FALLING WITH GRACE
by shiiki

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

War Weary

September – October, 1979

Voldemort set out to punish the Order for their audacity; the glimmer of hope Alice and Frank's wedding had brought into existence was brutally quashed barely two weeks later when the Order suffered their first casualty at the hands of Death Eaters.

It had started out as a family reunion. It had ended, however, in the mass murder of the entire McKinnon clan – including Marlene McKinnon, whose loss hit the Order squarely in the face. As a mark of respect, Lily and James decided to postpone their own wedding. To hold it when they were all reeling from Marlene's murder seemed far too callous.

Shortly after, Dumbledore approached Lily with an appeal: would she come to Hogwarts ostentatiously to work as a Brewster, as well as to provide the school with extra security?

Having felt rather out of sorts since Voldemort's attack – there had still been no word from or about Liz or Nicholas Lovegood yet, and Lily could only hope that no news was good news – Lily wondered if Dumbledore was simply offering her a place to hide.

'You are a most astute young woman, Miss Evans,' said Dumbledore when she mentioned this, 'but I assure you that while your safety is a concern, I would also feel more secure if I had several members of the Order guarding the school. Hogwarts is the stronghold that Voldemort has always coveted, and I am quite convinced that before long, he will attempt to infiltrate it.

'In any case, you will not be the only Order member that I ask to help out.'

Abashed, Lily agreed, and thus commenced her days of potion-brewing in the draughty dungeons of Hogwarts. She made antidotes to the nastier poisons they might encounter, invigorating draughts to strengthen, dull pain, and help an Order member in any trouble withstand an injury for long enough to escape, serums to investigate and infiltrate – she spent one month toiling over Veritaserum and another on Polyjuice Potion, under complete secrecy, since both were restricted. She even tried her hand at Felix Felicis, but that was one potion that proved beyond her capabilities.

Dorcas, between her training as a Healer, provided other minor brews: medicinal potions, sleeping draughts. Together, she and Lily amassed a formidable collection for the Order. Had they turned it in to anyone but Dumbledore, Lily might have been anxious that it fall into the wrong hands. However, Dumbledore kept the store safely, and Lily trusted him.

Professor Slughorn, who often asked Lily to help him prepare examples for his lessons (she acquiesced, thinking that being Slughorn's assistant would make a good cover story if anyone got suspicious), was delighted to have her.

'I always said you were a genius with Potions,' he said, beaming genially. 'You could go a lot further than being my humble assistant, now – you should certainly consider joining the Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers! I'd be happy to provide you an introduction. In fact, some of them might come to my Hallowe'en party – the door's always open to you, of course.'

Slug Club functions had always been a chore necessitated by Slughorn's badgering, and Lily had half a mind to plead a prior commitment. Unfortunately, she couldn't think of anywhere she'd like to go – James was again all over the country (and even out of it) these days, chasing down Death Eaters for the Order. At the moment, she believed they were tracking down the one responsible for the McKinnon murder.

Furthermore, it was probably a good idea for her to go and keep her eyes open for any suspicious characters that Slughorn might have naïvely invited into the school. She doubted that Slughorn would have intentionally welcomed anyone with Death Eater connections, but he certainly wasn't the best judge of character, and it wouldn't have been too hard for a student with conflicting loyalties to fool him.

The party started out as boring as every other that Lily had attended over the course of her school years. Slughorn had magically expanded his office (or rather, Lily had done the charming), but it was still something of a tight squeeze for twenty-five or so people. Slughorn spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about Lily's brewing abilities to Hector Dagworth-Granger of the Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers, a tall, weedy-looking man with a grey beard and a scowling face. She stood there, nodding politely as Dagworth-Granger sized her up critically, but she barely heard a word of the exchange as she was busy taking note of the other guests.

About fifteen were students, mostly fifth year and above, although several looked to be in second or third year. Of the adult guests, Lily recognised a few: Phyllida Spore, who had been several years ahead of her; Finbar Quigley and Ludo Bagman, the two famous Beaters who had been responsible for Hufflepuff's legendary Quidditch win during Lily's first year; Barty Crouch, the son of the Head of Magical Law Enforcement, who should be fresh out of Hogwarts now. Professor McGonagall popped in and out – likely to keep an eye on things as well. Lily wandered among the guests, chatting lightly about Quidditch with Quigley, catching up with Phyllida's new job, exchanging platitudes with Barty Crouch. It didn't seem as though anyone potentially dangerous had come … until Lily saw Regulus Black.

