Sorry to leave you hanging like that, but I had to leave you wanting to come back for more didn't I? Your enthusiastic reviews are a pleasure to read and thank you for taking a moment to share your thoughts.
They lay in front of the fire holding one another and kissing, both desperately wanting the other, but taking their time, enjoying the closeness and peacefulness of the moment. Kate was falling hard for him and he was trying hard not to confuse real emotions for being caught up in an extremely emotional situation. Would he really be falling so quickly for this woman if her story weren't so tragic, but more importantly would she be falling for him? She was in so much pain that escaping it through contrived romantic feelings and sex would not only be a very human thing to do, but it would be understandable. He would be okay if she woke up one day and realized where her need to be with him was coming from, but he didn't want her to hate him for it or accuse him of taking advantage or more importantly hate herself. He finally pulled away from her and sat up.
"What's the matter Jack?" Kate asked as she sat up and moved beside him.
"Kate, are you sure about this? Are you sure you aren't going to wake up in the morning and beat yourself up for screwing in front of the fire while your sick child slept on the other side of the room?" Jack asked.
"I have been a little crazy with the self-inflicted guilt haven't I?" Kate asked.
"No, it's understandable for you to be all over the place. I've only known you a few days, but I really care about you Kate and I don't want to do anything that is going to make you feel worse." Jack told her.
"Jack, do you not want to do this? Are you not attracted to me anymore?" Kate asked.
Jack looked down at the large bulge screaming to get out of his jeans and then back at her, giving her a look that seemed to say, "does this look like I don't want to do this". She looked down and then away and giggled at him making him smile.
"I do want to do this Kate, you have no idea how much I want you, I just don't want you to hate me later. I don't want you to feel like you've done something wrong because you allowed yourself to enjoy sex at a time when you're feeling like you shouldn't allow yourself anything enjoyable." Jack said.
Kate understood his apprehensions and was touched that he actually cared more about her and her feelings than getting laid. She smiled at him and crawled into his lap. She kissed him and then pulled back and began unbuttoning his shirt.
"This is about you and me and nothing else. I really care about you too Jack and I doubt I could ever hate you. You are sweet to consider my feelings over your obvious physical needs so how about you just shut up now and let me take care of those needs." Kate said as she kissed him deeply and jerked his shirt out of his pants.
She pushed the shirt off of him and pulled the t-shirt he had on underneath it up and over his head, his muscular arms and chest in the glow of the fire a sight to behold. She pushed him backward onto the pillows and moved her hands over his chest, pulling herself forward and kissing him lightly along his jaw line and then his neck, moving down the center of his chest as she moved her fingers over his nipples, pinching and tugging on them, feeling the bulge in his jeans become harder as he squirmed beneath her trying to adjust to the tightness of his pants.
She continued down the center of his chest and stomach, stopping just above the waistline of his jeans. She looked up at him, smiled and sat up, her bottom pinning his legs beneath her. She grabbed his belt buckle and looked at him with questioning eyes. When he didn't protest or try to push her hands away she continued on.
She unfastened his belt and then his jeans before slowly and carefully pulling the zipper down. She reached in through the opening and felt him through his underwear. She brought her mouth down and nibbled at the hardness through the material, making him groan. She slipped her hand inside his underwear and moved her hand over him, the feel of the soft and silky skin covering his hardness making her crotch moisten as her desire for him increased. She sat back up, grabbed either side of the waistband of his jeans and underwear and began pulling them down. He lifted his hips off the floor so she could get them past his butt and to his knees. His erection lay forward, stretching up toward his navel, the head swollen and dripping.
She moved forward again and took his length into her hand, gripping it firmly, but not too tight. She brought the tip of her tongue down and teased him licking lightly over the top of the throbbing appendage and then finally closing her lips over the entire head, gliding her tongue over it slowly while her hand gently pumped up and down. She could feel him squirming beneath her and could hear the occasional moan coming from his mouth. She couldn't see him, but knew his eyes were closed, enjoying the feel of her hot mouth tasting him.
She began gently massaging his balls with one hand and then finally opened her mouth wider and took him in as deep as she could, allowing his tip to hit the back of her throat before pulling back and then she began repeating this slowly, teasing him, making him groan, hiss and cuss and put his hand on the back of her head to let her know he liked it and wasn't in any hurry for her to pull away. She continued to gently massage his balls and suck his cock, adding more pressure and moving a little faster, tasting him as little previews of what was to come seeped out. He tasted good and he felt good and even though he was warning her to stop she ignored him and kept going until she felt the first spurt hit the back of her throat. She pulled her mouth away and gently moved her hand up and down as he continued to come, feeling what didn't make it into her mouth run down her hand. When he was finished and began to soften she let go of him and crawled up his body, kissing him on the mouth, their tongues moving in and out, letting him taste himself on her. He finally rolled her over onto her back and looked into her eyes.
