by shiiki
A/N: This chapter is for all mothers who have valiantly borne the pain of childbirth for the sake of their children. You are all amazing!
July, 1980
James set down the Evening Prophet on the table with a sigh and leant back against the couch. Sirius shot him a sharp glance.
'Anything awful that we don't yet know about?' His eyes darted to the newspaper and back.
James shook his head. 'The Prewetts were in there.'
Sirius's face darkened. Gideon and Fabian Prewett had gone down fighting less than a week ago. Rumour had it that it had taken five Death Eaters to kill them. But even knowing that the twins had died a heroic death was no comfort to the members of the Order, whose numbers were seriously dwindling by now.
Lily said nothing as well. She was staring distractedly into the fire, a distant look in her eyes.
'Lily?'
She turned her head to him with what seemed to be considerable effort.
'Lily, are you all right?'
Lily ran her hand absently over her middle. Thanks to the Concealment Charm she had cast, her stomach looked completely flat, but James knew very well that it was in reality swollen to the size of a very bloated Quaffle. She nodded her head, but the taut muscles in her pale face rather indicated otherwise.
'You don't look too well …'
'I'm fine,' she snapped, a bit of colour rushing into her cheeks.
Sirius looked at Lily shrewdly. Rather bluntly, he asked, 'Are you in labour?'
'No!'
But James thought Sirius might be right. Lily's face was alarming in its pallor, and her hands tightened over her belly as though it ached. She looked completely frightened.
'It's … it's not time yet,' she said desperately. 'Not now. It's too early!'
'I know he's not due yet,' said James, trying to sound soothing, 'but –'
'Just twenty-six more hours!' Lily sounded as though she had been counting down for some time. James was startled to realise that she might have been doing so for some time already, all the while when she had been sitting so quietly in her armchair that evening. It was nearly ten o'clock now; how long had she been waiting already?
'Can you wait that long?'
Lily pursed her lips determinedly.
'Do you want to lie down?'
'No – I'll be all right. I just need to hold on.'
'I'll – um – make you a cup of tea,' offered Sirius. Lily nodded gratefully and Sirius hurried off to the kitchen. James knelt by Lily's chair and patted her arm comfortingly, his heart banging like a Bludger against his chest.
'I'm all right,' Lily said. How ironic it was, James thought, that she was reassuring him. But when she curled her fingers around his hand and squeezed it tight, he realised that it was for her own comfort as well as his that she had said it.
An hour and five cups of tea later, Lily was shaking with the effort of suppressing her contractions. Panic was rising in James's gut – he had no idea what he was supposed to do, no idea how to help. This was supposed to be happening weeks later, with Healers from St Mungo's around to assist. Judging from the way Sirius was wearing a trail in their carpet by his pacing up and down the room, he had no inkling of how to be of use either.
Finally, after Lily gave a gigantic shudder, James said hesitantly, 'Maybe we ought to Floo St Mungo's …'
'No!' gasped Lily. 'Floo calls can be traced … We can't … not now ...'
'Maybe the Healers can help you hang on for …'
'Twenty-five hours,' said Lily miserably. 'It's too long, they'd just deliver the baby …'
Which might be better than if they waited it out here and had Harry born in their living room with only two of them around to help. They knew nothing about babies, nothing about pregnancy … Anything could go wrong …
'A Muggle hospital,' said Sirius suddenly, stopping in his tracks across the room. 'Lily, you can go to a Muggle hospital. You'll at least have people there who know what's going on, even if they aren't Healers – better than James and me because we're totally clueless here. And Voldemort wouldn't be able to trace the births in a Muggle hospital, even if you can't make it for long enough.'
'I can,' insisted Lily, but doubt was creeping into her voice.
'A Muggle hospital?' said James in alarm. 'What if they cut her up?'
'It's not like that, James,' said Lily. 'I think – I think Sirius has a point. But … let's wait another hour first, all right?' She grimaced as a wave of pain appeared to ripple through her.
By midnight, it was clear that they would have to follow Sirius's plan. Lily was, however, in no condition to Apparate, and neither James nor Sirius wanted to risk Side-Along-Apparition in her condition.
