Jack had been tossing and turning for about a half hour when he heard the light knocking on his door. He finally rolled out of bed, slipped some pants on and walked toward the door.
"Who's there?" He asked.
"It's me, Kate." The voice answered.
Jack opened the door to find Kate standing in the hallway wearing just a t-shirt and he assumed panties. He looked out his door in both directions and then back at her.
"Kate, what's going on?" He asked.
"Can I please come in?" She asked.
He could tell she was upset, the happy go lucky, quick with the one liners woman he'd just spent the evening with no where to be found at the moment.
"Sure, come in." He said softly and took her arm gently to guide her into the room. She stopped just inside the door, arms folded over her chest.
"I want to apologize." Kate said.
"For what?" Jack asked.
"I'm usually not so aggressive. I'm sorry I kept trying to talk you into something you obviously weren't comfortable with." Kate apologized.
"This is certainly an odd conversation. Isn't it usually the guy saying all that stuff?" Jack teased trying to get her to lighten up.
"It's not funny Jack!" Kate yelled making him step back a little.
"I'm sorry, of course it's not. Why don't you come all the way inside and we can talk about it." Jack offered softly, cautiously.
He led her over to the bed and watched her stand in front of him, wringing her hands, battling emotions, looking everywhere but directly at him.
"I uh, it was too quiet, too dark, too alone, too easy to think." She babbled.
"Kate, what's going on? Did something happen?" He asked.
"No." She mumbled still refusing to look at him.
He placed his hand on the side of her face and forced her to make eye contact with him, regretting it as soon as he did it because the moment she looked at him the tears began to fall and fall steadily. He was confused and felt bad for her, not understanding what was going on or how to help her. He finally pulled her into his chest and hugged her, which allowed her to completely break down.
"Hey, what is this Kate? Talk to me and tell me what happened." He coaxed.
"What am I going to do Jack?" She cried.
"Do about what?" He asked.
"How am I going to let him go? I can't put him in a box in the dark. He's afraid of the dark Jack, how can I? It isn't fair. He's just a little boy and he's going to be all alone and so scared. Please, I can't do this, I can't." Kate cried, her body trembling as she struggled with unimaginable grief.
"Jesus." Jack mumbled and held her as tight as he could, not being able to relate to the kind of pain she was experiencing and wondering if she allowed herself very many moments like this.
Kate suddenly pulled away from him, clutching her stomach and her chest.
"I'm going to be sick, I can't breathe." Kate said in a panicked tone.
Jack took hold of her arms and made her look at him.
"Kate, listen to me. You're not going to be sick and you can breathe. You're very upset, but you can breathe." Jack talked softly to her.
"Jack I need you, I need you to make me feel better, feel like a woman, make me forget about this if only for a little while. Please." Kate pleaded.
"Kate, I want to help you, but I'm not going to initiate sex with you under these circumstances. I'm sorry." Jack argued.
"Just forget it!" Kate snapped and pulled away from him.
"Hey, where do you think you're going? Come back and talk to me, please." Jack said and took hold of her arm.
"Leave me alone!" Kate screamed and began pounding her fists into his chest.
He let her hit him, some of the strikes she was landing actually painful, but obviously something she needed to get out of her system. She continued to lash out at him until exhaustion got the better of her. She finally stopped and he pulled her back into his chest, moving his hand lightly over her back and talking softly to her.
"Try to relax Kate, take deep breaths." He said.
He felt her unclench her fists and unfold her arms, letting them wrap around his waist as she turned her head to the side and let it rest on his upper chest. They stayed that way for a few minutes and then she pulled back and looked at him, ashamed and horrified at what she'd just done.
"Oh god Jack, I'm sorry." Kate said.
"It's okay." Jack said.
"No it's not. I barely know you and you barely know me and my problems are mine not yours and I'm so sorry, I swear I'm not crazy." Kate told him.
