Silence, she hated it but no more than she hated hospitals. She avoided them as much as possible and considering what had happened the last time she was here she hated them more now than ever before. After much persuasion she managed to send Elliot home to his wife after sitting vigil by her side for almost two days.
She still hadn't had the chance to tell Elliot anything that she had been through but she knew that he would always be there for her; since she had 4 days off to recuperate she didn't have much of a choice but to contemplate what had happened to her. Lack of sleep, not eating, the alcohol, binge drinking so much she forgot the night before, god I even woke up in a motel and couldn't remember how I had gotten there. But worse was the depression, the feeling that she was never going to be whole again, the feeling that no one knew how she felt that she was on her own.
The hours crawled by as she was only left with her thoughts for company; nurses came and went with promises of more visits and the attention of a doctor before she could be discharged.
The door to her room swung inwards and loudly crashed against the wall startling Olivia out of her internal monologue. "Well Detective I have the results of your blood test and I have to say im rather ……surprised to say the least."
Still trying to get her raging heartbeat under control Olivia only heard half of what the loud, brash short woman was saying. As the blood raging through her ears subsided she finally found her voice. "im sorry…..I don't understand"
"Well Detective it seems that your about 2 months pregnant. But you will be pleased to know that the baby is fine but your going to have to gain a lot of weight and have regular check ups." The Doctor whose name badge indicated her as being Samantha Marsden M.D looked at Olivia with one of the biggest smiles she had ever seen patiently waiting for her reaction.
It made no sense. How could she be pregnant, she hadn't had sex since Alex had left and as far as she could remember you still needed to have sex to have a baby, she may have done sex education along time ago but it hadn't changed that much. Blinking rapidly as though it would bring back her memories she settled on the only possible explanation she could think of. "No."
The smile that was once plastered tightly across Doctor Sam's face soon vanished as the tone of Olivia's words hit her. "Your blood test clearly….."
Any other justification that was coming was soon lost as Olivia once again spoke up. "No its not possible, I cant be pregnant….I haven't had sex in three months so tell me Doctor how can I be pregnant …… even if the next explanation you come up with is immaculate conception you would be wrong...coz the Virgin Mary Im not." It felt like a humming bird had taken up resident in her chest as her heart rate picked up, adrenaline rushed through her veins as she desperately tried to reason with the incredibly chipper looking Doctor who was standing at the foot of her bed.
For a second it looked as though the doctor actually believed her and conceded to the fact that Olivia was right and then she realized she had more than seven years of medical training to prove Detective Olivia Benson wrong. "We can run the tests again but im sorry, you are pregnant. I'll let you get some rest and come back and talk to you later once the news has settled in, then we can talk about your options." Without another word she quietly slipped out of the room, much unlike her entrance and was almost unnoticed by Olivia.
How? Well she knew the logistics of how obviously but she couldn't actually remember the how or the when. Her thoughts and troubles ran through her mind. Takings a deep calming breath she tried like mad to calm her raging heartbeat but to no avail, if she kept going this way she was going to give herself a heart attack which is just what she needed.
Going slowly through the events of the last three months she finally came across something that didn't quite add up. Oh god the motel. Of course it had to be the drink, even though she had finally given it up she still couldn't get away from its evil. Oh go I just assumed that I had been to drunk to get home so I found a motel to crash but what if someone took me there. She tried to rationalize her thoughts; it was the only thing that made sense in a twisted kind of way.
She finally came to the conclusion that she couldn't have been raped because there would have been some kind of evidence so it must have been consensual. She recalled all the times before Alex that she used to go to bars get blind drunk and sleep with some poor unsuspecting guy and then leave him in the morning. What the hell am I going to do? Keep it? Abortion? What about Alex, the squad, my life….a baby?. She had always wanted kids and Alex was the first person she could actually see herself having kids with.
What to do first? Cry? Scream? Laugh? Throw up? God could I be more of a mess. It must have been a few hours since her last visit because she looked up just in time to see her door almost tentatively open to reveal an apologetic looking Doctor Marsden. "We ran the tests again and im afraid there still the same, you're pregnant."