Kate slowly made her way back up the driveway and toward the house. As she neared the sidewalk that led to the front door she saw Jack standing there, the look on his face telling her that he'd seen enough to know that she had more secrets and that he was bordering somewhere between hurt and fed up. She approached him and started to speak. He put his hands up and shook his head.
"Don't." He said.
"Jack, please let me explain." Kate pleaded.
"Why bother Kate? No matter how many times you explain your story changes or you conveniently leave out important details so why would I want to listen to any more of your explanations?" Jack reasoned his voice resigned instead of angry.
"You're mad and you have every right to be, but…" Kate tried to explain.
"Kate, I'm not mad, I'm not anything and I don't want to do this right now. We're in the middle of a birthday party." Jack said and walked away from her.
Kate let him go. He was right that it would be an inappropriate time to discuss why she had continued to keep things from him. She wasn't sure why she kept things from him, other than the shame she felt over things kept her from coming clean with him. He was so good and she wasn't and how could someone like him ever begin to understand or accept the things she'd taken part in, the deal she had made, the deal that inadvertently ended up involving him and left her scared and confused and unsure of how to make things right.
The party carried on into the evening and by 9 PM all of the outside party rentals had been picked up, the guests were gone and Conner was asleep in the middle of the living room floor. The house was a wreck and Jack was sunburned and tired from climbing in and out of the dunk tank all day. He picked Conner up from the floor and cradled him in his arms.
"I'm going to put him to bed, grab a shower and go to bed. We can clean this mess up tomorrow." He said and headed up the stairs.
"Can we talk Jack?" Kate asked.
"There's nothing to talk about Kate." Jack said and left her standing in the mess that used to be the downstairs area of their home.
Jack woke the next morning, his muscles a little sore from the previous day's activities. Kate was sleeping soundly beside him. He propped himself up on his elbow and watched her sleep. Last night had been the first time in a long time they hadn't made love and gone to sleep in each other's arms. He wasn't sure what he felt when he saw the man at the end of the driveway obviously threatening her and his father breaking it up, but it felt quite a bit like defeat, like the reason he'd been avoiding setting a wedding date had become clear to him. He didn't know this woman and it was clear that she had no intention of allowing him to know her, yet he'd let his son start calling her mom and was having a baby with her. Kate was easily the most irresponsible thing he'd ever done in his life and while he was confused and even a little a hurt at the moment he wasn't sorry and that left him feeling a little uneasy because this could blow up in his face very quickly and leave his son and unborn child in shambles so how could he not feel at least a twinge of regret for getting in so deep and doing so in such a careless manner.
He quietly slipped out of the bed, slipped some jeans on and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He stopped outside of Conner's bedroom and looked in. The child was still sleeping, exhausted from the previous day's activities. He moved down the stairs and immediately noticed the house was clean, that there was no sign of the party that took place the day before and that it must've taken Kate hours to put it all back together and that she spent a great deal of that time on a ladder, which is something he wouldn't have allowed if he'd been around. He shook his head and realized that he couldn't protect her, couldn't coddle her and that he adored her free spirit and stubborn independence. Did it really matter that she had secrets she wasn't ready to share? Did it make her any less loveable? Shouldn't he just accept that she needs time to learn to trust him and not take her uneasiness in that respect personally?
Jack sat in his office drinking coffee and studying the charts of the twin girls he would be operating on in less than two weeks. Conner entered the room about 30 minutes later. Jack smiled at the sleepy child and motioned for him to come and sit in his lap. Conner moved to where Jack was sitting and Jack pulled him into his lap. He hugged him close and kissed the top of his head. His son had a child's equivalent of a party hangover, was tired and was content to be held and cuddled until the fog lifted from his brain.
"You used to do this when you were younger. You'd drag your blanket and your bear into my bedroom and climb into bed with me and I'd hold you and rub your back until you woke up demanding breakfast." Jack reminisced with him.
"Where's mommy?" Conner asked, the seemingly innocent question stabbing Jack in the heart and taking him back to wondering if he'd made a big mistake.
"She's sleeping." Jack answered.
"Can we wake her up?" Conner asked.
"No son, she's very tired, she stayed up and cleaned up the party mess. Do you need something?" He asked.
"No, I just really love her daddy." Conner said through a yawn as he snuggled closer to Jack and closed his eyes again.
Jack sat back in his chair and watched Conner fall back to sleep.
"I just really love her too buddy and sometimes that's enough." Jack said softly.
Jack carried Conner out to the couch and lay him down. He put a blanket over him and walked up the stairs to check on Kate. She was curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed, clutching his pillow and by the looks of the strewn bed coverings she wasn't resting well, but tossing and turning. He slipped out of his jeans and moved in beside her, allowing her back to nestle into his chest and abdomen and then wrapping his arm around her. She straightened her legs out, wrapped her arms around his forearm and sighed; the comfort of having him wrapped her around allowing her to find peaceful, relaxing sleep.
