They stood together in the large octagonal shaped shower, the water hitting them from the twelve different shower jets that were set to a soothing, massaging spray that enveloped their bodies in a warm, erotic water massage. They'd taken turns washing one another and had settled into a state of comfort and bliss, holding onto each other sharing sweet, intimate kisses and enjoying the feeling of their bodies melded together as one, completely connected at the center, but not moving. Her leg was lifted and wrapped comfortably around his hip and he was buried deep inside of her, both of them wanting and needing to eventually bring each other over the edge, but for moment, stillness and feeling the heated connection relaxing to both of them. She kissed him and moved forward, forcing him in deeper and making both of them moan.
He reached behind them and turned the water off before lifting her legs up and encouraging her to wrap them around his waist. She pulled out of the kiss and looked at him with questioning eyes.
"The moment it too tender to turn it into mad, wall slamming shower sex." He said as he held onto her and stepped out of the shower.
He carried her into the bedroom and laid her back onto the bed, staying inside of her and then repositioning himself until they were both comfortable. He looked into her eyes, their faces just inches apart.
"I love you so much and I want to make you happy." He said in a low sexy tone.
"Ditto." She said and pulled him down into a wet, passionate kiss.
They made love on the rumpled bed, their wet bodies chilled, but only briefly, their rhythm and steady position changes eventually overheating both of them. When they finished, her body draped over his, her breasts smashed over his sweat covered chest hairs, neither wanted to move, but it didn't take long for the cool air in the room to dry their sweat covered bodies and they became chilled again. They finally separated, took another quick shower and dressed, both quiet their minds still caught up in the mind numbing bliss they had just enjoyed, a bliss that needed no discussion afterward the glances each was stealing while dressing the only communication either needed at that moment.
After much encouragement, Jack convinced Kate to come into his parents' home with him to pick up Conner. Kate wasn't stupid and knew the Christian didn't like the idea of her being involved with his genius son so she assumed his mother probably wasn't all that thrilled about it either, but Jack's suggestion that Conner would be excited to see her made her willing to suck up any parent abuse she might have to endure and walked to the front door with him.
His mother looked her up and down when she opened the door and forced a fake smile.
"You must be Kate." His mother said.
"You must be Jack's mother." Kate replied.
"I'm Margo." She corrected her quickly, obviously not one that liked being referred to as someone's wife or mother.
"I brought clean clothes and I'm going to take him to breakfast. Is he up?" Jack asked trying to break the tension.
"If he is he hasn't come downstairs yet." Margo answered.
"Come on Kate." Jack said, taking her by the hand and leading her up the stairs before anyone had a chance to object.
Christian entered the room in time to see them disappear up the stairs.
"She's beautiful Christian, I can see why he's smitten with her." Margo said.
"I think we both know our son doesn't get "Smitten", he dives in with both feet and commits and before you know it he's added a new distraction to his life." Christian said.
"Well, perhaps you should've considered she might become a distraction before you bribed her to go out with him." Margo suggested.
"Careful dear, you're starting to sound like a mother and we both know that's hardly the case." Christian said.
"He's obviously happy with this woman so why can't you just accept that and be happy for him?" Margo argued choosing to ignore the dig at her nurturing skills.
"Did you have that talk with our grandson yesterday?" Christian asked.
"Yes." She answered.
"Did you make it clear to him?" Christian asked.
"Yes Christian, I laid the law down to a five year old." Margo snapped and walked away from him.
Jack entered the bedroom he knew Conner would be in. It was his old bedroom, the large queen-sized bed swallowing his little boy who lay in the middle of it staring solemnly at the ceiling. He looked over when he heard the door open and then back up at the ceiling. It wasn't the reaction Jack was hoping for, but guessed his son was still punishing him for letting him down…….again.
Jack walked to the bed and sat down. He looked at Conner for a moment and could tell something wasn't right, that his son wasn't behaving normally regardless of how upset he may still be. He reached out and felt his cheeks and forehead for any sign of a fever.
