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Author's Notes: Ugh… I am so sorry you guys. Wagh… I haven't written in ages! I've been so incredibly busy. I've been working on cleaning my grandparents' house out (my grandfather died), and taking care of my schoolwork. For once, I have decent grades! Yay! Anyway, I'm sorry it took so long. This chapter was so hard to write! The awkwardness... I promise the little awkwardness that has developed between the two is about to be alleviated. The next chapter is going to a weird write—involving pink aprons, and Garfakcy's first time using Kharl's name. Lots of fun. Until I get around to that, enjoy this chapter and its odd pearls of wisdom. PS: I hope Garfakcy isn't OOC. I tried really hard to keep him IC, although I leaned on his snappy, temperamental nature. Well, read on!
Disclaimer:
If I owned Kharl and Garfakcy, they'd be in the story A LOT more. In fact, they might just be THE story…
Background Music: Mystiline (Samurai Champloo)
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Cloaks
By Sarehptar
Chapter Six-
Inquisition and Memory
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Those words, Yes, a home, may have been the most compassionate thing I have ever said. If it was a moment of weakness, brought on by your hopeful gaze, then it was a moment rarely repeated. Over the years with you beside me, I have been prone to foolishness, to smiles, even a generosity I never thought possible. But compassion?
I kept hundreds of secrets from you, but among those I guarded best was the censure I received for your presence. I was never a social sort of person (never a pack youkai, if you prefer.) Most of the people I'd talk to never lived through an entire conversation. Even so, becoming the master of a castle with tenants and experiments taught me that some interaction with others was necessary. Supplies and food had to taken care of, and I had to learn (without the Master's aide) how to defend territory—kill or be killed wasn't enough.
Every time I met with another youkai, supplier or enemy, their noses would twitch, their eyes would fill with contempt, and they would snarl, 'You reek of human.' My replies were varied and evasive, ranging from stories of how I kept humans as play toys for my violent and far-reaching experiments, to inarticulate snarls that neither proved or disproved their beliefs concerning me. I've often wondered if you knew how my kind treated me upon learning of your existence. All in all, I suppose it was lucky (for you and me both) that I was not some wolf youkai or the like—you might have been supper the night I brought you home!
Regardless of the haughty air that youkai put on when facing humans, most would rather avoid them than come in any sort of contact with mortals. And few youkai will spend time with a demon who cares from humans. Ironic, no? To most humans, youkai are monsters. To most youkai, humans are disgusting and dirty creatures. Aren't the two ideas one and the same?
Cares for humans? Did I think that? I ought to choose my words more carefully. I didn't care for humans... I cared for you, and hatred of mortals stripped away most of your humanity. Death -no not death exactly, since my heart still seems to be beating- dying does not become me. Suffering here, I've found myself wishing I were human: a mortal would be dead by now. But I am what I am, and because of it I suffer, trapped in a sea of agony that will not still until there is not a drop of blood left to run in my veins. I've forced myself not to pray for a mercy blow, but I'd find the cold flash of steel all too welcome now.
My mind must be failing me in my dying hour. Do you know what brainless thought has just danced its way through my head? What if, what if... What if we had both been born as members of the Dragon Clan? Ha. Ridiculous. A thought brought out by fading desires, nothing more. But, if we had? Couldn't things have been so much better? There would have been no murders, no violence, no feasts of human flesh, no heartless manipulation. There would have been to anxious worries for your safety. There would have been no isolation. But then... There would have been no Rath.
No! I should force my mind away from that subject. Rath is my greatest source of grief. He is the culmination of my greatest regrets. Rath is the reason I am lying here bleeding now. No, how could I? How could I blame him for this? Have I sunk so low—low enough to blame a child for my own actions? Unforgivable. Maybe now I can understand some of his reasoning. His hatred of me... Oh God, I wish I could call it all unfounded! How did I... How did things end up so badly between us? It doesn't matter. There's no time left for explanations or to beg forgiveness. There's time enough to think, yes, there's always an eternity in the mind. But the moment I would make to move, or to speak, that eternity held in my mind would dissolve. If I tried to say anything, the time I've stolen so I can cling to life would dwindle. And truthfully, I don't want to die. When a memory comes unbidden to me, pressing on my clouding thoughts, I snatch hold of it, eagerly willing to leave behind thoughts of Rath and death. Can you blame me?
The first day you hardly said a thing. You wandered along after me like an uncertain puppy dog—hands clamped to your side, but eyes roving all about, taking in everything. Once in awhile I'd have to wait a few moments: your tiny human legs simply couldn't keep up with a demon's pace.
"This way." I called over my shoulder as you struggled to catch up. "Up these stairs."
"Stairs..." You groaned quietly, trying hard to hide your heavy panting. That was right. I remember thinking, Humans get tired easily. The thirty-third staircase must have worn you out.
"Would you like to rest here a moment?" I asked, and you flinched. Did you think I hadn't heard your whispered complaint? My, humans don't know much about demons... But, the same can be said in reverse. Back then, I didn't even know what humans ate, let alone how sophisticated (or unsophisticated if you prefer) their senses were. I saw you nod slowly in answer to my question, and clutching your sheet-cloak, 'plop' down onto the stone floor.
