Fuka's Painful Past

A Note: This chap is entirely on Fuka's story. Oh, and I made a mistake. The last chap I meant to say Fuka, Hotaru, and Hiroshi, not Fuka, Hiroshi, and Hiroshi's brother.

A lonely girl walked on the streets, her head lowered, seemingly to have something on her mind.

Am I gay? It isn't right to have a feeling like that around girls… I mean, you CAN love your friends, but not in that way… The girl pondered on the question.

"Fuka, wait up!" The girl turned around at her name being called. A handsome boy with raven black hair ran towards her, with a coat slung over his shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" Fuka asked. The boy was her friend, Hotaru.

"I saw you looking a bit upset. Is something wrong?" He asked, some hair falling into his ice blue eyes. Fuka shook her head, smiling hastily, "No, no, nothing's wrong." And started walking quickly. Hotaru caught up and matched her steps.

"Really? You're not worried about what Sachiru-chan was saying, are you?" He asked, studying her face.

Fuka stopped walking. "What did she say?" Hotaru stopped also. "You don't know? She's been saying that you were flirting with her." Fuka thought her heart was going to stop. Her mouth went dry. "But that is ridiculous. No one believes her, because although she's pretty, everyone knows she lies a lot." Hotaru went on talking about something, but Fuka didn't hear.

She felt her heart return to normal. I was lucky this time. But I wouldn't always be. I have to be careful. I'm pretty sure I'm gay… but what if it was just a trick of the mind? What if I'm not gay, it's just a mistake? And then another thought bounced into her head. If I test it out… I mean, like, if I find a boyfriend and see if I feel something for him?

Fuka smiled from ear to ear. It was genius!

At least… that time she thought it was.

"Fuka… can I talk to you after school?" Hotaru said quietly, pushing his hands into his pockets. "Sure." Fuka said, looking at him oddly. He was shifting his weight from foot to foot, looking nervous and edgy. "Are you alright? You don't look so good." She said, cocking her head to one side. "I-I'm alright, really. See you after school!" And with that, he hurried off and disappeared into the crowd of boys at the front of the room.

After school, Fuka and Hotaru waited until the classroom cleared out. Finally, as the last student left, Fuka turned to Hotaru.

"Well?" She asked, studying her friend.

"Um… Fuka… I know we're friends and everything… but…" He mumbled on here and there, non of it comprehendible. "Whoa, whoa, whoa… wait a sec here, Hotaru. Stop all that mumbo jumbo and get to the point." She said, frowning.

"Fuka…" He looked at her straight in the eye. "I really like you."

Fuka blinked. Once. Twice. "What?" She said incredulously. "But you're my friend!"

"Yes… I know… but I still…"

Suddenly, two little people appeared on her shoulders. (Not really, of course, I'm talking about the angel and the devil on your shoulders when you're deciding on a good thing or bad thing.) The Devil sneered in her ear, "You can use him as the test! Lie and say that you like him too!" But her attention was moved to The Angel, who cut in, "No, no, no! He's your friend! You can't hurt him like that!"

The Devil and The Angel fought and debated, a bunch of voices in her head. (Is she crazy?)

"Hotaru, I like you too!" Fuka couldn't believe that lie as it came out of her mouth. She had lied. And it was a lie she would regret the rest of her life.

In less than a week, Hotaru and Fuka had officially become a couple. Fuka forced herself to like Hotaru, but no matter how hard she tried, no feelings came out. But if Hotaru noticed that Fuka didn't feel anything for him, he didn't let on. Maybe because we were friends, so I can't feel anything for him? She thought, staring at the back of his head in class.

"Class, I'd like to introduce to you a new student, Hitomi Fujioku." Fuka's attention returned to the front of the classroom as he introduced a girl.

The girl had long straight black hair that hung loosely around her and violet eyes. She was tall and slender, with pale skin and delicate features.

Fuka could sense that half of the boys in the class were falling in love with her. She was really pretty.

The teacher assigned her to the desk beside Fuka's. The girl sat down. Fuka smiled at Hitomi, "Hello. I'm Fuka." The girl smelled faintly of lilies and the night air.