"Your turn." He whispered in a sexy tone as he sat her up in front of him.
He sat on his knees in front of her and lifted her sweatshirt up and over her head, leaving her upper body naked and begging for his touch. He reached out and gently squeezed her breasts, allowing his thumbs to glide over her nipples, making them hard instantly and make her arch her back begging for his mouth to close over them. He smiled at her and pulled his hands away, letting his fingers glide lightly up and down her sides and across her stomach before placing his fingers on both of her nipples again and rolling the nubs through his fingertips, pinching and tugging lightly at them and then finally pulling her into his chest. Her breasts squashed against his firm, hairy chest making her moan and wrap her arms around his neck as he brought their mouths together in another long, slow, wet passionate kiss, taking her down to the floor and hovering lightly over her, just close enough for her to feel his hot skin against hers while his mouth provided electrifying kisses that made her stomach tighten and flutter. He finally pulled out of the kiss and gazed into her eyes, the caring and tenderness in his eyes causing a warmth to rush through her entire body.
She could tell he wanted to speak, to verbalize the intensity of the moment, but couldn't find the words to express it appropriately. She returned his gaze, providing a knowing look that assured him she felt it too, that she understood and that she wanted nothing else but him at the moment. He closed his mouth over hers again and began moving his hands over her body. She was so firm, yet soft everywhere he touched her and so responsive to all of his touches. He slowly moved his mouth away from hers and down. She tasted sweet and salty at the same time, completely natural, the smell of fresh air and snow and a hint of smokiness from the fire covering her body. He found a spot on her left breast, just above her heart and he sucked the skin into his mouth, marking her before continuing to move his mouth over her body, taking time to lick, taste, tease and suck both of her nipples, her moans coupled with her jean covered hips moving up and grinding into his hips arousing him, feeling himself recharging and growing hard again.
He sat up on his knees, unfastened her jeans and slowly slid them along with her panties down her hips and thighs and finally off. He tossed to them the side and looked down at her. She was so beautiful and sexy and wholesome at the same time. Her curly brown hair splayed out around her head, her delicate facial features that were both pretty and cute, freckles over slightly rosy cheeks and eyes so pretty and intense they drew him in. He could see her pain, but also the passion she currently felt for him and in that moment she had him, he was in this for the long haul. He lay back over her again and continued teasing her flesh with his mouth, moving down and then sliding between her legs, landing hot, wet kisses along the inside of her thighs, gliding his tongue through the creases of her legs where they joined at the hip and nipping lightly at her bikini line, his mouth everywhere, but where she wanted it to be, the heat emitting from her center making her squirm with desire.
He could smell her sex, her need and he kissed her mouth while his fingers moved down, sliding through the slippery crease and easily gliding inside of her, making her moan loudly and open wider for him, pushing her hips up, excited to finally have contact and wanting more, wanting it now, needing to feel him inside of her. He gently pushed her hips back down.
"Easy, try to relax." He whispered and began moving his mouth back down slowly.
He was driving her crazy and he knew it, but he wanted her to come so hard she saw explosions of light behind her eyelids just as she had done for him earlier. He positioned his mouth over her crease and began gliding his tongue up and down, listening to her pant and moan and feeling himself growing harder with every sound. She was so hot and dripping wet, on the edge and ready for him to push her over, practically begging and he decided she'd waited long enough. He pushed his tongue inside of her and she squealed, grabbing one of the throw pillows and putting it over her face so she wouldn't wake TJ. She lay with the pillow over her face feeling his tongue dart in and out of her, her orgasm so close if he touched her in just the right spot she'd be gone. She felt him pull his mouth away and then felt one, then two fingers slip inside of her. He began fucking her with his fingers and she held the pillow tighter, legs spread wide for him, all of her exposed and pleading for him to touch her where she needed to be touched. She felt his breath first and then she felt his lips gently close over her swollen clit, sucking it gently into his mouth while his fingers continued to move in and out of her and then she felt it, the tingling in her loin reaching the point of breath-taking excitement and she let go, screaming into the pillow and seeing nothing but brilliant white flashes behind her eyelids. She squirmed and moaned, and he held her hips down, swallowing as much of her as he could, his whole mouth moving over her, the two-day growth on his face tickling her and she came again, clamping her thighs around him as tight as she could and continuing to hold the pillow tight to her face.
