I think I'll have to think about it a while."

"Granger…"

"Alright. Fine, I'll go find the twins. I swear, you can dish it out but take some of it back, nooo…." She went off muttering.

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Fred gave her the antidote. Well, more like she had to wrestle it from him. He tickled her mercilessly, so she didn't feel bad about stomping on his foot to let her go, but it was just what everyone needed to relieve the tension from the last encounter with the Death Eaters.

She looked at the wrapped little package.

"This won't turn him into a bat, will it?"

"Do you care if it does?" George smirked at her as he walked to the refridge.

"As a matter of fact, yes. I hate bats," Hermione rejoined. "Hey!" Fred had skirted around her and fluttered his hands through her mass of hair, squeaking. She batted him away while he laughed. "Not funny."

"Well, you hate Malfoy, too." Ron pointed out, sitting at the kitchen island.

Hermione sighed. "I am much too full on emotion to hate him. He's just an…annoyance now."

"Really." Ron said disbelieving. Hermione nodded. He set his butterbeer down and added, "So you've simply forgotten all those times he's called you names and wished you dead? That he planned out Dumbledore's demise all last year and let Death Eaters roam free in Hogwarts?"

Hermione held his gaze.

"No, and neither do I ignore that he was raised, practically marinated in a culture that taught him prejudice and hate. That it's not easy to go against what your parents teach you and what you think is good for you.

Nor do I ignore the fact that he could not commit murder, in one of the final stages of his maturing. Or that you, Ron once made fun of me, that you ruined my first Yule Ball, that you take every opportunity you can to tell me how stupid you think S.P.E.W. is. You grew up in the wizarding world, thinking you knew that house elves were meant to be kept as slaves, it was how you're brought up and it's wrong."

"You're comparing me to Malfoy?!" Ron stood.

"I'm showing you the error of your thinking, Ron. Pay attention," she snapped at him. "If you don't have an open mind, you are no better than Malfoy. Think about it." Hermione gave him a hard look before walking out.

Fred whistled.

"Bloody hell, Ron. You got owned," George joked.

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"Merlin, you took long enough. Did you sit down and make the antidote? Get me down," Malfoy demanded.

"Put a sock in it, Malfoy. Here," she tossed the antidote up to him.

He caught it and frowned as he studied it.

"They said chew it and you should be able to pull your feet away."

He glanced down at her. "And what's to prevent me from falling and cracking my skull open?"

Hermione shrugged.

"Granger."

She sighed. "Alright," she stepped directly under him and held out her arms. "I'll catch you."

"Still trying to get your hands on me, Granger?" he lifted a brow at her.

"I don't hear you complaining," she retorted, bemused.

"Granger, be serious."

"I am."

"I'll squash you."

"Stop making threats and get down here. Training time is wasting away."

"This is ridiculous."

"You're ridiculous."

"Get out of the way, Granger."

"Get off the ceiling, Malfoy. We have to have it washed now."

"Only because you decided to mix your filthy blood with mine."

"Ah, so you admit yours was filthy beforehand."

Malfoy looked affronted. "I did no such thing."

"Yes, you did. You said I mixed my filthy blood with yours, meaning my filthy blood was mixed with your filthy blood."

Draco sighed. "Stop fucking with my head and move!"

"Oh, it's okay Malfoy," she cooed, "You were already fucked up in the head. Now hurry up and get down here or I won't fix your wand."

"You're such a fucking pest, Granger. If you weren't so smart, I wouldn't have a clue how Pothead and Weasel put up with you all these years."

"Enough with the sweet talk, Malfoy. Get down here now."

"Then step back and use your wand, Granger," he gritted out.

"Aw, Malfoy. You really don't want to squash me? I really didn't know you cared that much." She stepped back out of his way. "By all means."

"You wish, Granger." Draco popped the antidote in his mouth and chewed. He looked up at his feet and tried experimentally to pull one foot away from the ceiling. With a loud suction pop, his foot came free. He looked back down at her.

"Ready?"

She shrugged. "You didn't want my help. Get yourself down."

He scowled. Then he bent forward at the waist before swinging himself backwards with a yank to free his foot. He flipped through the air and, amazingly, landed on his feet, right in front of Granger.

He smirked down at her.

"Nice," she said simply.

Then she pulled out her wand and muttered something, pointing at his fallen wand. Malfoy followed her movements and met her gaze as she finished.

"There. Get your wand. We still have some training to do."

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