III. It's So Hard To Say Good-bye (To Yesterday)

How do I, say goodbye, to what we had?

The good times that made us laugh, always come back, ohhh

I thought we'd get, to see forever,

But forever's gone away,

It's so hard, to say goodbye, to yesterday.

I don't know, where the road, is going to lead,

All I know, is where we've been, and what we been through, oooh,

If we get to see tomorrow,

I hope it's worth all the wait,

It's so hard, to say goodbye, to yesterday.

And I'll take, with me the memories,

To be my sunshine after the rain,

It's so hard, to say goodbye, to yesterday.

Frogs and Princes is the property of Natasha Bedingfield.

It's So Hard To Say Good-bye To Yesterday is the property of Boyz II Men.

Paul pays for two foam fingers, then hands one Coke to Zack. Cheers coming from the arena sound in Zack's ears, eager fans anticipating the Leafs taking down the Regals, who Paul says has no chance. Zack wasn't listening to Paul's predictions. How could he? He had a list of names on his notepad that would slowly reveal his parents to him. Talking to Toby brought up a well of emotions. In the car ride to the game tonight, his cheeks were still red from shock and sad tears, and his heart beat rapidly from nerves and then, some joy he didn't know how to harness. He dare not tell Paul, especially when he doesn't have the words yet.

"I'm giving you the finger, man," laughs Paul, handing him a foam finger.

Pull it together, man, thinks Zack, letting out a forced chuckle. This was the one thing Paul wanted to do while they were here, so he really should be friendly.

"Engarde!" says Paul.

Zack slips the foam over his hands, jousting with Paul in the lobby. Paul ducks and Zack groans, goes in for him again.

"You missed!" exclaims Paul, jumping as Zack goes for a low blow.

His jump makes him fall into a passing man, carrying a hot dog and soda.

"Kid, watch it!" chastises the man. "I just had this dry cleaned."

Zack looks at the man's shirt, sees an emblem with Toronto Police Service in the middle of it.

"Sorry, officer," says Paul, glancing nervously at Zack.

"It's cool, but...dude, be careful," replies the man, then heading into the arena.

"Man," whispers Paul. "First, your near car crash and me being scolded by the police. Tough to be a kid up here in Toronto."

Zack shrugs. "Let's find our seats."

They walk into the arena, met with loud screams and applause as the players take center ice. One blonde player takes his helmet off momentarily, waves to the stands.

"Yeah, Dylan!" yells one guy in a middle row of seats.

"Dylan Michalchuck...cool!" cries Paul. "I have his card. Plays center."

"Well, we're right behind that guy who seems to be in love with him," says Zack, nodding towards the seats.

He and Paul climb up to their row, flop down in their seats. Zack notices that they're fairly close to the Dylan fan and the guy in the police shirt.

"So while you were talking to that Toby guy, I scored something sweet," informs Paul. "Went to give that girl Amy her gum, and her boyfriend was there, and he gave me this."

Paul presents Zack with a white, book-sized plastic bag, looks around excitedly. Zack takes off his foam finger, opens the bag.

"Don't take it out!" whispers Paul, hurriedly.

"This is...this is porn!" whispers Zack, blushing. "Why'd he give you this?"

"Saw him reading it and told him I was sexually confused," answers Paul. "That seemed to do the trick."

Zack peers at a couple more pages, bites his lip. The girl takes off her shirt, then her bra, then...wow.

"Good morning glory," breathes Zack, repeating a saying his mother always said.

"I'm telling Veronica," says Paul.

Zack shuts the magazine, puts it back in, and thrusts the bag into Paul's chest. He hears someone cough in front of him. Uh-oh, the guy Paul fell into.

"Mind if I take a look, guys?" asks the guy, holding out his hand.

"Uh...yeah," replies Paul. "There's nothing...nothing to see, sir."

"I bet you can see everything," laughs the Dylan fan. "Go easy on them, Spin."

