Jack's eyes opened suddenly and he lay still, listening.
"Daddy it hurts!" The cries that had woken him were coming through loud and clear now.
He hurried to find some pants to throw on and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him, hoping that whatever was going on with Conner wouldn't wake Kate who was resting as well as he'd seen her rest in the last couple of weeks. He hurried down the hall to Conner's bedroom and turned the lamp on beside his bed. Conner's face was red, hot with fever. Jack reached out and touched him lightly, startled by how hot he was.
"Daddy it hurts." Conner whimpered.
"What hurts baby?" Jack asked.
"Everything hurts. I feel awful." Conner told him.
"Can you show daddy the places that hurt more than others?" Jack asked.
Conner pointed at his head. Jack reached down and picked him up. Conner closed his eyes tight and wrapped his legs and arms around his father. Jack carried him downstairs and into the kitchen in search of a fever reducer. He gave Conner the chewable pills and some juice and they spent the rest of the night on the couch together. Conner restless with a fever that spiked at over 105 degrees a couple of times and Jack sitting beside him applying cool cloths until the child would begin shivering with chills and then lying beside him, wrapping his body around him trying to warm and comfort him, the heat coming off of Conner's body making him sweat.
Kate woke the next morning and noticed that Jack's side of the bed was empty and cold. She got up, battling the nausea that set in immediately and put a robe on. She came down the stairs and immediately ran for the guest bathroom that was just off the living room. She came back out, pale and woozy and looked at Jack who was up, applying cool cloths to Conner who was stripped down to his underwear and obviously running a very high fever.
"You should go back to bed Kate." Jack said, his voice weary from what she guessed had been a long night.
"What's wrong with Conner?" Kate asked.
"I don't know. I'm guessing it's viral as high as his fever is. I called his pediatrician. He has an appointment at eleven." Jack said.
"Jack go get some sleep, I'll stay with him." Kate said.
"No, you don't need to catch whatever he's got and you can barely sit up yourself." Jack insisted.
"Jack, you're exhausted. I can relieve you for an hour." Kate argued.
"Kate I thought we agreed you were going to take care of yourself. You're obviously sick and weak and in no condition to deal with this. Please, just go back to bed and rest." Jack snapped.
Kate looked angry and stood to make a pissed off dramatic exit from the room, however her body had other plans, the sudden movement making her very dizzy and causing her to fall forward into Jack who stood just in time to catch her.
"Do I need to carry you upstairs and then hire a nurse to make sure you stay there because I'll do it Kate." Jack scolded her.
"Why are you getting so angry Jack? Jesus, you'd think I'm doing this on purpose." Kate yelled.
Jack picked her up and carried her up the stairs. He laid her on the bed and kissed her gently.
"I'm sorry I raised my voice. What if I hadn't been there to catch you Kate? What if you'd fainted and hit your head on the way down? I need you to promise me that while I'm gone you won't try to get up if you don't feel like you can do it without blacking out." Jack said.
"Jack." Kate argued.
"Promise me Kate." Jack insisted.
"I promise, but I'm very nauseous Jack." Kate said.
"I'll put the trashcan from the bathroom by the bed; just use that if you don't feel like you can keep your balance." Jack said.
"Okay, whatever you want, just let me up now or I'm going to throw up all over you." Kate pleaded with him and sat up, holding her head, her hand over her mouth.
Jack helped her into the bathroom and held her hair back for her, watching her body grow weaker every time she threw up. He helped her back into the bedroom and brought the trash can with them. She lay back on the pillows, feeling better once he propped a few up behind her. He left the room and came back a few minutes later with some lemon-lime soda and saltine crackers.
"Try to nibble on these and drink some of this. Conner is sleeping so I'm going to grab a shower." Jack told her.
She watched him enter the bathroom. He was very tired and had another long day ahead of him. She wondered who took care of Jack when he got sick or when he just became too tired to keep going and it saddened her to realize that he probably didn't have anyone that did that for him, but it also made her determined to be the one person that would.
Jack exited the bathroom 20 minutes later feeling a little less fatigued. Kate was sleeping again. He noticed that she managed to eat almost a whole cracker and did drink some of the soda. He dressed in slacks, a dress shirt and a tie for his meeting at the hospital and left the bedroom to check on Conner.
It finally dawned on him that he had a sick child, a meeting and a doctor's appointment and that he had no place to leave the sick child until the doctor's appointment. Kate was too sick to deal with whatever was going on with Conner. He shrugged to himself, dressed Conner, put the sleeping child in the car with him and left for the hospital.
Christian looked up from the large conference table when the door opened and the look of disapproval flooded his face before Jack had a chance to close the door. He approached the hospital administrator with his sick, sleeping child wrapped around him and shook his hand.
"I'm sorry about this. He's sick and I had no place to leave him." Jack said.
"It's okay Jack, this is just an informal meeting to decide if rescheduling the separation is in the best interest of everyone." The administrator said.
"Your girlfriend isn't competent enough to care for a sick five year old?" Christian said in a tone low enough that only Jack could hear.
