Chapter 8

Consequences

Connor and Dawn were once again enjoying a delicious make out session on his bed. He couldn't stop touching her, he wanted to touch more of her, all of her, but she wasn't ready yet. When he had moved his hand up beneath her skirt to cup her thong clad butt, she had tensed up noticeably. But after a few seconds she began to relax again, allowing him to explore every curve with his hands. It was when he moved his hand to the front that she pushed him away, hard.

"Dawn, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable." Her lips were swollen and red, and so very tempting. She looked incredibly sexy sitting there, flushed and hair all tousled. It would have been perfect if not for the fear he saw in her eyes.

"Dawn sweetie," he reached his hand out to touch her face, and was shocked when she pulled back from him even farther.

"I just can't, I'm sorry… I wish I could, it's not that I don't want to. It's just I've seen so much bad come from what we we're getting close to doing. I can't see past it. I'm not ready to risk it-"

"Dawn, with protection, the chances that you could get pregnant are really-"

Connor got a soft smile from Dawn at this remark. "I'm not talking about physical consequences. They seem like shadows to the emotional ones that are inevitable. I can't risk what we have, and until I feel that the risk is worth it, that I can handle everything that will come with that change in our relationship, I just can't. I know how stupid this is going to sound, because it isn't my own personal experience I am drawing on, but those experiences that tore my sister and her friends apart, I don't want any part of that.

Dawn was in near hysterics now, and breathing heavily. Connor reached out and she moved away from him again, before she continued. "I lived every moment of these relationships, except I saw them from the outside, from that place foreign to them. I watched Buffy die inside when her first, the first man she had been with, and her first love, left. She couldn't breathe, she cried in Willow's arms and I swear to you I could feel her pain, deep inside of myself. Then Willow loses Tara in such a violent way, and it sent her over the edge. And don't even get me started on Xander and Anya, and that's before she died." Dawn was sobbing now, her words breaking apart with the force of the tears that flowed from her. Connor reached for her and she allowed him to gather her into his arms.

"Sweetheart that's not us, shhhh, baby. Your family has had a great deal of tragedy to endure. But you can't stop yourself from living. You can't expect that the same things will happen to you. To see a life full of tragedy, even when you are given the chance to start over, it's hard not to look at those events."

Connor couldn't believe the similarities in their pasts, the past he couldn't talk about that is. He had been right where she is, once. He would probably still be there if his father hadn't sacrificed everything to ensure that he had a relatively normal life. But he now had those memories back. It was hard not to pull away from the world, from the possibility of happiness, when he looked at the real memories separate from the ones that had been built for him. The new memories were what kept him sane and working so hard for a happy future. The future he knew he could find with Dawn. He just needed to give her what he'd already been given. New memories. Happy ones they could make together.

"I know it's hard for you to believe this, but you will have a great life filled with happiness. I'm sure of it"

"How could you possibly know that?" Dawns tears had subsided and she was taking in deep calming breaths.

Connor's expression became absolutely serious. "Because I am going to give it to you."

Dawn smiled. "Well," Dawn took in another deep breath. "then how truer could it be?"

Connor looked at her smiling. He hadn't believed it was possible to love someone this much. "You're exhausted. Why don't we just lie down and you let me hold you while you fall asleep."

"Will you leave me?"

"What? Of course I'm not going to leave you."

"But you do. I've woken up alone, worried, trying to wait up for you. I always just end up falling back to sleep, and then there you are when I wake up, like you were never gone."

Connor was silent. He didn't know what to say to her wet searching eyes. "Sometimes I just need to take a walk, you know, clear my head. I never meant to worry you."

"Why don't you ever ask me to go? I like evening strolls. I can even be quiet believe it or not. Like when Buffy and I would go out patr, um for late night strolls, she normally needed silence. I was really quiet then. So, why don't we go now, and you can show me what's so fascinating about wandering the campus at night?"