When she finally released him, he moved up slowly and pulled the pillow away from her face, chuckling lightly at how cute she was.
"You are the sweetest thing I've ever had the pleasure of knowing." He said as he positioned his body between her legs while she wrapped her hand around his length again, holding it, feeling it, slowly pumping it in her fist, making it harder and finally positioning it at her entrance.
He pushed himself inside of her slowly, holding his position and hovering over her, looking into her eyes. He brought his mouth to hers and they kissed deeply while he slowly and gently made love to her, keeping a steady, warm, intense rhythm without turning it into madness. She came again, holding his head close hers, while her chin rested on his shoulder. It felt so good, so natural, like something warm and tingly slowly rushing through her groin, making her hold her breath and pant at the same time.
He continued thrusting in and out of her, his penis reaching in as far as it could go, his balls lightly making contact with her and then back out again. His arms were flexed, but there was nothing hurried or stressed, he was taking his time, making sure he felt all of her and she felt all of him, doing everything possible to make this as sweet and special and memorable for her as he knew it would be for him. He'd never forget the look on TJ's face when he saw the snow and this day and this place was special, what was happening between them was special and that her was heart was about to be broken in ways he wasn't sure she'd ever fully recover from made him want to cry for her, but instead he continued loving her, bringing another orgasm out of her before finally letting his own release take over. He dropped down and rested his weight on his folded arms while his body jerked, releasing inside of her, his manhood filling her with his seed, while the gentle, caring man filled her ear with whispers of promises to be there for her, to stay by her side and get her through this cruelty being inflicted on her son and to stay strong enough for all of them so she didn't have to be.
She kept her arms wrapped around his neck, hearing his promises fill her ear while he simultaneously filled her womb and she held him close, not allowing them to separate, tears of happiness, sadness and probably a bit of relief streaming down her face and she couldn't speak because somehow saying thank you didn't seem like enough. Instead she continued to hold onto him and kissed him with as much emotion as she could muster and he felt it and didn't hesitate to return the emotion.
They finally separated and repositioned themselves, her snuggled up next to him, his arm wrapped around her, neither bothering to dress, the fire more than enough to keep them warm. They fell asleep in each other's arms and when Jack woke a few hours later to the sound of TJ's labored breathing a sense of dread washed over him, knowing what he'd heard in the boy's chest earlier had gotten worse.
Jack slipped away from Kate's clutches and put his jeans on. He turned a light on in the far corner of the room and grabbed his medical supplies. Kate heard him moving around, slipped Jack's shirt on and joined him where TJ was no longer resting, but struggling.
"What's happening Jack?" Kate asked.
"He's hurting." Jack said as he had Kate sit the child up so he could listen to his chest.
He put the stethoscope on his back in different areas, getting TJ to cooperate occasionally and take a breath for him. He repeated the procedure on his chest and let Kate lay him back down. Kate sat and talked to TJ while Jack prepared a syringe.
"I'm tired mommy. My tummy hurts." TJ told her.
"I know sweetie. Jack is going to give you some medicine so your tummy won't hurt anymore and you can sleep." Kate told him.
Jack returned and watched them for a few minutes, wanting to give them time to talk without allowing TJ's pain to become too intense. TJ brought his knees up and rolled onto his side an indication that the pain was becoming unmanageable.
"I need to give him this Kate and he'll go to sleep." Jack told her.
She moved and allowed him to take her place. He slowly injected the medication into the child's tiny arm and then moved away so Kate could sit with him. It didn't take long before TJ's eyes began rolling around, his eyelids becoming too heavy to keep fighting the sleep.
"Nite mommy. I love you." TJ said and closed his eyes.
"I love you too baby." Kate said and kissed him on the cheek.
She watched Jack position TJ so he was sitting up a little and gently put the oxygen back on him.
They walked back over to where they had been sleeping and lay back down. Kate curled up into him, resting her head on his chest.
"He slipping away isn't he Jack?" Kate asked her voice so sad he felt a lump developing in his throat.
"Yes Kate, he's slipping away. Quite a bit of fluid has built up in his lungs." Jack told her.
"Is it painful for him?" Kate asked, choking on the words, not wanting to cry anymore, but unable to stop it.
He held her tighter and kissed the top of her head.
"I've got him pretty heavily sedated with pain medication Kate. He's not hurting and he's probably not aware of what's happening to him, but if you wanted to hold him just in case he's aware and maybe feeling a little scared that would be okay." Jack told her.
