Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I like to buy things related to it, though.
A --- indicates a scene change. Text without quotations is not spoken.
Italics are internal dialouge/thought.
"Quotations are spoken dialouge."
"Italicised text in quotes is writing."
---Chapter 5- Moving In---
"Wow! You guys really got a nice place!" Hiro exclaimed as he stepped in, whistling in amazement. It was impressive- the smooth hardwood floor was a rich ebony colour that nicely accented the austere cream walls. The welcoming area they had just stepped into opened directly into the kitchen, which in turn opened up to a small wrap-around porch that was clearly visible through the sliding door-windows. The kitchen itself had a diamond pattern of cream and light blue ceramic tiles that matched the exact same shade of blue on the cabinets and counter top. The small café-style table was set close to the windows, which would let them watch the evening sunset over Tokyo.
"Yeah, it's really nice, isn't it? Look, there's even furniture already here!" Shuichi dropped the suitcase and other bags he was holding to throw himself on a very plain but comfortable-looking couch. "It's so soft! Ooh, ooh, I wanna see the bedrooms!"
"He's going to destroy the place before we even settle in," sighed Suguru as Shuichi tore off into the narrow hallway to their left.
"Nah, he'll calm down before he breaks anything. Tell me, though- how'd you get him to agree to a place like this? It's a little to low-key for Shuichi's tastes." Hiro could imagine the quiet synth player enjoying it here, but he couldn't picture the baka being able to sit still for one second in a home that was so unadorned. "Did you have to twist his arm or something?"
"No, he didn't mind, actually. From what I gather, Yuki-san wasn't much for exciting décor either. I guess that rubbed off on Shuichi." He started to conduct an exploration of the kitchen, nearly injuring himself on the table as Shuichi yelled that all the doors were sliding, and that both bedrooms were exactly the same.
"Watch that corner there! Seems he's excited to move in… are you?"
"Huh? Yeah, I'm just a little tired, I guess… why don't we move the clothes into the rooms? Shuichi and I can unpack everything later."
"Sure you don't need help with anything else? It seems like a waste for me to only come here to carry extra luggage, no offense."
"HI-RO!" Shuichi whined from the depths of the apartment, "don't go yet! I don't know how to fold things!"
Suguru smirked at the guitarist, who only shook his head sadly.
"Looks like you've been demoted to maid service."
"I hope you know how to do basic household chores, Suguru- Shuichi's completely useless as far as that goes. Maybe you can teach him a few things?" He smiled slyly and winked at the boy, who simply glared back at him. "Oh come on, you know I was teasing. Stop staring at me like I'm an idiot and get your stuff- you'll want to claim the room you want before Shuichi marks his territory."
He talks about his friend as if he's a dog that is completely dependent upon its owner. How nice. While Shuichi does seem like he'd follow any order given to him out of sheer stupidity and trust, I think he's deeper than that…
"Suguru, stop spacing out and come on! I wanna show you the rooms! And I think you're gonna like the study, too! Can I set up your computer for you? Do you have one? Can I see it, ple-ase?"
A mess of pink hair and bright purple eyes attacked him from behind, snapping him out of thought, and barely leaving Suguru time to grab his suitcase before Shuichi literally dragged him into the small hallway and the first door to the left. He opened the door to reveal the room inside- a small closet was on the right, also with sliding doors, and the wood was the same as it had been in the entrance way. An undersized wooden vanity with two drawers and a personal mirror occupied the far-left corner; a window with adjustable curtains was on the far wall and overlooked the busy highway below, and a tiny bookshelf seemed to be half-forgotten standing underneath of it.
"Isn't it really boring? I can't wait until I get my stuff unpacked and liven mine up a little bit! But both of ours are exactly the same- even down to the electrical socket placements." He pointed at one next to the door on the right, another one strategically placed in the middle of the wall to the left, and one next to the bookshelf. "Hiro thinks there might be another one in the closet for some reason. I think he's crazy, don't you?"
