So. I would like to take this opportunity to "advertise" a new story of mine, called SACRIFICE. It's going to be my project after completing this one, and so I put up the first chapter to give you guys an idea on what it's about.
Seven reviews on chapter 13. W00t!
AHHHH my chapter are getting shorter again! I'll try making the next one longer.
In this chapter we will see Clyde's decision-turning speech/conversation to Stan. Yay Clyde!
Have fun reading. I'm not sure when I'll update next. Although I do know that I'll need at least five to continue. But that shouldn't be that hard since I get... seven reviews on average per chapter, right?
REMEMBER! I do give out sneak peeks and hints of the next chapter on my profile. Check it out sometime if you want.
Whether things would really be better this way would be determined in due time.
Despite the fact that it was a Monday, Stan's geometry teacher did not teach that day. She had declared that the day be used for "effective studying" in order to pass the supposedly difficult test the next day. Stan couldn't comprehend the difficulty of triangles and the Pythagorean Theorem, but he chose to study nonetheless. He drowned out the conversations occurring around him and stared at his book. He didn't really like math, though he wasn't bad at it either. He browsed through the pages, unsure of exactly what he wanted to study. Math was boring, simply put.
"Stan Marsh?" The sound of his name brought him back to the familiar classroom. He turned his head to his teacher Ms. Virginia, and raised his head in recognition. "Clyde Donovan needs help with the material. Could you perhaps help him?" Clyde wasn't the best person at mathematics; he was extremely gifted with English, though. Stan recalled when Clyde's whole mathematical future had been shattered by their teacher Mr. Garrison, who had called him a complete retard for saying that five times two was twelve.
"What don't you understand?" asked Stan, and soon the two began talking about triangles, square roots, and angle measures. It hadn't been the most interesting of discusssions, Stan had to admit, but he didn't talk to Clyde often, and so it had been a new experience. Clyde had some sort of an accent which Stan couldn't grasp, but other than that he wasn't that bad of a kid.
"...have you ever heard of the ideal math equation?" he had heard Clyde asked.
"No."
"The most ideal equation," began Clyde, "where the variable I represents one person and the variable U represents... I think it was the person he or she is talking to, is I is less than three multiplied by U."
"I is less than three multiplied by U?" asked Stan, repeating what he had heard slowly. "What the hell?"
"It's some weird thing that Kenny showed me once," said Clyde, and for some reason the mere mentioning of Kenny's name sent emotions through Stan's spine. "See, when you write it down..." Clyde picked up his pencil and etched the equation onto his ruled notebook paper. "It says I heart you."
"Ah..." said Stan, his voice trailing away.
"Do you know much about dating?" asked Clyde, striking yet another random statement at Stan.
"Not really," said Stan. "Why?"
"I-i dunno," said Clyde, looking at his book. "There was this g-person that I liked, but now I know that I'll never be able to prove myself worthy and... stuff."
"Why do you say that?" asked Stan. "You need a little more confidence than that, buddy."
"Well... I found out that the person doesn't like people like me."
"What'd you mean?" asked Stan. He still wasn't sure why Clyde was telling him this. "There're a lot of different types of people. I mean, each person is their own type of person, in a way..."
"It's not that, it's that well... I'm gay," Clyde said meekly. This made sense to Stan now. But did that mean that...?
"Why are you telling me this, Clyde?" Stan asked.
"Well... seeing as that you're good friends with Kyle, I thought you might know something about... the matter." Stan sighed as he tapped the eraser end of his pencil on his desk.
"I'm not sure if I'm the one to help you," muttered Stan, and he frowned at the thought, "nor are you the person I would normall trust. Promise me that you won't tell anyone what I tell you?"
"Of course Stan, go ahead." Stan glanced towards their teacher, who seemed to be hard at work grading papers.