Spinner pulls out the magazine, shakes his head, smiles. Paul stuffs his hands in his pockets. Oh great, thinks Zack. They were in trouble their first full day here. He's so not in the mood for this, for anyone to ruffle his feathers.

"Pretty tame, but restricted nonetheless," assesses Spinner. "Confiscating it."

"What, for your own personal collection?" blurts out Zack, then covering his mouth.

"Oooh, now you're busted, Spin," says the Dylan fan, clapping after Zack's statement.

"Quiet, Marco!" says Spinner. "Kid, don't take that tone with me. I'm an adult and you're...what, ten?"

"Try twelve," replies Zack, folding his arms. "You're off-duty, man, and excuse us for having hormones."

"Zack!" whispers Paul, urgently.

The whole row in front of them has turned their attention from the game, Dylan scoring the first goal, to the argument between Spinner and the boys.

"You guys can't have this stuff...," starts Spinner.

"Afraid we'll get boners?" says Zack. "Sad that you haven't had one since like last decade?"

Marco's mouth drops.

"That's it!" shouts Spinner, causing the whole row to get up as he takes Zack's jacket collar.

"Hey!" yells Zack, trying to get out of Spinner's grasp.

Spinner drags Zack all the way to the lobby, where he finally lets him go. Zack shakes himself, his forehead throbbing.

"Male autonomy jokes...not cool, man," sighs Spinner.

"You mean anatomy?" says Zack.

"Yeah, whatever," brushes off Spinner. "What's your damage, dude?"

"Nothing," says Zack, trying to walk past him.

Spinner blocks him, Zack groaning. What's with this guy? Does he have to bother me to prove himself?

"You're not one for authority, are you?" asks Spinner.

"I just want to watch the game," says Zack. "I've had a lot happen today, okay?"

"I'll let you go in," concedes Spinner. "If you tell me where you got this oh so fine artwork. If someone's selling this to minors, I deserve to know."

Zack harrumphs, then softly says, "Might've got it from Buzz Comics."

"Ah, Isaacs' haven," says Spinner.

"You know Toby Isaacs?" cries Zack. "No way someone like you would know someone that cool."

Spinner laughs loudly. "If we were still in school, that statement would be reversed. Believe me."

"What?"

"Toby's married to my sister, kid. And knowing her, Toby would have nothing like this floating around. She'd kick him in the...uh, well he wouldn't be able to walk. So I'm thinking you probably stole this."

"I didn't do jack," snaps Zack. "Just like an adult to judge a kid."

Spinner kneels down next to Zack, and this is the first time Zack can truly see that he is pretty tall, tall enough to take him. Let's get this over with, moans Zack inwardly. Why did Paul take that magazine? He should be here, not him.

"However you got it, I doubt your parents want you to have it," says Spinner. "We all get curious, but there are other ways. Like...ask your dad."

"Dad?" says Zack, looking away from him. "Yeah, adopted one's in Seattle, the other's six feet under."

"Oh," says Spinner, his voice dropping.

Zack notes the sympathetic look on Spinner's face, swallows a lump in his throat. This guy isn't so bad, rationalizes Zack. It could be worse.

"Kendra's adopted," says Spinner. "But it doesn't feel like it."

"Yeah, same here," says Zack. "My birth dad knew Toby."

A blank look crosses Spinner's face. Maybe he has gas, thinks Zack, staring at him with a puzzled look on his face.

"Dude!" cries Spinner. "I...I think I'm figuring something out."

"Uhhh...can I go?" says Zack. "You're acting...strange."

"Comes with the territory," says a voice behind them.

A very pretty blonde woman in a loose-fitting, pink skirt and white blouse, with pink pumps on her feet walks up to Spinner, kisses his cheek.

"After awhile, it's somewhat endearing," says the woman. "Surprise! Here to show sisterly support."

"Paige...Paige...this is...this has to be J.T.'s kid!" exclaims Spinner. "The backwards cap, adopted, the smart aleck attitude..."