He lay with her, not really tired, but finding it relaxing to just hold her while she slept. He wished she could know how deep his feelings for her ran and believe that he's going to always love her no matter what. He guessed the best way to make that point was to not make a big deal out of yesterday, to let her know he's there for her whenever she's ready to open up to him and stop demanding the honesty from her that she isn't ready to give.
Kate had been restless all night and remembered waking up in his arms. She wasn't sure when that had happened, but didn't care, it meant that at the very least she hadn't ruined everything and her mind eased and slept. When she woke up this time, his hand was between her legs and she realized the wet dream she was having wasn't a dream at all. Her panties were gone and he was penetrating her slowly with two fingers while his mouth was moving slowly over her neck. She opened her eyes and moaned making him look up at her.
"Just so you know, you started this." He said with a grin and kissed her.
"I was asleep, how did I start it?" She giggled.
"You might've been asleep, but your hands weren't. I dozed off and when I woke up your hand was inside my underwear." He told her.
"I was fondling you in my sleep?" She asked.
"You were doing more than fondling and it was totally hot by the way." He told her and kissed her again, pushing his underwear down and moving on top of her.
He slowly pushed himself inside her and looked into her eyes. There were a million questions in her eyes along with a hint of confusion and fear, as if he was playing a game with her, toying with her as a form of punishment for lying to him and it saddened him.
"Do you not want this?" He asked.
"I don't understand Jack. If you're mad at me I deserve it, but please don't try to hurt me like this, I couldn't take it." She told him as her eyes filled with tears.
"I'm not mad Kate and I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to make love to you because I love you more than anything Kate, enough to be patient and accept that there are things you're afraid to tell me and not take it personally." He told her and tried to move off of her.
"No, don't. Please, I want you if you still want me." She told him.
"How do you want it?" He teased trying to take the edge off the situation.
"I don't want to talk dirty Jack. I love you so much I hurt when you aren't with me. I just want you to love me right now, sweet and gentle like that night in the cabin. I need to feel that right now." Kate told him.
He felt awful. His coldness toward her the night before had nearly destroyed her. As tough and stubborn and independent as she liked to appear to be on the surface, she wasn't any of those things when it came to their relationship and as he held her soft, scared, tiny body in his arms and wiped her tears away and began to love her gently, sweetly and slowly he realized for the first time that she really did need him as much as he needed her, maybe more. She needed him to love her unconditionally and nurture her and win the trust that up until this moment he felt like he had some right to demand from her. He was right to feel hurt and feel betrayed, but she couldn't handle the idea of losing him, he understood that now, not that she was ever in any real danger of losing him, but she didn't believe that yet, wasn't secure enough yet and what she was giving him really was the best she could do.
He made love to her with all the passion and love he felt for her oozing from his pores, doing his best to reassure her, to let her know that she couldn't drive him away and it went on and on, slowly and sensually bringing orgasm after warm, tingly orgasm out of her. She never broke eye contact with him and when he finally dropped his head to the space between her head and shoulder and emptied himself into her, she cupped her hands over the back of his head and cried, holding him there and enjoying the feeling of his body draped over hers, him still deep inside her and she hated that she had to tell him things that would probably hurt him, but he deserved to know, hell he had to know because Cray wasn't going to leave her alone.
"Jack, I'm sorry I'm not the person you thought I was." Kate whispered into his ear.
Jack lifted his head and looked at her tear streaked face. He kissed a few of the tears away and smiled at her.
"I think you are the person I fell in love with Kate, but you seem to want to define yourself by the things you've done instead of who you are." Jack argued.
"I lied to you Jack. I've been lying to you since the day we met." Kate said.
"Yeah, I figured the man trying to break your arm in the driveway wasn't just a pushy vacuum cleaner salesman." Jack chuckled and moved off of her.
"Did you not hear me Jack? I lied to you. I told you I was on the pill and I wasn't. I came to San Francisco hoping to get pregnant." Kate told him.
Jack had imagined many things, but this wasn't one of them.
"Kate, one of the first things you told me was that sex wasn't part of the deal you made with my father and now you're saying my father paid you to have sex with me?" Jack asked.
"No, your father paid me to be your companion, he didn't specify what I should or shouldn't do with you other than the two specific events he wanted me on your arm for. I needed to get pregnant and you were a good looking and most likely disease free man so I went to San Francisco intent on killing two birds with one stone." Kate admitted.
"So all the flirting and throwing yourself at me and showing up in my room distraught over your sick child and begging me to have sex with you so you could feel better was an act?" Jack asked feeling a bit disgusted at the idea of her using her sick child as an excuse to get him to have sex with her.
