Jack lay on his back, his brain trapped between consciousness and a very deep sleep, trying hard to push through, to break through the barrier and into the light. His eyelids were heavy, so heavy he couldn't find the strength to lift them. He moved his head slightly from side to side and his heavy and thick feeling hands were gripping at the sheets. He felt like a 200 pound weight was on top of his entire body and that at least 50 pounds of it held his brain in limbo, refusing to allow him to wake up, to open his eyes, to lift his hands and force his eyelids open. He could hear his name faintly and tried again, determined to see the face that was calling his name and there it was, his eyes opened and he squinted against the brightness, confused and unable to speak.
"Jack, can you hear me?" The voice spoke softly, reaching over him and pressing a button.
He opened his eyes again and nodded, tried to lift his head, but found it weighed too much.
"No, don't do that. Just lie still. Amy, page Dr. Shephard!" The woman yelled into the button.
"What? Where?" Jack managed to whisper, the fog slowly starting to lift.
"Shh Jack, don't try to talk. Wait until your father gets here." The woman said softly.
"My father? What's going on Debra?" Jack whispered suddenly recognizing the woman hovering over him.
"You know me?" She asked.
"Of course I know you. I've worked with you for years. What's going on? Where am I?" Jack asked his voice gaining strength along with his body.
Christian Shephard entered the room, rushed and excited and stopped just short of crawling into the bed that Jack was lying in, the small bed with rails and white sheets and blankets. He was in a hospital bed. He was in the hospital? Why?
"What's going on dad?" Jack asked.
"You know me? You know who you are?" Christian asked.
"Of course……dad, what's going on?" Jack demanded and tried to sit up, wincing against the pain that the action caused.
"Be still son, you've had us all pretty scared. You had a car accident, a terrible car accident. Do you remember?" Christian asked.
"No, yeah, I don't know, I think, I think I remember you and me. We were fighting about me going to that conference in San Francisco. Emily. She was sick and I was trying to get home to her. She wasn't answering the phone. I just looked down at my cell phone for a second and when I looked back up this car was coming right at me. Did I cross the median? Did I hurt somebody?" Jack asked.
"You didn't cross the median, the woman that hit you did. Nobody really knows why it happened, if she fell asleep or just got distracted." Christian told him.
"Why not just ask her?" Jack asked.
"She died." Christian said.
"She died? I killed somebody?" Jack asked as he scanned his memory for anything following seeing the car coming toward him, something that said he at least tried to avoid her.
"You didn't kill anyone Jack. You swerved but she still caught the side and the two vehicles went off the highway and rolled down the embankment. She wasn't wearing a seatbelt and was thrown from her car. They found her trapped underneath your car." Christian explained.
"When? How long have I been here?" Jack asked.
"We lost you three times Jack, once at the scene, once in the ER and once in surgery. It's a miracle that you're alive." Christian told him.
"How long dad?" Jack asked.
"You've been in coma for nearly 4 weeks Jack. You had a pretty severe head injury, broken ribs, a ruptured spleen, internal bleeding a broken wrist and your ankle was broken so badly they weren't sure they were going to be able save your foot." Christian told him and Jack began to understand why his body felt like it had been run over by a truck.
"The woman, did she have a family?" Jack asked.
"Jack, let's not do this right now. I knew you'd obsess over that aspect of the accident so I saved all the newspaper clippings and a copy of the police report and autopsy for you, but not today Jack." Christian said.
"Emily? Conner? The baby?" Jack asked.
"All fine Jack. That's a stubborn woman you're married to. She was too sick to be out of bed, but she's been here every day and demanded to be the one who shaved and bathed you. She told the nurses you'd be so pissed off if you were awake and forced to sit still for that." Christian laughed.
"She would've been right." Jack said.
"They called her, I'm sure she'll be here any minute Jack. You should rest, you've been through a lot." Christian said.
Jack nodded at his father and closed his eyes, sleep coming quickly and easily, his battered body and healing brain not fighting what it desperately needed in order to heal. He dreamed while he slept, dreamed of her, Kate. Kate, the woman he met and fell in love with five years after his wife died and when he woke up again, he was covered with sweat and breathing hard. She was sitting beside his bed, his beautiful Emily, holding his infant son. Every tragic thing that lived in his dreams had not happened or was it that it had not happened yet. He looked at Emily and his heart swelled with the love that he felt for her. The idea that in five years she would be gone and he would be married to someone else upset him and he began to cry. Emily stood and wiped the tears from his face.
"It's okay Jack, everything is going to be okay." She told him.
"Is it?" He asked.