"Hey!" interjects Zack.

"No way, honeybee," says Paige. "What would J.T.'s kid be doing here? It'd be way too Twilight Zone."

"What, like the ride?" questions Spinner.

Paige and Zack sigh at the same time.

"I'll handle this," says Paige, nudging Spinner to the side.

She puts her hands on her knees, bends down in front of Zack, who's not nearly as small as she's making it seem.

"Hon, your dad's name wouldn't be J.T. Yorke by any chance, now would it?" asks Paige, smiling.

"It...it is," replies Zack, chills running up his neck.

Paige rises up, the smile disappearing. It's replaced by wide eyes and parted lips. Spinner grins, triumphantly.

"Yeah...yeah, I knew it!" shouts Spinner. "I'm right! And what!"

"Shush, Spin," says Paige, her voice returning. "My...I don't believe...oh, the eyes. Yeah, he's got the eyes. He's got sweet potato's eyes."

Zack touches his face, awkwardly. Paige waves her hand in front of her face, her eyes growing wet.

"Babe, you alright?" asks Spinner, pulling a napkin out of his pocket.

"Yeah!" insists Paige. "And eww, I don't want your lint-covered napkin. Gross."

"How many freakin' mood swings are you going to have in one day?" moans Spinner. "It's a clean napkin."

"Way to be sympathetic," snaps Paige. "I'm only carrying your kid. You know what? Get me a new napkin. And nachoes with relish and cheese on it."

Spinner gags, heads for the concession stand.

"I'm sorry," says Spinner, rubbing her shoulders. "I'll get you whatever you want."

"I want a burger too."

"Paige, I...I don't have the change."

"You better get the change. Use your magic sergeant powers or whatever."

"I'll...I'll get the burger."

Something tells Zack that Spinner couldn't grab Paige by the ear and get away with it. It was probably the other way around. Dude is whipped.

Paige stares down awkwardly at Zack. Paige...Paige. That name. It's on the list, recalls Zack.

"You were on Spirit Squad," says Zack. "At Degrassi."

"Captain," says Paige. "Your dad...the mascot. Yeah...I'm really sorry for staring. Only...J.T. was very special to me."

"Yeah?"

Paige nods towards a bench, indicating that she'd like to sit. Who was he not to oblige a pregnant lady? They sit down, Paige folding her hands together. She looked as uncomfortable as he felt.

"Why was my dad special to you?" asks Zack.

Stroking her hair, she tries to buy herself some time. What should she say? There's so much to say, honestly. J.T. helped her through one of the worst experiences of her life, along with Spinner. He certainly didn't have to, what with her picking on him. Though she did pick on almost everyone back then. But J.T. was so earnest, attacking Dean in the middle of the basketball game, acting twice his size. He had no fear, when she had all the fears in the world. Seeing him face Dean like that gave her the courage to tell Dean that she was going after him next, make him pay. That...that didn't happen.

II.

Paige Michalchuk walks down the concrete steps of the courthouse, frowning. She's so used to being strong, having a sly smile on her face as she tossed out zingers that stung, but the only thing stinging now are the tears threatening to pour out of her blue-green eyes. Dean got off. He got off, smiled at her, knew he won. All she could do was sit there and watch it all go down.

She glances at her mother and Spinner, both sad as she is, talking, about her probably. She didn't want to know. If I could be anywhere else, she thinks, reaching the sidewalk. A finger taps her on the shoulder, and she turns her head.

"Something tells me it didn't go well," says J.T., clad in a light blue jacket and jeans.

"Not guilty," informs Paige. "What's that statue? Lady Justice is blind."

"But she doesn't dress as well as you," comforts J.T. "Not that I know a thing about fashion. Wait, I know you shouldn't wear too much blue eyeshadow."

Paige reluctantly smirks. "From the book of Paige."

"Yeah, the effects of us being buddy buddy for the last year," says J.T. "It stuck in my head, no matter how much I tried to get it out."

