Sorry if this chapter is a little confusing to read it kind of jumps around from Spinelli thinking about past events to what is going on around her. If it is too confusing please let me know and I'll try to keep this from happening in the future.

Chapter 5

Spinelli

First day of school 5 am

Damn damn damn. What the hell was I thinking coming back here? This was such a bad idea. I am not ready for this.

My day had started on a positive note. I had woken up an hour ago from one of the many recurring nightmares that had begun soon after the accident. I consider them to be mental scars to go with the lovely physical scars I got that night; they're kind of a souvenir so I can never forget. And who doesn't like waking up that way.

So I did what I always do when the nightmares wake me up, knowing from experience that I was never going to get back to sleep; I got up and went to my studio which now happened to be out in the garage thanks to Hank.

I had decided to work off some of the extra energy by working with clay which I took a perverse joy in with pounding and shaping it. But after looking at the lump of clay for almost 45 minutes and not getting any ideas I decided that it might be better if I took my run a little earlier then usual.

So I quickly washed up and put on a pair of leggings and a t-shirt. And off I went.

I had been back for nearly a week and my days basically were the same I would get up, run, spend the morning in my studio and then visit Muriel at the hospital. We were hoping that she would be released soon but the doctors wanted to keep her a little longer to be on the safe side. Not to mention that her doctor happened to be a former student and I believe was looking to extract a bit of revenge.

Muriel had cooled off considerably when I explained to her that I wasn't throwing away my future but had actually wanted to come home for some time. I think she might have even been happy although she would never admit that.

But here I was the first day back to school and my heart was in my throat. My mind was racing over and over whether coming back was the right thing, if I was even ready for this.

I hadn't exactly left on the most positive note. I had given no warning to my friends and hadn't even sent them an explanation of why I had left. To make matters worse I wasn't even all that sure that I really wanted to see them again. Having them think that I was the same Spinelli. I wasn't, and yes people change over the years but I don't think they usually change as much as I have. Mind you I could be worrying for nothing they might take one look at me and hate me for not saying good bye. Or for all I know they all have moved away or go to a different school. Well too late to think of that now.

I hit the pavement not really knowing where to go; just letting my feet take me where ever they wanted. I let my mind wander thinking of different projects I had going. I worried about the amount of work that I still have to do, about when I will find the time.

When I finally began to look around I notice that I am running through my old neighborhood. My pace suddenly slows and I begin to turn around but I can't seem to stop myself from going forward towards my old house.

I hadn't been back since the accident. Muriel had taken care of packing it up and putting things in storage and then finally selling the house. She had tried to get me to come with her after I had gotten home from the hospital, for what the psychiatrist said would begin the healing process but I just couldn't walk back into that house which had once been filled with the loud voices of my family.

I finally came up to the last house on the block and stopped at the driveway. The house looks exactly the same. Everything looks the same from the blue paint on the walls down to my mothers garden. I almost feel like at any moment my family is going to be racing out the door. With Joey laughing as he holds car keys out of Vitto's reach; taunting that he's going to drive. Of Vitto getting madder and madder until I jump on Joey's back and Vitto and I team up on him. I can see dad making a mad dash to his car as he is running late and mom standing in the door way yelling at us that if we don't stop fooling around we're going to be late. It's a scene that our neighbors had witnessed many times in the morning at the Spinelli house.

I can't help but grin when I see that my mom's garden still looks the same. I remember the hours she spent out here. From dawn to dusk on weekends and every other spare moment she could. These flowers were her 'other' babies she had always said, the ones that actually listened to her and did what she told them to. They were her children who never talked back.

I walk over to the nearest group of flowers and bend down to pick a weed when suddenly I feel someone watching me. I stand up straight and look towards the neighbor's house.

Looking towards the house that had once been owned by my best friend I look up into the window of a room that I had known almost as well as my own room and my eyes make contact with a guy about my age observing me. His brown hair is a mess like he just got up and he is currently not wearing a shirt. And if I do say so myself he is rather easy on the eyes. Realizing he's staring at me as much as I'm staring at him I begin to feel a little nervous.

Ripping my gaze from him I look all around me and notice that the sun has fully risen and that there is a lot of commotion around me.

Gs how long have I been standing here? Looking down at my watch I noticed it is ten to eight. Damn it all to hell, I am going to be late.

As I begin to sprint back to Muriel's I can't help but wonder if TJ still lives in the house next door.