Bella's Point of View

After lunch, the rest of the school day seemed to creep by. I'd had the second fight in two days with Edward today, over the same thing. Why couldn't he just accept the fact that I wanted to be with him forever? How was it that an amazing man like him couldn't comprehend that I didn't mind losing my soul if he was beside me?

I frowned and closed my eyes, laying my head on the steering wheel after pulling over on the side of the road. The stress felt like it was becoming unbearable. Between arguing with Edward, worrying about Jacob, and handling exams, my body was suffering. It had been weeks now since I'd had a day off without a dizzy spell.

True, Edward could make me faint with the mere contact of his lips, but this was a different feeling. My body was fatigued, and the dizziness I felt wasn't that of overwhelming joy and excitement, but rather of exhaustion. It was stress though, it had to be. Nothing else could possibly be going wrong with me.

Sighing, I rubbed my eyes to try and clear my fuzzy vision of my surroundings. After taking a few long deep breaths, I pulled onto the road, and continued on my way to La Push. I had to at least get something off my chest, and if Edward was going to keep fighting with me - it had to be this. I had to talk to someone; Jacob was the perfect candidate.

Ever since I'd heard that he was going through what I went through after losing Edward, I'd been worried sick about him. I wasn't sure if caring about him or the fact that I was begging for my soul to be exchanged for eternal presence on earth was taking more of a toll on me. At least after talking to him, my heart would be less heavy, and hopefully his, too.

It felt like an eternity before I finally pulled into Jake's driveway and parked. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, not feeling so much sick at the moment, but nervous. Finally, I got out of the car and walked towards the door, before knocking.

"Come in." I heard a voice that I recognized as Billy Black's call from inside. I swallowed the lump in my throat, before turning the knob and making my way in, stumbling over the threshold as I did so.

"Bella-" The old man said, looking at me rather exasperated. "Wow, you, I hadn't expected-"

I nodded slowly, understanding what he meant. "Uh, yeah, I was wondering if maybe I could talk to Jacob? That is, if he'll talk to me." I bit my lip rather hard, looking from Billy to the multiple deer heads on the walls.

"I think that would be good for him. Just, try not to-" He paused for a long moment. "You're intelligent, Bella, you know what I'm saying. His room is just down the hall."

After giving Billy an unsure smile, I walked past him and headed down the hall, finding Jacob's door cracked. "Uh, Jake?" I asked, opening his door and taking a step in. Both of us stared at each other for a moment in shock. He was laying there in bed, looking as if he hadn't moved from the bed in a month, at least. Dirty clothes and glasses laid scattered around the room, and his clothes were dirty and worn. "Jake?" I asked again, more sympathy in my voice this time.

"Bella." I heard the reply, in his deep voice. "How dare you show your face here after leaving me for that filthy leech." It wasn't a question, and I could hear the anger in his voice. "You can't just decide to throw me away and pick me back up any time you want. I won't live with you just deserting me and then deciding you'd like to be my friend again, and accept it willingly. I'm not like you."

For a moment, I was speechless. "You have to understand me." I said, clearing a spot on his bed and sitting beside him. I could already feel my vision getting a bit more blurry, but I blinked it away best I could. "I had to decide between letting him die, and staying here with you."

"And you made your choice. You chose that filthy bloodsucker. What did he do this time? Leave to Africa, instead of Italy, now?" Jake snarled, though I could tell he was realizing how careful he had to be with his temper.

"Jake, will you just give me a minute?!" I screamed, before watching the world spin a moment around me. I grabbed my head and squeezed my eyes shut, before feeling a warm sensation come over my hand.

His hand was warm ecstasy, and an enjoyable alternative to Edward's icy touch. My thoughts faded away as I opened my eyes and stared into his. Jake stared at me for a moment, anger fading from his eyes and turning to concern. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." How could he possibly be worrying about me?! He was the one suffering so much pain. He was the one wallowing in all of the trouble I'd caused him. He was the one who would hardly even eat or get out of bed. My dizziness subsided and I swallowed the lump in my dry throat once more. "I'm sorry, Jake, but I couldn't just let him die. That would be the same as you just allowing me to go and kill myself. I couldn't let it happen. I came because I care about you; I wanted to make sure you were okay. Jake, I could always talk to you like a best friend, a brother even, and I needed to talk to you again."