'It'll have to be the motorbike,' said Sirius. Even with her whey-coloured face, Lily managed an incredulous look. James had his misgivings about this too: how safe would Lily be on the motorcycle? It wasn't that he didn't trust Sirius; he'd trust his life, and Lily's as well, to Sirius. But the motorbike was a whole different, riskier business.
'I'll drive safely. I swear, Lily. Come on, you haven't a choice here.'
'We could ring up an ambulance …'
'Unless you and James have secreted a telephone somewhere, I don't see how.'
'Fine. Do you even know where there's a hospital near here?'
'We'll find one.'
'Wait – how am I going to find you then?' said James, suddenly imagining himself searching through every hospital in Muggle England.
'The mirrors. The two-way mirrors we used in detention,' said Sirius. 'I've got mine at home; I'll just Apparate back and get it –'
'I ought to change too,' said Lily. She pushed herself to her feet with difficulty and made her way slowly to the stairs.
Half an hour later, they were all ready, Sirius having Apparated home and returned in Muggle attire; Lily in a faded print dress that she had Expanded to fit her burgeoning belly. They took off on Sirius's motorcycle (James hoped that Sirius would have the sense not to fly it), and James, now dressed in a Muggle shirt and jeans, took over Sirius's job of pacing the room.
After what seemed like an interminable amount of time, Sirius's face appeared in James's half of the two-way mirror, looking flustered.
'You've got to get here now,' he said frantically. 'There's all sorts of forms to fill and Lily's got to go in at once, and they think I'm her husband!'
'Well, tell me where to Apparate to!'
Sirius gave him the address, and James nearly forgot to lock up the cottage before Apparating to the hospital – he did forget that it was illegal to Apparate straight into a Muggle establishment, but fortunately he landed in an empty bathroom. He dashed out wildly, briefly noting that it was a female lavatory (it might have been funny if he hadn't been so pre-occupied), and out into a long corridor full of Muggle Healers. By pure luck he had made it to the very floor where Sirius and Lily were, and he found them in a waiting area not unlike the one at St. Mungo's. Sirius immediately thrust a bundle of papers into his hands.
'There,' he said with enormous relief.
A Muggle in a long white coat was speaking to Lily about 'birth plans' and 'epidurals' and other utterly foreign terms. Lily, although she seemed to grasp what the Muggle Healer was talking about, seemed totally at sea with how to answer.
'I don't know who's your gynaecologist, but frankly, you're terribly unprepared. Without medical records or insurance … and no thought as to how you plan to carry out this birth – have you at least brought a change of clothes? No? Well, I don't know … but we'll sort it out later, you need to be checked right away.'
Lily reached for James's hand as the Muggle Healer led her down the corridor. He held it tightly but had to let go when the Muggle Healers settled her into a bed and poked about (without sharp objects, for which he was thankful). He and Sirius, who had surreptitiously followed along, were pushed into a corner of the room.
'Your waters have broken … you're at five centimetres already – should have been here long ago,' muttered the Muggle Healer who had met them in the waiting room. 'It'll probably be soon … once you get to ten …'
James saw Lily shake her head, but the Muggle Healer was rushing about distractedly. James took the opportunity to move closer to Lily.
'What time is it?' whispered Lily when he was close enough.
'Nearly two,' said James, checking his watch.
'Twenty-two more hours,' said Lily softly.
'Nowhere near that long,' assured the Muggle Healer, overhearing.
Lily shook her head. 'I have to hold on. He can't come today!'
'It'll probably be faster if you get up –'
'I'll lie down, then!' Lily flattened herself against the bed as rigidly as if she had put a Permanent Sticking Charm on herself. The Muggle Healer looked disapproving.
'Honestly, it'll be better if you just listen –'
'No!'
'It's her baby, isn't it?' growled Sirius from the corner. The Muggle Healer looked from Lily's determined face, to James's troubled one, to Sirius's dark expression, and gave a sigh of exasperation.
'Have it your way,' she said huffily. 'I'm going to fill out forms. Let me know when you change your mind and need help, Mrs Potter.'