"It's okay Kate and I don't think you're crazy. I think you're dealing with something that most of us can't begin to comprehend. Do you feel any better?" Jack asked.
"I thought I'd use these four days to see what it's like to be alone, to not have this enormous responsibility, to actually sleep for more than two hours at a clip and I realized how selfish that was. I also realized how lonely it is. I'm sorry I burdened you my craziness. I don't deserve to feel better." Kate said as she pulled away from him.
"You're not burdening me and wanting these four days isn't selfish, it's human. You want to stay here with me tonight? No strings, no sex. Just two friends keeping each other company." Jack offered.
"Thanks Jack, but you don't have to do that. I'll be okay and since I've screwed up the first real date I've had in years I think I'll just go home tomorrow. Tell your dad he can keep his money." Kate said.
"I'll tell him he can keep his money, but I don't want you to leave. You didn't screw anything up. Please stay Kate, I'll worry if you don't. I'll sleep on top of the blankets fully dressed, shoes and socks too if that helps, whatever you want, just please don't beat yourself up for needing to share what must be an incredibly heavy load." Jack pleaded.
Kate looked at him, his request was sincere, she could read it in his face and his eyes. He was concerned for her, but there was something more, a hint of something deeper and they both saw it. If they both weren't so beaten down by life at the moment they probably would've found it a little unnerving that two people could connect so quickly. She looked down at herself and smiled.
"I'm standing in your hotel room in my underwear and a t-shirt. I think it would be okay if you slept under the blankets without your shoes and socks." Kate said making him smile.
He left his pants on and made himself comfortable in the bed, laying on his side and propped up on his elbow. He patted the empty mattress in front of him and motioned for her to come join him. She walked over to the bed and crawled in beside him. Without awkwardness or shyness he wrapped his arm over her and pulled her closer until her back was pressed up against his stomach and chest. She wrapped her arms around his forearm and pulled it into her chest, holding tightly, her head resting on the pillow, her body trapping his other arm underneath her. He laid his head on his pillow, sniffing her hair and continuing to hold tightly to her.
He could tell she was crying and let her go for a little while. When the crying turned to sobbing he kissed the top of her head and spoke softly to her.
"Would it help to talk about it?" He asked.
She let go of his arm and turned around to face him. He pulled a corner of the sheet up and wiped the tears from her face.
"There's really nothing to talk about Jack. I just need to be sad for a little while." She said.
"Okay." He said and rolled onto his back pulling her along with him.
She let her head rest on his chest and draped her arm over his abdomen. He let his fingers gently glide up and down her shoulder and arm, a soothing caress that was lulling her into a relaxed state. The next time he looked down she was sound asleep, arm still draped over him, her hand hanging limply. He took hold of her hand and closed his eyes, hoping she might actually get the sleep she obviously needed.
He could feel the presence in the room, the feeling of being stared at and he opened his eyes quickly, startled at first and then angry. The man started to speak, but Jack hushed him by putting his fingers up to his mouth and signaling him to be quiet. He eased himself out from under Kate and laid her head gently on the pillow. He watched her stir for a moment, relieved that she remained asleep. He moved out from under the blankets and off the bed, leading the intruder toward the door.
"What the hell are you doing in my room dad?'' Jack snapped in a hushed tone.
"It's 8 AM Jack, the day's events start in an hour and the man of the hour needs to be there. You don't return my phone calls so I made them let me in here. I see you got my present." Christian smirked.
"Shut up." Jack ordered.
"Attached already? Son, can't you ever just enjoy the company of a woman? Do you always have to fall in love?" Christian continued to poke.
"I enjoy women dad and I don't always fall in love. She's a nice person that doesn't deserve to have either one of us in her life so just shut up about her and the deal you made with her and any crude comments you may have." Jack insisted.
"Jack, get dressed. Let's go." Christian told him.
"I told you I'm not doing this dad. I'm not going to walk around like some god damn politician, working the crowd, acting like some big shot, like I've got something to offer when we both know that's not the case." Jack resisted.
