A/N: This somehow managed to be longer than the first chapter. Alas.
I had a lot of fun writing this one. Lo! Plot! And finally the arrival of a promised character. Enjoy! But first:
Soelle: I'm so glad to see you back! Yup, Ino was the cat. I'm glad you got that, as I wasn't sure if I was clear enough or not ;) And I suppose both Kakashi and Iruka deserve a little pity. I love those two dearly!
LittleLilt: Scheming!Tsunade is a blast to write. Honestly, if you were Hokage, wouldn't you abuse the power shamelessly as well? I'm glad you like the story! I love hearing what pairings people like mysterious grin
Newtothescene: I hope this was in a mildly timely update. It beats a 9 month wait in any case ;) Thank you for reading and commenting!
Guennol: Poor Neji has all sorts of things in store for him! Thank you for reading, and I'll try to be somewhat reliable with posting!
Gracia-chan: Ahh! My first review is back! hugs Nope, I haven't dropped the story yet ;) I'm actually writing pages and pages in completely impromptu sittings! The majority of this chapter was written this evening.
Thank you reviewers, and folks who gave my story their attention! Now, enough of my rambling.
The three ANBU removed their masks, just to be absolutely certain Tsunade could see their incredulous looks.
"Care to run that by us again, Hokage-sama?" Tenten asked with a bubbly smile, as if creating a childish ambience could scare away the Hokage's previous comment. Ino looked as if she were trying to maintain a work-appropriate level of stoic in her expression, but only succeeding in getting stuck between disbelief and laughter. Neji, after a quick widening of eyes, remained looking decidedly Neji-ish.
"Report," the Hokage snapped, and had they been a lower level, all three would have flinched. Perhaps they had misheard?
Neji, naturally, was the first to recover. "No unauthorized foreign movement within our borders, Hokage-sama. Less than half an hour ago, however, we caught the trail of quick moving, erratic chakara. A message soon came we had a missing nin. He was reclaimed without incident and is currently incapacitated and in the care of Inuzuka. He should be arriving in Ibiki's compound shortly."
"Good good. I figured your unit would take care of that, so I didn't deploy the hunter nin." Here Tsunade tapered into silence and the four people in the room stared at each other.
"Sooo… How are things?" Tsunade asked casually, and Neji's eyebrow twitched.
"Was there some other aspect of the day your wished me to report on, Hokage-sama?" The two stared at each other for a few more moments before something in Tsunade's expression changed.
"Nope! Dismissed, Hyuuga. Yamanaka and, er… Tenten, you both are to remain here."
Neji opened his mouth, but at Tsunade's raised eyebrow he just as quickly closed it with an audible click and disappeared from the room in a vertical blur of movement.
Tsunade chuckled once he was gone. "He's doing much better, but there still seems to be a little bit of stick left up his ass." The two ANBU in front of her gave suppressed laughs in unison. "But what a fine ass it is. Either of you want to jump it?"
And they were back to where they started.
"Hokage-sama?" Tenten asked with a laugh while Ino gave the older blonde an appraising look.
"You heard me correctly on both counts. It's about time Hyuuga started producing some little over-serious, fate-obsessed Hyuuga-lings. It's his duty as a Konoha shinobi, but this is one task he cannot do on his own, no matter how many hours of…hm… 'training' he could dedicate to it. You two, beside Hinata, are the women who are closest to him. If the Hyuuga as a family continue to reproduce solely within their clan, we are going to have children with a third hand growing out of their little cursed-seal-marked foreheads. It's only due to sheer luck that the worse they've pumped out so far are emotional midgets... and Heiji… So that rules out Hinata. Are one of you girls up to it?"
Tenten actually had to close her hanging jaw. The woman had to be joking. Had to! She had been Neji's teammate for six years, for goodness sake! Just because she periodically fantasized about them one day being together- well really, what girl hadn't?- didn't mean she was ready to marry him and start a family. Yes, he was something more than a brother to her, but… could she really take their relationship to a more intimate level? Something low in her stomach curled pleasantly, and with a blush she responded "I-"
"Hell yes."
Tenten's eyes snapped up at Ino's comment. What? What???
"Excuse me, Ino, but I believe you are mistaken. I think you mean you're still interested in jumping the other angsty Konoha genius that has mastered a doujutsu, should he ever deign to return. This is Neji we're talking about here, so I'll just-"
Ino waved away her comment. "Tenten, Sasuke has been gone for close to six years. Honestly, I'm over him. We don't even know if he's alive. Neji has been my captain for two years now and… I don't know, I feel something whenever we banter back on forth. He can be really fun, with his dry humor, and you'd have to be blind, deaf, and dead to be in our unit and not notice how loyal and protective he is. Can there be a better guy? Oh, that, and he's pure sex. Don't you remember that one mission where the kunai ripped the front of his vest-"
"Do you make it a habit of stealing another girl's guy?" Tenten ground out. "No wonder Sakura used your academy picture as a dart-board."
