Author's Note: Haha, um. Yeah this is late again. I'm a failure. Sorry. 8)

And, just a note. Pretty much everybody gets steadily more and more out of character in this story. (Especially Butters) XD; I don't know how, it just happened. I seriously need to work on the way I write Kyle. B I always write him far too gay and girly. I'm really trying to work on this. But oh well. I guess you'll just have to deal with faggy Kyle, and faggy Cartman, and faggy Butters. XD; Ah well. This part is exciting. Enjoy!

"I don't like it." Butters said to me a few hours later.

"Like what?" I said distractedly, working on the class work for once.

"You and Kyle." I looked up, eyebrows raised threateningly.

"No, I mean- I don't like the basis. The way you lied to him."

"Oh... Well, it wasn't a total lie. I had a tiniest bit of a crush on him. I just... Exaggerated it a little bit.

"It's still lying."

I sighed almost angrily, but I knew he was right.

"...I'll tell him eventually..." I conceited quietly. I didn't how I could complete such a task, but I couldn't keep lying.

"Hey, queers! Why don't you get a room!" someone yelled and I bristled. Me and Kyle had just been walking out of school. He was latched onto my arm and apparently that was offensive.

One of the stupid jocks made a retching sound and the rest guffawed. It was the same jock from yesterday but now he had a slut hanging off of him.

Kyle's hand slipped into mine, squeezing it like he was scared. I looked over at him, but he was staring at the group of jocks intently with hurt in his eyes. I followed his gaze, and sure enough, there, near the back, was Stan. I felt a surge of anger and squeezed Kyle's hand back. I felt a little bit of empathy for Kyle. Even though Stan was a total asshole, he was still Kyle's best friend. It can't feel good to get heckled by your best friend. While I had been inspecting Stan, the jock had approached Kyle haughtily.

"Hey, why are you fucking this fatty?" he teased, jerking a thumb at me, "You could do so much better. Like... Stan, he's your friend, right?" The jock turned and the jocks parted a little, putting Stan on the spot. But he was ready for this. He gave Kyle a tiny, wary glance like that could make up for what he was about to say.

"Pff, no. I ain't friends with fags." Stan said without missing a beat, keeping his eyes off Kyle.

"Aw, but you two would make such a cute couple!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Shut the fuck up, asshole!" We said in almost-unison, Kyle adding the 'asshole' part. I glanced at him, then back at the jock, who had turned his sights back on me and Kyle. He advanced on me, trying to look menacing. I kept my face deadpan.

"Get the fuck away from me." I said quietly.

"No." he took another step towards me, "Why don't you make me?"

"Give me a reason." I said coolly.

"D'you think yer better'n me?" he spat. I looked him up and down carefully.

"Yep." I said with a winning smile. The jock raised his fist and before I could react he punched me. I stumbled back, almost losing my balance. I cupped my nose gingerly, and by the time I regained my composure and looked up, the jock was on the ground. He was groaning and his hands were between his legs, and Kyle was standing over him, looking pissed.

I felt something drip through my finger and looked at my hands, seeing blood.

"Fuck..." I mumbled, and Kyle turned to me, his expression turning from anger to concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked, trotting over.

"No." I said, glancing over at him, "My nose hurts."

"Here, use this." he handed me a tissue from his pocket, "Let's go." We gave the jock(and Stan) a last glare before Kyle put his arm around me and we walked away.

After about a minute Kyle stopped and looked back, I followed his gaze, seeing a sad sight. Most of the crowd had left, or was huddled around the jock. Except for one dark-haired boy. I looked over at Kyle, and saw tears in his eyes.

"Kyle..." I whispered, and he looked over at me with pain in his eyes. In that moment I knew Stanandkyle were no more.

"Come on, let's go." he chocked out, and I put my arm around him.

"Here, Eric." Kyle said a half hour later, handing me a bag of frozen peas.

"Thanks." I mumbled, placing the peas gingerly on a quickly-forming black eye. I peered across the table at Kyle with my good eye. He was looking at me, but not actually looking at me. I knew he was thinking about Stan, so I tried to change the subject.

"That was awesome back there." I said, and he blinked at me.

"Huh?"

"When you kicked that guy in the nuts. That was sweet." I said with a chuckle and a smile. Kyle smiled back.