"Proceed," instructs Paige, going down the sidewalk.

J.T. follows her. "Too much jewelry makes you look like desperate rapper on crack."

"Oh wow," says Paige, trying to hold in a laugh. "Yeah, that was my critique of you in the poster for your fry commercial."

"And I never dressed like that again," says J.T., smiling.

Paige halts in the middle of the sidewalk. And I will never see Dean behind bars for what he did to me. The tears give way, and she chokes them out, bangs on the hood of some blue car parked in front of her.

"I hate this!" she yells. "I hate it! I hate it!"

J.T. takes out some keys, looks on.

"What...what am I doing?" stammers Paige. "Banging up some stranger's car."

"Keep banging," instructs J.T.

"Huh?" whispers Paige.

"Go ahead and bang it!" says J.T. "Do it!"

Paige hits the car a couple more times, J.T. doing the same. It does feel good to hit something. She laughs, the absurdity of it all coming to her. J.T. joins her in the laughter, pretends to wipe his brow.

"Woo," breathes J.T. "That's some nice hitting there, Paige."

"Yeah, but I think this lame, blue M&M-colored car with the rusty rims can take it," guesses Paige.

"Oh, it can," says J.T. "I beat my Grandma's car up everyday."

Paige looks at him pathetically. "Oh...sorry."

"Eh, I'll forgive you, if I can drive you home," replies J.T.

It's the least I can do after insulting his grandmother's car, thinks Paige. She waves to her mom and Spinner, gestures that she's riding with J.T.

"You sure, sweetie?" asks her mother.

And be with someone that wasn't in that cramped courtroom, wasn't hearing the gruesome details of that night with Dean? Absolutely.

"I'll be fine!" yells back Paige.

They get in, J.T. starting the car. They drive for awhile, Paige starting to relax, sad it's a short drive. The window's down, and she can feel the breeze, soft, one of the last days of summer sunshine, rays lighting her cheeks. Paige closes her eyes. How can you be warm and cold at the same time? She's frigid inside, trying her best not to feel it all at once.

"When did you get your driver's license?" says Paige.

"Didn't," confesses J.T.

"Sweet potato!" cries Paige. "Do you have no respect for...for rules, civic duty? Hello, what if we get pulled over?"

"I have respect for joy rides," replies J.T. "I only take it out once in awhile, when my grandmother's asleep. Spinner told me what time court ended, so seemed like an opportune time. Plus I'm almost sixteen. Chill out, Paige."

Paige slouches in her seat, tries to cover her head.

"So not getting arrested because of you," says Paige.

"Well, we're here so no worries," laughs J.T.

Paige raises her head slowly, glances out. Thank God. She punches J.T. in the shoulder. J.T. grabs his shoulder in mock pain. Paige laughs, her mind getting emptier and emptier.

"You want to be alone?" asks J.T.

"No," answers Paige. "Come on."

They both climb out of the car, Paige running to the backyard, J.T. keeping up with her. He stares at her, confused, as she stops right in front of a shed. This was where the Michalchuk family kept all the things they didn't want to see anymore. Dylan's ratty hockey equipment, Paige's awkward elementary pictures, her mother's hippie wear. At this moment, she can see herself in here, doesn't want to see herself anymore. The old Paige, she'd never lock up, the carefree Paige.

"I can never have that night back," says Paige, her stomach aching. "Never."

J.T. gently hugs her, and she cries on his jacket, her gaze fixed on the shed.

"You can't let it break you," soothes J.T. "And you stood up for yourself. You told a whole group of people. That's brave."

Paige lets him go, smiles. "You were brave first."

J.T. gives her a confused look.

"You stood up to Dean for me," says Paige.

"Oh, that!" says J.T. "That...that didn't make a difference."

"Yes, it did!" argues Paige. "It did, J.T."

"You're making the real difference," assures J.T. "Now that you've done this, it's going to haunt him. It should."

"Or he could do it again, and this will have meant nothing," says Paige, leaning against the shed door.

