A/N: -gasp- What is this? Me updating? It must be the apocalypse! However, as I'm sure you'll find, this chapter is basically one long run-on sentence. However, it is eight pages long, so maybe that counts for something? My apologies for the wait (if you're still reading this story, that is). Enjoy.
"Darcy, I need you to run to the grocery store for me after school," Mrs. Edwards said. Darcy looked up from the scrambled eggs she'd been pushing around her plate and shook her head.
"Mom, I can't. Spirit squad practice is this afternoon; besides, I don't have a car." Her mother set down the paper she'd been reading and sighed.
"It's not that far from Degrassi; besides, you know that your father needs the car to go to that interview today," she reminded, taking a sip of orange juice. "This layoff has been doing a number on our finances, and unless we get some form of income sooner or later, we're going to have to file for unemployment." A voice in the back of her head goaded her on, telling her to resist until her mother got really mad, but when she saw her father coming down the stairs, tugging at his tie nervously, she pasted on a smile instead. He didn't deserve that from her, not today.
"Sure, mom. Do you have a list?" Her mother nodded, moving to the counter and taking out a piece of paper and a large stack of coupons. Darcy's jaw slackened as her mother explained what coupon was for what; which ones she needed to combine to get the best deal, and which ones to throw out if she saw a sale on a better brand. "How am I supposed to remember all of this? More importantly, how am I supposed to fit all of these in my purse?" she demanded, moving to the trash can and throwing out her uneaten breakfast. She grabbed the backpack sitting by the door and raised her voice so it could be heard up the stairs. "Claire! We need to get going now if we're going to make it on time for your bus stop!" The younger girl raced down the stairs in the plaid uniform for her private all-girls school.
"Sorry! I forgot to finish my math homework last night," Claire explained sheepishly, adjusting the backpack straps on her shoulders and kissing their father on the cheek. She quickly made her way to Darcy's post at the front door. As they walked to school, Claire struggled to keep up with her older sister's clipped pace, asking occasional questions and greeted only with grunts or monosyllabic answers. She finally stopped in her tracks. "Darce?" Her older sister repressed a sigh as she turned around.
"What is it, Claire? You're going to be late, and unless you feel like squeezing into my locker all day, you'll have to go back home and beg a ride off of dad," Darcy said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Why do you and mom hate each other so much?" Claire inquired. She squinted her eyes, readjusting the glasses that had slipped from the bridge of her nose.
"We don't hate each other," Darcy sighed, twisting a strand of her hair around her fingers. "It's just… mom and I have different opinions about a lot of things; like her wanting me to stay in Friendship Club. You'll understand when you're older," she fumbled, feeling guilty for using the pat answer that she'd hated so much when she was younger. Claire ran to catch up, giggling slightly.
"Remember when Friendship Club met at our house and Linus prayed before the Bible study? He was trying way too hard to sound like Pastor." Darcy let loose an unladylike snort, covering her mouth with her hand quickly. Laughter trickled out, and she shook her head slightly.
"Linus does tend to get rather wordy when the Spirit moves him," she wryly noted. In truth, Linus was about as spiritual as a church pew for all Darcy was concerned, but saying as much to her younger sister would undoubtedly get her in trouble when the words got back to their mother.
"Well, I guess I'll see you this afternoon," Claire replied, coming to a halt and waving as Darcy rounded the corner.
She walked on in silence for a few minutes, starting when the driver of a red civic honked the horn and pulled up to the curb. "Hey Sister, do you want a ride?" Jay called, grinning as he stuck his head out the window. A vehement 'no' was poised to tumble out of Darcy's mouth but a quick glance at her watch showed her that she didn't have the time to argue, much less walk the rest of the way to school. Still…
"No snide remarks about God or detours to your druggie hangouts?" She asked, narrowing her eyes and biting her lip. He held up his hands in defeat.
"Only if you promise to insult me all the way there," he bargained, smirking as she rounded the front of the car and opened the passenger side door.
"Whose body did you burn in here?" Darcy choked, waving a hand in front of her nose.
"Oh, that… I was working on giving the engine some more horsepower, and I kind of ran into a roadblock," he replied sheepishly, reaching a hand out and turning on the radio. As the bass of a rap song riddled with expletives came to life she settled in, allowing herself a cringe at one particularly lewd turn of phrase.
"Interesting music choice," she commented. Her brow was puckered, the corners of her mouth turned down in distaste.
"Well, someone has to blast lyrics demeaning women everywhere and telling us to screw the man, and really, who better than a sexist pig like me?" he retorted, shaking his head when he looked over at her. "Hypocrisy doesn't compliment you."