Connor definitely did not want her outside with him at night. It was the worst possible scenario. He seemed to be some kind of demon magnet lately and there was no way he was going to risk his secret, let alone her life. "You're upset, and I don't-"

"I want to go. If you don't take me then I will have to assume you are going out to get what you're not getting from me with someone else."

"Dawn you know that isn't-"

"It doesn't matter what I know, we're going. Or, I'm going without you. Take your pick." Dawn quickly hopped off the bed and straitened her clothes before pulling her shoes on. "Well, are you coming or not."

"Sweets-"

"I'm walking out the door…"

"Alright I'm coming." Resigned, Connor followed her out the door.

Connor was in alert mode, his spidey senses at max power. He attempted to hold up his end of their quiet conversation as they walked hand in hand. But it didn't last for long. Connor suddenly stiffened and pulled Dawn to a jerking stop. He had heard something.

"Connor, what is it?" Connor didn't respond to her inquiry. He continued to scan the campus looking for any sign of movement.

"Connor?"

"Dawn, I think we should head back to the dorm. It's getting really dark out here. There's no moon and we've walked past the campus lights. It's not safe. Let's go." Connor turned them around, holding her hand tightly in his.

"Sure, you're right it is kind of creepy out here. I hadn't realized how far off campus we'd walked."

Connor had dropped his guard, for only a second to assure her there was nothing to be afraid of, but that was one moment too long. He felt the blow hard against his back throwing both of them to the ground.

"Dawn run!"

"I'm not leaving you!"

"Remember what I said about muggers, now go!"

"No!"

She was still down on the ground, and he had no doubt she had lost her bearings in the black of the night. There was barely any light, but he could see just fine in the darkness. Connor didn't have time to argue with her.

"Then stay down and don't move."

"You need to be put down boy." The demon's voice was low and harsh. His eyes glowed yellow piercing the dark of night

"Then let me see what you've got."

Connor threw strong blows at the demon attacker. He was able to get in a strong kick to the chest followed by one to the head. He didn't have time for a fight to the death, he couldn't risk her life, nor his secret. When he heard the demon finally hit the ground hard, he turned to grab Dawn's hand and pulled her after him in a run. His only hope was that the demon didn't regain consciousness and come after them.

When they got back to the dorm, Connor took Dawn directly to her room. He quickly turned on the lights as they entered to inspect her for injuries. Her scraped knees were the only injuries apparent to him.

"Dawn, are you hurt?"

"I think I may have hit my head. I feel kinda dizzy, and my vision's a bit blurry."

"We need to get you to the hospital. You could have a concussion."

"No, I hate hospitals. Just stay with me and make sure I stay awake tonight. If I pass out then we'll know for sure I have a concussion and you can take me to the hospital." Dawn was looking at him pleadingly, and although it was against his better judgment he acquiesced.

"How do you know so much about concussions?"

"This is far from my first blow to the head." Before he could inquire into what that meant, she asked him to help her lay down on the bed.

"You sure you're going to be OK?"

"Yeah. Was that really a mugger?"

"I'm not really sure. I got in some lucky blows and ran before he had the chance to get up."

"It sounded like more than luck, you seemed to know what you were doing."

Connor considered telling her the truth, but just couldn't. "You caught me, I'm a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I just don't like to talk about it, sounds like I'm bragging."

Dawn smiled at him. "My own personal body guard. I like that."

She was starting to sound sleepy. "Don't you dare go to sleep or we are going to the emergency room."

"I promise no sleeping. Oh, did that guy say something to you? At first I thought it was some guy who knew you."

"I just think he asked for our money. No big deal. Really, forget about it. All that matters is that you're OK."

"Is there something else you're not telling me? It just seemed that, well that…he didn't really look…"

"Dawn, there's nothing else to tell. Stop worrying."

Connor sat on the bed next to Dawn fuming over the fact that he couldn't leave her to go kill the demon that had made the mistake of coming after him, especially while he was with Dawn. He thought about what the demon had said to him, and wondered if this had been his fault, if this were some sort of retaliation for the hunting he had been doing of late.