"Yes Jack. Your injuries are healing and you're awake. You aren't supposed to be awake Jack. Every expert your father had flown in said the odds weren't in your favor, but he never gave up. He sat in here with you for hours every single day and talked to you, read to you, discussed his cases with you, determined that somewhere inside, you could hear him. Do you remember any of that?" Emily asked.
"No, I mean I had dreams Em and my dad was in them, but I don't remember him talking to me." Jack told her his voice distant.
"What's wrong Jack? You seem a little lost." Emily said.
"I feel a little lost. I just need some time to process all of this. Can I hold him?" Jack asked reaching out for his 7 month old son.
The baby was asleep so she carefully transferred him from her shoulder to Jack's chest. Jack wrapped a protective arm around the sleeping baby and kissed the top of his head. Emily sat back and watched them together, happy to see that a little more of Jack was coming through as each minute passed. He tired quickly though and when she looked away and then back Jack had fallen asleep again.
He woke up in his hotel room in Vegas, Kate sitting beside him gently running her fingers down the side of his face. He smiled at her.
"You came back." She said.
"Yeah, I had this crazy dream. I had been in a car accident and woke up in my old life. Emily was still alive and Conner was just a baby. It was really weird because I fell asleep in my dream and I dreamed about you. Somebody must've slipped something strange into my champagne." Jack said as looked in her shimmering green eyes.
"It wasn't a dream Jack." Kate told him and kissed him gently.
"So this is a dream?" Jack asked.
"No, it's a different place Jack, a place you don't belong anymore. You're supposed to be with Emily and Conner." Kate told him.
"I don't……..what's going on?" Jack asked suddenly aware that he couldn't move.
"I nearly killed you Jack. I had to stay with you until you were ready to go back. Love can heal like nothing else." Kate told him, noting the confusion and sadness in his eyes.
"But I love you Kate, I loved you like I had only ever loved one other woman in my life and you're telling me it wasn't real?" Jack pleaded with her.
"No Jack, it was real, but on a different level, a spiritual level." Kate said and smiled at him.
"So what, you're dead? You're the woman that died in the accident?" Jack asked.
"That's right. I don't really remember dying Jack, I just remember walking around the wrecked cars and seeing you trapped and bleeding and thinking I had killed you. I held your head in my lap until help arrived, but they couldn't see me and that was when I realized I was dead. I rode in the ambulance with you and stayed with you and I guess when they lost you on the operating table for so long you joined me and decided to stay for awhile." Kate explained.
"This is crazy Kate. If that's true then why am I back here with you?" Jack asked.
"Because you're sad Jack and you're not sure what you want. You're confusing the genuine love you feel for Emily with the spiritual love you shared with me. You belong with them Jack and as soon as I know everything is okay I can move on." Kate told him.
"Move where?" He asked.
"Where ever it is I'm supposed to go." Kate answered.
"No, please don't leave me Kate. I love you and I need you." Jack pleaded with her.
"I know you love me and I love you more than I ever loved anyone in my life, but you've learned all there is to know Jack and its time for you to go back and take care of things." Kate told him.
"But what about Emily? Why was she dead and why was my son so much older? Why was it all so real?" Jack asked.
"Emily was the last thing on your mind before the crash Jack. You brought all of your guilt and insecurities and fears with you and they revealed themselves, but Jack, that's all it was, just you and your fears as well as your hopes and dreams." Kate told him.
"Will I ever see you again?" Jack asked.
"I don't know the answer to that Jack, but I'll always be right here." Kate said and placed her hand over his heart.
"No, I don't want to lose you. I don't want to go back." Jack told her, fresh tears streaming down his face.
Emily was lifting Conner off of Jack's chest when the heart monitor flat-lined and began beeping. Everything went into slow motion after that. She stood in the corner of the room and watched them try to bring him back.
"Jack you don't belong here, you have to go back." Kate told him.
"No Kate. How can I leave you, you're pregnant with my baby." Jack said.
"No sweetheart, I'm only pregnant in your mind. The baby your wife Emily is carrying was worrying you so you brought that worry and that child with you to keep her safe." Kate explained.
"Gracie. That's what we had decided on if it was a girl." Jack mumbled.
Emily watched them bring him back. It was a very weak heart rate, but he was fighting his way back.
"That's right Jack. Go back to your family Jack. They love you and they need you. Conner can never grow into the wonderful boy I got to know if you aren't there to guide him." Kate pushed.
"Why did this happen Kate? I love you so much, how am I supposed to just forget that?" Jack asked.
