FALLING WITH GRACE
by shiiki

CHAPTER SIX

Matrimonial Ideas

October, 1978 – June, 1979

Over the next year, Order business kept James running missions everywhere. Towards the end of the year, James did a spot of message-carrying, Apparating all over the United Kingdom to relay urgent messages to members of the Order. He did wonder why Dumbledore didn't dispatch Fawkes to do it (or perhaps, why Fawkes didn't do it himself, since the phoenix seemed to have a mind of his own), but found out later that Fawkes had been dying – an inaccurate phrasing, actually, since phoenixes were reborn from the ashes, but it explained why he was indisposed for a period.

All the Order was on high alert during Christmas and the New Year, but other than an almost obligatory (on the Death Eaters' parts) spate of Muggle-hunting, there was nothing more serious.

Shortly after the New Year, James returned to the French Alps with Sirius and Moody, but they had no luck this time: the Death Eaters had wised up to them and altered their plans in deadly secrecy, and the result was the worst mass Muggle-killing ever seen as Voldemort's giants stampeded through Southwest England. Potter Manor, in Hampshire, was ruined in the process. James sent Kibby to work at Hogwarts, and moved into Sirius's house, a little thankful to be relieved of his large, empty, and lonely house.

A series of raids in the Northeast proved to be more successful, when James and the Prewett twins burst in on a Death Eater meeting in Gateshead. It was a small-scale one, more of an initiation for new members than anything else. Nevertheless, they Stupefied four and brought them in before several rather disgruntled Aurors. James supposed that the Aurors were irked because they had failed to make the arrests personally. It would be laughable, if it weren't so infuriating, how the Aurors seemed to view the Order as a liability in the fight. It wasn't even as if the Ministry was having a high success rate in catching Death Eaters – let alone Voldemort – for the Order to mar.

Lily was just as busy as James was. Unlike him, she had her work for the Ministry. She dismissed it as 'mind-numbing, useless spell-casting', though; for her, the real work began after her hours at the Ministry, when she and Liz met to work on their special Shield Charm.

As a result of the girls' dedication, they often worked late into the night, trying, testing, and casting their spells. James didn't really understand the principles of spellcrafting, but evidently, it required long hours of research and experimentation, which was taking its toll, as Lily looked even worse than she had when she had been catching up on work night after night in their seventh year.

James couldn't bring up his concern, however, because everyone else tended to have the same, tired look. Remus began to appear haggard not only after the full moon, but also for the remaining days of the month. Peter had dark rings under his eyes almost every time that James saw him. Even Sirius was no longer his active, energetic self.

They needed a change, something to refresh and re-energise them all, and it was Frank Longbottom and Alice Moody who came up with the idea: they announced their engagement at an Order meeting in June, along with a daring wedding plan.

'We want to make it a public wedding,' said Frank boldly. 'A big event.'

'That would pose an enormous security risk,' argued Emmeline Vance.

'But if we pull it off,' said Alice, her round face rosy with excitement, 'it'll be such a boost to the wizarding world!'

And so it would be. James saw at once that it was a perfect way to defy Voldemort and raise everybody's flagging spirits. There hadn't been formal gatherings for ages. A wedding, held in public, would be a prime target for Death Eaters. But if they could throw them off the scent and hold the ceremony successfully, it would give people a message of hope.

'It will take a lot of work,' Elphias Doge observed. 'And where are we going to find the energy and the time to work on such a large scale project?'

'Think of the merits!' enthused Marlene McKinnon. And it was agreed upon that they would start channelling their efforts away from other work and into the wedding for the time being.

Professor McGonagall took charge almost as if they were all in her Transfiguration classroom: listing tasks, accepting ideas, and delegating roles.

'The Aurors will help,' Moody said gruffly.

'We need a distraction,' suggested Sirius, his eyes lighting up like they had at the prospect of a prank, back in Hogwarts.

'A raid, elsewhere,' contributed Benjy Fenwick.

'Set bait,' offered Fabian Prewett.

Remus came up with the cleverest idea. 'Have a false alarm,' he said thoughtfully. 'A false wedding, just shortly before the real thing.'

The others latched on to this idea with enthusiasm. There was a flurry of propositions thrown out, which Remus dutifully inscribed with the air of one taking notes in lessons. By the time the meeting was adjourned, August the twenty-seventh had been set as a false date, with the actual wedding a short several days later ('To give them no time to regroup,' said James strategically, feeling like a Quidditch captain again.)

---

It was on the Muggle Underground, a week after Frank and Alice had announced their engagement, on a look-out mission for the Order, that Lily saw her: tall, thin, and blonde, with bony elbows that jutted out on either side – it could only be Petunia. Evading Sirius's warning grasp, Lily leapt from her seat and caught hold of her sister's arm.

'Petunia!'

The pleasant, questioning look that had been on Petunia's face as she turned around quickly faded the moment she recognised Lily. Her pale face went chalk-white, and she wrenched her arm away from Lily's fingers.

'What are you doing here?' she gasped, and Lily was alarmed to note that she sounded more frightened than anything else. 'Why can't you – you lot just stay away from us normal people?'

'Pet, I wanted to –'

'Save it! I don't want to hear it!' The train pulled into the next station. Petunia backed out of the doors the moment they slid open – Lily would've sworn that it probably wasn't even her stop. There was a look of panic on Petunia's face as she nearly tripped over the platform gap in her haste to escape Lily. Something was definitely very wrong here – Petunia had been annoyed, angry, even hostile towards her before, but never fearful.