"I've worked too hard and too long for this Jack and you are not going to deny me this or embarrass me by not being where you should be. Are we clear?" Christian threatened.
"This isn't about you dad." Jack argued.
"It's always been about me Jack. Do you really think you would be what you are today without me?" Christian asked in his calm, condescending tone.
"Jack?" Kate called from the other side of the room.
"It's okay Kate, go back to sleep." Jack said in a calm voice.
Jack and his father stared one another down, both stubbornly waiting for the other to break. Christian finally spoke.
"I'll be in the lobby in 30 minutes. Don't be late Jack." Christian ordered complete with the threatening, fatherly finger gently poking him in the chest.
Jack watched him walk out the door and began to pace. He always did this to him, always managed to get him so worked up he felt like he could put his fist through a wall. He finally stopped and looked over at Kate who was sitting up now, watching him pace.
"Are you feeling better?" He asked.
"Yeah, thanks. Listen Jack, you need to go with your father. Just call me later. Okay?" Kate said.
"I promised you breakfast." Jack said flatly.
"Yeah, but I'm really not hungry. I think I'm going to spend the day window shopping, maybe find something for TJ." Kate said.
"I'm sorry Kate." Jack said.
"Don't be. This your job, your mistress and I understand." Kate said as she removed herself from the bed and approached him.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked.
"I'm fine Jack. Thank you for being a friend when I needed one." Kate said.
"You say that like I can't be your friend anymore and I'm a much better friend than boyfriend." Jack teased.
Kate took hold of either side of his head and brought her mouth to his, kissing him slowly and deeply and then pulling back, leaving him feeling a little breathless.
"Maybe, but you're too hot to just be my friend. Sorry, I know you're feeling uncomfortable about letting things between us get out of hand, but for whatever reason I'm not and at the end of the day I am still a woman." Kate told him making him smile.
"A sexy, beautiful woman, you left that part out." Jack said and kissed her.
"So you'll call me later?" She asked.
"That depends." He said.
"On what?" She asked.
"On whether you're going to keep trying to seduce me." He teased.
"Of course, I mean you've already seen me completely naked emotionally so what's the big deal about seeing me naked physically." She told him and winked before kissing him again, longer this time and much more passionately.
"Oh sure, put that image in my head 30 minutes before I'm supposed to meet my dad." He mumbled in a breathy tone in-between the deep, wet kisses.
She giggled at him and they finally pulled apart. He picked up his wallet off the desk, grabbed a hundred dollar bill and handed it to her.
"What's this for?" She asked.
"Buy yourself something sexy." He said.
"Jack, I'm not taking your money and I don't want anything sexy." She protested.
"If you're going to keep trying to seduce me Kate you're going to succeed because at the end of the day I am still a man. When I begin undressing you I want you to have something that makes you feel as sexy and beautiful as you are next to your skin." He told her in a sweet, sexy tone.
"Why Jack, did you just make an appointment to play doctor with me?" Kate asked making him chuckle.
"We'll see how things go. I'll see if I can find something fun for us to do this evening in-between comparing notes with surgeons more boring than myself and making my father proud." Jack told her.
"I'm sure you'll dazzle them. I'm going to get out of here and let you get ready." Kate told him kissing him once more and then leaving the room.
Jack showered quickly, didn't bother shaving, but did put a tie on. He found his father pacing in the lobby and they left the hotel together, Jack insisting on driving separate cars so he could make some phone calls on the way to the convention center and also so he could escape his father's watchful eye and suffocating expectations as soon as it would be appropriate to do so, instead of when his father decided it would be appropriate.
Once out of the parking garage Jack pulled out his cell phone, scanned through the call list, found the caller he was looking for and punched the dial key. It rang quite a few times and Jack was afraid they'd begun a game of phone tag, but then he heard the familiar voice on the other end.
"Greg, it's Jack, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you last night. What have you got for me?" Jack asked.