"Are you feeling okay?" Jack asked.
"Yes." Conner answered.
"I brought you some clean clothes. Get dressed, I'm taking you to breakfast and then to school." Jack said softly, studying the child, knowing something was off, but unable to put his finger on it.
Conner sat up and scooted toward the side of the bed, grabbing his clothes from his father on the way. Jack stopped him.
"I missed you yesterday. Can I have a hug?" Jack asked.
Conner stopped, wrapped his arms around his father's neck and kissed him on the cheek.
"I love you daddy. I'm sorry I was bad. I won't be no more." Conner said sadly, trying to control the quivering in his bottom lip.
Jack pulled the boy back and looked at him. His sad little face and eyes nearly breaking his heart.
"Hey, you aren't bad. You were disappointed and you had every right to feel that way. Daddy was bad for promising to spend the day with you when he knows sometimes his job keeps that from happening. You know I love you more than anything." Jack told him and hugged him and kissed him before finally letting him go and watching with great concern as the child walked slowly to the bathroom and closed the door.
"That was strange." Jack said.
"Yeah, he does seem like someone that has had the life sucked right out of them. What do you supposed is going on with him?" Kate asked.
"I don't know, maybe it was one broken promise too many." Jack sighed.
"So this was your room?" Kate asked.
"Yeah, what gave it away?" Jack asked sarcastically as he glanced at all of his childhood achievements displayed everywhere.
"All of your awards are still all over the place. You were a very smart kid I see." Kate teased.
"Yeah, but I didn't really have any choice, anything less that straight As would've been unacceptable. I didn't hang that stuff up, my parents did." Jack said.
Conner came out of the bathroom, teeth brushed, his now extremely short hair in place and his little body dressed for school. He sat on the floor to put his sneakers on, still moody and quiet. Jack decided not to push the issue, to just keep an eye on him and see if he snapped out of it. They gathered his things into his backpack, let him kiss his grandparents goodbye and loaded him into the car.
He was quiet all the way to the pancake house and had nothing to say during breakfast. He ate until he was full without having to be hounded to do so and then politely asked his dad to take him to the restroom so he could wash his face and hands instead of Jack having to grab the moist towelettes he kept in the car and listen to the child fuss about having his face cleaned up.
Jack pulled up beside the sidewalk that led to Conner's classroom. Conner unfastened his seatbelt and slid between the seats. He gave his dad a hug and gave Kate a hug and started to get out of the car.
"Hey, wait up. I'll walk you." Jack objected.
"I can do it dad. You need to go to work." Conner said, opening the car door and stepping out before Jack had a chance to object.
Jack watched him walk up the sidewalk and into the classroom before pulling away from the curb.
"What the hell is the matter with my son?" Jack mumbled.
Jack dropped Kate off at her house and went to work. He checked on his surgery patients from the day before and spoke with the parents of two of the four kids who were still too critical for surgery. He was getting ready to attend a consult with his father when his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket, saw that it was Conner's school and answered it immediately.
"Mr. Shephard this is Kelsey Andrews, Conner's teacher." The young woman said.
"Yes, is something wrong?" Jack asked.
"Conner isn't hurt or anything, but I do think we need to talk about what is bothering him." She said.
"He told you?" Jack asked.
"I noticed he wasn't quite himself today and I managed to pry enough out of him to realize you need to be involved. Can you come to school?" She asked.
"I can't come right this minute, but I can be there in about an hour." Jack said.
"That'll be fine, Conner can just stay and have lunch with me when his class lets out." She said.
"Okay, thanks, I'll see you in about an hour." Jack said, closing the phone, remembering something, opening the phone again and calling his mother quickly to let her know she didn't need to pick Conner up from school.