The time seemed to tick by slower than a Flobberworm could crawl. The room was silent except for the beeping of the eckletic Muggle machine and Lily's ragged breathing. They counted down on the hour … twenty-one to go … twenty … nineteen … Lily's face contorted with pain at regular intervals that got increasingly shorter as the hours past. The Muggle Healer popped in regularly to check, scrutinising a screen on the machine that had wiggly green lines rising and falling like a tracking of players in a Quidditch game.
The sun rose around six in the morning, casting the dawn's golden rays into the room from a tiny window. James wondered how Lily was still hanging on. Her face had lost its dogged determination and her eyes were losing their focus. He and Sirius tried to talk to her, recalling every Hogwarts anecdote from first through seventh year. Lily managed a weak smile from time to time, but mostly she seemed to be far, far away from them. She lay as stiff as a board, visibly repressing the urge to double up every four to five minutes.
A few hours later, James felt thoroughly exhausted from the efforts of the night, and still it wasn't over. He hated to imagine how much more wearied Lily must be feeling. The only times she mustered enough energy to speak were to whisper the number of hours there were to go. At this stage, there were still fifteen. He didn't know how Lily was going to survive it; already she looked as though someone had put the Cruciatus on her. No longer could she keep herself firmly horizontal on the bed; she had slid up a little so that her back was resting against the headboard, and she twisted horribly every two or three minutes.
Sirius disappeared soon to get them a drink and a bite to eat. He returned shortly after with three steaming mugs of coffee and a bag of pastries. James was ravenous, and the coffee helped to shake him out of the tired stupor that was threatening to overcome him. But Lily shook her head, clearly having no appetite for breakfast of any kind.
The Muggle Healer came back and checked between Lily's legs.
'Nine and a half centimetres!' she said. 'You're almost there, Mrs Potter. I think we'll have this delivery within the next half hour –'
'No!' Lily looked to James for support.
'Can't we wait a little longer?' he asked, although it tore at him to have to prolong Lily's misery. 'Just –' he glanced at his watch 'fourteen more hours …'
'You're kidding, Mr Potter!' said the Muggle Healer. 'Your wife's already been here nearly ten hours, and her water broke before that.' She gave Lily an understanding look. 'I know you're afraid of the delivery process, Mrs Potter, but if you hold it back, it'll be much worse, and you run the risk of infection yourself … You'd better prepare yourself mentally now, because when I come back, you're going to have to push if you're at ten.'
She beckoned to James to leave the room with her. Once outside, she faced him sternly.
'Your wife's frightened and holding back, but you'll have to encourage her to let go. It would have made things a lot faster if she hadn't kept withholding.'
'She can't have the baby until tomorrow,' said James, wondering how in Merlin's name he was supposed to explain why.
The Muggle Healer looked disgusted. 'I hope it's not you who put that crackpot idea into her head. When the baby comes, it has to come, and she has to push, or we'll have complications. And I shouldn't have to explain to you that the consequences of those – infections, for example – will be more severe than a simple premature birth. If you want your wife to deliver your child safely – if you want to keep them both – it's essential that we get her to push when she's ready!'
With this ominous threat hanging over him, James returned to the room to find Sirius sitting by Lily's side, awkwardly patting her arm and looking highly discomfited. James took over, but Lily seemed further from them than ever. The Muggle Healer came back and announced that she needed to check Lily again. Lily seemed to come back to the present with a jerk, pressing her legs firmly together.
'Not now!' she insisted.
'Now, really –' The Muggle Healer gave her leg a tug. Lily immediately curled herself up into a ball, away from the Muggle Healer. James noticed with alarm as her legs moved that her sheets were stained with blood. He looked up and met Sirius's eyes; his best mate looked very disturbed.
'Mr Potter, I need you and your friend to help me!' said the Muggle Healer urgently. 'For your wife's sake … and the baby's!'
James felt torn. If Lily held out, as she was trying to do, Harry would be born in August, out of danger. But the 'complications' that the Muggle Healer had just warned him about scared him too – what if he ended up losing them both?
He'd rather have them safely alive now and take their chances hiding from Voldemort. At least he knew how to deal with that.
'Lily, I think it's time to give in to it,' he said. 'You've been amazing, but this is just out of our control.'
She shook her head, tears running down her face. James took her hand and pleaded with her.