"Aha, yeah. But you were way better. You talked to that asshole like you were best buds!" he gushed, looking up at the ceiling.

"You just get used to it..." I said with a proud smile and a shrug. Kyle was silent for a moment and I closed my good eye. I heard soft footsteps and then Kyle wrapped his arms around me. I looked over at him and he put his chin on my shoulder, closing his eyes.

"Thanks." he whispered, kissing my cheek. I blushed, trying to cover it up before Kyle noticed. I bit my lip and we didn't speak for a while.

All the while I couldn't shake this guilty feeling. I was trying to enjoy his arms around me, his gentle breathing in my ear, but a loud, obnoxious voice in my head kept pointing out that I was a dirty liar. I was a dirty, rotten liar and I didn't deserve him.

"Kyle..." I hadn't meant to say it but it came out sounding very desperate and uncomfortable. Kyle shifted on my shoulders.

"Huh? Is something wrong?"

"No, it's just..." I fumbled for an excuse, "These peas... They're dripping all over." Sure enough, there was a large wet patch on the table Kyle slowly unwrapped his arms and stood. I gingerly removed the peas, blinking up at Kyle.

"Oh, it doesn't look so bad. Can you see?" he asked, taking the peas and placing them on the counter.

"...Yeah." I said quietly, gently lifting a hand to my eye. I could tell it was swollen, but Kyle was right. It wasn't that bad.

"Does it hurt?" he asked offhandedly, turning to grab a towel.

"Not really..." I said, and I couldn't help but smile as Kyle busily wiped up the water. He felt me staring and looked up.

"...What?"

"You're so cute! Like my little maid" I smirked an devilish smirk at him and he blushed. Then I stood, grabbing Kyle around the waist and pulling him into me. He gave a surprised squeak, dropping the towel.

"Eriiic..." he whined softly as I leaned in. I ignored his whining, smirking and kissing him. His soft lips and softer touch sent me into a dreamlike state, where nothing existed except me and Kyle. But then he pulled away and my world of guilt and pain came crashing back down.

I was stunned for a second or two, and I almost missed Kyle's words.

"Ma could be home any minute..." he said, removing my hands and glancing warily at the kitchen door.

"Should I go?" I asked, rubbing my temples and sitting down. I guess I said it a little meaner than I meant to because Kyle looked over at me like I'd suggested a break.

"No... I mean, unless you want to..." Kyle said softly, his voice brimmed with hurt.

"No, no. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant..." I trailed off, whining and standing up. I walked up to Kyle, wrapping my arms around him.

"Don't make that face at me... I don't want to go..."

"You don't?" Kyle's eyes sparkled up at me and I couldn't help but grin.

"No, I want to stay here with you..." I smiled, pressing our foreheads together. Kyle grinned, but he still looked wary. I pulled away, slipping my hand into his.

"I don't like your mom anyways." I said with a snort, "And she doesn't like me. So I should leave soon."

"Yeah... But I don't want you to go..." Kyle said with a pout.

"Aw, I know. But I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah..."

"And we can talk online."

"Yeah..."

"Oh, come on! Don't make that face..." I found myself wrapping my arms around him again, and this time Kyle held on.

I was about to press our lips together when Kyle pulled away. I raised my eyebrows at him and he gave me a small smile.

"Eric... I love you..."

I blinked at him, unsure how to respond. That obnoxious part of my brain reminded me that this was when I was supposed to break his heart.

"I love you too..." I said, and he broke into a relieved grin.

Then I pressed my lips to his and we kissed for a while. That is, until I heard a soft voice I hadn't heard in years.

"...Kyle?!"

Kyle jerked away from me, turning to the voice and blushing bright red.

"Ike?! What are you doing here?!" Kyle asked, his voice shaking.

"...Lacrosse let out early- what the hell, Cartman?!" the young boy asked, totally bewildered as to why his older brother was kissing the likes of me. I pursed my lips at him.

"Aha... Hey Ike." I said, my frown turning into a smirk.

"Kyle? You weren't kissing him, were you?! Eric Cartman?!"

"I... Uh..." Kyle glanced at me but my eyes were glaring at Ike.

"Why him?!" He was just a little too stunned for my liking.

