FALLING WITH GRACE
by shiiki

CHAPTER ELEVEN

All Hell Breaks Loose

August, 1979

Liz was acting rather oddly. Her face was drawn and tired, and her eyes darted to the door of the study in which they worked at least once every few minutes. She seemed unduly tense.

'Are you all right?' Lily asked for the umpteenth time.

'Yeah.' Liz rubbed at her forehead. 'Just a little under the weather. Maybe I ought to pack it in earlier today.'

Lily agreed; Liz looked like she could do with a rest. It was likely that their hard work over the past few weeks had taken its toll on her as well. 'Go ahead. I can manage in here.'

She knew, however, that something was very wrong when Liz, instead of going to the door, first crossed the room and began to deactivate the wards on the study.

'What are you doing, Liz?' Lily rushed forward and grabbed her arm. Liz shook her off impatiently and continued de-warding, her eyes strangely vacant.

Imperius, Lily realised in alarm.

'Stop! Expelliarmus!'

'Protego! Crucio!' Liz reacted so fast that Lily barely dodged in time. It only cemented Lily's assumption that Liz was under someone's control, for she would never have thrown out an Unforgivable of her own free will.

Liz was moving towards the corner table where they kept their research notes now, gathering them into her arms before heading for the door. Appalled, Lily cried, 'Impedimenta!'

'Protego!'

'Liz, don't!' pleaded Lily. 'Snap out of it!'

A flicker of recognition flitted across Liz's trance-like expression. She hesitated, as though afflicted with indecision. It was enough – Lily immediately cast a Stunner. The red beam of light hit Liz squarely in the chest and she crumpled to the ground.

'I'm sorry,' said Lily shakily, as she bent over Liz's prone form to retrieve the stacks of parchment. She dared not revive Liz – did the Imperius curse last if the victim were Stupefied and then Ennervated? Lily didn't think she wanted to find out the hard way. She couldn't leave Liz this way, though; she should go get help.

Her hand was inches away from the doorknob before it hit her with a horrible chill that it was highly possible that whoever had Imperius-ed Liz was waiting for her to return. What if they had breached the Ollivander house – they could have made Liz let them in earlier – and were lying in wait just outside the study?

But that left her little option. It was impossible to Apparate out of the study – anti-Apparition wards kept people out, but it unfortunately also kept them in. And the study had no other exit (or entrance) … unless she blasted her way out the window, which would destroy it, and possibly draw attention to herself anyway …

Before she had time to contemplate this drastic measure, however, someone else made the decision for her. There was an almighty boom, and a blast so strong from the wall with the window that she was thrown halfway across the room. Lily landed heavily on her back, unable to stop a painful yelp escaping her mouth.

'Well, then.' The voice that filled the room was cold and high-pitched, like a blast of icy wind. 'I see you've managed to overcome my loyal Death Eater – no, not Eurydice Ollivander, foolish girl, the loyal Death Eater who controlled her. But no matter. I am here to finish the job in person.'

'You're going to kill us.' Fear tore at her insides, but her words came out clear and calm.

Voldemort laughed – though Lily couldn't imagine a sound less mirthful. 'Not today, Lily Evans. Not today. I simply intend to break you. To have you spilling all your little secrets to me. Lily Evans, did you think that you, a mere Mudblood, could defy Lord Voldemort? I shall crush you, extract all knowledge of this pretty charm you are constructing, and then I shall destroy you. You will beg for death then, and I shall reward you – as Lord Voldemort always rewards those who have been of use to him.'

'You – you won't – you'll never get anything from me.' Lily gripped her wand tightly. Protego, she thought, in case Voldemort attempted to rip it from her hands with a non-verbal spell.

'Is that so?' Voldemort eyed her keenly. Lily met his slit-like eyes defiantly. 'No – I won't deprive you of your wand – though it will not do you any good against me. You are no match for the greatest wizard of all time – Crucio!'

The speed and force of the spell left her no room to avoid. Red hot needles of pain blossomed across every square inch of skin, twisting, burning, searing … Could this possibly be the same curse she'd suffered before? It felt ten times worse … Lily's throat was hoarse – she must be screaming, but she couldn't hear it, through the pounding in her ears. It was a never-ending torment, lasting far longer than forever …

She was flat on the ground, aching and panting as though she had run a marathon. Lily raised her head with immense difficulty.

'A taste, Lily Evans,' said Voldemort in a silky voice, 'of what you will endure, for much longer, should you refuse to co-operate.'

He was going to break her; torture her until she delivered every last thing he needed to know. Only then would he free her – through death. Lily's first thought was that it was going to be a long, drawn-out and painful battle because she would never divulge even the slightest information on the Death Shield to Voldemort. Then a feeling of dread swept through her – she couldn't be sure … what if she weakened?