"Hang on Jack and let me grab his file…….okay, Thomas Joseph (TJ) Austen, white male, 4 years of age, diagnosed with…………..Jack, is there any particular reason you've taken an interest in this kid?" Greg asked.
"I kind of know his mom and I'm trying to get a handle on just how sick he is without pumping her for information." Jack explained.
"He's terminal Jack. He's been through the whole cycle, there's nothing more that can be done for him." Greg said.
"She said he's feeling good right now. I'm guessing that's because he doesn't have all the wonderful cancer fighting poisons running through his body." Jack said.
"Probably, he's been a pretty sick kid according this file, been through every treatment even the experimental ones, been seen by the best out there. He just hasn't responded to anything. Sometimes just letting them go, letting them enjoy a few months of a somewhat normal existence is the merciful thing to do." Greg said.
"So he's not one of your patients?" Jack asked.
"According to this file, I've seen him few times over the years. I see a lot of kids unfortunately." Greg answered.
"How long……..how long before he gets too sick to enjoy his existence?" Jack asked.
"It's hard to say Jack, months." Greg replied.
"Damn. Thanks Greg." Jack said.
Jack tossed his phone into the passenger seat and merged onto the highway, his mind on Kate and how distraught she'd been the night before. He really liked her, but was this something he really wanted to get involved in. More importantly was it still a choice for him or had he already managed to allow himself to get in too deep? It had only been a day, but it seemed like much longer. Could he walk away from her and ever get the images of how alone, scared and in need of a friend she was last night? Did he want to walk away from her? Of course he didn't. He'd only known her day, but he really liked her. He was already making plans to take her out, to show her a good time and hopefully take her mind off her troubles and he knew they were going to sleep together, maybe not on this night, but it was going to happen before he left San Francisco because they both wanted it too much to keep it at bay.
Jack finally wandered into the large open room filled with some of the brightest and best in their chosen medical field. He shook hands, made small talk, listened to a few different presentations on new medical findings and new pharmaceuticals. He wasn't sure at what point in the current presentation he had nodded off, but felt the familiar rage surging through him when his father shook him back into consciousness with a crude comment about Kate spoken softly into his ear.
"Do you even know her dad?" Jack asked.
"We've shared a few conversations over lunch. Her purpose here isn't to keep you too tired to make the right impression, should I remind her of that?" Christian asked.
"You should probably leave her alone." Jack warned.
"Are you threatening me son?" Christian mocked.
"I mean it dad, leave her alone." Jack warned again.
"That good huh?" Christian continued to antagonize.
"I wouldn't know." Jack snapped.
"So you really just slept with her, literally slept?" Christian asked with a smug chuckle.
"Do I ask you about your sex life?" Jack asked in a disgusted tone.
"What's going on Jack? This is your moment, a moment you've worked very hard for. Why are you determined to not allow yourself to enjoy it?" Christian asked.
"Dad, this doesn't mean anything to me. Spending 12 hours putting a mangled spine back together and watching the person that spine is connected to get out of bed and walk are my moments." Jack answered.
"And what about all those times when your patients don't get out of bed or when they die?" Christian asked.
"It sucks. What do you want me say?" Jack replied.
"This moment Jack is for all those times you've had to lose so that when you're at your lowest you'll have something to remind you that what you do matters, to remind you of all the good you've done so you won't dwell on the bad. Why can't you just embrace that Jack?" Christian asked.
"Look dad, I appreciate what you're saying and that at my age you still feel the need to protect me from myself, but I'm good, I'm fine. Maybe you should accept the award on my behalf. You've always been a better public speaker." Jack offered.
"Don't Jack. Don't embarrass me." Christian warned.
"Don't worry dad. I wouldn't think about tarnishing the Shephard name. I've got a lecture to give so if you'll excuse me I'll go see how hard it is to bullshit a room full of wet behind the ears medical students." Jack told him as he stood and then walked away.