"Oh god Jack, no, we have to go home now. We have to take him back to the hospital in case he stops breathing. I can't watch my baby die, no I can't, I won't. Take me home now Jack!" Kate cried as she fought against the hold he had on her.
She finally stopped fighting him and sobbed hysterically into his chest. He held onto her while a few tears of his own slipped down his cheeks. The sobbing settled down to light crying and eventually nothing. She lay still and quiet in his arms.
"I've been so scared for so long Jack. I'm still scared, scared for TJ, scared that he's going to suffer and I won't be able to help him. Burying my son and still having a desire to get out bed every day doesn't seem realistic and that's pretty scary." Kate admitted.
"I know you're scared, but I won't let you be scared alone anymore." He promised.
"Do you really think he might be afraid Jack?" She asked.
Flashes of Conner managed to sneak into his thoughts and he nearly lost it. He quickly pushed the images of his son out of his mind and focused on her, nothing but her.
"I can't say for sure Kate. Do you want to hold him just in case he might be? I know that has to be scary for you, but I'll be right here with you and I think once you've got him you'll realize it's not scary, but how it should be." Jack told her.
"What if I can't do it?" Kate asked.
"You will be able to do it Kate. You're not afraid of TJ, you're afraid of letting him go." Jack assured her.
He stood and walked across the room. He slipped the oxygen tube off of TJ's head and gently picked him up, carrying him across the room and then laying him in Kate's arms. He walked back over to the couch and retrieved the oxygen tank and placed the tube back over TJ's head and under his nose. Kate held him, rocked him and talked softly to him, tears rolling down her face in a steady stream. He sat beside them, put his arm around her and held her close to him.
"Will he wake up again Jack?" Kate asked.
"The pain medication will wear off in a few hours. If……….(clears throat) if he hangs on until then, the pain will wake him up." Jack told her.
"I don't want the pain to wake him up. I don't want him to hurt anymore. I can be strong and let him go. I can do that for him. His legs are so cold Jack, why are his legs so cold." Kate asked.
"Here let's put another blanket around him. His pulse was very rapid when I brought him over here and now it's down to a normal, resting rate. He's not cold Kate, but he's safe and he's content in his mother's arms. It's the kindest, bravest thing you can do for him. Just hold him and when you're ready let him know it's okay to go." Jack coaxed in a soft, sensitive patient manner, a manner he wasn't even aware he was capable of.
Kate continued to hold him and rock him, talking softly to him, bravely telling him goodbye and how great things were going to be where he was going. It was the saddest, most heart-wrenching thing Jack had ever witnessed. After awhile, after she'd held him and kissed him over and over and rocked him back and forth as he grew weaker and weaker she finally kissed him on the forehead and spoke her final words to him.
"You fought hard little man and if you're tired it's okay for you to rest. Mommy wants you to rest and be happy sweetie. Go to sleep TJ. Go where you can rest and never hurt again and always know how much your mommy loves you." Kate told him through her tears and then relaxed back into Jack's chest, his arm still wrapped around her.
They sat quietly for another hour or so, watching the child slowly fade away, keeping him wrapped tightly in a blanket and holding him. Jack knew it was almost over. The child's breathing had all but stopped. He finally took one last drawn out breath and then he was silent. Kate heard it and began to freak out, sobbing heavily and begging Jack to do something.
"No, I changed my mind Jack. You have to try to bring him back. I can't, I can't. I'm not ready." Kate pleaded with him, laying the child on the floor between them and pulling on Jack, urging him to do something.
"He's gone Kate." Jack tried to reason with her.
"God damn you! You're a doctor! You took an oath to do no harm! Try to save my son Jack! Now!" Kate screamed. She was hysterical, crazy with grief and he knew that, but it didn't make her pleas to him any less gut-wrenching.
"I can't save him Kate. He's gone. He's finally at peace. Let him go sweetheart, let him go." Jack said in a gentle, but firm tone, holding onto her, slowly pulling her away from the dead child.
"I can't breathe Jack. Let go of me, I can't breathe! I need air!" Kate screamed and broke free from his grip.
She was up and out the front door of the cabin before he could catch her. He turned on every outside light and went after her. She was standing out in the snow in her panties and his shirt destroying the snowman they'd built with her bare hands. Beating on it while she screamed and cried about how unfair life had been for TJ. He stood back and let her go, let her be pissed off and get it out of her system and when their was nothing left of the snowman and she sat in the snow on her bare knees, hands bloodied from beating at the half-frozen packed snow he reached down and picked her up. She went limp in his arms and he carried her back into the cabin. He laid her on the couch and grabbed the other syringe he'd prepared when he prepared TJ's final dose of pain medication. He knew when he did it that the child would be dead within hours and that his mother was going to fall apart so he had the sedative prepared and ready to inject. He was ready to inject it when her eyes opened.