One thing was certain – Voldemort could not learn the details of Liz and her work. He would desecrate it, twist it to suit his own bestial purposes … Lily knew immediately what she had to do.

Summoning her strength, she pointed her wand to the left of Voldemort – he sneered, thinking that she was already so addled as to misfire – and shouted, 'Reducto!'

The prototype model of the spell web that Lily and Liz had slaved over for two long years exploded. Voldemort was taken by surprise, stepping away from the blast in shock. He whirled back to Lily, but she had already set her notes on fire with the strongest Incendio she could muster. Having destroyed all evidence of her own work, there remained but one thing – Lily pointed her wand to her own head, thought intently of deleting every last memory of the Death Shield from her mind, and said, simply, 'Obliviate!'

Voldemort's rage was palpable. His snake-like slits of eyes narrowed even further, until they were like laser points staring out of his white face. With a swift flick of his wand, Lily's flew across to him, and he tossed it aside, out of her reach. He towered over her, but she stared back, fearless now that she had nothing to lose.

'Memory Charms can be broken,' said Voldemort, finally, twirling his wand in his long fingers.

A second deafening crash rang out as three new wizards burst in to join the fray. Lily realised with a jolt that they were wizards she knew – and one of them was a witch – Alice, Frank, and James.

'Expelliarmus!' they yelled in unison. Voldemort deflected it almost effortlessly, sending out the killing curse without skipping a beat. They dodged expertly, and it exploded against the wall.

Alice reached Lily first.

'I've got a Portkey – can you move? Get over to Liz –'

Painfully, Lily crawled over to where Liz was still lying, unconscious by Lily's own hand. Alice extracted a wrapped object from her robes and removed the paper to reveal a copper spoon. She held it with the wrapping separating it from her fingers.

'Take it, you'll be safe!'

'But – you – James – Frank –'

'Take Liz and go,' commanded Alice. She pressed the Portkey to Lily and Liz's hands and Lily felt the familiar jerk beneath her naval. She looked up by chance, before she was whirled away, and her eyes briefly met James's.

The last thing she saw was his hazel eyes locked on hers before an errant hex slammed him into a wall, and the room dissolved around her.

---

Lily landed on a dirty, scratched and almost ripped-up wooden floor. She winced and struggled not to be sick as her surroundings came into sharper focus around her.

She was in a rickety, run-down old shack that was vaguely familiar, and Professor McGonagall was peering at her and Liz with concern evident on her wrinkled face.

'Lily,' she said, 'has You-Know-Who …' her voice trailed off anxiously. If the use of her first name hadn't been enough to emphasise the severity of the situation – Lily had never heard Professor McGonagall address any student (or ex-student, in this case) by their first names – then her lapse into the anonym would have.

'Alice and Frank and James are still there, Professor,' said Lily urgently. 'I don't know if they'll …' She couldn't verbalise her fears.

'We can do nothing from here,' Professor McGonagall said tersely. 'We must pray they get themselves out. Meanwhile, I must escort you and Miss Ollivander up to the school.'

'The school? Professor – where are we?'

'The Shrieking Shack,' said Professor McGonagall briefly, before turning her attention to Liz. 'Ennervate!'

Liz sat up slowly, took in her environs, and promptly burst into tears.

'What have I done?' she wept.

'It's all right,' soothed Lily. 'It wasn't your fault, you tried to resist.'

'Miss Ollivander, Dumbledore is waiting for us in his office. Pull yourself together; we must go.'

It must have been nearly a decade since Liz had been a student at Hogwarts. Yet she obediently got up and swiped her eyes, evidently still as cowed by Professor McGonagall as a current student.

Professor McGonagall led them through a dark, winding tunnel with a ceiling so low that Lily had to hunch over. It went on for a good twenty or thirty minutes before sloping upwards. Lily could hear strange thrashing noises above, as though millions of Hippogriffs were swooping through the air above. A thunderous thud on the tunnel ceiling made both her and Liz jump. Professor McGonagall, however, was unfazed. She produced a long stick and reached through a gap at the top of the tunnel, prodding around as though searching for a point.

The noises stopped, suddenly, and Professor McGonagall pulled herself out of the tunnel.

'Hurry,' she said. Lily and Liz made haste to follow her. When they emerged, Lily realised they were on Hogwarts grounds, just under the Whomping Willow, which was miraculously still. But she had no time to marvel at this phenomenon, because Professor McGonagall was striding purposefully across the grounds, and she was clearly expected to follow.

Dumbledore, as Professor McGonagall had mentioned, was in his office. He was in the midst of a discussion with Nicholas Lovegood when they entered.

'Miss Evans and Miss Ollivander got out safely,' said Professor McGonagall.

'Thank you, Minerva,' said Dumbledore warmly. 'And the others?'