'Pet, come on –' Lily hustled out of the train after her sister without a second thought, clean forgetting the reason why she was riding the tube in the first place.

'Stay away from me!' said Petunia frantically. 'And – and stop sending your – your kind to bother me!' She all but turned and ran for it then, and Lily would have followed, had Sirius not grabbed her wrist firmly just at that moment.

'Lily!' he hissed. 'What in Godric's name do you think you're doing?'

'Let me go – I've got to –' She tried to shake Sirius off, so that she could dash after Petunia, but he held fast, and her sister disappeared into the crowd.

'Have you gone mad?'

'In case you didn't know, that was my sister –' Lily began, but Sirius interrupted her with a loud curse, as the doors to the tube slammed shut with a soft whump. He turned to her, looking extremely annoyed.

'Don't forget why we're here in the first place!' he said, keeping his voice low, but unable to prevent the irritation from creeping into his tone.

With a jolt, Lily did remember their mission – they were supposed to be patrolling the Underground on Order business, based on a tip-off that the Death Eaters might be attempting a mass explosion on a crowded Muggle public train. Dumbledore had asked the two of them to take on the assignment, on the assumption that they'd find it easier to go undercover – Lily being Muggle-born, and Sirius having broken a school record with his Muggle Studies marks.

'I'm sorry,' Lily said penitently. She'd possibly blown their cover – had she accidentally let something about magic slip? – and they'd just deserted their post.

But it had been her sister.

Petunia's harried face and the brief words they had exchanged plagued Lily for the rest of the day. Why had she been so flustered, so keen to escape? Why had she looked so frightened, as if Lily were harbouring a contagious disease?

And what had she meant by 'sending your kind to bother me'?

---

Frank and Alice's impending wedding had set James thinking about more than just the Order's preparations for the event. At night, in the moments before sleep claimed him, he imagined himself as the lucky groom – with Lily, looking resplendent in white wedding robes, beaming up at him.

James had known for a long time that Lily was the only woman he would ever want – ever since fourth year, when he'd first realised that she was, indeed, a girl, and an attractive one at that. There had been other girls, of course, pretty and flirty and smart ones who weren't as elusive as Lily had been, yet she'd continued to hold his attention. And once she'd given him another chance, he'd been determined never to let it go to waste.

What if he were to ask Lily to marry him? The question was playing about in his mind as he waited with Sirius, Remus, and Peter for moonset. They had just spent the night in Sirius's yard, the first full moon in months that all four had been present. It was getting harder to accompany Remus regularly each moon; they all had duties in the Order. James and Sirius left the country often, Peter worked nights sometimes, and other moons, Remus simply went missing, presumably on Order business as well.

As the moon set and Remus discarded his bestial form, James, Sirius, and Peter reverted back to human shape as well. They sat together then, appreciating the rare occasion that they could all four be present for their once-monthly Animagi revel.

The question that had been tormenting James slipped out of his mouth before he realised he had spoken aloud.

'Do I ask her?'

'What do you mean?' said Peter.

James flushed – he hadn't intended to speak out loud. But Sirius and Remus were awaiting his answer with unveiled interest. And anyway, these were his friends, his brothers. If he were to discuss his intentions with anyone … well, it would have to be them – his only family.

'Lily,' he said. 'D'you think I ought to … you know, ask her to …'

'Marry you?' supplied Sirius.

'Yeah.' James tried to gauge his friends' reactions from their faces in the dim morning light.

Peter looked excited. 'Would it be a joint wedding, James?'

Sirius gave him a half-exasperated, half-encouraging look. 'I'd say it's about time!'

Remus, however, was the voice of caution. 'I don't doubt your sincerity, James, but you've got to be practical, too. You'll both have to live –'

'He's got a fortune, Moony,' interrupted Sirius. 'He can afford to get married.'

Remus shook his head solemnly. 'But will Lily have? Lily won't want to depend fully on your Gringotts vault, will she, James?'

'Just because you won't take your friends' helping hands,' said Sirius. James thought that Remus was right, though: Lily possessed an independent streak, and a determination to fend for herself – she'd preferred to rent out a room on her own rather than rely on him for board room, after all.

'Sirius, I don't want to be a – a parasite, living off you or James –'

'No one's calling you a parasite!'

'I'm getting on fine; I don't need to impose –'

'For God's sake, Remus, you're hardly making ends meet!'

'I'm fine, Sirius. And this isn't about me; it's about James and Lily.' Remus turned away from Sirius and asked, 'James, have you thought about where you'll live?'

'I … well …' In truth, it was one detail he hadn't really considered. Before, he'd had a house; a home to bring Lily to if she'd agree, but now, Potter Manor had been trampled to dust. He couldn't very well suggest that they all live together in Sirius's house, not if he and Lily were married.

Sirius seemed to realise this as well, as he ceased arguing with Remus, and his face took on a disgruntled look. If Remus was aware that he had just arrowed home a point, he didn't show it.

'That would be the first step, wouldn't it?' he suggested. 'A home.'

'We'll help you look,' offered Peter.

It sounded good – a cosy, humble home, not too lavish or extravagant (Lily wouldn't want that). When they parted ways after the sun had fully risen, all three of them had agreed to help keep an eye out for James.