"I think I better associate with this other persons' position... I'm not saying I'm homophobic or anything, but... I was the one being liked. But I can still tell you some things though. Kyle liked me, I had figured out. But somehow our friendship had weakened from it... when Kyle came out to our group Cartman completely ditched him. I tried my hardest not to do the same thing, but I think that I may have come across differently to him. The actions that I had wanted to do were never done, and the next few days had been a series of arguments and making ups.
"Then... it happened. Somehow he got wound up with Kenny. I didn't see it coming. And though I thought that it would be better on me now that the feelings that Kyle felt for me wouldn't be given anymore, I still felt... different. Like I lost Kyle even further, and this time to Kenny. It might be jealousy; I don't know. But I just feel different. Like I might've done something I knew I shouldn't have." He looked up at Clyde, who was reading his book. He was nodding his head though, and so Stan had hoped that that was a sign that he was listening.
"You don't know what you've got until you've said goodbye," muttered Clyde, causing Stan to stop tapping his pencil. It had made perfect sense... When Kyle had liked Stan he had told himself that he didn't like Kyle back. He ignored all the stipulations his brain was making, he ignored all the chances that he had to have Kyle, and he willed himself not to think of possibilities. He had seen chances with Kyle come and pass; he had ruined Kyle's hopes many times. And it really had been a sense of jealousy that Stan had felt whenever he saw Kenny with Stan. And now that Kyle was gone from his chances... he realized he really did like him.
Clyde's voice interrupted his train of thought. "But what can I do, Stan?"
"Don't tell this unless you're sure he'll be okay with it," muttered Stan. "Embrace the worst in case it happens, and-" Stan was speaking for himself now "-if he ever changes his mind try and consider it... consider giving him another chance..." He wiped any tears that might have flowed down from his eyes and smiled at the other boy. He made eye contact with Clyde, and the both of them smiled.
"Thanks Stan."
- - - - - - - - - -
As the day came to an end things seemed to be becoming better. Stan heard of nothing from Clyde, Kenny, or Kyle for the rest of the day, and that seemed to be a pleasing thought, in odd ways. His realization would probably get the better of him anyways, and somehow end up screwing Kyle's current happiness. Of course, his realization probably wanted that, but Stan knew that that wouldn't be fair either.
After talking about genetics in Punnett squares in Biology the last bell had rung. This was pure bliss to most people, although there were a few students who preferred to stay in school longer. Stan made his way through the halls to his locker, which was always situated outside a student's fifth period class.
His locker was conveniently next to Clyde's, though he hadn't noticed it until that moment. He patted the boy on his back and greeted him.
"Have you told him yet?" asked Stan plesantly. Clyde shook his head as he fitted a textbook into his bag.
"Not yet. I figured out that he isn't homophobic though!" Clyde said with a smile.
"That's an improvement," said Stan, opening the door to his own locker. "So when are you going to tell him?"
"I'm not sure," said Clyde. "He just went out of some tiring stuff, and I'm not sure if I want to bomb him with some other stuff."
"Oh okay..." Who was Clyde talking about? Kyle? "Well, I have to go catch up with Kenny and Kyle. I'll see you around, Clyde?" The brown-haired boy nodded, and the two departed. Stan had forgotten to ask Clyde about who exactly it was he liked. He made a mental note to himself to ask the next time he saw him.
He found Kyle and Kenny sitting on a bench in their courtyard. He felt a strong urge to join them, but instead he merely gazed from a distance. Kyle's happiness over his, Stan had to keep reminding himself. The two would notice him eventually, or at least he hoped.
He took a seat on a nearby bench. He wasn't sure why there were so many benches in their courtyard. He remembered how the designer of their school didn't want the school to be just as closed in as North Park's high school. It was because of this that the courtyard was designed similarly to a park, though without the amusing slides.
He shut his eyes and enjoyed the breeze that swept by. Stan had always loved the winter; though it was cold it was also rather breezy, and feeling the wind against his cheeks felt nice. Why he was so interested in the weather now Stan didn't really know, but perhaps it was because he had nothing to do.