Jack ignored him, in no mood for a confrontation with his father. He glanced at the small couch in the corner of the room and decided Conner could rest there while they had their meeting. He made the child comfortable and did his best to focus on the conversation taking place at the conference table. Twenty minutes later the decision to reschedule the separation had been made and Jack excused himself. He returned from the restroom a few minutes later to find his father and the administrator on their knees on the floor fussing over Conner.
"What happened?" Jack asked.
"He woke up and started to come to me, but couldn't manage to walk without falling down." Christian said.
"He's got an appointment with his pediatrician in about 40 minutes." Jack said as he joined the two men on the floor and began checking Conner out himself.
"Jack, take him upstairs to pediatrics and have them take a look at him." The administrator offered.
"Thank you but…." Jack started to argue, but was cut off by his father.
"Take him upstairs Jack. He needs a spinal tap. High fever, headache and loss of coordination are classic symptoms of meningitis." Christian said.
"Yes dad they are, but he could also just have the flu." Jack argued.
"Now isn't the time for you to be stubborn or prove a point to me Jack. This child needs a spinal tap and I don't know about you, but I'd prefer someone I trust do the procedure." Christian said.
"So would I, but since neither one of us can do it, I guess I'll take him upstairs and see who's available." Jack said as he picked Conner up and carried him out of the room.
"You should go with him Christian." The administrator said.
"He doesn't want me there." Christian said.
"Well that's too bad Christian because that young man is entirely too stressed out and needs someone he can depend on, maybe it's time you stopped being his mentor and tried being his father." He suggested.
"I wouldn't know where to start." Christian sighed.
"Do you love him?" The administrator asked.
"Of course." Christian answered.
"You ever tell him that?" He asked.
"He knows how I feel about him." Christian asked.
"Does he? I've known Jack since he was a kid Christian and no offense, but I don't think he has a clue how his father really feels about him." He offered.
Christian didn't respond. He knew his friend and colleague was right, that he'd made more mistakes with Jack then he cared to count, but he wasn't sure if could fix things between them or if Jack would be interested in things between them ever becoming any easier. He decided to forget about the past for the moment and try to focus on what was happening with Conner in the present and made his way upstairs to find out where he was being treated. He spoke briefly with one of the nurses and entered the exam room he was directed to. Jack looked up at him and then directed his attention back to Conner who was lying on his side waiting for the local anesthetic to numb his lower back enough to perform the procedure.
"Hi grandpa." Conner said softly.
Christian approached the boy and placed his hand on his leg, his mind going back in time, to his six year old son lying on an exam table in the ER, crying and begging his father to make them stop.
"Do you remember when you cut your leg trying to climb that fence?" Christian asked Jack.
"Coming that close to castrating yourself isn't something you forget." Jack mumbled.
"Hearing that blood curdling scream and finding you impaled on that fence isn't something I'll forget either." Christian said.
"Why are you bringing that up dad?" Jack asked.
"Seeing you here like this with Conner, I guess it reminded me of the first time I really let you down." Christian admitted.
"Let me down? You pulled me off the fence and never left my side through all the shots and stitches that followed. It was probably the last time you were ever really there for me dad." Jack accused.
"I've always been here for you Jack." Christian argued.
"Not like that, not just as a dad. It was scary and it hurt so much and you didn't tell me to suck it up or tell me how stupid I was for climbing the fence in the first place. You held my hand and you told me you knew I was scared and that it hurt and that I should just keep looking at you and squeezing your hand because you'd never let anything bad happen to me. You never held my hand after that dad." Jack said the sadness in his voice not lost on Christian.
"I've never let go of your hand since that day Jack." Christian sighed.
Jack looked at his father. They were alike in so many ways, but so different in many other ways.
"Look dad, I appreciate you coming up here to check on Conner." Jack said.
"Is that why you think I'm here?" Christian asked.
"I don't know why you are here dad, I just know I can't do this right now. You gave a criminal my address. You sent a dangerous person to my house and put my family in danger and I don't understand how you can want Kate out of my life enough to do that when you don't even know her, won't even try to get to know her." Jack complained.
"Jack, I've learned enough about her to know that I don't trust her." Christian argued.
"She didn't do it dad? She wasn't doing drugs, wasn't selling them and had nothing to do with selling her son." Jack defended her.
"I have no idea what kind of stories she has been telling you Jack, but TJ was not her biological son. I'm not saying she didn't love him like her own, I'm just saying there is more going on there than she's telling you and it has nothing to do with drugs." Christian said.
"Dad, that guy tried to break into my house last night and is sitting in the county jail and when he gets out he'll just come back because he wants to cash in a life insurance policy on a dead four year old and god dad, you brought him here and you think that it's okay as long as it is a means to whatever end you are trying to achieve and I just don't understand what I ever did to make you hate me so much." Jack told him.
"Hate you? Jack, I.." Christian began but was interrupted by the doctor entering the room to perform the procedure on Conner.
"I'll let you deal with this Jack. We'll talk later." Christian said.
"Yeah, okay." Jack said puzzled by his father's behavior.