Ino's face clouded over. "Excuse me? Did I see a sign around his neck saying 'property of Tenten'? No, I don't believe I did."
"Apparently because your eyes were too trained on other parts of his anatomy! I ought to-"
"Why you little-"
"Kunoichi!"
Bother girls stopped mid-sentence and turned slowly towards the Hokage, identical blushes spilling across there faces. It was obvious both had forgotten the leader of Konoha was still in the room. They regarded her meekly, waiting for the inevitable reprimand.
"I am appalled at how childishly you two are handling this assignment," Tsunade ground out, and their heads dipped a bit further. "You should be focusing on an easy solution instead of bickering in my office and wasting my time.
"We're sorry, Hokage-sama, we-"
"Yeah, yeah, shut up, didn't I say there is a simple solution? This is Hyuuga Neji we are talking about here."
The two kunoichi regarded her in silence. Tsunade sighed.
"He's an emotional stump. Getting him to express an attraction to anyone is going to be the hardest part here. Whoever can get him interested first will be the one who deserves him."
They were silent for a few more moments before Tenten spoke. "That is the most depraved-"
"You're just saying that because I have more charm," Ino interrupted with an easy grin.
"You won't be very charming if I plant a fuuma shurikan in the back of your head," Tenten snarled.
Tsunade smiled hugely. "I'm gland we've reached an agreement. Good luck ladies!"
Outside, the posted ANBU blinked nervously at the sudden explosion of intense killing intent radiating from Tsunade's office.
Iruka was not in a good mood.
Iruka was quite a patient person when there was need. He was kindhearted and understanding. He was skilled beyond his current level and insightful on multiple levels. He even forgave the annual occurrence of glue in his hair while teaching the new batch of academy students. He was not, however, able to accept he would be living in the same house with Kakashi and Anko for Gods knew how long.
After a stressful lunch that only really "hammered out" that all three members of their odd party were particularly skilled at glaring, they had moodily gone to check out the house Tsunade had arranged for them.
It was a breath-taking estate, Iruka had to give Hokage-sama that. With three stories, a large practice area around the back, elegant walkways, and flowing decorative ponds, it was a breath-taking palace (at least to his perspective, which had been desensitized to the crammed and dank apartments that were run-of-the-mill for ninja). What really put a damper on the arrangement was that as soon as they were in the door, Anko pounced and both jounin were gone. He had been hit in the face with Kakashi's boxers.
Hit in the face!
Not wanting even a remote idea of what they were up to, he went out to the training yard and started doing what any good ninja would: scheming.
The Hokage was most directly responsible for his situation, but any revenge on her could be greeted with an underground jail cell. This automatically transferred his full ire to his housemates. As much as it irritated him to admit it, Kakashi had been surprisingly calm about the entire thing and actually appeared to be taking Iruka's feelings into account. The school teacher immediately filed this away as out-of-character, and was suitably paranoid. He had no idea what the man was up to, but Kakashi was as cunning as a rabid weasel when he needed to be. Then there was Anko.
Even in their academy days, Anko had been certifiably insane. As she grew older, she only refined her madness until somehow she distinguished herself as "crazy as shit" even among the other jounin, an impressive if not necessarily braggable feat.
Iruka sat stewing in the training yard until the sun began to dip behind the high wall of the village. The conclusion of his mulling? He would just have to make himself the most detestable house guest in existence. Somehow, he would have to be so annoying even Kakashi and Anko wouldn't be able to live with him, and would thus kick him out. A grin that hadn't surfaced since he was a pre-teen split across his face. Those two had no idea who they were dealing with.
As Iruka walked back into the house, however, he was greeted with shouts that made him go pale.
"Ow! Stop it you bastard!"
"In your dreams. I've got you right where I want you."
"I'm serious! You're hurting me you ass."
"That's the point, Anko-chan. Eat it. Eat it!"
"You are such a bastard, Kakashi!"
Iruka stood in indecision for several moments. He certainly didn't want to interrupt the two of them, but his honor as a shinobi would be tarnished if he ignored what he thought was going on.
"Maa, chill out and take it like a man, Anko."
"Ah! Stop it!"
That sealed it. Yes, he was a lower rank. Yes, Anko would probably be shamed if he interfered. But Iruka was a good guy at heart and couldn't stand to hear a woman say such things in that tone. Sucking in a sobering breath, he darted up the stairs and busted through the door before he could think about what he was doing. Without raising his eyes to the bed, he addressed Kakashi angrily.
"I don't know what the hell you think you're doing, but-"
"Iruka-sensei. If you wanted to join us, you could have just asked. Or knocked, for that matter."
Iruka's gaze flew upwards in outrage at the man's words… and settled on a completely unanticipated sight.