No, I think you're the crazy one, Shuichi. This may be an extremely Spartan environment, but I like it… its uncluttered and easy to move around in. There's so much space! I know this isn't the largest of the places we could've afforded, but it's certainly bigger than anywhere I've ever lived in…
"You keep spacing out today! Were you up all night?" Violet eyes stared down into him, the emotions behind them unreadable. Suguru sighed and admitted that he had been for his own reasons- no, he didn't feel like explaining right now. Eventually Shuichi left to return to his own room where Hiro was already unpacking him.
Shuichi isn't a very stable person at all! He has a more mature thought-process until something like this happens… when he gets to prove he's more responsible, he starts acting like he used to. I hope he calms down and actually picks up a few things- I don't feel like doing all of the housework; I probably won't have time for it anyway. If worse comes to worse we can hire someone to come in, but I'd rather not. What can I do about him? He's keeping me from sleep now! I didn't close my eyes once because I was afraid we'd have a repeat of the other night, and at the same time, I just couldn't stop thinking about him. It's like he's completely taken over my head or something, and now he's going to be a huge part of my life, since we're living together! Can I ever escape from him!
Suguru's hands paused as a folded piece fell out from the messenger bag he had carried in. Upon opening it, he found it was a small note for him:
Suguru, I just wanted to let you know that if I annoy you tomorrow while we move in, I'm sorry- I'll just be really excited. Please don't think less of me for it.
-Shuichi
He smiled and folded it back up, slipping it into his pocket as he finished unpacking his school books to make sure they were all still there, before he moved them into the study with his laptop. As he did so, Shuichi and Hiro could be arguing in the next room over the uses of an electrical outlet inside of a closet.
"Why the hell would anyone put a socket in a closet? It's stupid!"
"I don't know, maybe it's for a paper shredder."
"A paper shredder. Brilliant, Hiro- a paper shredder in a closet, when there's a study right across the hall."
"I know I'm a genius- you don't have to tell me. I guess someone was just too lazy to actually move over there when he needed to shred something."
"You're a real jerk, you know that?"
"Better than being an idiot who can't tell when he's being messed with."
"Feh. Too bad I know when I'm being screwed over. … Hey! I'm not an idiot!"
But do I want to…?
---
The next morning, Shuichi woke up sprawled on the floor of an unfamiliar room. He nearly panicked until he remembered that he lived here now with Suguru, and that they now jointly shared the rent, though technically Shuichi himself was the one who owned it.
He seemed to have fallen asleep on the same temporary bed that he had used at Hiro's… well, they'd have to go out and get a few things any way. A mattress or two could probably be found at a reasonable price somewhere, as well a few sets of sheets, a set of dishes and utensils, various cleaning items they'd need eventually, food for the refrigerator, pots and pans, at least two lamps for their rooms and one for the study, and about a million other things…
Groaning as he got up, Shuichi felt much older than his nineteen years of age.
Man, we've got to keep track of a ton of things now… this isn't going to be as easy as I thought it would be! We won't even get to do anything until Sunday, which is tomorrow, but we need food at least. I'm so hungry… maybe, if it's early enough, Suguru and I can go out for breakfast before heading over to NG, which we'll have to ride the train to and from now... he didn't seem too happy about that, but he'll survive. It's a relatively short commute. Besides, this is nicer than some of the other places that were closer- a better deal too. Mou, I wonder what time it is… damn, that's another thing we have to get… a freaking clock…
He exited his room and shuffled into the kitchen where Suguru was already sitting at the table, staring down at his cell phone. He looked like he wanted to take it and throw it off the balcony, introduce it to a hammer, or simply stomp on it so that it was no longer functional.
"Hey, you gonna eat that?" Still half-asleep, Shuichi already completely forgotten that there was no food in the kitchen to be eaten- they hadn't had any leftovers from last night's take-out with Hiro.
"It's not food, baka. We don't have any."
"Eh? Oh, yeah. We have to go shopping today, don't we? You coming with?" He sat down at the table and joined in staring reproachfully at the innocent phone in front of him, as if it was its fault that they were starving.
"Can't… gotta start m'homework." I hate mornings, I hate mornings, I hate mornings…
"Really? That sucks… whaddaya want, then? I'll go out by myself- I know my way around." Mornings suck. I hate mornings. They're stupid.