The girl herself reminded Fuka of midnight. Then she noticed she was staring and blushed, her eyes returning to her book.

From the corner of her eye, she noticed Hitomi studying her and smiling, as if she knew something Fuka didn't even know.

Fuka and Hotaru walked out of school, hand in hand, talking about the new girl.

"All my friends are talking about her! And over half of them are in love with Hitomi and vowed to marry her. And did you see her answer that question on the board? She's a genius, man!" Hotaru exclaimed. Fuka was thinking about her too. Something told her that she should be careful of Hitomi. But she waved this thought away.

"She may be great and all, but I still like you best." Hotaru reassured her, pulling her closer. Fuka smiled at the boy.

They stopped at a café and bought a drink and two cookies. "Our after school snack." Hotaru grinned, handing her her drink and a cookie in a small paper bag.

They sat at a bench in a park, enjoying their snack. Suddenly, Hotaru leaned over and said, "Fuka, you have some chocolate on your cheek." He said. And before Fuka could wipe them away, he gently pressed his lips against her cheek and licked the smear off. He leaned back slightly, their faces inches apart. They were going to kiss.

Fuka's heart pounded; not because they were going to kiss, but because this would be the moment of truth. Even if she didn't like him, she had to have some kind of reaction.

Their lips met and they kissed. Fuka was panicking. I don't feel anything? I'm not even blushing! What's wrong with me? Am I really gay? Omigosh noooo! Shouldn't my heart speed up? My palms feel sweaty?

They broke apart, Hotaru's arms still around her. Fuka was disappointed. There wasn't enough time to test if she really felt something. But he misunderstood this disappointment. They kissed again, but it only made it worse. Fuka was one hundred percent sure. She was gay.

The sky was darkening, and the air became chilly. Fuka still sat on the same park bench, in which she lost her first kiss to someone whom she didn't love… well, actually, she does, only not in that way.

That's when she noticed someone was approaching her. She couldn't make out the figure in the dark, but as the person got nearer, she saw that it was Hitomi.

"Hi." She said, sitting down beside her. Fuka nodded, smiling weakly. She really didn't want to be alone with her right now. Hitomi made her… nervous.

"Why are you here? It's getting a bit late." She continued. Fuka didn't say anything, just sat there, staring at anything but the girl.

Suddenly, the girl snaked her arm around her, pulling her closer. Alarmed, Fuka stared at her, immediately trying to pry her hands away. She looked up at those violet eyes and long black hair that framed her face. That's when she noticed how much taller Hitomi was and how small she was compared to her. Fuka lost her balance from struggling and fell on the grass, with Hitomi on top of her.

"Let… me… go! What's wrong with you?!" Fuka cried, struggling. "Don't pretend, Fuka. You're just like me." She pinned her arms down and pressed her body against Fuka's.

Fuka stopped struggling for a moment. You're just like me? Is she gay too? As if reading her thoughts, Hitomi laughed and whispered in her ear, "Yes. You finally know."

Terrified, Fuka kicked and punched, but nothing worked. She's strong. She realized, a wave of fear washing over her. Their lips locked, and no matter how much she tried to avoid it, she couldn't.

Finally, Fuka didn't have any energy left to struggle and gave up.

"Now that's a good girl." Hitomi smiled, stroking her hair, kissing her again.

She stood up and brushed her clothes.

"Fuka, I'm glad you know. Don't be with that Hotaru person anymore. You'll hurt both you and him. Perhaps today is a punishment… Fuka." She leaned down and planted another kiss on her mouth and left, disappearing into the night.

Fuka just laid there, her whole body numb and unmoving. She slowly picked herself up, smoothed down her clothes and started back home, feeling like a zombie.

She had just been attacked by another gay. Would she be like that? No. Hitomi was a monster. She felt tired and beaten. She had just done horrible things—and a victim of them too.

The past few days are just too much. Not only she discovered she was gay, she was attacked by one, and she had said the biggest lie anyone could lie to her friend.

She collapsed just right there and covered her face with her hands. She started to cry. First softly, then big, heaving sobs. Her tears fell on the ground and immediately got absorbed by the soil.

Fuka continued crying, wishing that every tear would take out the pain in her.