Jack's consult went longer than anticipated, then one of his two critical patients took a turn for the worst and required emergency surgery and in the midst of the medial dramas he completely forgot about Conner………again. By the time he remembered he was supposed to go to the school it was after 5 PM. Schools were closed for the weekend and Jack became panicked, wondering what had happened to Conner since he was supposed to pick him up.
Jack pulled his phone out of his pocket and immediately checked the voice mails a look of relief flooding over his face when the message from Jenna came through telling him the school had her listed as the emergency contact and called her when nobody showed to pick up Conner. Jack felt awful, as was typical for Jack, his work took precedence over his child.
He could relax for a moment, Conner was safe as long as he didn't misbehave enough to be beaten before he could get there to pick him up. He scanned back through his missed calls and found the number for Conner's teacher. She'd called him again from her cell phone less than 20 minutes ago. He hit the redial and waited anxiously for her to answer.
"Ms. Andrews, this is Jack Shephard." He said.
"Mr. Shephard I don't usually do this, but I feel like it is imperative that I speak to you about Conner and not allow him to stew over this all weekend." She insisted obviously aggravated that Jack had missed their meeting.
"I know, I'm sorry, I got busy and lost track of time." Jack said.
Jack agreed to meet with her at a local WiFi cafe. They sat opposite each other in a booth and she pulled out a drawing and slid it across the table. Jack looked at the drawing and then back up at her.
"It's very good. I know he appears to be gifted when it comes to drawing and painting, but I don't understand what this has to do with what's bothering him." Jack said.
"Conner wouldn't talk to me so I asked him if he could draw me a picture about why he was so sad today. Look at the picture Mr. Shephard and what it's telling you." She pushed.
"It's Jack and I can clearly see that he's drawn the two of us a world apart. I get it. I'm anything but father of the year. He feels neglected. I'm trying to remedy that." Jack said, not impressed that he was dragged to this meeting to hear that he's a bad father.
"Mr….Jack. Look at the picture carefully. You are living in different houses in different places and look at Conner's face in the drawing, he's very sad and afraid. Conner has never given me any indication that he feels neglected so you can save the self-inflicted parenting guilt for a teacher that is accusing you of doing something wrong." She told him.
"I'm sorry. It's been……well, it doesn't matter. If he's not feeling neglected then what is going on with him, he seemed almost depressed this morning, but wouldn't talk to me." Jack asked.
"First of all Jack, I've seen my share of negligent parents and you hardly fit the mold. You're busy and yes forgetting him today wasn't a shining daddy moment for you, but Conner loves you and thinks the sun sets and rises around you so apparently the person suffering the most over your apparent neglect is you." She said.
"So you still haven't told me what you think is going on with him." Jack grumbled, becoming impatient with her and the lecture she felt he needed.
"Are you always this rude and impatient?" She asked.
"Look, I'm sorry if I'm being short with you. I'm worried about my son. I'm not comfortable with where he is staying at the moment, but I thought meeting with you was more important than hurrying to pick him up." Jack apologized.
"Jack, when I saw that picture I took Conner down to the library and kept at him until he finally broke down and told me about a conversation he had with his grandmother yesterday." She told him, feeling him out, knowing that it was Jack's mother they would be talking about and unsure of how he would react to that.
"What did my mother say to him?" Jack asked, immediately angry and not at the young teacher sharing important information.
"She told him he was bad for throwing a fit and making you feel guilty, that he was bad for not allowing you to concentrate on your work and because he was such a bad little boy he had to go to bed early without dinner." She told him, stopping when she saw how the last bit of information affected him, unsure if he was about to cry or spontaneously combust.
"She sent him to bed hungry? Is the entire fucking world hell bent on treating small children badly? He was supposed to go to bed early because he slapped me in the face. He was being punished for being violent and disrespectful, not because he was bad and GOD DAMN IT he was supposed to be fed first!" Jack spat angrily, his fists clenching and unclenching reflexively.
The teacher looked at him and felt bad for him. He seemed like someone who was doing the best he could and didn't appear to have anyone he could trust to love and nurture his child the way that he would if he could be with him 24/7. She studied him for a moment, hoping he would calm down so she could continue.