"Hang on, I'll write a list…" Suguru got up and disappeared into his room, searching for paper and a pencil. While he was gone, Shuichi picked up the phone on the table to inspect it. He was surprised when he saw that it was fairly old- it had scratches, dents, and many chips in the silver and black cover. The battery casing on the back was also held on by strips of black electrical tape.
This looks like a hand-me-down! Oh well, maybe he's saving to get his own. He flipped the screen up to the display, and blinked twice when he saw that the numbers on the key pads were nearly worn off. In fact, it looked as though some of the keys themselves had been worn down by frequent use. He was shocked further when the faintly glowing screen said that Suguru hadn't bothered to answer the last twenty-four calls he had received. Shuichi pressed "view"- he didn't want to pry, but maybe there was a reason he hadn't answered. When it showed up, the entire list was one phone number- Tohma's.
What the fuck…? He saw that a few voicemail messages had been left, and was about to select them until his conscience reigned in his curiosity.
Just because we're roommates doesn't mean I can go and invade all his personal stuff. If he's not answering his phone for Seguchi-san, then he probably has a good reason for it… and a good reason for hating him. But it's not my place to ask, or find out without his permission.
"Here." Shuichi started as a sheet of paper was unceremoniously shoved under his nose. "And I'll have my phone back, if you don't mind."
"Sorry, I was just looking at it…" Damn, he's in a bad mood!
"That's fine- it's junk anyway. If you're going out for something to eat, then I don't mind what you get, as long as you remember I'm a vegetarian and it doesn't have eggs in it. Since you're going shopping for stuff for the house, I made list of things I thought we'd need, and some extras I'd like. I'll pay you back when you come home again." I hate mornings, I hate mornings, I hate mornings…
"Um, what are you going to eat? I won't be back for hours. Hey! We're supposed to go in today to finish the album!" He had forgotten all about it! Now they were dead for sure!
"Hiro called while you were still sleeping- Rage conveniently got sick today, so we're off until she's able to come back in again without throwing up."
"Ick. Um, since that's solved…" his voice died as Suguru stumbled off to the study, not paying any attention to him.
Wow, he's a really bad person to be with in the mornings. It's almost funny- he's so professional around us, but when he's at home, he can barely walk without tripping over his own two feet. Maybe he didn't get a good night's sleep again. Ah, whatever, I have to get going- I'm starving!
Shuichi made his way back to his room to comb his hair and get dressed. As soon as he was done, he went over to the study and cautiously knocked on the doorframe, not sure if he was being a disturbance or not.
"Yeah?"
"Um, I'm leaving now, just thought you should know… I'll be back in a few hours with something to eat, okay?"
"'Kay."
A man of few words. Oh, I just have to ask! "Suguru, did you sleep alright last night?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever. Just go get what you need. I'll be here when you get back." came the cold response. "Hey-"
"What?" Shuichi didn't mean to sound quite so annoyed, but he didn't appreciate being talked to as if he was nothing but a nuisance. Especially by an irritable kid.
"How are you going to get everything back here? Neither of us has a car, or even a license to drive." There was just a hint of tease in that sullen voice.
"I'll think of something! Just… stay put!" He flew out the door and nearly forgot to lock it, taking the stairs two at a time. You're not the only one who's still mostly asleep you know! Keep your nasty temper to yourself!
Soon enough, he was on the street, and it was there that he remembered that he hadn't looked at Suguru's list yet. He backed up so he was leaning against a low wall and retrieved it from the pocket he had stashed it in, blinking a few times as he tried to read the light, uneven handwriting:
Generic brand cleaning stuff: kitchen cleaner, bleach, laundry detergent, a broom and dustpan, trash bags, dishwasher detergent, glass cleaner, furniture polish, mop and soap, sponges and scrubbers
Towels and washcloths for the bathroom- doesn't really matter what kind, as long as they match the colour scheme in there (light blue and cream- same as the rest of the apartment)
"A plain welcoming rug for shoes
Plates and cups (with utensils) for the kitchen- again, something that matches with the colors already there.
Pots and pans for cooking. (Nothing fancy- a bottom-of-the-line set is perfect for what we'll be doing.) A cutting board would be nice, too.
(Things that I would like:)
Futon- I don't really care what kind, as long as it's inexpensive (I have sheets already, so don't worry about that.)