"We have to break up." Fuka said quietly, not looking at Hotaru.

"What? Why?" He immediately stood upright, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Hotaru. I'm sorry, it's me. It's me that's wrong. I don't… I don't have feelings for you. I-I can't… I… C-Can we still be friends?" She stared at the ground, her voice shaking.

Hotaru's blue eyes became icier. "What do you mean? Does that mean you never had feelings for me? It was all a big lie? I was some sort of toy you could play with? I thought we were friends and could be truthful! Just because we were a couple doesn't mean that you could break my trust!" His voice became louder and louder.

"I'm so sorry, Hotaru! I didn't mean to end it that way!" Tear spilled out of her eyes and rolled down her flaming cheeks. She had broken her friends trust. She had hurt her friend.

"How did you mean to end it then? For you to break up with me more cruelly? Tell me how pathetic I am to trust you?!" He yelled. "N-No… I'm gay, Hotaru, I'm gay!" She cried, fresh tears wetting her face.

Hotaru stood still, his face stony. "So it's true. Sachiru-chan was telling the truth." He backed away from her, his eyes now not just icy but as cold as glaciers.

Fuka collapsed on her knees, crying. "I'm sorry, Hotaru, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

But none of it could be heard as Hotaru walked away, his footsteps becoming quicker with every step, and faded in the distance, as Fuka's sobs did too.

The next day, everything was normal.

No one seemed to know a thing about the argument yesterday.

But as class started, Fuka noticed Hotaru's desk was empty. So was Hitomi's. Is he that angry at me? I'm so wretched… He didn't deserve that, none at all… It's all my fault… all my fault…

Suddenly, the teacher's voice broke into her thoughts. "Class, I'm sorry to inform you, but Hitomi moved last night and won't be joining us anymore. She had some urgent business to take care of at home." A few disappointed groans rang out in the class. Hitomi was pretty popular amongst the boys.

"And something else." The teacher's eyes were a bit red. "Hotaru… suffered a car accident last night… and…" The class immediately started to whisper and murmur. A few boys, known to be Hotaru's best buddies, yelled out, "What happened?"

"… He passed away." The teacher said.

People swarmed in and out the place, all dressed in black, faces somber. Fuka just stood there, in her black dress. The past few days she felt like a ghost. Everywhere she went she could hear: It's your fault. It's your fault. It's your fault. It's your fault. It's all your fault.

Of course, no one was saying it. It was her guilt.

Suddenly, she saw a figure departing that looked like Hitomi. Fuka ran hurriedly towards the girl, calling her name.

Finally, the girl stopped walking, but never turned around. Fuka stopped, panting. "I thought you moved!" She demanded.

The girl's voice sounded sad. "Fuka… I told you this is what would come out of what you did." Fuka's face went hard. Hitomi continued, "I have to leave. There are things I must do. Fuka… I cannot do anything about you and that boy. Goodbye. And I am really sorry."

Then she started walking again, and disappeared around the corner.

Fuka stood there, feeling the world around her spinning. She had killed Hotaru. She had killed…

A person came out behind her and put a hand on her shoulder.

It was Hiroshi, Hotaru's brother. He smiled sadly. "Are you here for his funeral? You were one of his best friends." Fuka nodded weakly, looking at the ground. She couldn't face Hotaru… or any of his family.

"There were three people that witnessed it. It was late, and he was crying. He was going to cross the road, but it was red light. People tried to stop him, but he just shoved them aside. The people were elderly, and didn't have much energy, so Hotaru just continued walking, and got hit." Hiroshi said.

It is your fault. It is your fault. It is your fault. If you didn't lie to him and did that to him, then he wouldn't have been sad and got hit. It is your fault.

Hiroshi had far gone.

Fuka covered her ears and ran away, from the people, from the voices. She couldn't stand it anymore.

Fuka moved after that, and never went back. She thought if she left then her pain would lessen.

But it followed her everywhere.

Hotaru did.

:::::::Sad story. And longest story I ever written I think! O.O I didn't have time to proofread sorry. I wouldn't say it's entirely Fuka's fault though... Ehh...

Hitomi is a mysterious character. She was a last minute decision. I don't know why though... Not everything has to have a reason...:::::::