"You will Jack, the spiritual love you feel for me will take its natural place in your heart, but you won't long for me or be saddened that I'm not there. You love your wife Jack, you always have." Kate explained.
"Then why? I don't understand." Jack said.
"You will Jack, I promise. Now go, go back Jack." Kate said and kissed him softly on the mouth.
Jack's heart rate steadily increased until he was in a normal rhythm again. Emily who was now being comforted by Christian stood in the corner sobbing.
"It's okay dear, he's back and stronger than ever." Christian told her.
"What happened? I thought he was going to be okay." She cried.
"We'll run tests and try to determine what caused it, but odds are we'll never know." Christian told her.
Jack slept for two days following the incident, his body weak and his brain tired. They ran tests and came up with nothing but a young, strong and healthy heart. When Jack woke up again his father was sitting by his bedside. He looked around the room feeling less groggy than he had before he'd gone to sleep.
"Hey." Jack said.
"Hey yourself. That was quite a nap." Christian said.
"What do you mean?" Jack asked.
"You've been asleep for two days Jack." Christian told him.
"What's wrong with me dad? Is there some kind of permanent damage?" Jack asked.
"None they can find. They've scanned your brain with every instrument known to the medical profession and there's nothing. How do you feel?" Christian asked.
"Hungry." Jack answered making his dad smile.
"You want me to go get you something?" Christian asked.
"No, whatever the cafeteria is serving is fine." Jack said.
"You sure, it's been a long time since we've had lunch at that restaurant across the street. I can go get you something." Christian said.
The mention of the restaurant triggered Jack's memories. Kate. When he met her she said she had worked in that restaurant. Was that real or just part of the things that were already part of his memories?
"Jack?" Christian called.
"Huh, uh no dad that's fine. Why would you run all the way over there for food?" Jack asked.
"Because I'm your father Jack." Christian answered.
The comment hit Jack like a ton of bricks and he smiled.
"Thanks, but I can wait for the food to come around. Can I ask you something?" Jack asked.
"Shoot." Christian said.
"The woman, the one that hit me, do you know her name?" Jack asked.
"Her name was Kate. She was on her way here." Christian said.
"How do you know that?" Jack asked.
"Her son is here. He's a pediatric oncology patient. His doctor had just spoken to her that morning and told her she needed to get to the hospital; that her son was asking for her." Christian explained.
"But you said he's still here. He's still a patient in this hospital?" Jack asked as he began to shake and broke out into a cold sweat.
"Yes, he's still here and doing very well from what I hear. Why? What's going on with you son?" Christian asked.
"How old is he?" Jack asked.
"He's four I think. Why so interested?" Christian asked.
"Dad, I have to go see him." Jack said and started to get up screaming against the pain in his lower leg.
"Settle down Jack. He's not going anywhere. The kid is an orphan and we, the hospital administration, given the circumstances and the way his mother died, well we decided to keep him here until he's as healthy as he's going to get. Emily has spent quite a bit of time with him." Christian said.
"What? Why would Emily. God this is so weird." Jack mumbled and rubbed his hands over his face.
"Because your wife has a big heart, that's why. Does it really surprise you Jack?" Christian asked.
"Could you help me get out of this bed and take me to see him? I need to see him dad." Jack demanded.
Christian recognized the tone and the look in his son's eyes and knew that arguing with him would be futile so he rounded up a wheelchair and helped Jack make his way from the bed to the chair. He pushed him down the halls and much to Jack's aggravation stopped to let people say hello to Jack and welcome him back. He wheeled Jack into the room and up beside the child's bed.
"TJ this is Jack. Jack, this is TJ." Christian said.
Jack held his hand out, his large hand covering the tiny one that reached out to shake his hand. Jack was so close to losing it he had to take a few deep breaths to compose himself. This was the same little boy he took to see snow, that he watched die in his mother's arms, yet here he was, looking healthy and ready to jump out of the bed.
"Hi Jack. Mommy telled me about you." TJ told him.
"She did huh?" Jack asked as a couple of tears escaped down his cheeks finally understanding why Kate was so insistent that he come back.
Christian was confused and concerned, but after coming so close to losing the most important thing in the world to him decided to back off, to let his son behave a little strange and not obsess over it. Jack convinced his father to let him stay in the child's room, promising he'd get a nurse to wheel him back when he was ready. Jack sat with TJ and talked, colored a picture with him and ate dinner with him and when the child drifted off to sleep he dropped his head and sobbed, realizing what he'd been through, what he'd been allowed to experience and how deeply Kate was embedded into his heart. She had to be so he could keep her memory alive for her little boy. He wasn't sure if he'd fallen asleep or if she came to him during consciousness this time, but he smelled her first and then felt a light touch on his shoulder.