"What is that?" She asked.
"It's a sedative. It will help Kate." He told her.
"No, I don't want it. I want to be able to feel everything Jack." She protested.
"Why?" Jack asked.
"Because he was my son and I need to feel the pain. I don't expect you to understand that, but I expect you to respect it." She said.
"Okay, but if you feel like you'd like to stop feeling for a little while just let me know." Jack said and began cleaning her hands up.
"I'm sorry I screamed at you." Kate said.
"Don't be. That's what I'm here for." Jack said.
He cleaned up her hands and bandaged the cuts that weren't deep enough for stitches, but were too deep to leave exposed. He then called the coroner's office and explained the situation. Kate was slowly fading from the angry/enraged state of mind she was in to the shock that people typically succumb to in these situations. She suddenly needed a bath more than anything so he helped her take a bath. She sat on the couch dressed in fresh, clean clothes with bandaged hands holding her dead child, not willing to let go and not willing to talk. While waiting on the coroner he dressed, picked up the cabin and threw their luggage into the car. He kept the syringe out because after watching her he decided that sedating her was probably going to be the only way to pry the child out of her arms.
The coroner arrived and as Jack suspected Kate was unwilling to let go of him.
"Kate, you need to let him take TJ. Can you do that?" Jack tried to reason with her.
"No! Once they take him I'll never be able to hold him again. They're going to put him in the ground Jack and I'll never be able to hold my baby again. Please, don't take him, please I need more time." Kate pleaded.
"Ma'am I'm very sorry for your loss, but you are going to have to let me take the child now." The coroner said sternly and started to pull the boy away from her.
Jack watched the tug of war for only a few seconds before he thought he might be physically ill.
"Stop! My god just stop it! That is a little boy not a piece of fucking rope!" Jack yelled and before Kate could react he jabbed the needle with the sedative into her arm.
Kate glared at him, but he ignored it. She was so far gone, so consumed with grief that there was no way they were ever going to be able to talk her into letting go. She began relaxing within minutes and became drowsy enough for Jack to lift TJ out of her arms and hand him to the coroner.
The coroner followed the required procedures and within 30 minutes had signed the paperwork to release the body. The local funeral home that had driven out with the coroner to collect the body took one of Jack's business cards and told him they'd make arrangements with a funeral home in Los Angeles to get the TJ's body back and they'd call him and let him know where to take Kate to make the funeral arrangements.
Jack watched them drive away and looked at the destroyed snowman in the daylight. Less than 24 hours ago they were having fun, laughing and carrying on like normal people and now, now TJ was gone and realistically so was Kate. He warmed the car up, made a quick trip through the cabin to make sure everything was secure, picked Kate up and carried her out the door and set her in the car. He put the seatbelt around her and reclined the seat all the way back. She'd sleep for hours and if he was lucky the rest of the day and night. He locked the cabin, got in the car and began the drive home.
When he pulled into the driveway of his home she was still sleeping deep under the sedation he'd given her. He waited for the garage door to finish opening and pulled the car in, hitting the button again so the door would close. Taking her to his house would mean divulging his life to her, but he couldn't take her home, not until she was ready to face that. He carried her into the house and upstairs to his bedroom. He pulled the bed coverings back and laid her on the bed. He took her shoes off and covered her with the blankets. He closed the shutters over the windows, darkening the room so she'd rest and left the room.
Kate could feel the heavy fog bogging her down and wanted to open her eyes, but her body didn't want to cooperate. She lay quietly trying to wake up, confused and then finally remembering everything, the grief and pain coming back in full force and she began crying, clutching the blankets to her chest and then realizing she had no idea where she was. She forced her eyes open and was met with a pair of brown eyes staring back at her. It startled her and she sat up. She looked at the young boy watching her and then looked around the room. Nothing was familiar.
"Jack! Jack!" She screamed in a panicked tone that scared the boy and made him run from the room and right into his dad who was running toward the screams.
"Conner I told you not to bother her." Jack said sternly.
"I didn't daddy. She just woke up and started screaming." Conner said.
Kate watched the two of them feeling more and more confused by the minute. What was going on? Was she still asleep and having some kind of crazy dream? No, the grief she was experiencing was too real for her to be dreaming. Her son was dead and now she was in a strange house in a strange bed and apparently Jack too was a stranger.
"You have a son Jack?" Kate finally blurted out.