"I'm sorry about the language. My son has been hurt at the hands of people that are supposed to care about him twice this week and I can't stand the idea of him feeling scared and picked on. I'm supposed to protect him and I've failed miserably." Jack sighed heavily.
"Well Jack it gets worse I'm afraid. Apparently if Conner doesn't stop being bad, stop acting like a baby and stop making you feel bad at work, Grandpa will send him to live very far away from you and Grandpa can do that because he's your dad you have to do what he says." She told him, the rage that flashed through his eyes startling her enough to make her lean back away from the table.
"That son of a bitch." Jack mumbled under his breath.
"He was so upset today Jack and that was why I called you to come to the school. He's a very bright child, but he is still just five years old and naïve enough to believe that he could be sent away by his grandfather and that his dad would have to go along with it. I have to admit that I had a hard time keeping my own tears in check because that poor child was completely traumatized by the idea of living in a world that doesn't include you. He was shaking and crying and promising he would never, ever be bad again." She told him, her voice cracking just a little, becoming emotional as she relived the scene with Conner, which told Jack that it must've been heartbreaking.
"Thank you and not just for taking the time out of your personal life to meet with me, but for caring enough about my son to get him to tell you what was wrong. I can assure you I would cut off one of my hands before I would allow anyone to take him away from me. I'm going to go get him right now and figure out some way to convince him that this could never happen." Jack said.
"Good luck Jack and I don't make a habit of this, but in the future, if you get tied up and need a hand, just call and I'll make sure Conner is safe. I have a young child and I know how difficult it can be and I have a husband helping out so…….just know the offer is out there." She said.
"Thanks." Jack said as he rolled the picture up and left the coffee shop.
He drove like a maniac, feeling like he couldn't get to Conner fast enough. He walked up the sidewalk to Jenna's front door and knocked. She opened the door and he immediately began scanning the room for Conner.
"Where is he?" Jack asked.
"Good to see you too Jack and you're welcome by the way." Jenna said sarcastically.
"Not now Jenna, I'm so not in the mood for this." Jack warned.
"You are so pathetic. You not only miss a meeting with his teacher you forgot to pick him up and then he tells me he has to go to bed with no dinner by six o'clock and you accuse me of being abusive?" Jenna attacked him.
"For the love of god would you for once in your life just shut the fuck up!" Jack yelled his face in her face and her hand making contact with his face immediately.
She brought her hand up for a second slap and Jack grabbed her by the wrist.
"Hit me again and I'll hit you back." He threatened and let go of her.
He headed for the stairs and took them two at a time. He opened the door to the room where Conner usually slept and found him wide awake, tears streaming down his face. He reached under his arms, picked him up and held him as tight as could, hugging him and kissing his head and apologizing for not picking him up from school.
Conner didn't speak, he just cried and let his father hold him. Jack grabbed Conner's shoes and put them in his backpack before standing with child and exiting the bedroom. They came down the stairs, Conner's arms wrapped around Jack's neck, his head resting on his shoulder and Jack holding firmly to him, so upset over the state of mind his little boy was currently in he wanted to punch something or someone.
Jack strapped Conner into the front passenger seat of his car and looked at him while he wiped the tears from the child's cheeks.
"I'm sorry you went to bed hungry last night. That was wrong Conner. When we get home I'll fix you something to eat. Anything you want." Jack told him.
"No dad. I'm bad. I have to go to bed." Conner told him.
Jack sighed and closed Conner's door. He attempted to talk to him during the drive, but Conner wouldn't talk. He pulled into the driveway and noticed the unfamiliar car. He assumed it belonged to Kate, but since he hadn't spoken to her all day either he couldn't be sure. He scooped Conner out of the car and carried him into the house. He stopped in the foyer and looked around. The house was spotless so the cleaning lady had come. He could smell something that made his mouth water and remind him that he hadn't eaten since breakfast and followed the aroma into the kitchen. Conner was still quiet and wrapped around him like a little Koala bear. He found Kate in the kitchen pulling the source of the heavenly aroma out of the oven.