Jake pulled his hand away from mine as I spoke, and he looked away from me. "You hurt me, Bella. But-" He paused a few moments, before he turned and looked at me, looking over my body, and then back to my face. "I could never let you get hurt. Though, I don't understand how you could love him that way."

"You don't have to understand. You don't have to accept it." I told him, pleading with my voice. "But just please be my friend. Jake, you're my best friend, no matter what. Nothing could change that." I felt a couple tears welling in my eyes now.

"You said you wanted to talk to me. What about?" Jake had refused to answer me about being my friend; I knew this meant he was still unsure whether or not he forgave me.

"Well, I miss you, Jake. You were there for me when I needed you more than anything. You helped me through so much. And now, to be the cause of what's hurting you-" I was cut short by Jacob becoming angry again.

"You don't know what hurt me!" He yelled, and I could feel the anger building up inside of him, and then subsiding as he struggled to control it.

I decided it best to continue, and finish telling him what had been on my chest far too long, but I could feel my energy building as well. "I just don't know how often I'll be able to see you. I want you to answer my calls, Jake! I want you to care just as much as I do! I want to stay in touch with you! Won't you just support me being happy with Edward?!" I spoke, the volume of my voice accelerating far too quickly for Jake to simply let his anger subside.

"Don't you dare ask me to accept him! I will never accept him! He's my mortal enemy! What don't you understand about that?" Jake screamed, clenching his fists at his sides. I watched as his nails dug into his skin, sure to leave a mark. He took a step towards me. "I don't want to talk to you! I don't want to accept your phone calls. Just get out of my life, and quit making it a hell! I was doing fine and then you had to come back into my life like this!" He said, his face beginning to go red now. The anger that I could tell was growing in him scared me, but I couldn't just stop. I couldn't just leave and let this go.

"So you can't get over your pride and just let it be? You're going to go so far as to make me choose between you two just so I can have a friendship with you?!" I was screaming now, and I could see that my vision was becoming blurry again, but I didn't care.

"Oh, so now it's my fault that I want to kill the bastard who made you want to kill yourself? I'm supposed to just accept the fact that you, the girl whose absence cause me so much pain, make yourself vulnerable to leeches all the time? No; it's impossible! I have to just let you go! You have to get out of my life! Leave me with at least a chance of living on my own!" Beads of sweat began to form on his forehead. The tension in the room increased as he took another step forward, raising his hands and grabbing me by the arm and pushing me towards the door. "Go!"

"You call this living?! You don't leave your room!" I screeched, stumbling against the wall as he pushed me. I knew this was just something that always happened; I was always clumsy. But as I hit the wall I felt my body begin to become weaker, and in the back of my mind I heard a buzzing noise. I had to ignore it, though; it would go away soon enough. "I know you don't want me out of your life Jacob Black! If you would just get over your pride long enough to just listen to anything but your own selfish self!" I grabbed my head again, and the wall for support.

Jacob was caught up in his own anger too much to realize what was happening to me physically. "My pride? That's it, Bella! It's not my pride that is making me hurt so much! Sitting here, being involved with the girl I used to be in love with go and choose a leech over me is what hurts! Just get the fuck out of my life and stop trying to hurt me even more. I don't want you in my life anymore. I want to live in a world where you don't exist. I want my memories of you to escape my mind. I don't want you bothering me anymore."

I was so dizzy, it was hard to concentrate, but I stared at him for a long moment. He couldn't have known, then, but the words he spoke brought back such painful memories. After a few seconds of attempting to steady myself, I gave up. "You really want it like that?" I said, my voice choked. I couldn't even see clearly enough to make out where he was. Fuzziness covered my vision. "I wont bother you anymore-" I stared at him another long moment. "But I'll always-" I never got to finish my sentence. With that, my knees buckled from under me, and the last thing I heard, before everything went black, was my body hitting the cold wooden floor.