He didn't really know what to think now. In his head things were all screwed up. Only hours ago he had resolved that he truly liked Kyle. But where would he go from there? He would be in the same position that Kyle was in, only... different. He had already wasted the chance that Kyle had given him. What made him think that Kyle would be willing to present him another chance, especially when he already had Stan.
Crying in the cold was not a good idea, yet Stan couldn't help himself. He felt his tears water out of his eyes, icily trickling down his cheeks. He felt the wind smearing the tears on his skin, the cold feeling covering an even greater area. He raised his jacket sleeve to wipe it off, but only more took its place. Stan gave a frustrated sigh.
He looked over to where the two boys were seated. They hadn't noticed his absence, nor did they notice him sitting by himself in a bench within their eyesight. Even from where Stan was he could see Kenny's arm wrapped around the other's waist, and jealousy filled the spectator. Kenny's left hand was entwinded with Kyle's, and the Jewish boy rested his head on the other. Stan looked upon his own shoulder and sighed.
"You okay?" asked a voice, and when Stan was torn away from his object of desire he had found Clyde standed near him. He beckoned towards the empty seat next to Stan. "...may I?" Stan nodded and made some room for the boy to sit.
"I'm fine," said Stan, peering over at Kyle and Kenny once more. Clyde followed Stan's gaze, and he mumbled.
"He's happy with him," muttered Clyde. "I know you like him, now that he doesn't anymore, but don't you at least want him to be happy?"
"Yeah." No.
"If things turn out for you then you'll leave Kenny heartbroken. It's all come down to who'll be the one denied in the end, Stan. The question is... would you be willing to take the hurt for yourself, or would you rather hurt your friends?" In his mind Stan knew that he'd rather take the hurt, but the feelings inside of him were telling otherwise. He didn't want to hurt his friends, especially Kyle. But...
"I had a question," said Stan, taking his mind off the subject. "Who was the guy that you liked?"
"Me?" asked Clyde, and when Stan had affirmed his question he began to stammer. "Well, I-"
"It's okay, dude," said Stan. "I won't tell anyone. You know who I like anyways."
"Well... he's already going through enough, and I'm sure that I probably won't tell him anymore and-"
"Just say it, Clyde."
"-and I'm not sure if I really-"
"Clyde!"
"All right all right... you, Stan." Just as things couldn't have gotten any more awkward at that moment between the two, Kyle and Kenny had decided to finally recognize Stan's presence. "Shit Stan, they're coming. Don't be angry with me..."
"Angry?" aske Stan, and as he saw the two boys coming closer, hands interlocked, he blushed deeply. "I don't want to ruin two peoples' lives, Clyde..."
"I know you have to," said Clyde. "You said to embrace the worst... remember?"
"Clyde, I..." Why did it have to be this way? Why would he have to be the one to break the hearts of everyone. Stan took a deep breath and sighed. "I'd like to see how this will work," he mumbled at last. The other boy stared at him.
"Really Stan?"
"Yeah," muttered Stan. And as the two other boys finally arrived Stan and Clyde got up from their bench. They greeted each other casually, and as Kyle began to talk to Kenny Stan grabbed Clyde's hand and entwined their fingers together.
Perhaps this had been what Kyle had done with Kenny. Maybe he had only said yes because it had been a sort of redemption. Maybe he was fine settling with what he had, just as Stan had settled for Clyde. And had it been the other way too? Had Clyde liked Stan out of pity, much similar to Kenny had liked Kyle out of pity? Within that very instant Stan had become Kyle, and Kyle had become Stan. They were now at the same place, at the same page, and in the same circumstance of life. They were at the same level in the game of life...
...and Kyle had become the better player.
Uh. Yeah. Eherm. I guess I'll have to state that it's not a StanClyde story either. I HATED writing this chapter. I dunno why though.
Review the chapter anyways. Please. Read my other story, "Sacrifice"!