Kakashi and Anko lounged on the bed, fully clothed and staring raptly at the television as their fingers flew over the buttons of what appeared to be controllers to a game consul. Anko's face was contorted into a bitter scowl in sharp contrast to Kakashi's clear amusement. Within seconds the room was filled with a digital groan of pain. Anko threw down the controller.
"No fair. Iruka distracted me. Screw this, I'm going to go eat."
Kakashi stared steadily at Iruka as Anko slinked out of the room
"What?" the academy teacher asked in a defensive tone. In response, the copy nin lobbed Anko's vacated controller, which Iruka caught on instinct.
"You just took away my entertainment. Get your ass over here so I can progress the game."
Iruka stared dumbfounded at the controller in his hands before shuffling numbly over to the bed.
"I don't know how to play," he protested weakly.
Kakashi shrugged. "Irrelevant. If you were good, I would still beat you. If you were better than me, I'd cheat. I'm not good at losing, so I am quite content to have you just sit there and button mash in a confused haze."
Despite himself, Iruka laughed at the blunt statement, and settled down to watch the shower of his own digital blood.
Neji paused. No. No no no. Having decided to drop back to the branch compound for a change of cloths before dinner, all Neji wanted to do was blissfully ignore the uneasy feeling Tsunade had given him. That priority jumped pretty far down his list, however, when he felt the distinctive chakara swirling patiently in one of the compound's front gardens. It was unmistakable, its signature branded into every Konoha nin's mind, yet it was completely illogical. Why here? Why now? Why him? Because Neji had no doubt, the 'visitor' was there to see him. The thought was confirmed as he passed dazed house members who glanced at him nervously before quickly looking away. Brilliant.
As much as he wished he were wrong, Neji was not surprised when he finally reached the garden.
With an elegant grace only a truly skilled murder could exude without effort, Uchiha Sasuke sat at the edge of one of the Hyuuga family ponds, gazing distractedly into the water. At Neji's approach, his gaze swung lackadaisically towards the Hyuuga.
Black eyes. That has to count for something, I suppose Neji reflected dourly as he stopped several feet away from the other man. Of course, a ninja of Sasuke's caliber hardly needed to activate his blood limit to be considered dangerous. Neji bit back a scowl, unsure of how to proceed as the last family members in the area beat a hasty retreat. Was this going to be some sort of impromptu duel?
The Uchiha smirked. Yup, that was very in character, and it pissed Neji off beyond words. The only one who was allowed to smirk arrogantly around here was him. As if to prove this point, Neji returned the smirk. Sasuke's expression faltered. He looked slightly put out.
"You are not afraid to see and S-rank missing nin twiddling his thumbs in your lovely garden?" Sasuke asked in a voice much deeper than that in Neji's memory. The Hyuuga raised an eyebrow.
"I am tired, irritated, and suspect that the Hokage is plotting something that might or might not impair my health. I just want to get some damn dinner, and am being forced to jump hurdles just so I go out to eat one of my least favorite foods right now. Why, Uchiha-san, do you believe I find your appearance anything out of the ordinary given how shitty the day has already been?"
The Uchiha pursed his lips, accentuating the cheekbones that were now prominent and chiseled. Something in his dark eyes suggested he was amused. "Should I apologize for being so run of the mill? I can go help a few old ladies across the street if it would break your anticipation."
"Any little old lady in the village would likely try to clobber you with her produce if you offered such a service," Neji muttered under his breath.
"You are more…loquacious than I recall. You may or may not even have a personality. How this village has changed in my absence." Yup. That smirk was quite securely in place again.
Neji appeared to be accommodating the Uchiha's inclination to banter. This would not do. It was time to whip out the Commanding Officer Voice.
"I do not have time for this. What are you doing here?"
The Uchiha's thin eyebrows rose a fraction, as if the change of tone only further amused him. "Isn't some friendly repartee reason enough?" Before Neji could think of something scathing to say that in all honesty probably would have just encouraged him, Sasuke's expression sobered. "Itachi is dead."
Neji watched him with a neutral expression. What in the seven hells was a proper response to that?! "Congratulations"? "I'm sorry"? "Will you be shacking up with the village ladies and fulfilling life-goal number two then"? He wasn't even sure why Sasuke felt Neji was the person to tell this information; it wasn't like they had been pen pals during the Uchiha's extended absence.
"I see." When in doubt, go with bland. Bland worked well.
"I did not kill him."
So then, "I'm sorry" would be the appropriate response? Sasuke continued in the face of his silence. "The man who did kill him now has the sharingan in its most complete form. He has many such abilities. He is a collector of sorts. I will kill him, but… well, let us say the talent in Konoha has not escaped his notice, and I have come to see if my old village would be interested in an armistice."
Ah. At least he was here for a reason. Neji was initially relieved Sasuke wasn't just plaguing him for the coy wordplay. This feeling faded into one he hadn't felt in ages, one he had hoped to banish from his system entirely.
Fear coiled in the Hyuuga's gut as the realization struck him. Uchiha Sasuke is asking for help.