Jack looked up and saw her kneeling in front of his wheelchair. He reached out for her and she took hold of his hand, kissing the tops of his fingers softly and then guiding the hand back into his lap.
"Kate, help me understand all of this." Jack cried.
"You're a smart man Jack and if you think about it, the things we did together, the people we encountered, you'll find them in your past some place." Kate told him.
"But why? Why did you make me fall in love with you? Why did you let me cheat on my wife?" Jack asked.
"You didn't cheat on your wife Jack. The love we shared was never physical even though it seemed that way. At first I just wanted to take care of you until you were ready to go back, but when I realized that my son dying on that trip to the cabin was my own fears manifesting and not real I knew what I had to do. I knew that a man that would do that, that would take a total stranger and her sick child away to make a wish come true, would be the man that would not allow him to end up with strangers. He needs you Jack. TJ needs a family, a dad who would love him as much as you loved his mother." Kate said.
"Kate, what am I supposed to tell Emily? She'll think I'm crazy and she won't like that I carried on a sexual relationship with a ghost." Jack argued chuckling lightly at the absurdity of what he'd just said.
"Emily's faith is strong Jack. She may have given up the ritualistic nonsense promoted by the church, but she believes Jack and she believes in you. We didn't really have sex Jack. It was your mind and my mind spiritually connecting, but we never physically connected." Kate told him.
"But it, you, was all so real. It still feels real. I love you Kate how am I supposed to just forget that and go back to my marriage and my life? What about you? What do you get?" Jack asked.
"I get peace Jack. I get to know that my little boy is being loved and taken care of. You won't forget me Jack, but your love for me will never be stronger than what you feel for Emily, nor will it ever be the same." Kate assured him.
"But if you were so sure I was the one, the person that you wanted to take care of your son then why did you keep running away from me? Why did we have the crazy fights and the lies. Were those lies real Kate? Was any of that real or more manifesting?" Jack asked.
"The stuff about my past was real Jack. TJ has nobody. I ran because I didn't want to hurt you Jack, but you kept coming after me so I knew that what I was doing, that whoever or whatever was making me, us, go through all of that, had a reason and that TJ was part of the reason. I don't understand it Jack, I just knew it was something we were supposed to follow through with and the answers would come and sure enough as soon as I married you and we consummated the marriage, the you that was locked away in a deep sleep, started waking up. I guess you are kind of TJ's stepfather in a spiritual sense." Kate told him and smiled as a few tears escaped down her cheeks.
"Why are you crying? If this is some wonderful thing, why are you crying Kate?" He asked through his own tears.
"I'm crying because I'm going to miss you and TJ. I love you both so much and it hurts to let you go, but I'm hoping that once I let you both go, that I'll find peace. Do you think that it works that way Jack? Am I going to see some bright light and hear harps and find peace?" Kate asked.
"I hope so." Jack said and reached for her hand again.
"Will you do it Jack? Will you love him and take care of him like he was your own?" Kate asked.
"Of course I will." Jack said.
"I've told him about you. He can see me, but I'm starting to feel kind of strange so I don't think he'll be able to see me anymore." Kate said her voice growing fainter.
"Kate, not yet, please I'm not ready to let go of you. Don't go." Jack begged.
"You're ready Jack, you've always been ready. I'll never forget you Jack and we'll meet again." Kate told him standing and leaning in to kiss him softly.
"I love you Kate and I always will." He told her as he watched her slowly walk away, hanging his head and sobbing until he felt a light touch on his hand.
He looked up and found TJ up on his knees in his bed, his small hand on Jack's trying to comfort him. Jack helped the child into his lap and hugged him. TJ let his head rest on Jack's shoulder enjoying the feeling of being embraced by strong and comforting arms.
"I'm going to take care of you and love you TJ. I promise." Jack whispered to the child.
Six years later………………………………………
Jack lay quietly in the hammock his children bought him for Father's Day. He could hear his children playing across the lawn, TJ and Conner who were now 10 and 7 pretending to be their favorite major league baseball players, while Gracie who was 6 bossed them around. He found himself chuckling as he listened to her, realizing he'd probably never have to worry about whether or not his little girl could take care of herself. She'd been in Tai Kwon Do classes with her two brothers for the last 18 months and had already caught up to them. He loved how cute his little girl looked in her white Gi, pouncing forward and letting go of the most vicious roar she had.