A desk lamp with a bendable neck, preferably a dark color
A digital clock for the study (nothing flashy, please)
An internet cable modem and a mouse pad (again- nothing flashy)
If the stuff for the house is already too much, disregard the other things please. I can live without them for a while."
"Wow, he thinks of everything! But his taste is so boring… I was planning to get some stuff to liven the place up, but it looks like I'll have to have him with me so we can agree on things! That's pretty annoying. But the only thing I can really see being for himself on that list is the futon; he's probably going to put the lamp in the study with the clock, and the computer stuff doesn't really count…"
Shuichi started down the sidewalk, self-consciously stuffing his conspicuous hair under the hat he was wearing. He was wearing shades as well, but it was just as well, seeing as the sun was bright today any way. He didn't want to be spotted while doing his errands.
"Mou, I think I'll get something to eat, and then I'll get our food for the fridge and the cleaning stuff.But I dunno how I'm going to carry all of it home! Hiro's probably going out with Ayaka-chan today since we're off, but I wouldn't want to call and ask him to come with me even if he wasn't, not after he helped us move our things in and unpacked me. Man, I wish I could drive!"
---
Heh. I wonder how he's going to manage bringing home all the things we need for this house. I probably should have gone with him, but I have to do this… I hope he gets the cable modem, at least. I need to do some research for these essays.
Suguru sighed with fatigue and stretched himself out on the hardwood floor of the study. He closed his eyes and settled his mind, breathing evenly and slowly stretching first his arms and shoulders, then his legs, and so on until he was completely relaxed. Over the night he had stiffened up badly, and the pain he had awoken to was part of what contributed to his morning crabbiness. He wasn't sure why it had happened, though, since it had been another sleepless night.
I swear, he's keeping me up at night simply by sleeping in the next room, and I don't know how to overcome that! How the hell am I supposed to concentrate on all this shit Tohma dumped on me if I can't sleep right? Not eating doesn't concern me since I've done that before, but this is something completely different. I can't control it yet, and it's really pissing me off… I don't like him as more than a friend, do I? Because that's just wrong! I'm straight, not gay…
For hours on end, Suguru remained locked in the study, methodically working through every assignment he could before Shuichi came home. For he knew once he did, he wouldn't have the quiet he so desperately needed to concentrate…
I really, truly hate mornings…
---
"Nee, this looks familiar! Have I been going in circles?"
He must have seen that same designer store at least four times! Shuichi had managed to get himself so thoroughly turned around and lost that he no longer knew which end was up, or where the convenience store was located. Even though he knew most of Tokyo fairly well by now- he had lived in the outskirts for most of his life, after all- this was an area he had seldom visited.
Where the hell is a map when you need one! I guess I'll just hafta ask… I hope no one can tell who I really am!
"A-ano, pardon me, please…" he said shyly to a group of teenage girls who were hanging out nearby, bowing and shuffling his feet as if he were embarrassed. "Could you please tell me where to find the convenience store? I've never been around here before, and I think I'm lost…"
The girls all looked up and giggled at him, so he blushed in response, trying to play the part of the introverted kid that didn't get out much.
Thank god I look younger than I really am- this might not work otherwise!
"Sure! It's a couple blocks down to the right, but be careful when you're crossing the intersection- they're pretty mean over there!" One of them indicated a busy crossing that was jammed with cars. "Do you need to call home or something? Is your mom looking for you?"
"Ah, no, she just asked me to get a few things, but I forgot where it was… thank you very much!" He blushed and bowed again, earning more giggles and a few remarks about how cute he was- he looked a lot like Shindou Shuichi from Bad Luck with his dyed pink hair sticking out from under his hat!
"Sure, any time! Bye!"
"Bye!" He smiled and turned away, relief flooding him from top to bottom. They hadn't recognised him! His disguise had worked! Even so, he tried to stick the few strands that had escaped the hold of the hat back where they belonged. He knew he might not be so lucky if he had to ask someone else.
Now, to get those things on "mom's" list… heh… he is like a mother, just a little bit… getting everything done and turned in on- time… I wonder if he can cook too? I don't think he would have asked for pots and pans otherwise! Yes!