J.T. leans with her. "You...you don't know that."

"I do," whispers Paige, letting out a sob. "I do."

"Look, how many...girls face their rapist?" says J.T.

Paige shudders at the last word, but manages to reply. "Not...not a lot."

"Exactly," says J.T. "He's going to live with this the rest of his life, hurting you like that. But you...you can heal. You're the one that deserves respect , even if he doesn't give it to you. Forget him."

He's right, thinks Paige. The anger, the sadness, the regrets. Wouldn't they pass? She knows they can't pass now, but if she got respect from someone, J.T. that defended her without knowing all the details, unlike her lawyer who knew everything, perhaps that's some justice in itself, some reward.

Paige rustles J.T.'s hair. "You're too good a guy to be dating Manny."

"Stop it," warns J.T., playfully. "I do have one more question, though."

"Yeah."

"Can you chew gum in court?"

Paige laughs, pushes him as she walks him to his grandmother's car.

III.

"Ms. Michalchuk?" asks Zack, breaking Paige out of her reverie.

"Oh!" exclaims Paige. "Michalchuk-Mason, actually. Um...what was the question?"

"Never...never mind," stammers Zack. "You look upset."

Zack starts to stand, but Paige pulls him back down. She eventually did face her fears with Dean, albeit after totaling his car, and she can face her fears of talking about J.T. The day she found out was so horrible. Banting was going beautifully too. Her grades were good, and she got asked out a lot though she was selective. They weren't all sweet guys that gave her green teddy bears on the first date like J.T., thinks Paige, grinning. Then, Marco took a bus trip there, knocking on her dorm room door one night. He looked sour, but she figured he and Dylan were having some fight. That was the only bad part about them dating for her; she had to console both. She didn't know Marco would be the one doing the consoling.

"Michalchuk-related meltdown?" greets Paige.

"Uh...no, no," says Marco, softly. "You doing alright, babe?"

"Alright? Doing extremely well, as long as you're asking," answers Paige. "Dean's list totally happening. Prognosis for prolonged romance hopeful, gender unspecified at this point. Though RA boy, a bit hot."

"Good," says Marco, walking into the room.

"Grumpy Marco needs music," says Paige, rushing over to her stereo. "Natasha always puts you in a festive mood."

"Um, Paige...," starts Marco, taking off his beanie.

"Shhh, we'll have time to talk," says Paige, flipping on the stereo.

Baby I'm a hopeless romantic
You pick the sounds for the background to our drive into town
Baby don't be one of the traffic
Had too many nights with the wrong guys
Caught me at red lights

She remembers all the drives she had with her friends at Degrassi, trips with Spinner, Marco, Jimmy, and Hazel to the drive-in, cruising with Alex in her car when she visited earlier this year, that really special one with J.T. She wishes there were more drives with him, any more time with him really. Maybe she could invite him to a comedy show at the campus pub. That could be fun, and he'd enjoy it.

Tell me how many frogs do I have to kiss
Before I find my prince, before I find my prince
All you girls that are going through this
Tell 'em how it is, tell 'em how it is

Pull up to a premiere, red carpet good
You take my coat, get my chair, like I hoped you would
You're funny and your flirting is really working for meBut where it goes from here
Better wait and see

Baby I'm a hopeless romantic
You pick the view to kiss to
Make me go ooo ooo
And baby it'll all turn out tragic
And you'll push for more
Back at my front door
More than I'm ready for

"So tell me your Dylan woes," says Paige, sitting on the carpet, patting a place for Marco.

"It's not Dylan," says Marco, wiping his eyes.

Paige cocks her head. "So what is it?"

"I came here with...with bad news," says Marco, grabbing her hand.

She shivers, nods for him to continue.

"J.T...babe, he was killed a couple days ago," chokes out Marco. "I'm...I'm sorry. We...we didn't know how to tell you. Then Dylan said I should come up maybe."