Emily had refused to heed warnings about having more children and they had three more after Gracie with little or no complications. He could hear his four year old son Ethan starting to cry and opened his eyes.
"If I have to get up to make you bigger kids stop terrorizing him everybody is going inside for a nap." Jack warned.
"Dad, you promised you would let me pitch to you today." TJ whined.
"The day's not over yet TJ." Jack called back.
"Come on dad, we need to practice and Gracie sucks, she drops everything." Conner chimed in.
"In a little while guys and don't say "sucks", it pisses your mom off." Jack told them.
Jack felt the brush of a little hand and smiled. He opened his eyes and saw his little boy standing beside the hammock. He was three and barely tall enough to see over the edge.
"Hey Matty, you want to come up here with daddy?" Jack asked.
He nodded and Jack lifted him onto the hammock with him. He snuggled into the crook between his arm and chest and yawned.
"Somebody is ready for a nap." Jack said.
"No nap!" He demanded.
It didn't take long for Ethan to notice his younger brother was getting all of dad's attention and showed up on the other side of the hammock. Jack chuckled and pulled the boy onto the hammock with him, letting him snuggle into the crook between his other arm and chest. He watched Emily walk out onto the large covered patio with their three week old infant daughter and smiled. She sat in one of the padded patio chairs and looked at Jack with the two toddlers battling for his attention and felt a rush pass over her. She loved him as much today as she did the day she married him.
"Daddy, does our baby have a name?" Ethan asked.
"He's mommy's baby." Matthew informed his older brother.
"We haven't picked out a name yet, what do you think we should name her?" Jack asked.
"Donatello!" Ethan squealed.
"I don't think we should name your sister after a ninja turtle, especially a boy turtle." Jack laughed lightly.
"Angel Kate daddy." Matthew demanded.
"You want to hear that story again?" Jack asked.
"Yes daddy, we love angel Kate story." Ethan eagerly agreed.
Jack began telling the story he'd been telling his children for the past six years. The story of the angel named Kate that kept him safe while he was sick and not able to wake up. The kids loved the story as did Emily, insisting that he never be ashamed to share what he experienced with the people who love him the most. Jack finished his story and looked down. Both children were asleep.
"Works every time." Jack said with a smile.
"Of course it does. Can you imagine how safe and secure a story like that would make a child feel." Emily said.
"I guess. How does it make you feel Em?" Jack asked.
"The entire medical profession, with the exception of your father, had given up any hope of you ever recovering Jack, yet here you are. I look forward to the day I get to meet Kate, shake her hand and thank her for taking care of you and healing you when nothing else could." Emily said.
"I love you Em." Jack said.
"If you really love me Jack, you'll stop stalling on naming our daughter. This sweet little girl deserves to be called something besides "baby." She told him.
"I told you Em, I don't have anything that just feels right. What do you want to name her?" Jack asked.
"I want to name her Kate, after the angel that loved you and kept you safe until it was time for you to come back to your family. We can call her Katie." Emily suggested.
"That's nice Em, she'd like that." Jack said.
They put the two toddlers to bed and Jack fulfilled his promise to let his sons pitch to him. They shared a nice family dinner and while Emily fed the baby he bathed the two younger boys while barking orders at the three older children to take their baths. With the five older children bathed and settled in the playroom he sent Emily to soak in the tub and took the baby to the nursery to change her and get her ready for bed. It was rare that Jack was allowed an entire uninterrupted weekend to spend with his family and while giving Emily a break was always the priority, spending moments like bath time with his children was something he enjoyed. He stripped the baby down and put a clean diaper on her, talking sweetly to her and finding the urge to kiss her baby soft belly irresistible. She was still too little to giggle at the act like his other children had, but her little hand did manage to accidentally make contact with the side of his face. He took hold of the tiny hand, placing his thumb on her little palm and she gripped it, making him smile.
"You're strong little one, just like your namesake." Jack said and kissed the baby's cheek.
He started to pull away and felt the slightest movement, almost like a warm summer breeze. It brushed right by his face and the familiar scent of her was there for just a moment and in that moment he saw his baby girl smile, a real smile, her first smile and he felt a tear roll down his cheek.
"She made me smile like that too. I guess this officially makes you your daddy's very own little Katie-bug." He said in his sweetest daddy voice, his baby daughter smiling back at him.
That's it guys! Thanks for sticking with the story and for all your enthusiastic reviews! Hopefully you aren't terribly disappointed to find out what had been going on the entire time. I have a couple of ideas for a new fiction I'm tossing around so hopefully we'll have something new and fun to pick apart in the near future. Thanks again!