Without thinking, Shuichi started humming a happy tune to himself and closed his eyes, enjoying his day out and bopping along to the music in his head. He had no idea he was being followed by a tall, scowling man with bright blonde hair and clouded golden eyes that were hidden behind sunglasses similar to Shuichi's own.
---
Suguru's cell phone rang again for the fifth time that minute. The thing was incredibly loud and distracting, but he didn't want to pick it up and turn it off in case Shuichi called with a question. Instead, he did his best to ignore it, especially since he every time he checked it, it Tohma who was trying to reach him, as he had for most of the morning.
The only reason he gave me his old phone was so he could bother me like this. What if the baka tries to call? He won't be able to get through with Tohma calling me incessently… what the hell, I can't think with it going off like this…
"This had better be important, cousin."
"Suguru, good morning. I take it you had a rough night over there?"
The insinuating voice irked him very much- he didn't want to put up with teasing and mind games right now. He had other things that needed to be done.
"Don't be so twisted. What do you want?" Probably nothing good. Why did I answer?
Tohma laughed softly on the other side of the line, blowing a wave of static into his cousin's ear. He knew he hated to be called continuously, especially when he was trying to get something done, and no doubt he had started on his homework.
"Who's the twisted one here? At any rate, I hear you and Shindou-san have moved in together. What could have posessed you to do that? Why did you leave the safety of the family?"
"Because it doesn't exist and you know it. All of them are just like you- always waiting to catch someone by surprise and suck them dry before they move on. Shuichi was kind enough to offer me a place to stay after he left Yuki-san, so I'll be living with him until I can buy my own place." His voice was rising with anger towards the man who wouldn't leave him alone. All he wanted was some independence, some freedom from the family who had abused and suppressed him for his entire life so far.
I want to spread my wings!
"Don't be insolent. I'm busy right now, so this will have to be put on-hold for later," hissed Tohma. "Be assured that your parents are going to be notified of your living arrangements."
"You wouldn't dare. You wouldn't do that," whispered Suguru, fear creeping into his voice. But the line was already dead.
"Not even he would do that… he's the one who rescued me from them…"
Suguru's homework was forgotten about as he put his head in his arms and cried.
---
"Now, if I was a modem cable, where would I hide?"
Shuichi made his way along the crowded streets, looking for a likely place to buy the last items on his friend's list. He didn't seem to notice the strange looks he received as he towed a plastic electric green wagon behind him with bags full of things that they needed (and a few extras). Indeed, he was so intent on finding a computer hardware store that he kept tripping over his untied shoelaces. He didn't want to stop and tie them together for fear of forgetting where he was- it had happened before. As soon as Shuichi had bent down to tie them earlier, he couldn't remember where he was when he looked back up, until a sign told him he was next to Tokyo Tower.
He continued on his merry little way for a while, looking around and gazing at all the flashy signs that wouldn't be turned on until night fell.
I'd love to take a walk along here sometime later, when all the signs are lit up. That would be pretty cool! Maybe I could get Suguru to come along with me, if he doesn't have a lot of work to do, that is. I wonder how he's doing? Oh shit, he hasn't eaten anything since yesterday, and I promised to be back in a few hours! How many has it been now?
A clock in the window of a store displayed the time as 4:57 in the afternoon. To the best of his memory, he had left around ten-thirty that morning, so he had been out for almost six and a half hours so far.
And I said I'd look out for him too! Forget the cable, I'm going home right now!
He suddenly took off at a gallop, the wagon rattling behind him and coming dangerously close to spilling its contents each time he rounded a turn. Soon enough he was out of the main city and into the housing area. He paused to catch his breath and figure out where he was- he had been running blindly, not particularly caring where he was going.
I've got to stop doing that- that's how I get lost. This row of houses looks familiar, though… I think I'm near NG. How did I get all the way over here! I must have gone farther than I thought in the city... now I have to get home, the fastest way being the train, but I can't go on there with the wagon. If I run I won't be able to see where I'm headed either, so I have to jog or something. Man, this is going to take forever, and I'll bet he's starving right now… thinking about how much he hates me… mou, standing here isn't doing me any good! I think I'll go… that way!