"Hey guys. I hope you're hungry." Kate said and smiled at them.
"You didn't have to do that." Jack said.
"Of course I didn't have to, I wanted to. Is everything okay?" Kate asked noticing how upset both of them seemed to be.
"No, not really." Jack said as he sat down in one of the chairs around the kitchen table and completely broke down.
Kate was stunned. This man who had been her rock since the day she met him had been reduced to a sobbing mess as he held onto his clearly traumatized child and told him over and over how sorry he was and promised him that he would never allow anyone to send him away. She was confused and concerned for both of them and was about to attempt to comfort one or both of them when Conner pulled out of his father's tight clutches, perched with his knees on Jack's thighs, his small hands holding on to Jack's forearms and looking at his dad with as much genuine concern as a five year is capable of.
"Please don't be sad daddy. It makes me scared." Conner pleaded.
"I can't help it. I love you so much and when you're sad I'm sad. Conner I know you're just a little guy and things get confusing for you, but please understand that what happened between you and me yesterday was okay, that you weren't bad for being disappointed and that you can always tell me when you are disappointed. Baby please believe that you are more important to me than my work and that daddy would never, ever let grandpa or anyone else take you away from me." Jack pleaded with the child.
"You have to listen to Grandpa. He's your dad and you have to do what he says. Grandpa says if I don't stop being a brat and stracting you he will make you send me far away. I won't stract you anymore daddy, I promise." Conner cried.
Kate stood back and watched them, horrified that anyone would tell a child something so mean and scary. She felt bad for both of them, both needing one another so much and both hurting deeply because the other was so sad. If the circumstances weren't so fucked up, the love and concern they had for each other would've been a beautiful thing to observe.
"You are my son Conner and you are supposed to distract me because you are more important than anything else in my life. Grandpa is wrong and he can't make me do anything I don't want to do and trust me I can't live without you kid so you aren't going to live anywhere but right here with me and Kate." Jack assured him.
"Kate is going to live here?" Conner asked his young mind quickly switching gears and picking up on the prospect of his new favorite person always being around.
Jack looked at Kate apologetically. They hadn't really discussed anything long term and he'd just put her on the spot.
"Um Conner, what I meant to say…" Jack started but was interrupted by Kate.
"What your dad meant to say Conner is that if you want I can pick you up from school and you can stay with me when your dad has to work since I'm going to be living here now." Kate said.
"Really dad, I get to stay with Kate." Conner asked an obvious ray of sunshine having just brightened his otherwise miserable day.
"I'll tell you what Conner, take your stuff upstairs and wash your hands for dinner and we'll talk about it when you come back down." Jack told him the crisis seemingly over and perhaps a new one developing.
Conner climbed out of his lap and headed for the stairs. Jack looked up at Kate and sighed.
"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Jack asked.
"Get over it Jack. I wanted to offer to keep him yesterday, but you made it clear you weren't comfortable leaving him with me." Kate told him.
"Kate it's not that I don't trust you, it's…" Jack started to argue.
"I know what "IT" is Jack. You're worried that I'm too unstable right now and that Conner will get too attached, but right now I'm pissed off over how that sweet, innocent child has been physically and emotionally abused by the very people that are supposed to love him so save your bullshit concerns Jack, both of you need me right now as much as I need the two of you." Kate told him.
Jack looked at her, hands clenched into fists on her hips, ready to go to battle with him on behalf of Conner and he smiled. He pulled her into his lap and kissed her.
"You are so sexy when you're pissed off." He teased.
"So it's settled? Conner gets to stay with me?" She asked.
"Kate, I really think it's too soon." Jack cautioned.