Ah, sweet, glorious, ever awkward silence! I'd give anything for that sort of silence now. I don't want to hear you sobbing somewhere nearby. I don't want to hear the slowing heartbeat in my ears. I'd give anything for the silence I wanted to end that day. You were staring at me, and the curious-suspicious light in your bright green eyes was probably mirrored by my own. I was acting like a fool—twiddling my thumbs as I waited for your breath to even out.
"Are you the demon the villagers are so afraid of?" The question came completely out of the blue and the tone was less than polite. Of course I knew who you were talking about—the master had been the scourge of Western Arinas for longer than I had known him. But was I a feared demon? No—I could count on one hand the number of times I had been in human towns and actually attacked someone. Usually the master terrorized the village alone: I still believe, I still try to believe, that he kept me away from the towns out of concern. He'd found me in human's village, might he not lose me there too? Humans in the forest or prisoners of his raids, however, were a very different story.
"No... Not me. The demon that terrorized your village is dead." I don't know what force -spite, hatred, demon nature itself- made me continue, but the barely whispered words, "You cleaned his blood off the floor," crossed my lips coldly. The silence set in again, and I thought for a moment you hadn't heard that last added bit. But then you mumbled,
"You knew him." Did humans often infer things like that?
"He was... My Master," I replied, settling for an emotionless answer. At that time, I did not have the words to describe what he had been to me. Even now, the only word that seems to suit him is Master. You trained your viridian eyes on the floor like it had grown tentacles, and I thought that might be the end of our conversation. But your voice sounded again, tinged this time with caustic anger.
"He called them! Those men... They were royal guards. He called them!" If prying was common among demons, I would have interrogated you for the name of this 'he' but, as you've come to learn, youkai know the value of a secret. The unfurnished corridor fell into silence again. Desperate to make any sort of conversation (I had never before been faced with that horrible feeling humans called 'awkwardness') I said the first thing that came to mind:
"Garfakcy..." Ha, I had said it right that time! "Why did the humans want to hurt you?" The second I'd said it, I knew I should have chosen a different subject—any other subject. Your emerald eyes darkened in an instant, flashing dangerously, and the hands that held your sheet clenched tightly enough to rip the thin material.
"BECAUSE I HATE THEM!" You shouted, violent little voice ringing in my ears.
"And..." I turned my eyes up to stone ceiling, musing to the rafters, "Humans would attack you simply because you do not hold them in high appeal? Do humans value their young so little?" My voice sounded odd -curious and shocked- and you stared at me with a dubious look when I muttered to the granite archway above us, "Even most youkai will treat children of their kind with tolerance." My voice echoed quietly down the hall as you digested my half-subconscious comment.
"Humans are…" The anger boiling up inside you tightened your throat to the point where you could not finish the sentence.
"Foolish?" I supplied unconsciously. "Yes, humans can be incredibly foolish. But then, I suppose that can be said of any race, don't you agree?"
"Youkai—"
"I have known more foolish youkai than foolish humans." I omitted the fact that I hadn't known any humans.
"I don't understand you." You muttered softly, half to yourself. You didn't understand me? Not surprising—I hardly understood myself. "What sort of demon are you? What sort demon does this-" You swept a hand toward your healed body, "For a human?" The last word was spat away like a curse.
"What sort of demon?" I echoed, unsure of what to say. I didn't have an answer. What sort of demon was I, that I could feel guilt, empathy? What sort of demon feels sympathetic? "I…"
"If," You snapped, voice level rising from pent up curiosity, suspicion and impatience, "You don't intend to hurt me, why did you take me out of the village?" An inquiry! How could I explain I hardly knew what I meant by kidnapping –or was it saving– you from the village?
"I wanted… I…." That moment, that moment could have been a turning point. It could have been the point in my life where I came to terms with the emotions I so barely understood, it could have been the time when I explained to you my almost human desires—the desire to be loved, to be valued, to love others, even to have warm place to call my own: a home, a family… But, I wasn't strong enough, was not well enough prepared. I stuttered out the only thing my troubled mind could muster:
"I was… curious."
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Author's Notes: Okay, this one was a bit longer wasn't it? But then you had to wait so long for it… Oh well, you've read it now, so that makes everything better. Yay! You actually read it (wee, readers!) Anyway, love you all dearly for reading my story, but I love my reviewers best! Please, please review—it would make me look like this:D! (And I like looking like that! And, shameless plug: Go read my friend's story, "Where We Are". Who wouldn't want to read a fiction where Kharl is a soap opera star?)
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Review Responses:
aquajogger: Wai! The praise… Wee! I'm so happy that you like it! I hope you liked this chapter too… It's not as cute or sweet, but I think it lays the foundation for the story to come, namely Rath. (And Gil too! .) I'm kind of sad though, because I just wrote the very last chapter (I'm out of order) and it's depressing. Oops… I won't say anything else. Anyway, I hope you take the time to review again, because your last review had me glowing.
Snakespirit: Yay, you reviewed! My day just got better. Anyway, thank you for the praise! I'm trying hard. I think I'll get better when we get into action-like scenes, like next chapter. Oops. No give-away! Oh, and you asked: A Mary-Sue is a character that is perfect. Like an OC that all the canon characters fall in love with, she has "sapphire" eyes, is a princess, has animal friends... The like. Thanks again for reviewing!
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