'If you hold out any longer, you and Harry might not make it. What about me, then? This isn't the way you want to go, Lily!'
Her expression softened for a brief second, before her face twisted again and her body wracked with shudders.
'Give Harry a chance now,' said Sirius, jumping in to help once he caught on.
'I don't want –' a small groan tore from Lily's throat 'Voldemort –' she gasped for breath 'to come after –' she shuddered violently 'him!'
'I don't want you to die now,' said James fiercely.
Lily's eyes closed. For several moments, she lay gasping and crying on the bed. 'I don't know how long I can hold on,' she said finally.
'Then don't. We'll take it in our stride, we'll work out something.'
Slowly, Lily uncurled her legs. The Muggle Healer hurried to check.
'You're ready,' she said. 'You need to push.'
'I –' protested Lily weakly. But her body at least was following instructions. James could see her heave with the effort.
'Come on, Lily,' Sirius said. 'You heard her!'
'I'm sorry,' wept Lily, squeezing James's hand so tightly it nearly cramped.
'Don't be,' he said firmly. 'You did the best you could. You're marvellous.'
Lily's contractions came fast and furious now, and she pushed with all her might. With each one, she gripped James's hand with more strength than the last, until he could no longer feel his fingers. It was still taking ages for Harry to arrive, during which Lily cried and panted and sweated so violently that James couldn't help but feel immensely guilty that she was the only one bearing the pain when both of them had had a hand in Harry's conception.
At long last, shortly after noon on July the thirty-first, Harry Potter emerged, squalling and wriggling, into the world. The Muggle Healer held out the tiny wailing body and placed him gently on Lily's chest. Lily looked completely worn out, but her eyes lit up when they fell upon Harry.
'We have a son,' she said in awe.
'You did it,' said James, bending down to kiss her flushed face. 'I'm so proud of you.'
'I didn't make it to tomorrow,' she said, but the mournfulness of her voice was mitigated by the wide smile that crept across her face as she ran her hands gently over Harry's downy head.
'It doesn't matter,' said Sirius, from the opposite corner of Lily's bed. 'We'll find a way to keep Voldemort away.'
'Exactly,' said James. 'Don't worry any more. You need a rest. You deserve a rest. You look like you've been Crucio-ed many times over.'
Lily smiled wearily. 'I'm so tired,' she admitted.
Another Muggle Healer came in and whisked Harry away ('To the nursery,' she assured James, who didn't feel safe about his son leaving his sight. 'You'll see him again in a moment.'). Lily fell asleep immediately after being cleaned up and after kissing her forehead tenderly, James left her room with Sirius to search out Harry.
He was there, sleeping peacefully in a transparent plastic cot behind a glass window separating the nursery from the corridor. Yet another Muggle Healer came by and accosted him with a form, requiring the newborn's birth details. He filled them out absently; it wouldn't matter, since Harry's records wouldn't be with the Muggles anyway. The wizarding birth records would be automatically updated – perhaps Harry's name was already being put down for Hogwarts!
The form detailed the parents' particulars, and as James filled in his and Lily's names (not that they would be found in the Muggle database), he realised there was something very important that he had to confirm with Sirius.
'Sirius, would you be Harry's godfather?'
'Me?'
'Well, who else would I ask!'
'Of – of course!' Sirius looked as though Christmas had come early.
A Muggle Healer handed Harry, swathed in soft white blankets, to James. He cradled Harry gingerly in his arms – what if he dropped his son? Harry opened his mouth – James held his breath, expecting a wail – and yawned. James gazed, transfixed, upon his son's face. Had he himself looked like this when he was born? Harry already had a fuzzy black down over his tiny head; his mouth was like a miniature mirror image of James's; James felt a wave of regret that he'd never asked his parents about the day he was born. Now it was too late. And Harry – Harry would never know his grandparents.
Harry opened his eyes and looked straight at James. It gave him a start. There – staring out of his baby's face, were Lily's almond-shaped green eyes.
James couldn't keep the smile off his face.
A/N: Not having given birth before, none of this chapter is written from experience. I've tried to make things as true to the research I've done as possible, and if any part still does not ring true, I sincerely apologise, and appreciate feedback!