"And playing the devil-may-care bad boy who doesn't take any crap from people doesn't suit you either," she commented, leaning her head closer to the window. On a whim, she decided to go even further in the hopes that she might hit a nerve. "I think you're a lot nicer than you want people to think you are."
"At least I'm not obsessed with making sure that people think I'm perfect." Darcy turned to face him, hair swishing over her shoulders.
"That is so far from the truth…" when she drifted off, his lips turned up in that half-smile she had always loathed. He looked ready to do a victory lap.
"It's so far from the truth that you can't even think up one of your usual snappy retorts? Wow, I must have really struck gold," he said, pulling into the school and putting the car in park. "Normally I'd charge fare, but since you've been entertaining I think I can let it slide." It took a tremendous amount of effort to keep from rolling her eyes, but as she got out from the car, shutting the door and leaning on the opening window frame, she felt compelled to stay a moment longer.
"Thanks… for the ride, not the insults," she added quickly, running her hand along the mirror on her side of the car. "How did you get back into Degrassi in the first place?" Jay's lips quirked again and he raised his eyebrows.
"Even common criminals have to get an education. Besides, after letting Gavin back into the system, I think that Hatzilakos has convinced herself that she can save me from myself," he replied.
"Well, there's certainly plenty to save you from," she retorted, turning toward the front of the building.
"Should I let her down easy and tell her that you've decided to take over the job?" he called after her. The ever-present flirtatious tone in his voice sent a shiver down her spine so briefly she almost didn't catch it. She felt his eyes boring into her.
"Jay, not even I could save you," she said, but her voice wasn't clear and the last-minute rush of students milling around the front steps was so noisy that she had no way of knowing if he'd heard her.
-0-0-0-
The minute she walked into the cafeteria she made a beeline for the vending machine. Between Spinner's group of friends holding court front and center and Kim's probing eyes following her through the lunch line, no other place was safe. The cheerleaders, of course, would be more than happy to let her sit with them; but she'd already compiled enough of Heather Sinclair's rumors and Manny Santos' snide remarks to last her a lifetime. After taking a moment to ponder the fundamental differences between Coke and Diet Pepsi she slid a few coins into the machine and selected the former. A hand on her arm jolted her back into the hubbub. "You haven't been sitting with us lately," Kim said quietly, her dark eyes searching Darcy's. "You haven't been showing up to friendship club, either."
"I fail to see how that's your concern. I can't believe that you're still sitting at their table after you let that little secret of yours slip." The way Kim's face fell was almost enough to make Darcy feel guilty.
"Look, I told you that in confidence. Linus and I have both confessed our sins and sought forgiveness. We even ended our relationship. I don't see how you can hold this against me," she said, reaching again for Darcy's arm. "I never said I was perfect." Darcy turned away and started for the outdoor quad.
"That's the way it sounded when you and Linus headed the campaign against homosexuality. Or what about how you made my online history a discussion for all of friendship club and let Linus hold me up like an example? I have never felt so humiliated in my whole entire life, Kim," she snarled. Just the memory of the day pricked her eyes with wetness. The other girl crossed her arms awkwardly and looked down.
"It wasn't my idea, Darcy."
"It never is. The problem is that you just let him walk all over you," Darcy said, running both hands through her hair. "Everything I believed about friendship club, about church, about Christians in general, has just been wasting away for a long time now. At first I made myself believe that it was my fault, but now – now I don't know anymore." She paused for a moment and looked at Kim, asking for some silent approval that would make anything less than utter blind faith acceptable. She found only confusion. "I have to get out of this prison. I'm just being suffocated, and… and the last person that can help me is Linus and the last thing I feel like doing is joining hands with a bunch of hypocrites and being one myself."
"Only you could say that and still come off as holier-than-thou," Kim spat out, shaking her head back and forth. "I don't know what happened to you this summer, and in all honestly I don't want to know. When Invasion of the Body-Snatchers ends and you're normal again, give me a call." It was a long moment before Darcy realized that she wasn't shaking in anger but in result of nerves.
If there was an invisible line that her parents, her youth group, her conscience had drawn, she'd just jumped across without batting an eye.
-0-0-0-
Jay groaned and hit the algebra book with his fist. "Piece of shit," he muttered under his breath, narrowing his eyes when Alex burst into laughter.