"What are you saying, kid?" I asked, taking a threatening step towards him. He recoiled, looking up at me with wide eyes.

"Eric, Eric. He didn't mean it." Kyle said, coming up behind me and grabbing my arm.

"Like hell he didn't." I muttered under my breath, stepping back. There was a stretch of uncomfortable silence where Ike kept his eyes on me and Kyle gripped my arm.

"You won't tell Ma, right?" I looked over at Kyle, his voice was so small and scared that I half-expected to see tears in his eyes.

"...No." Ike said, shaking his head. There was another stretch of uncomfortable silence.

"I... I should go." I said suddenly, turning to pick up my backpack.

"Eric..." Kyle said, reaching up to hug me.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I said, wrapping an arm around his waist. I was going to give him a quick peck on the cheek but I heard Ike cough and I felt the sudden urge to kiss him full-on, with tongue. After our prolonged goodbye, I grinned at Ike and waved goodbye, leaving in rather high spirits.

"Oh, sweetie! Are you alright?!" my mom asked when I walked in the door. At first I didn't know what she was talking about and looked down at myself.

"Huh?"

"Your face! What happened?" she hurried over to me.

"Oh, nothing... Just... We were wrestling in gym and the kid accidentally elbowed me in the face" I lied, wondering was she cared so much this time. And then I smelled the booze on her breath.

"Oh no!" she sounded so fake, "Do you need something?"

"No, I'm fine." I mumbled.

By the time I got to the top of the stairs she had already forgotten about me.

A few weeks later, Butters made me come over to his house. He seemed horribly excited about something and I had an inkling it had something to do with Dougie.

Once we were safely in his room he sat me in his computer chair and sat himself on his bed.

"...So?" I asked after a stretch of silence.

"I... Kissed him."

"What?" I wasn't sure why I was so surprised, but Butters wasn't the kind to kiss. He was the kind to be kissed.

"I know! He was just sort of staring at me and... I just couldn't resist. It was so amazing..." he trailed off with this goofy smile on his face.

I smiled knowingly, raising my eyebrows. Butters seemed to be lost in some fantasy and I wasn't about to stir him.

"That was your first, wasn't it?" Okay, maybe I was about to stir him.

"...First what?" Butters said, blushing.

"Kiss."

"NO!" Butters said a little too loudly, "...I mean, no." I smirked at him, and he turned dark crimson.

"Well, then... Wasn't your first Kyle?" Butters retorted lamely.

"No." I scoffed, "Wendy, third grade." He shut up after that, frowning at me.

"So are you guys dating?" I asked after a moment.

"I... I dunno. We kissed for a while and then I got tongue-tied and left."

I looked bemusedly at Butters, who had taken a sudden interest in a hole in his jeans.

Just then Butters' phone rang obnoxiously and he jumped for it, answering quickly.

"...Hi." he said, a light blush on his cheeks and a small smile on his lips.

"Y-Yeah... U-um, I dunno... Probably nothing." by no Butters was grinning and blushing crimson, "S-sure, yeah I-I can borrow my mom's car. ...See you then! ...Bye." When he hung up he closed his eyes and pressed the phone to his lips. He'd obviously forgotten that I was here.

"Got a hot date?" I said suddenly, making Butters jump. He grinned at me.

"Yeah. We're gonna go to the movies."

"What's he telling his parents?"

"Just that he's going with a friend."

"And what are you telling your mom?"

"..." he smiled sweetly at me.

"Butters!" It wasn't that I had a problem with lying for Butters, I just liked to see him squirm.

"Please Eric! I just need you to cover for me! Just one night! You don't know how much this means to me!" he begged, he seemed very close to getting on his knees.

"Alright." I said with a hearty sigh, "I guess I'll have to cancel sewing club that night."

"No you don't, you just have to shut your phone off while we're in the theater!"

"Butters!" I laughed and slapped my forehead. We laughed for a while and then settled into a comfortable silence.

"It can't get any better than this." Butters said, and I agreed wholeheartedly.

But little did I know that it was all over a few months later. School had just ended and the weather was finally nice, so me and Kyle(and sometimes Butters and Dougie) found ourselves spending lengthy days in the park or in whoever's backyard had no parents.