Paige feels like her heart has left her chest, wonders if it's still there. Gone? No, no, he's sixteen. Sixteen and lively and sweet, amazingly sweet. Who would touch someone like that?

"No!" screams Paige. "No!"

Paige gets up, her shoulders shaking as she cries. Marco jumps up, holds her, cries as well.

"Marco...Marco, no!" whispers Paige, balling her fists. "You're lying...you have to be lying."

Marco strokes her hair, kisses her forehead. "It's going to be okay. I know, babe...I know."

She grows limp in his hold, like her body is incapable of being erect. I couldn't defend him, thinks Paige, her sight going. Couldn't defend him.

"Paige...Paige, stand for me, sweetie," says Marco, trying to hold her up.

"How...how?" whispers Paige.

"Some kid...stabbed him at a party," explains Marco. "There's nothing they could do."

Paige finds some strength, somewhere. She knows J.T. would want her to.

"His grandma...I have to do something," says Paige, sniffling. "I have to do something!"

"We'll...we'll figure it all out," says Marco. "I promise."

"Sweet potato," whispers Paige to herself. "Marco, this is...this is..."

Her voice trails off, and she lays on her bed, pulling her comforter to her chin. Marco smiles down sadly at her.

"He was a great guy," says Marco.

"I gave him his first kiss," says Paige, managing a weak smile.

Tell me how many frogs do I have to kiss
Before I find my prince, before I find my prince
All you girls that are going through this
Tell 'em how it is, tell 'em how it is
Tell me how many frogs do I have to kiss
Before I find my prince, before I find my prince
All you girls that are going through this
Tell 'em how it is, tell 'em how it is

Oh, yeah yeah

"Really?" chuckles Marco.

"On the cheek. He smiled, and his eyes lit up a little," says Paige. "I thought we could always pick up our friendship...but now..."

"Now you'll think back on what you did for one another," finishes Marco. "And that' s not a horrible thing, Paige."

She has to agree. They'd shared so many jokes, had so much fun. J.T., her little knight in the panther head and furry feet. A smile crosses her face.

"I'd give anything to hear a bad joke from him," sighs Paige.

"They couldn't be that bad," says Marco.

"What's a cheerleader's favorite drink?" asks Paige, sitting up.

"Uh, don't know," admits Marco.

"Root beer. Get it?" says Paige.

They laugh, Paige clapping as the warmest tears come down.

IV.

"Your dad was a good guy, one of the few ones left," says Paige, supplying Zack with the best answer she can think of at that present moment.

"You dated him?" asks Zack.

"Once, and surprisingly it went well," answers Paige. "But we didn't go out again."

"Why not?"

"We decided to be friends instead. I think it was the right choice."

"I don't know," says Zack. "You're pretty so maybe he made a mistake."

Paige's jaw drops, and she giggles.

"Flirt, like your dad," says Paige, kissing Zack on the cheek as he smiles.

Spinner returns, his arms loaded with a burger, relish and cheese-covered nachoes, and a soda.

"Eww, relish on nachoes?" complains Paige, pushing the plate of nachoes away as Spinner hands it to her. "Don't want it."

"But...forget it, man," says Spinner, rolling his eyes.

"Why are you in Toronto, Zack?" says Paige.

"Doing a family tree project," replies Zack. "Toby told me some stuff about Degrassi when I gave him a copy of the Grapevine. Then he told me people that knew my dad and my mom."

"Liberty," supplies Paige.

"Yeah. Do you guys know her?"

"Well, hon...uh, we weren't close in school, or ever," admits Paige. "Spinner?"

"Danny would know," says Spinner. "Um, come to the station tomorrow. Danny'll be there.'

Spinner takes a napkin., writes down a number with a pen.

"Thanks, and...uh, sorry about earlier," says Zack. "I do...respect women. And cops."

Paige stares between Spinner and Zack.

"He had porn," explains Spinner.

"And he saw it," adds Zack.

Paige slaps Spinner in the thigh with her purse.

"Owww!" groans Spinner.