"Jay, abusing the textbook isn't going to convince your teacher to give you a passing grade," she said sensibly. It was easy enough for her to say; her GPA was a sickening 3.9 and her teachers were singing her praises right and left. Jay, stuck in Algebra II for what would be his second go at a junior year, wasn't nearly as well-liked; not that the idea of being a teacher's pet particularly appealed to him, anyway.
"Well, do you have any other advice? I'd hire your girlfriend to tutor me, but I might just make her start playing for my team again. You seem to have a penchant for those bicurious ones," he replied. His upper lip curled as he tried to concentrate on the mass of numbers and variables on the page. They blurred together in spite of his best efforts. "Damn it," he said, hitting the book again.
"Look, what is up with you? You're not usually the poster child for tolerance, but between the lesbian comments and the jabs about my study habits you're really outdoing yourself today," Alex remarked, her brow furrowed in something uncomfortably close to worry. He ran his finger along the edge of the page. How the hell was he supposed to explain being hurt by someone as harmless and self righteous as Darcy Edwards? That's not how you saw her yesterday…It was true; the banter had been fast-paced and her eyes had reflected their usual show of long-suffering. But yesterday something had shifted. Yesterday she had looked a hell of a lot more like a little girl stranded without her teddy bear than a fierce, independent cheerleading captain. Alex's voice took on a cautious edge as she said, "I saw Darcy get out of your car this morning. Please tell me you're not about to pull another Emma Nelson, Jay." He stiffened at the mention of his best friend's girlfriend. He considered that tryst one of his finer accomplishments, although it wasn't nearly worth her particular brand of public humiliation and the loss of Alex.
"I passed her on my way to school. She was a mess yesterday, so I thought I'd be nice and offer her a ride," he bit out. "So shoot me."
"I'm more inclined to have a long talk with Spinner," Alex answered. "Ever since Sean got put away you've been keyed up. If you have to do something stupid like make a few deals in the ravine to get the tension out, go ahead. I don't want to see you throwing your second chance away, though." Jay eyed her quizzically.
"And how does going out with a child of the most high God equate with throwing my life away?"
"Peter seems to have his eye on her," she replied, rolling her eyes, "And as we all know, Peter gets what Peter wants or someone with a lower GPA and a worse track record gets slammed." His genuine dislike for the boy mixed with the mental image of Peter with his paws all over the brown-haired girl made a growl rise in Jay's throat. He'd never claimed to be a good guy, but stooping to the level of voyeurism that little bitch thrived at or fucking up innocent peoples' lives was below even him. Darcy might be too reserved for his taste, but she was innocent goddamnit. Watching that wash away from one more person he knew was too harsh a thought to stomach.
"Well, you don't have anything to worry about, mom," he replied with a smile. "I have a feeling Darcy wouldn't have me if I were the last man on earth." She eyed him knowingly for a moment, deciding not to argue the point. Knowing that she'd seen a small, satisfied smile on the younger girl's lips that morning would only encourage him.
-0-0-0-
"So did you really drive to school with him?" Darcy's eyes widened.
"Where did you hear that?" she gritted through her teeth. Her placid smile remained planted firmly in place as she led the squad on their warm-up stretches.
"Oh, you could say that the whole school is buzzing with the news. It's just a little odd, don't you think? First you go after an estranged ex popular, then you go for Emma Nelson's nerdy leftovers, and now you have your eye on a guy who's illegal in every sense of the word?" Chante asked, raising her eyebrows. Something in her tone made Darcy's blood pressure rise.
"I was never into Peter. God, Chante, he's a decent cheerleader and I made the mistake of letting him near me with a camera. And you know better than to talk to me about Spinner," she reminded, walking off to the bleachers as Manny introduced the squad to a new routine. Chante shrugged.
"You don't have to convince me. Just don't let it affect your technique, okay? You've seemed a little off kilter already this season, and if you're not careful you could have a mutiny on your hands."
"It wouldn't be the first time a cheerleading captain was impeached by force," Darcy grumbled, looking at her co-captain as she led the squad in a series of jumps and twists. Turning her attention back to the girl at her side she forced a reluctant smile. "There's nothing to worry about, okay? I'm not going to drag the spirit squad's reputation through the mud any further than I already have."
Chante raised a skeptical eyebrow before shrugging and joining the rest of the girls. Darcy allowed herself a heavy sigh before she moved to join them.
The fist that had been squeezing her heart for the last forty minutes gave another flex for good measure, and she found moisture filling her eyes. Stop it, Darcy, she instructed herself silently. This is getting you nowhere. Focus on the routine, focus on the cheer, focus on your shoelaces if you need to; just don't break down in front of the school's biggest group of gossips.