He was standing quietly in the corner, his dark hair and black robes blending so unobtrusively into the shadows that Lily might not have noticed him had the glass he was twisting nervously in his hands not caught the firelight. She simply observed him first, not wanting to let on that she'd discovered him. His face was drawn and pale, a look Lily had seen on Sirius only once before, when the Marauders had got themselves into a deep spot of trouble in sixth year – which had also coincided with the time that Sirius had left home, if she remembered correctly. Regulus paid no attention to her; Lily wasn't even certain if he had noticed she was there. His eyes flickered to Slughorn every few moments, and his fingers fidgeted with his empty glass every time he did so.

Had he been sent as a spy, afraid of being found out? A sentinel to sneak into the school and open the doors to other Death Eaters, waiting for the opportune moment? Or an assassin with a mission to murder Horace Slughorn? Or even McGonagall or Dumbledore?

Lily thought, however, that whatever the reason for which Regulus had been deployed to Hogwarts, she was witnessing him getting cold feet. She fingered her wand in her pocket, the memory of Regulus Black holding it out to her rushing to the forefront of her mind.

He could likely be a Death Eater. But if he was … was he really that deep in it … or was he having second thoughts?

As Lily pondered this, Regulus finally seemed to make up his mind. Setting his jaw in a determined manner, he left his glass on a nearby tray and set off across the room, through the crowd of people, towards Slughorn. Lily quickly followed.

'Young Regulus!' boomed Slughorn. 'How wonderful to see you! Did you just arrive? Have you seen Barty, now – he's here, too –'

'We came together,' interrupted Regulus. 'Professor, I was wondering …'

'Well, you're just in time for the last toast … before I have to send you all off. Join us, won't you?' Slughorn pressed a smoking goblet into Regulus's hands before he had time to object, and called for attention. 'It's getting late, now, and the young scalawags have to be in bed soon,' he chortled and winked at his students, 'so I'd like to call for one last toast!'

'Hear, hear!' said Ludo Bagman heartily, raising his glass.

'To talent – which all of you possess in spades! To youth!' (Hector Granger-Dagworth scowled a bit deeper at this.) 'And to the end of the dark days!'

Professor McGonagall arrived at the door after they had drunk to Slughorn's toast, on the pretext of making sure that the students went to bed. Lily would have gambled her wand that Professor McGonagall had followed the guests out rather than police the students.

With Professor McGonagall keeping an eye on the outsiders, Lily stayed a moment to help Slughorn reverse the expansion charms on his room. She had only left the room and gone halfway down the corridor when her ears caught the soft creak of an opening door. She turned just in time to see a student slip into the office.

Suspicious, Lily tiptoed back to the door and put her ear to it.

'– can I do for you?' she heard Slughorn say.

The reply was soft and difficult to make out. 'I need some help with something I'm studying,' she thought it was.

It all seemed quite innocent, and Lily was about to leave Slughorn and his student be, when he said, 'You've gone into research, have you, Regulus?'

Alarmed, Lily pressed her ear to the door again in a hurry.

'In a way, Professor.'

'Well, ask away, boy. I can't guarantee that I'll be the best person to ask if it isn't something to do with Potions, but I can always find you a reference.'

'It's … it's about … Professor, what can you tell me about …' Regulus's last word was so soft that Lily couldn't make head or tail of it.

There was a long silence. Lily waited with baited breath, wondering if she should enter and attack; had Regulus immobilised Slughorn? He couldn't have killed him, surely – the Death Curse, thankfully, didn't work without the words.

'Professor?'

When Slughorn finally spoke (and Lily let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding), it was in a low, monotonous voice which she'd never heard from him before.

'I know nothing. What makes you think I'd know something about that?' Lily didn't think he was fooling anyone. Whatever information Regulus wanted, Slughorn had it – but didn't want to give.

And for good reason, she thought. Except she wasn't sure Slughorn had any inkling that Regulus was a Death Eater. There had to be another reason Slughorn was withholding information.

'I was told you would know …'

'Well, you were told wrong, then, weren't you?' Slughorn roared suddenly. 'I know nothing! Nothing!'

'Please, sir –'

'Which side are you on?' said Slughorn, sounding frightened.

OK, time to go in. Lily pushed the door open … and nearly lost her balance as Regulus wrenched it open from the other side. They paused for a moment in the doorway, staring at each other, and then Regulus pushed past her and started running down the corridor.