One rather beautiful morning I came upon Kyle still asleep. It was a rare occurrence for me to come to Kyle's house, because of his mother's hatred for me. But earlier on this particular morning, Kyle's parents had left their sons for a whole week to go to some lawyer convention in New Mexico.

Well anyways, when I walked into his room he was asleep with his back towards me.

"Kyle..." I said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. But I quickly removed it, deciding against waking him. He just looked so pretty when he slept. So I sat on the floor, resting my forehead on his bed. And it all just started to spill out.

"Oh god Kyle... I'm so sorry. This was a stupid plan. I was still hurting from Wendy so I tried to tear you two apart. I just... I loved Wendy so I wanted to break her heart like she broke mine. And you were the key... I don't know why I had to include you in my plan... I don't know why I had to make you fall in love with me... But I did, and that was stupid." I chuckled, "Some evil mastermind I am. I let myself fall in love right back. And I really do lo..."

Fear struck deep into my heart as Kyle's bed creaked loudly. I suddenly felt sick, lifting my head cautiously to stare into a pair of blazing green eyes.

The looked in his eyes scared the shit out of me, so much so that I fell back on my hands.

"K-Kyle...!"

"Eric! What the fuck?!" Kyle was sitting on his bed, gripping the sheets. I'd never seen him look so angry. I stood, taking a couple shaky steps backward. In a flash Kyle was up and lunging towards me.

The next thing I knew I was on the floor and my cheek hurt like a motherfucker.

"How... How could you?!" he was screaming, his hand still balled up in a furious fist. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, much less answer him.

"Eric... No... You-you can't..." Kyle's voice was so shaky that I looked up, and his image broke my heart. The anger had given way to hurt, and his eyes were brimming with tears.

"You... You said you loved me..." he staggered back, and I wanted so badly to get up and hug him.

"I do! I... I'm so sorry, Kyle..." I said dejectedly, tears coming to my eyes as they trailed down Kyle's cheeks.

"Eric... You... You're a liar!" Kyle yelled, taking a step towards me, "Get out!"

"Kyle..."

"GET THE FUCK OUT!"

I scrambled up, running from the room. As I was hurrying down the stairs I looked back, seeing Ike outside Kyle's room, looking at me in confusion. I looked at him for a moment, before choking out a sob and running out the door.

I wasn't sure where I was running, but I was running. After a minute or so I slowed down, gasping for breath.

"Shit... Fucking... Fatty..." I mumbled in between breaths. When I looked around to see where I was I noticed Butters' house only a small way's away.

A few minutes later I was about to ring Butters' doorbell when I heard a giggle from the backyard. I walked around, seeing Butters leaning against a tree with Dougie in his lap. I was momentarily stunned, and a few more tears spilled out of my eyes.

Just then Butters happened to glance my way.

"Eric? Are you okay?" he asked. Dougie looked around at me, scooting off of Butters and standing. Butters stood too, jogging over to me.

"Eric! What happened? You look like shit! Are you okay?" I didn't answer for a second, watching Dougie make his way over. He didn't know about my so-called ultimate revenge, but I didn't care.

"I fucked it up, Butters. I... I made him cry." I looked back at Butters, tears in my eyes yet again.

"What?! He found out?! How?!"

I... I thought he was asleep... I told him everything..." I buried my face in my hands and another sob shook my body.

"It's ... It's okay, Eric. Let's go inside." Butters said softly, putting an arm around me. I let him guide me through the backyard and up the back steps, into the kitchen. I collapsed into a nearby chair and put my head down on the table.

The door closed with a light snap and the room was silent.

"Eric... Tell me what happened."

So, I took a deep breath and divulged him. Dougie sat by Butters' side the the whole time, and I guessed that they were holding hands under table.

After I finished my story I put my head back down.

"God, I'm such an idiot. I should've told him in the beginning, like you said."

"...I don't know what yo tell you. It sounds like you hurt him pretty bad."

"I know... It's just... For once, I really love someone. And... The one thing I'm really good at is the one thing I never wanted to do to him. I hurt him. I have to get him back." I said, looking back up at Butters. He looked concerned.

"I don't know, Eric. If you have to talk to talk to him... Just give him a week or two to cool off."

I groaned and put my head back down.