Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the idea of such a stupid direction this story has to go.

Summary: Expect not the unexpected because unexpected is not to be expected. Geddit? Anyway, this story is... you know, it's just a story, so now, let's get on with it.

Chapter 3 (Unbeta-ed): Let me say goodbye to my future grandchildren

Since that day Naruto ran away from his Genin teams, someone had been searching for him with killing intent. After his team, formed 4 years ago, consisting of him, Sai, Tenten and Kiba returned from their Anbu mission, he had been stuck in the Hokage's office, giving a detailed report of what had went on in their one month long mission.

Since he knew he would not be out anytime soon, being a genius and all, he passed Sai a note to pass to Naruto who would most definitely be in the one place he hated to be in. Sai smiled, you know, in that eerie way of his, and said he would love to pass that note to Naruto (Actually, he had been suspecting Sai of being an accomplice of Naruto for quite some time, being ex-teammates and all.) which made him glared even harder at Sai if that was possible.

For someone who needed books to teach him how to interact with people, Sai was surprisingly an expert when it comes to pushing the wrong buttons of people. Whether he had did it delibrately or not, it was up to speculation.

On the other hand, the deliberation of Naruto picking up Kakashi's stupid habits was debatable too.

Either way, he was seething in anger by the end of the post-mission debriefing, hoping to catch that blond mop of mischief before the day ends, so that he could wrench that bloody mop of hair off his head, of course, the head was to be fully ripped off the body after that his limps one by one and so on... Images of extreme violence flooded his mind which further description was probably censored in this story due to ratings. Shivers ran through his body as laughter threaten to burst out from his usually cool visage anytime soon. If anything, he was good at holding it all in, thus he never did break out in the maniactic. It was proven and shown in the past, and it certainly had yet to change now.

On the other side of town, Naruto sneezed. Several times, simultaneously. After the 723,9712th time (Honestly? It was only the 14th time - You've got to wonder where Mai got her bad counting skills from, don't you?), he wondered if he had gotten a cold. There was a first time for anything, right? So he went to a pharmacy to get some cold meds, planning to go straight home after that. But there was a long queue at the pharmacy, it being the hayfever season and so on, so he was stuck there for several hours, queing for a small pack of cold meds.

Now, the person looking for Naruto would never had thought to look for him in a pharmacy because the Naruto he knew hardly ever gets sick. So, he never did find Naruto by the end of the day. If his mood could get any darker, dark clouds were already gathering over his head for the party of their lifetime.

Cursing at his bad luck the next day, he turned to the very place where he warned Naruto very clearly - in black and white, literally - to not to go to.

And apparently, he found out that Dobes never do what was of the best interest for them.

"Hey bastard, I am back again. Guess what? I am thinking that there's a high possibility of... you know? Well, er.. Sa..and..Sa... and.. ARGH!!! I still can't bring myself to say but! You know what I mean!" Naruto nearly burst into tears by the big oak tree. He held in face in both his hands.

"Poor Lee kept in the dark for so long." he sniffed, "Taking good care of your son for you."

He paced back and forth from the rock to the oak tree.

"Bet you never thought Sakura would do that for you huh?" Some sobbing and sniffles, "You are such a selfish bastard. How could you do that to them!"

That nerve of a Dobe! The shadow behind another oak tree radiated enough heat to burn up the whole tree, roots included.

"And now I am down with a cold and unable to teach my lovely Team. It's all your fault, bastard!" He kick the dirt on the ground. "Can't stay dead, can you?"

That was it. One could only take so much verbal abuse before he charged into a blurry haze of blue and black towards that blond mop of an idiot.

"ARGH!!! You really can't stay dead! Nooooo!! You evil spirit! You turned into an evil ghost to kill me, didn't you!" Naruto struggled from the death grip on his neck, effectively pining him to the big oak tree.

"Say. That. Again." The voice dared.

"All right. I give. I was just kidding man, let go." And was promptly dropped onto the ground.

"Ahhh!! Ghost!!!" Naruto took the chance to run.

"That bastard!" The assualter punched the big oak tree hard enough to leave a permenant dent.

Bent over with one hand on the doorknob of his apartment, the other hand supporting his upper body on his knees, he breathed deeply several times to catch his breath.

"You." he frozed and bend up straight as though he was a stiff robot. Sounds of unoiled hinges could be heard as his head was mechanically turned in slow jerks to face the perpetrator (in his point of view).

"Sa...Sasuke. You are back!" He grinned awkwardly, trying to pretend he had just left his house instead of the other way round. In his mind, somewhere deep, he was bidding goodbyes to the future sons and daughters and the following grandchildren he would never have.

AN: And here he is! The dead man himself!