'Stop!' Lily was after him in a flash, pelting down the corridors. Regulus was quicker than her, though, and she didn't dare to throw a spell in case it glanced and hit a stray student out past curfew. She managed to tail him to the front doors, where McGonagall was seeing off the last of the guests. He burst through and high-tailed it out of the school, a quick Protego deflecting the Stunner that Lily sent after him.

'Miss Evans –?'

'Regulus Black, Professor,' panted Lily. 'He stayed behind to ask Professor Slughorn –'

'Good heavens, is Horace all right?'

'I think so,' said Lily between breaths. 'We'd better – go check.'

The door to Slughorn's office was locked when they returned. Professor McGonagall rapped smartly on it, but there was no reply. She and Lily exchanged worried looks.

'Professor Slughorn!' called Lily. 'Professor, are you there?'

'Everything's fine!' Slughorn's voice was muffled. 'Going to bed.'

'Horace!' said Professor McGonagall sharply. 'Open the door, please.'

There was a scuffling noise, followed by the sound of shoes dragging across the floor and the click of the door unlocking, and Slughorn popped his head out of the room. He looked vastly dishevelled, and his face was red and sweaty.

'Sir, is everything all right?'

'Yes, fine – nothing to worry about, Miss Evans,' said Slughorn breathlessly. 'Evening, Minerva. I was just about to turn in. Some party, wasn't it, Miss Evans? Good night.' He made to close the door, but Professor McGonagall stopped him.

'You gave me detention once when I was a first-year, Horace. What was it for?'

'Blimey, Minerva, you can't think I'm not me, can you …' His voice trailed off as Professor McGonagall raised her wand. 'All right, Albus allowed me, since I was the one who caught you with the broomstick you weren't supposed to have …'

Professor McGonagall nodded crisply, and Lily couldn't help gaping as she tried to imagine the stern Transfiguration teacher as a first-year student smuggling a broom into the school.

'May I come in, Horace? I need to talk to you about your little parties.'

'Well … it's rather late, Minerva, I'm sure … couldn't this wait until tomorrow … oh, very well. Good night, then, Miss Evans.'

McGonagall gave Lily a brief nod to indicate that she could go, so Lily bade Slughorn good night and left, wondering exactly what Regulus Black had been up to, and what information had Slughorn been withholding.

That night, she dreamt that Sirius had Regulus at wand-point and was demanding him for information.

'I was told you knew about the Death Eaters,' said Sirius dangerously.

'I know nothing,' insisted Regulus, and he pointed a finger at Slughorn, who appeared suddenly, standing in a shadowy corner. 'Ask him, he knows!'

'You're wrong!' shouted Slughorn.

James stepped forward, out of the darkness and said righteously, 'They killed Marlene.'

'I know nothing!' said Regulus, sounding panicky. He held up his wand – which no one had removed, somehow – and waved it wildly. Green light exploded in all directions, and Lily saw James flying backwards, his eyes wide and his mouth a round 'O'.

'James!' she cried, and his face changed into Marlene's.

'Help me,' she pleaded.

And she disappeared into the darkness, and suddenly, Lily was alone.

When she woke up the next morning, it was to the surprising news that Slughorn had abruptly packed up and resigned.

'He believes the Death Eaters are after him, and has elected to go into hiding away from the school,' said Dumbledore. 'Minerva tells me that you might know something of what prompted him to jump to this conclusion.'

Lily explained about Regulus Black. Dumbledore listened with a thoughtful expression.

'And you have no idea about what information Regulus was pressing Horace for?'

'I'm afraid not, Professor. I couldn't hear. I don't suppose he told you …?'

'Horace told me very little,' sighed Dumbledore. 'Thank you, Miss Evans. I appreciate –'

A loud cough from one of the portraits hanging on the walls interrupted him. Dumbledore turned to it questioningly.

'Sorry to interrupt, Albus,' said the grey-haired man in the picture apologetically, 'but the Longbottoms need to speak to you urgently, and Alice Longbottom would like to make a Floo call.'

'Thank you, Dominic,' said Dumbledore. He pointed his wand carefully at the fire in his office. 'You may inform her that she will be able to get through now.'

Moments later, Alice's round, wide face appeared in the fire, looking drawn, tired, and miserable.

'Professor Dumbledore,' she said. 'It's … yesterday night … he – Voldemort –' A sob tore out of her throat and she ran a hand across her face. Lily felt her muscles tense up, anticipating the worst.

Please, not an attack. It can't be …

Alice took a deep breath and stared up at Dumbledore with hollow eyes.

'He's murdered Dorcas,' she said heavily.