Christian left the room and then the hospital, determined to try to rebuild his relationship with his son, to get them back to where they were that day he held his terrified six year olds' hand in the ER, back to a time when his son meant more to him than his next drink, the drink he just had to have that day he left him alone in the park just long enough to run across the street for a couple of quick shots. He sat in his car in the parking garage and remembered that day, stepping out of the bar and seeing the crowd gathering in the park, his gut telling him something was wrong and forcing his legs to break into a run, getting closer to the crowd and recognizing the cries of a child in agony as those of his own child and then finally breaking through the crowd and seeing his little boy impaled on that fence. The light blue shorts he'd been wearing were stained with a thick dark substance he recognized immediately as blood, a cut that started at the boy's knee and ran all the way up the inside of his thigh to the point where his small body was connected to the fence, bringing a sound from his throat that must've sounded like a wounded animal. Concerned adults were holding onto the boy, not allowing him to move while the boy's cries grew louder and were very pronounced, "I want my daddy! Where's my daddy!"
Christian never told Jack where he'd disappeared to that afternoon, ashamed that he'd been that careless, that his child was climbing a fence to get to the street he saw his father crossing and had he landed any differently on that fence things could've turned out so much differently. His alcoholism became steadily worse after that day and he distanced himself emotionally from his son, making sure he did everything he could to ensure his child would grow into a successful man, interfering with everything where Jack was concerned in an conscious effort to protect him and never fail him again like he did that day. Christian realized that the best way to protect Jack would've been to stop drinking and to just be a father to him, but like many people what we know is best isn't typically what we do.
Jack sat in the room with Conner. The spinal tap had scared him more than it hurt him and he had cried himself to sleep. His fever wasn't climbing as high as it had been, hovering around 102 when it would peak and then drop back down when the fever reducers kicked in. He hadn't given any more thought to the strange behavior from his father earlier. He was exhausted, worried about his child and Kate had lied to him, had been lying to him this whole time and he wasn't sure how to feel about it. He had little room left in his mind for anything else. The pediatrician returned to the room with the results of the spinal tap. Conner did have meningitis, but it was viral, not the more serious type. Jack could take him home since nothing more than rest, fluids and pain relievers could be done for him.
Jack wished he could check on Tony while he was at the hospital, but he couldn't leave Conner so he shrugged it off and began redressing the boy for their trip home. One of the second year residents knocked on the door and entered the room. She looked at Jack and then let her gaze drop back to the clipboard in front of her a smile spreading across her face.
"Hello Dr. Shephard." She said.
Jack looked at the woman and then he too smiled.
"Is that really you Brandi? How have you been? How was Europe?" He asked.
"Europe was great. I just got back a few weeks ago and got back to work a couple of days ago. How have you been?" She asked.
He looked at her, the petite, short haired brunette with big blue eyes that seemed to be right behind him every time he turned around during her internship. She was adorable to him and so full of life so when she'd invited him for drinks after work he agreed. They shared a couple of beers and ended up back at her apartment for what Jack could only describe as mind-blowing sex. They didn't have a lot in common beyond the sex, but she loved to pick his brain, in awe of his medical skills and wanting to learn as much as she could from him and he would be the first to admit that there was a part of him that enjoyed the idol worship.
They carried on their sexual relationship for nearly six months, sneaking quickies in various secret places in the hospital and meeting after work for dinner and drinks followed by hours of raw, lustful sex that would leave him so physically exhausted, his tortured mind could shut down and rest. She was offered an opportunity to do a surgical rotation in Europe and while the professional in him insisted she go, the man that had gotten used to her company found that he actually missed her after she left and not just because of the sex, but because she was cute and funny and could make him laugh when nobody else could.
"Jack?" Brandi said snapping him out of his daze.
"Yeah, oh, I'm good. Conner is pretty sick, but I'm good." Jack said.
"I see that, poor little guy. He looks just like you Jack." Brandi said.
"You think so?" Jack asked.
"Yes." She said and handed him the clipboard so he could sign the forms clipped to it.
"So you back for good?" Jack asked.
"Yes, I may even get to assist on the twin separation." She said excitedly as she took the clipboard back from him and moved closer to him.
"Good for you. Want me to put in a good word with my father?" Jack asked.
"No, I want to earn this on my own, but thanks. So maybe we can go for drinks one day and catch up, uh when you don't have Conner with you of course." Brandi suggested.
"Yeah sure, I'll come track you down when things aren't so crazy." Jack said.
She moved in on him, pulling his face to hers and kissed him.
"You do that Jack because we've got a lot of catching up to do." She said in sexy tone that left no doubt in Jack's mind what she wanted to catch up on.
"Hey, is your cell phone number still the same?" Jack asked just before she exited the room.
"Everything is still the same." She told him and left the room.
Jack finished dressing Conner, thinking about the cute little brunette that had just reentered his life and for that moment, made him forget about the beautiful brunette who has been lying to him waiting for him at home. God he was so tired, confused and a little hurt and couldn't be sure if he hadn't had Conner with him if he wouldn't have taken Brandi up on her offer.