Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the idea of such a stupid direction this story has to go.

Summary: Contrary to what the main summary says, the central character of this silly story is Naruto. Set 13 years after their Genin days and filled with lots of stupidity and believe it or not, philosophy of life too.

Chapter 1 (Unbeta-ed) : Scare me twice, won't you?

Naruto was on the verge of a mental breakdown, as weeks progresed, he found more and more similarity between the young Lee and a certain black hair avenger. Of course, he could ask the person herself but he did not have a dying wish. No one, he repeat, no one would ever ask a question like this to Sakura and expect to survive the aftermath of her wrath.

"Arghh!!! I can't take it anymore!!" He screamed, his hands fisted in his own hair.

"Can't take what, Naruto-kun?" a voice asked.

"Ahhh!!!!" he screamed like a girl and jumped almost ten feet away from the source, "Sa..Sakura-chan!"

"You know, it's not really healthy to keep talking to yourself." She reprimanded him gently, "First you keep going back to the graves to talk and now, you are chatting to the air, can't be good for anyone's health"

Naruto thought his heart had almost leaped out of his body. Sakura grabbed Naruto by his arm, dragging him to the nearest public benches in the streets. She was unaware of the unnatural whiteness that had taken over his usually tanned face as she beamed at him.

"We haven't met for quite a while, have we? I can't believe out of the 3 of us, you will be the first one to leave the team. And it was for the position of teacher at the Genin Academy."

Keeping his heartbeat in check, he spoke, "Well, it is good experience, guiding the next generation, learning about them, the village and more. You know, to be the next Hokage and all that. They had an opening and I went for it."

"If you're the Naruto i knew 13 years back, you would never say a thing about experiences," she chuckled, "You would most likely get peeved at being given anything less exciting than a A rank mission back then. But you have been a teacher for 1 year already, haven't you? Naruto-sensei!" she teased.

"Yep! And a good one at that too!"

"So i heard," Her eyebrow raised unconvincingly, "Seems like you bend on carrying some bad habits of Kakashi-sensei." A sheepish scratch on his head, "But it's not that bad since I believe you never liked the Icha-icha series. So... What's the thing you can't take again?"

"Nothing, nothing I can't take, Sakura-chan. Forgotten who you're talking to? Ahahaha." His heartbeat accelerated, his face turned paler by a shade too.

"By any chance, is my boy giving you any problem?" She eyed at him sharply.

"What?! How can that be possible! He's a good kid, with lots of potential, just that his character is a bit like Sasu...! I mean Saku.. no! No! Like Saitama-san!" he stuttered, hands frantically hovering about the air like a madman.

"Oh really."

He frozed.

"Who's Saitama anyway?"

"Did i say that?" Naruto laughed, albeit forcefully, "I mean, he just needs a little bit more consideration for his teammates, trust them and rely on them. He's a bit of a loner."

He could be more like Rock Lee.

"Yeah," she sighed, "Kinda taken after the wrong guy didn't he?"

And Naruto's jaw promptly fell onto the ground. It can't be!

"Well, I have some grocery shopping to do, Rock Lee will be home today after his 4 days mission." She waved a very still Naruto a cheery goodbye.

It could not have been! His breathing resumed to normal when he saw Sakura's back fading down into the streets.

Bad thoughts aside, it was time to talk to the graves like what Sakura said. He mentally cheered.

"Bastard, stay dead, won't you."

This time, he opted for a big rock to sit on by the carved stone.

"I couldn't believed i actually thought you and... Saku.. and...Argh! I cannot bring myself to say it!"

"Dobe."

"Ahhhhhh!!!!" He fell off the rock he was sitting on. At least he did not shriek like a girl this time.

Picking himself off the ground, he dusted his pants and glared at the owner of the voice. "What are you doing here!"

"Felt an evil aura cursing for someone's death around here so I thought I might check it out." the owner smirked at a flustered Naruto.

"Who's cursing for anyone's death around here? Hahahaha, nice joke." He tried to forced out a chuckle but ended up choking on his own saliva.

"Oh really? Dobe." He stressed on the last word.

"Who's the -cough- do -cough- be?! You -cough- teme!" he thumped on his own chest, desperately trying to squash his coughing fit.

He got a very satisfied smile in return. And the coughing fit stopped.

"Gods, of all thing you picked up from the bastard, this stupid nickname has to get stuck." he slapped his forehead as he grumbled, "What are you? 5? Calling names at such an old age."

"Hmm... Did i do wrong again?" A puzzled face (or rather, an expressionless one, if you forget to squint) overtook the smug one.

"Sai, for the last time, nicknames among 'old friends' are meant to be teasing, not insulting." Naruto rolled his eyes and started to walk towards Ichiraku, his stomach was already beginning to hint at something.

Sai followed suit, carrying his trademark smile (which is really kind of expressionless, if you forget to squint again).

AN: Did you really think that it could be Sa...Sa... Sasuke? Lol.