"It's not too soon to confess your love for me, or too soon to ask me to move in or too soon to fuck my brains out every day, but it's too soon for me to be of some actual use again? Thanks Jack, there nothing like being a kept woman to make a girl feel special." Kate told him and tried to break free of his clutches.
"Kate, put yourself in my place." Jack insisted.
"I'm trying to Jack and I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to have a job that requires you to be completely focused or people die and have this huge responsibility at home to try to manage all by yourself. You've done so much for me, why won't you let me help you. I would never hurt your son Jack." Kate said the hurt she was feeling over his unwillingness to let her get close to Conner coming through loud and clear.
"I'm worried about you Kate, not Conner. You're child suffered through a terrible illness and died in your arms. I can't even imagine being able to breathe after something like that and now I'm supposed to burden you with my problems, with caring for my son? Who does something like that?" Jack asked.
"Jack, he needs me and he wants to be with me and it probably should make me uncomfortable, but it doesn't. What makes me uncomfortable is what is happening to him and to you." Kate pushed.
"But why would you…….." Jack tried to ask but couldn't find the right words.
"Why would I offer to take care of your son just a few days after burying my own? Because I love children Jack and because I love you and can't stand to see you and your son so upset. Admit it Jack, you need this too. You need to know you can go to work and that your son is safe, that he's being allowed to enjoy the stability of a home, of going to sleep and waking up in the same bed every day and of leaving for school and coming back to the same home every day. Will you please let me do that for you and especially for Conner? He's so beautiful Jack and I can't just sit back and watch the insanity involving him continue when I can and want to do something to help." Kate pleaded with him.
"Are you sure about this Kate? You're angry right now and seeing how much you care about Conner makes me love you more than I already did, but I'd understand if you want some time to think about it or even change your mind." Jack said.
"Jack, it feels good to be needed and I could love him very easily. On the days when I'm missing TJ terribly I'll just be honest with Conner. He's a very sensitive and compassionate little boy and I believe would understand as much as his level of maturity allows him to understand." Kate said.
"He was so scared Kate, convinced that if he so much as made me raise my voice to him his Grandpa would send him away. It's not that I'd forgotten how fucked up my father's tactics could be, I just always got the impression that Conner was a novelty to him, a playmate, a grandson he could just enjoy and not worry about molding into the next greatest surgeon to ever grace the halls of any hospital in the city. I really let my little boy down this time Kate." Jack said and sighed heavily, upset and aching at his very core.
"Jack, don't do this to yourself." Kate said.
"You know what it's like to watch your child hurt Kate. Obviously my son has never known the kind of suffering that yours did and I hope and pray that he never does, but it hurts so much to think about what's been done to him the last couple of days and know that I can never undo any of it. Knowing that he was terrorized with a leather strap and that he went to bed hungry, scared and alone, thinking that he might not see his dad anymore if he didn't behave is ripping my guts out." Jack confessed fighting his emotions, not wanting to get weepy again and appear weak to her.
"It's going to be okay Jack. Conner is going to be okay and I know I'm emotionally unstable right now and that scares you a little, but I promise I'm not trying to replace my dead son with yours, so while that's a legitimate concern on your part, it's not what's happening here. Nothing could ever replace TJ, but I have room in my heart for Conner. Truth be told, little parts of the broken pieces of my heart feel like they are fusing together every time he kisses me on the cheek or holds my hand." Kate said her own tears starting to get the best of her.
He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his chest. She let her head rest on his shoulder and got her tears under control.
"So what is the source of that heavenly aroma?" Jack asked attempting to lighten things up before both of them turned into blubbering piles of goo.
"It's lasagna. I figured it was something that could wait you out if it had to since you doctors keep such odd hours." Kate teased.
"If it tastes as good as it smells I might have to show you my appreciation over and over later." Jack teased.
"It tastes better than it smells buddy so hopefully you'll be up to the challenge later." She teased back.
"Already there babe, the challenge will be making myself wait until later." He said and kissed her.