"No, that was real. The flirting was me trying to get you to take me to bed, but then you were so sweet and that kiss goodnight was the most charming thing any man has ever done for me and I realized I'd made a friend and for some reason it felt safe to lean on you when I began falling apart over TJ." Kate explained.
"Kate I don't understand any of this. Could you just cut to the chase and tell me why you wanted to get pregnant." Jack sighed.
"I didn't want to get pregnant, I need to get pregnant. It's all so complicated Jack because I started falling for you immediately and this thing I was supposed to do was no longer an issue and I started taking my pills again as soon as we returned from the cabin and I regained a little bit of my sanity. When I had a period, I was relieved because I thought I had dodged a bullet and that I hadn't deceived you and that we could have a relationship and plan a child together some day. Obviously things didn't turn out the way I'd hoped." Kate said.
"So you wanted an abortion because you knew you'd lied to me and was afraid I'd find out?" Jack asked doing his best to stay patient with her.
"No, I never really wanted an abortion. I was so in love with you by the time I figured out I was pregnant that having a part of you growing inside of me felt as special it should, but I couldn't let Cray find out." Kate said.
"Cray? The baby broker guy?" Jack asked.
"He's also my ex-husband I think." Kate admitted.
"You think? You don't know?" Jack snapped.
"Please Jack, I know you're angry, but yelling at me isn't going to help the situation." Kate pleaded with him.
"I'm not angry Kate. I'm so fucking confused and frustrated I don't know whether to laugh, cry or scream at the moment. You've obviously been lying to me about everything so if you really want to tell me what the hell is going on, how about starting at the beginning." Jack told her.
"I didn't lie about everything; I just left some stuff out. I have been in contact with Cray and Eddie the whole time I've been in Los Angeles and I don't think that my marriage to Cray was really a legal one, just a convenience for business purposes. Look Jack, I could go on and on about my life in the baby broker business and how Cray used me and what a fucking idiot I am, but I'll spare you the details. Everything I told you about TJ was true and Cray used TJ's illness and need for medical treatment as a way of keeping me under his thumb." Kate told him.
"So what? You had to do what he said or he would stop paying the medial bills?" Jack asked.
"That's exactly what it was and he had a couple that was willing to pay a lot of money for a healthy white baby. He said if I would do that, if I would hook up with one of the highly educated and well bred white males in the restaurant I was working at, get pregnant and give him the baby he'd call it even and leave me alone and make sure all of TJ's expenses were paid for. He even drew up a contract that I supposedly could hold him to." Kate explained.
"Jesus Christ Kate do you realize how insane that sounds? You wanted me to get you pregnant so this guy could sell our baby?" Jack asked.
"I know Jack, it's crazy and I'm crazy and I'm a bad person, but I swear Jack, the first time we made love was because I wanted you, because I really liked you and not because I was thinking about getting pregnant. Please believe that our relationship has never been about Cray and the hold he has on me." Kate pleaded.
Jack was quiet, trying to take it all in and make sense of what made no sense. He remembered their time in San Francisco and their first time together and he looked over at her.
"It's going to be okay Kate. He's not getting our baby and I won't let him bother you anymore." Jack said taking note of the shocked and relieved look on her face.
"That's it? You aren't mad? You believe me?" Kate asked.
"I'm so fucking freaked out Kate I don't know if there is an appropriate way to react, but I'm not mad and I believe your feelings for me are genuine and were genuine the first time we made love. You're too sweet and loveable for it to be an act and if that's not enough the fact that my son "just really loves you" seals the deal. He might only be six years old, but he's got the best instincts of any person I've ever met." Jack said.
"Why are you being so understanding Jack? You can be mad at me for lying to you. I promise not to self-destruct." Kate said.
"I don't want to be mad at you Kate. I love you and I want you to believe you can tell me anything and I'm not going to stop loving you. What good would it do for me to mope around acting offended? Besides, if Conner were in a life or death situation I can't say what I would or wouldn't do to make sure got what he needed." Jack said.
"Cray came by yesterday wanting to know if I was ever going to make good on my end of the bargain. I didn't tell him I'm pregnant. I owe him so much money Jack. He's never going to leave me alone." Kate said.
"He'll leave you alone. I really don't know all the legalities of what he's doing, but I can't imagine the BAR Association would be happy to be connected to something so controversial and probably immoral." Jack said.
"Probably immoral?" Kate asked.
"There's no doubt this Cray guy is on the immoral side of things, but the parents that really want a baby so bad they'll pay anything aren't being immoral, just desperate." Jack offered.
"Even the ones that would bring a defective baby back?" Kate asked.
"The world is full of idiots Kate. Look at Tony's father." Jack said.