'I hope they have had the opportunity to bail out, Albus. But there is no news yet – I can try to contact Mr Longbottom, or Mr Potter …'

She was interrupted by a low cry from Dumbledore's phoenix.

'No need, Minerva. I believe Fawkes is willing to make the trip. Go, then,' Dumbledore nodded to his bird. Fawkes vanished.

'Well then, Miss Evans, Miss Ollivander. I cannot stress how important it is that your work remains unavailable to Voldemort.'

Lily stared at him blankly. 'What work?'

Three pairs of eyes fixed on her in shock. The fourth eyed her keenly.

'Lily …' said Liz slowly. 'Oh God, Lily, what happened to you?'

'A Memory Charm,' said Dumbledore sharply. 'The problem is, who cast it? Lily, how much do you recall?'

'I … I've no idea what we were doing. But Voldemort came and … I set the house on fire. I wanted to destroy something … I remember holding my wand at my head … and then Voldemort Disarmed me and the three of them – James, Alice, Frank – came with a Portkey …'

'Indeed …' Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully. 'I must say, I believe that was a stroke of brilliance from you, Miss Evans. If I'm not wrong, you've just deleted all evidence that you ever created your Shield Charm – even the knowledge of it. But Memory Charms are not a hundred percent foolproof. And Miss Ollivander still bears knowledge of your work, if I'm not wrong?'

Liz nodded apprehensively. 'Ought I to Obliviate myself as well?'

'I may have an … alternative solution. Have either of you heard of the Fidelius Charm?'

'The one that …' Lily racked her brains, trying to recall her N.E.W.T. Charms text. Liz, however, was quicker.

'… hides information to be kept secret within a person?' she finished.

'Precisely, Miss Ollivander.'

'So you're saying, we'll have to hide the knowledge of our work … I'm sorry, Professor, I don't really understand how this will work.'

'Typically, the Fidelius Charm is used to conceal the whereabouts of people, but it can be modified to suit your situation. We can hide the information in a particular person – let us say, the vector, hence the location of this information can be held by a Secret Keeper. Am I making sense?'

Lily nodded. Liz looked thoughtful.

'So you want one of us to … be the vector?'

'I would deem it the best course of action, as –'

He was interrupted by the arrival of Fawkes the phoenix, who returned to his perch in a fiery beam. He parted his beak to drop a ragged scrap of parchment in front of Dumbledore. Dumbledore held it up to read.

'Frank, Alice, and James have escaped,' he said, with relief. Lily felt herself let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. 'James is injured, though –' she sucked in her breath again '– but nothing life-threatening,' he finished. She exhaled.

'Where are they? Can I see him?'

Professor McGonagall cleared her throat.

'Perhaps we can sort out the matter of the Fidelius first?' Dumbledore suggested. Blushing, Lily nodded.

'I called upon Mr Lovegood once I heard of the attack, and he has agreed to act as Secret Keeper. He can also take you to safety now. Time, of course, is of the essence, if we are to settle this before Voldemort is able to make a second attack, hence I'm afraid I'll have to ask both of you to make a decision now.'

Lily and Liz exchanged looks.

'What will happen to whoever's … the vector?' said Lily.

'You will go into hiding. In complete secrecy.'

Hiding – that meant disappearing without notice. Not contacting any of her friends, or family … she wouldn't have the chance (slim though it was) to ever find Petunia. She wouldn't find out what happened to James.

He might even think she had died – what story would Dumbledore put out to explain her disappearance?

Before she could weigh in the importance of such a drastic measure to their society, Liz volunteered, quietly but bravely.

'Lily's Memory Charmed anyway,' she said. 'I – I'm the better choice.'

'Liz … are you sure?' Lily wasn't keen on doing the job herself. But to allow Liz to take it upon herself …

Liz nodded. 'You can't just disappear, Lily. Think of what James would say. I – I've no one to worry … except maybe my uncle … but he hardly pays attention to things outside his shop, so …' She squared her shoulders. 'I'm the one that has to go, Lily. Don't stop me. Professor Dumbledore, I … what do I do?'

'Miss Ollivander, you may leave with Mr Lovegood first. He will perform the charm, and let you know everything that you need to get to your destination.'

'And my belongings – my old home –?'

'I'll see to it when it's safer,' promised Nicholas Lovegood. 'If you're ready – if there are no objections, we should be on our way. Professors, Lily.' He nodded to each of them in turn before leading Liz out of the room.

'I'll contact you if I can,' Liz promised Lily.

'I know. Take care of yourself.' The girls hugged.

'You too. Good-bye.' And Liz disappeared down the spiral staircase of Dumbledore's office after Nicholas.

'I should return to my lessons,' said Professor McGonagall briskly. 'Since you've everything under control, Albus …'

'Yes, thank you, Minerva.'