Shuichi picked a street to his right and trotted along it, wagon in tow, looking every which-way for a sign that would point him in the direction of his new home. He made his way through the maze of streets, turning down different ones on impulse.
---
It took about an hour and a half of this before he conceded that he needed a better plan of attack, and the first step was to get himself "un-lost". Shuichi slowed to a normal walk and inspected his surroundings more thoroughly. To his shock, he found he had made his way towards Yuki's apartment, and over the hedge row about twenty feet away, he could see his car.
"Oh, shit. No way I'm asking him for help. Hey, from here I can find Hiro's, and maybe I can use his phone to at least call Suguru to let him know I'm on my way. That sounds good…"
"Feh. Coming back to me already?" asked a cool, cold voice.
Shuichi slowly turned around and tried to quell his raging emotions. Directly behind him stood Eiri Yuki, his former lover that continued to torment him in his sleep. Right now, he was glaring at him with those beautiful eyes, the smallest of smirks on his lips as the breeze gently teased with his hair.
He gulped audibly and stammered: "N-no…" Shuichi couldn't tear his eyes away. For all he had run away, vowing to himself never to return to this man, he couldn't look away. Yuki still held his heart, and the two of them knew it.
"Oh really. Then why did you come here when you could have gone to Nakano-kun's?" I've been stalking you all day and you didn't notice, and you were oblivious when you started to head towards my home. You're hopeless.
"I g-got lost… I have m-my own home now…" I can't believe I still like him this much… I have to go home… but at the same time, I want to run into his arms and go back to what we used to be…
"Yeah, Tohma told me about it. Don't look so surprised, Shu- the man has some unbelievable connections. So…" Yuki slowly advanced on the singer, taking off his hat and brushing the boy's hair aside as he leant down for a kiss. It was all Shuichi could do not to kiss back, though his hands placed themselves of their own volition around the blonde's neck. Relief, want, fear, and guilt all rushed through his lithe body as Yuki tried to deepen the kiss by attempting to force Shuichi's mouth open so he could explore, but Shuichi pushed him back and looked away, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.
"What's wrong? I thought you were coming back to me."
Don't tease me like that, or I just might… don't play games with me... "No, I'm going home. Good bye." He turned around a bit quickly than he meant to and continued up the street, resigning himself to taking the long way to Hiro's.
"Shu!" He couldn't help it- he stopped dead in his tracks, mind willing him to go on, but body staying frozen to the spot as firm hands placed themselves on his shoulders.
"I'll drive you home. You can't go around Tokyo with a wagon like that."
"Wh-what do you care! I'm not accepting anything from you!" For all I know, you'll just kidnap me right here and take me inside to make up, and then I'll never want to leave again, until the next time you break your promise. I don't know if I can resist you- the only thing keeping me from jumping into your arms right now is Suguru, who I have to go home to and give him the bento box I got for him. Plus, we just moved in, so I can't very well leave right away… though it's so tempting…
"Think of it more as an… apology. For being uncaring." In truth, Yuki just wanted to have his little pink baka back at his home so there would be noise and someone to blame and have sex with when he wanted, but he decided he should play nice if he was to get what he wanted. Manipulating Shuichi wouldn't be too hard since the guy was pretty simple, and obviously still loved him. He hadn't moved away from his grip yet.
"You're saying sorry?" he whispered. "You never say that- you never say anything nice to me." What's he playing at? What's he thinking about? I should just turn around and slap him right now for being a dirty liar and a cheating whore, but I can't. I can't do it. Maybe he is just apologising… no, he never does that. Yuki never says he regrets an action. But still… you don't know… this is the first time you've left him; why not give him a second chance? No! No, he betrayed ME! Whatever, just take him up on the ride… you need one.
"Yeah. Come on." Yuki gruffly pulled him along by one hand and dragged him to the car. He opened the back seat doors and put the wagon in, then opened the front one for Shuichi. Oh, he's so confused. Poor baby. He's falling back into my hands so easily, it's almost pathetic… I hope you're happy, Tohma. And I hope your cousin will be too…
---
Suguru's head reeled as he stood up when he was done the worst of his crying. He stumbled into the kitchen to get something to eat and take some medicine for it, but the empty cabinets and refrigerator reminded him that they had nothing yet- not a single thing in the apartment. It also reminded him of Shuichi, who had said he'd be back soon… the clock on the microwave hadn't been set yet, so that couldn't help him, but he guessed the time as somewhere in the late afternoon by the light and the traffic noise below. Where was the baka? He should have been back by now. The convenience store was only four blocks away, and anything else he could be looking for wasn't too far beyond that.