"Are you planning on joining us today?" Heather called out, hand planted firmly on her hip. Darcy bit back a snarl and walked over briskly.
"Okay, guys, now that Manny has shown you some of the choreography for our new routine, I think it's time we started focusing on our cheers for tomorrow's soccer game. We're facing our rivals, and we really need to make sure that we have all the words memorized." She glared pointedly at a sophomore alternate who had slipped up and substituted an expletive for "hit" at the last game.
The sound of a door opening caught her attention and she felt her stomach clench at the sight of Peter Stone, Derek, and Danny sauntering up to them. "You called?" Danny inquired, giving Manny a suggestive wink before joining the formation.
"What is going on here?" Darcy asked, hands on her hips as she did her best to regain control of the practice.
"Well, it's simple really," Peter answered with a smirk, "You said we were part of your competition routines and half time programs, and Manny said you would need us today."
"You must have savored hearing that, seeing as no woman in her right mind would ever say she needed you for any other reason," she bit out petulantly. The sadistic grin slipped from his face. Darcy took a deep breath and counted to three, reminding herself that personal issues aside, she did need the three of them. "Okay, have you guys been practicing the lifts Manny taught you?" At their nods she began talking rapidly. "In that case, I need Peter beside Amanda, Danny by Chante, and Derek, you take Heather. We need to get these tosses down quickly, and they need to be clean. The judging is getting a lot tighter this year, and if we have any hope of making it to the regional competition we need to step up our game."
"Tell us something we haven't heard a thousand times," someone muttered, but before Darcy could identify the dissenter a loud screeching noise came from the side door.
"I promise you that I didn't take it! I have absolutely no desire to retake Algebra II," JT protested, the large yellow mascot head tipping precariously in his arms. A seething Jay Hogart followed twenty feet behind him.
"That's kind of hard to believe, considering that you're the last person who left study hall before me!" His blue eyes flashed and he practically emitted steam.
"Maybe you just lost it," JT suggested, finally turning around, "you know, that thing that happens when an object gets misplaced and no one's stolen it? I know it's an unusual occurrence in your life, but it happens quite a bit to most of us." Darcy had a sinking feeling that there was no way this could end well.
"What's going on?" Manny called, heading over to join the two. Darcy followed the older girl quickly, smirking against her will when Jay turned the whole force of his derision on Manny.
"As it so happens, my book magically disappeared around the time Penny here scurried out of study hall, and when I very politely asked him if he had any idea where it had gotten to he started running in the other direction."
"The name 'Penny' was decided upon back when the mascot was still a girl!" JT groaned, running a hand over his damp hair.
"I don't think that he has your book, Jay. Why don't you try checking with Mr. Simpson? Media Immersion is next door to Mrs. Parker's, and she usually passes on text books to him so people can claim them during his classes," she suggested softly. The ruffled older boy looked at her, and for a moment she could have sworn his expression softened fractionally. His next reply was ready before she had a chance to brush off the notion.
"I'm sorry, which of the Ten Commandments am I breaking here?"
"Are you sure you didn't accidentally shove that math book up your butt?" she retorted. For a moment they engaged in a silent stand-off; then he stalked out of the gym without another word.
"What a jerk," Manny mumbled, turning to JT. "Are you okay?"
"Oh, the only thing hurt is my already fragile ego," JT sighed. "Thanks for saving my butt out there," he said to Darcy, avoiding her eyes. She flinched at the unintentional rudeness; she knew that he hadn't forgiven her for kicking his girlfriend off the squad. Rightfully, it seemed to her.
"That's okay," she replied, suddenly uncomfortable. "Manny, can you take it from here? There's only a half hour left to practice, and my mom needed me to pick up some stuff at the store…" she drifted off. Manny gave a small nod and she immediately moved to the bleachers to collect her duffel bag and water bottle. This was only a slightly monumental waste of time.
When she got through the Plexiglas doors leading to the parking lot she allowed herself a frustrated groan. "Darcy?"
She looked up at the sound of Spinner's voice and saw him walking toward her. His brow was creased endearingly, and she remembered the many times she'd pressed her finger to his forehead to smooth the exact same frown. This time she couldn't stop the tears even with warning. "Are you okay?" he asked. The pain was too close to the surface to internalize.
"Why don't you just read my MyRoom page and find out? That's what everyone else is doing, isn't it?" She brushed past him before he had a chance to reply. Against her better judgment she silently pleaded with him to run after her, call her name; anything to show he cared. The only thing she heard leaving the school was a solitary pair of feet crossing the pavement.