When Professor McGonagall had left, Dumbledore turned back to Lily. His eyes smiled at her through his half-moon glasses. 'I believe you'll be waiting for news of Mr Potter, Miss Evans.'

She flushed again, unable to deny it. Seeing James there, charging in with Frank and Alice … it wasn't just the relief that help had come, it was James. And then, when she'd seen him hit the wall with such force, just before the Portkey had whisked her away …

She had to see him, be sure he was all right.

'We will wait,' said Dumbledore, understanding, 'until Frank or Alice sends word that it is safe for you to go. Would you like a lemon sherbet in the meantime?'

---

James's first thought was that it had to be a dream. Everything was out of focus – he'd been feeling lethargic since he'd drunk the potion that Dorcas had given him, and it made things go blurry too.

'You need to rest,' Dorcas admonished, shaking her head over him. 'Frank – Alice – tell him!'

'Lily's fine, James,' said Alice. 'I gave her the Portkey myself. Stop worrying.'

How could he stop? He'd been feeling frantic from the moment they'd brought the anonymous message to Dumbledore and he'd deciphered it to mean a threat to Lily and Liz. They'd alerted the Order – Frank and Alice had responded immediately, and the three of them had charged to the scene while Sirius tried to gather more people.

He couldn't forget the sight of Lily, facing Voldemort without a wand, her eyes defiant. The entire room was up in flames, all her hard work ablaze – had she ignited it herself? – and she was obviously prepared to go down fighting.

He needed to know that she hadn't. That she was alive and well and she knew that he'd meant none of what he'd said two weeks ago because he'd come after all.

What if the message hadn't come? If they'd been a little later? Would he have arrived to find Lily crumpled and broken, and guilt that he'd been too proud to search her out when he'd had the chance sinking into his heart?

'James, enough!' Frank told him in no uncertain terms that he'd Body-Bind him to the bed if he wasn't obedient. 'You took a hard hit – that gash nearly split open your skull, Potter. You've got to recuperate. You need to know your limits – that's the fundamental rule that every Auror has to understand!'

'M'not an Auror,' mumbled James, but his eyelids were drooping. Dorcas waved her wand and levitated him to the bed.

There was a strange, lullaby-like music that accompanied him into his slumber. It gave everything a dream-like quality. So it was no wonder that he thought he was still dreaming when he heard the same melody.

In the dream, he saw the faint outline of a slim lady with long hair. Her back was facing him, but he knew instantly that it was the one he had been waiting for all this while.

And then he turned, and her features shone brightly against the blurred background, penetrating the haze in his mind. Bright green almond-shaped eyes, hair shining golden-red in the light, pale face scrunched up with worry.

'Lily,' he said. 'Is it really you?'

She was by his side at once, her hand light as a feather on his face.

'It's me.'

'You're here,' he managed drowsily, before blackness overcame him again. Dimly, he heard her voice:

'I'm not going anywhere.'

---

Fawkes had chosen to come with Lily. Dorcas was there when they arrived, explaining that James was fine, she'd given him a Sleeping Draught after patching up his wounds. He came to for a few seconds, enough to recognise her – although Dorcas reckoned it was possible he was having a lucid dream. She left Lily by the side of the bed.

Lily was alone now, in the room. With James. He looked so peaceful, sleeping on his back, breathing quietly. One of his arms was drooping off the side of the bed. Lily found herself reaching for it, her small hands closing over his large rough one.

They were so incredibly lucky. They should have died – she might have died if Frank, Alice and James hadn't come charging in when they did. The three of them could have died – she had no idea how they'd got away. Yet here they were, alive, with no lasting damage done. It was like being given a second chance at life.

Lily looked down at James's sleeping face, and her insides twisted with guilt.

If he had died today, she would never have forgiven herself. She'd had two hours of interminable waiting in Dumbledore's office to agonise over it. To search herself and realise that James was very much a part of her soul. She couldn't have gone with Liz and Nicholas Lovegood to hide, without finding James first – because it would rip her heart in two if he'd died then, thinking that she didn't care, that she was still angry with him.

It was a bitter pill to swallow, the knowledge that she had been wrong about Petunia and James's comments – she doesn't care about you – which had hurt her deeply, were the truth. She'd been so mad, thinking he had been selfishly wanting to keep her to himself so much that he'd slander Petunia. But maybe he had been right all along, painful as it was to accept.

And James, despite all of it, had to care about her still. She'd seen it in his face, the blazing look of worry when they'd locked eyes earlier. That was the James that burned in her memory now and wouldn't let go – James, who would endure sleepless nights to be by her side; James, who faithfully collected and read out her homework to her everyday following the Hogsmeade attack; James, who didn't ask for anything in return for his dedication; James, who loved her. How could she have forgotten all of it?

She could lose Petunia, she realised – she already had, and it hurt, but not as much as it did to almost lose James.