He probably got lost. I should have gone with him! I haven't gotten much of anything done, thanks to Tohma and my own weakness… I should go back and get as much done as possible. If Shuichi's not back by sundown, I'll start looking…
Unsteadily, Suguru walked back into the study and collapsed into a chair. His head was still spinning.
I don't think I've ever cried like that… but I was so afraid and upset. Why would Tohma do this to me? What does he have against me that he would hate me this much? I thought we were just rival musicians… but if he's bringing my… parents… into this, then it's something deeper than that. What is it…? Why am I always being torn to shreds by my own family?
"Onii-chan, you okay?" The child's face returned to him again, full of concern and absolute trust. His huge brown eyes and short, fuzzy black hair were so familiar… and he hated it. He hated everything about this small being, this little boy who wouldn't leave him alone.
Go away, go away, go away…
"I love you, onii-chan!"
I'm an only child- I've never had a brother! The image faded and shifted to that of a slightly younger verson of his cousin, a taunting and chilling smile on his face.
"You'll never be able to hide it forever- but go ahead. Try. See what happens when someone brings the past out of you, so you see just how much of an outcast you really are. What I've told you today will help fill in those missing gaps from before you can remember, and you can be assured I have told you the complete and unaltered version. It's all true. Suguru, you are…"
Shut up, Tohma! You've screwed me up already- just go away!
"You are… of the lowest kind…"
SHUT UP! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY!
Unable to stop the flow of new tears, he sobbed onto the desk again, his anxiety and confusion returning stronger than ever.
---
"Here you go. I'll call tomorrow."
With that, Yuki pulled back out into the street. Shuichi didn't bother to ask how Yuki had his address or phone number- he simply made his way to the elevator and pressed the button for the fourteenth floor. The short conversation that they had had in the car was still running through his mind.
---Flashback---
"I checked out the house you got- it's not bad, but I know you could've done better. Why pick such a small apartment so far away from your job?" And so close to the best high school in Japan?
Yuki didn't take his eyes away from the road, but he knew that the boy sitting next to him had a blank, expressionless thousand-yard stare on his face. That meant he was trying to sort through a flood of emotions at the moment while looking stupid at the same time… it was the perfect way to avoid being asked questions that involved more complex answers than giving his name.
"It's not that far away. We can ride the train to work." Shuichi kicked himself as soon as he realised his slip-up. If Yuki knew he was living with someone else, he'd leak it to the media in no time.
"We? I was under the impression that you lived by yourself." Come on, you damn brat- tell me who you're living with so I can embarrass you both, and you'll come back to me with your tail between your legs, even though you'll hate me. If I force you two to separate, you'll have nowhere to go because you can't live on your own. So I'll be here, ready and waiting for you... pet. Just tell me the name on your own so I can pin it on you and keep my sources covered.
"Yeah… we're sharing the rent. It's not a bad place, really… a little plain, but I'm used to that." He's up to something…
"Does your roommate have a name?" Just tell me it's Fujisaki Suguru so I can get this out!
"Uh-huh. But I'm not sure they'd like it if I told you, since they don't know you, after all."
Shuichi was doing his best blank stare so he could concentrate all his efforts on making a convincing lie. Maybe Hiro wouldn't fall for it, but as long as Yuki did, then that was all that mattered. He didn't know what the blonde was up to, but for him to take such an interest in his personal life like he was could only spell out trouble.
"Surely it wouldn't hurt," he enticed, "unless it's someone you don't want to be found with? Or are you afraid I'll go after them? If that's it, then drop it. I'm not out for revenge over something like this." Damn! He must be on to me…
"I just think it's rude to give you their name without their consent. Sorry."