"What if he comes back while you're not here? I don't want him scaring Conner." Kate said.
"Tell me how to get in contact with him Kate and I'll get with my father and his long reach and we'll make him go away." Jack said.
"There is no way I can ever repay you for everything you've done for me Jack." Kate said.
"I don't want to be paid Kate. I love you. You make me happy and you're going to give me another child and in a few weeks you're going to go to Lake Tahoe with me and marry me." He said watching her face for a reaction to the last part.
"Lake Tahoe?" Kate asked.
"My dad suggested Vegas, but I like the idea of Tahoe better. What do you think?" Jack asked.
"I thought we'd go downtown to the courthouse one day." Kate said.
"You don't want a wedding?" He asked.
"I don't need a wedding Jack." She answered.
"I didn't ask what you needed, I asked what you wanted. You wouldn't like to have at least a nice water front ceremony, or maybe get married on a Yacht and of course if we leave town there's no hospital to interrupt the honeymoon." He said with a grin.
"A honeymoon, as in you and me spending time together without interruptions?" Kate asked making him laugh.
"Kate, you're the girl. You're supposed to get all excited over the girly wedding stuff. I'm the guy and I'm supposed to be the one pushing myself through the girly wedding stuff so we can get to the honeymoon." Jack told her.
"But the honeymoon promises to be so much more fun." Kate giggled and rolled on top of him, kissing him deeply before pulling back to look at him.
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me Kate." He said sweetly.
"You don't have to say that Jack. I know your first wife was very special to you." Kate said.
"She was, but she's gone and I'd never compare the two of you." Jack said.
"I have nothing but a short list of assholes to compare you to so you are without a doubt the most special man I've ever know and I will love you until the day I die." Kate told him.
"So are we going to do this Kate? Get married in Tahoe?" He asked.
"Sure, but I've never planned a wedding before so don't get your hopes up." Kate told him.
"I'm going to be wrapped up with the twin separation for the next two weeks Kate. You won't see much of me. You could get with my mom and I bet she'd help plan it." Jack offered.
"I don't think your parents like me Jack." Kate said.
"If my parents didn't like you they would've told me so, trust me on that. Maybe you'd like to involve your own mother?" Jack asked cautiously.
"My mother is dead to me Jack." Kate said angrily.
"Okay, so my mother it is. I'll have her call you. Give her a chance Kate, she's not nearly as scary once you get to know her." Jack said and pulled her down for another kiss.
They continued to kiss and she felt him harden beneath her. She still had on the t-shirt she'd slept in, but had lost her panties in her sleep prior to the sex they'd just shared. She could feel the familiar ache for him and wondered if she'd ever grow tired of having him inside her. She slipped into position and felt him thrust himself inside.
"Mmmm…..you're so hard again. You're superman I think." Kate said as their now hungry, open mouths closed over each other, tongues working feverishly as their bodies began rocking.
"Up, up and away…" He teased in-between the now frantic, sloppy kissing and the hard thrusts into her.
They were eagerly grinding against one another, kissing and moaning and panting and focusing on getting over the edge. Neither one of them heard the door open or even realized Conner was in the bedroom until he was beside the bed and spoke.
"Daddy, I'm hungry." Conner said obviously confused and wondering what his parents were doing.
"Please tell me the sheets are covering up the important stuff." Jack mumbled into her mouth.
"Yes, all covered and ready to explode daddy." Kate giggled.
"What are you guys doing?" Conner asked.
"We're just playing around son. Your mom thought she could pin me like the wrestlers on television." Jack liked.
"Did you win mommy?" Conner asked innocently.
"Yep, I've got him pinned down good. How about you run downstairs and pick out what you want for breakfast and I'll let you help me cook. We'll show daddy how good you are at it." Kate suggested.
"Daddy got beat by a girl." Conner giggled and happily scooted out of the room to do as Kate had asked.
"Let's finish." Kate said.
"You just emasculated me in front of my son Kate." Jack said.
"It's okay baby, I can feel you all the way up to my throat. There's nothing about you that isn't 100 percent man and I love every inch and pound of you." Kate grinned.
"Liar, you just want me to make you come." He chuckled.
"That's true, but you are all man and I'll make sure Conner knows you won the best out of three matches. Please finish Jack." Kate pleaded.
"Beg me. Say it. I know you want to talk dirty now." He taunted.
"Give it to me hard and fast." She begged and felt his cock jerk involuntarily just before he rolled her over onto her back and began pounding into her feverishly, getting both of them over the edge before Conner returned wondering what was taking so long.
He rolled off of her and tried to settle his breathing.
"God that was a close a call, but also strangely exciting, do you suppose we were exhibitionists in our other lives." He joked.
"Other lives? Wait till I get you to Tahoe." Kate teased and climbed out of bed.