"Shu, I promise I won't go after them or anything." He saw it out of the corner of his eye when the singer twitched upon hearing his nickname again. Yuki inwardly smirked with pleasure- he still had a huge control over his heart.
"Why do you care so much?"
"I don't really, I just wanted to know. I'll see you later… Shu." Damn brat! I'll get it from him later, then. He can't stay away from me for very long.
---End Flashback---
The elevator pinged quietly to let him know he had reached his destination. Shuichi stepped out onto the landing and walked down the length of it to their apartment, continuing to be lost in thought as he unlocked the door and went inside, still towing the wagon behind him.
"Suguru?" he called. "Hey, Suguru, I'm home- sorry it took so long!"
He shut the door and took his shoes off before going to the kitchen to put the food away. Suguru was probably still working, so he'd just put everything away and bring the bento box to him.
Shuichi didn't pay any attention to where he put things away, only taking enough care to put the cold things in the refrigerator (though most were now warm) and the dry things in the empty pantry. He didn't bother to take the dishes or cups out of whatever containers they were in either. He was still thinking about Yuki.
He really wants to know who I'm living with… but why? Since when does this sort of thing interest him at all? I won't tell him anything just to play it safe, but it still bothers me. Okay, that's all taken care of- time to find my roommate. I hope Yuki never finds out about Suguru, because no matter what he says, he'd go out of his way to hurt him. I wish he wasn't so possessive of me… me, an old toy…
Shuichi grabbed up the small box on the table and padded over to the study. He put his ear to the door in an attempt to hear what his friend was doing, but there was no noise at all. Cautiously he slid the door open, only to find Suguru still in his nightclothes, studying from one of his schoolbooks.
"Suguru…?"
"What is it?"
He sounds… upset. He's probably pissed that I didn't come home when I said I would. "Ano, I have something for you…"
"Is it the modem? I have a research assignment that I want to get started on."
"Sorry, no… I got lost, and when I realised how late I was, I rushed to get home… I'm sorry."
Suguru exhaled with frustration, but he seemed too preoccupied to vent it. "That's fine, Shuichi, I have other things I have to do too. If Rage-san is still out I can get it tomorrow." I hope it doesn't look like I was crying… I'm so tired…
"O-okay."
An awkward silence stretched on for an eternity. Not sure what else to say, Shuichi set the bento box down next to his friend and went out to the living room to set up his Playstation 2. He had to keep himself busy, if only to not think about Yuki, or wonder why Suguru looked like he had been crying for most of the day. Through spending time with him in the band and watching him closely, Shuichi was already tuned-in to the synth player's warning signs for sadness and depression. He hadn't changed his clothes, he was being curt and was easily frustrated much like he had been before Bad Luck had fully accepted him as a member, and his fist had been clenched so hard it was shaking and nearly drawing blood.
What aren't you telling me, Suguru? he asked him silently, remembering the distraught expression in his eyes when they had briefly glanced up at him. How can I help you if I don't know why you cry so much?
His hands came across a folded sheet of paper that had fallen from somewhere. Upon opening it, he found it was a small reminder that Yuki had written on how to set the PS2 up, back from when he had continually bothered the man to help him. A sketchy picture of a television set and which cords went where with some short explanations were all it contained, and yet a person would believe that it held all the misery and sadness a human could endure, as Shuichi's body was racked with sobs and painful gasps for air.
I still regret everything I've done with him, I regret meeting him and giving myself to him… so why can't I forgive myself?
A/N: Oh, angst. … Blah. This chapter wasn't too bad, in my opinion. I "fixed" it too many times for it not to be good. (Read: I've fooled myself into accepting this as suitable because I'm very unwilling to go over it again.) I hope everyone else who reads it has similar thoughts… especially since the last chapter wasn't really anything to be proud of. u.u;
Life's been rushing me along the past few days, and it doesn't look as though it'll quit any time soon, so there are probably going to be longer gaps between updates. I promise I won't forget about this though. (Blah blah blah you've heard this before with little or no results.)
I'll probably re-post this chapter if I can ever find the most recent edit. (Though I can't remember if I actually changed anything the last time I went over it…) Two dysfunctional computers, a million identical floppy disks, and a conniving little brother keep getting in the way of "progress".
Next is Chapter Six- Contention.