She was gone at last. She had to appear before the Council and would be gone for some time. The look in her eyes as she warned him not to leave or else to expect retribution when she returned had convinced him that staying put was the best option, even if he didn't want to.

He could fight her in other ways.

Drex pulled out his journal from where it was tucked in his tunic, to keep her from finding it, intending to write a little while she was gone. He stared at the blank page. He did not know if he had it in him to write. His source of inspiration, was now gone. He swallowed hard.

Tears welled in his eyes at that. He held them back stubbornly. He could not afford to cry and miss hearing her when she came back in, but a few tears rolled down his cheeks to stain the pages.

Besides, his Master would feel it if he released his emotions from when he'd been keeping them in all day.

There was the faint sound of someone entering his apartment and Drex tensed at the door opening and quickly made to stuff his journal out of sight. In his hurry, the tunic pocket ripped and he gasped a little, before he finally threw it under his buttocks and decided to sit on it, hoping no one would notice.

Ris blinked, and slide the rest of the way inside, allowing the door to close, "It's all right. It's just me. I know you haven't seen me in like twenty or so months, but that doesn't mean I turned into the enemy."

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I thought..." He didn't say what he thought. He knew Ris would figure it out.

"I get it. It's been a while since you've been back with the Sith witch," the other came over, to sit beside him, "And I think I get it on what my answer is."

Drex glanced away. "She's not Sith witch, Ris," he muttered.

"I would say worse, but Master tells me if I keep saying such, he'll cut my tongue out," Ris shrugged a little.

Drex's brow furrowed. "Then the galaxy would be too quiet. More so than it already is."

Ris had to sigh at that, looking at him in concern, "You can't let Ke'dran's death do this to you. She'll use it to kill you."

He shrugged a little. "Maybe I'm already dead."

Something hardened in those gold eyes, and in a moment, he was up, grasping his shoulders tightly, "What if I told you I hate that selfish bantha brain, child of a demon, monster, with his Sithin girly locks and colder the Torment soul? Because I do hate that coward, which is what he is, a pure coward for dying on a world that means nothing."

"You speak of what you do not know," Drex snarled , jumping up, barely restraining himself from hitting Ris. Hearing Ke'dran's work trashed so, when his heart was already broken, he could not bear it.

"And what are you going to do about it? About how I speak of him and his life. He's so worthless now that even his own Master has gone looking for replacement," Ris bit out.

"I'm going to take his place," he spat. "That's what."

"You switching Masters now, Rixar? Sehan is looking for a new Pad, since his old one was a failure. Figures, when he was supposedly so perfect."

"I wish I could," he retorted, though he clapped his hand over his mouth and he tightened his mental shields.

"No you don't. Because if you looked at Ke'dran, and I know you did, imagine what that supposed future Council member would do to you. He's the same as that witch. And he's the one who bloody killed that stupid apprentice of his."

Drex looked at his boots. "Yet he blames me for it."

Ris sighed, seeing the lack again, and disliking it, "You gave that Ice Jedi a heart before he left. Sehan left him without a soul. And if you don't watch it, that Master of yours will do the same."

"Maybe I don't want a soul anymore. Maybe Ke'dran had it right the whole time," it hurt to speak his name. It was hurting such that he knew he was going to end up letting it out soon somehow and Force help him, he hoped he could keep it from her.

That hardness was back, as one fist clenched, "So you're going to stop fighting. You're going to just stop, because you lost him. You're going to let her win, and you'll let him win too. That blasted Ice Jedi of yours must not of meant anything true then."

He flinched as if Ris had stabbed him with a vibroblade and turned away. He had to regain his control. His Master would sense his unease if she had not already and would be on her way then things would really be in a bind.

"So, Carth. Did Ke'dran ever call you that? Carth, that's who you are. Because you're bowing to her, and she's just going to walk all over the memory you're falling apart for."

Drex whirled back around. Ris had never called him Carth. Fire was back in his eyes as he glared at him. "I am not falling apart."

"You are. And you're letting her sweep the pieces away," Ris taunted.

"So, Carth, will you be the next 'perfect Jedi'."

His hands clenched into fists. "No." He was longing to hit Ris, but he knew he'd be in trouble if he did.

"Then why are you letting her make you it, Carth? Think it'll make that Ice Heart that you adored since we were kids so happy? You forget, he's pretty good and dead. No way to get points now, Carth."

"Besides, I think he would be disgusted too."

Drex snapped. Before he could think about it he was on top of Ris, pounding into him hard. What if that was what Ke'dran would think of him now? He was heart sick with anger and hurt and now his hurt had found an outlet.

Ris let him hit him for a moment, only to twist, throwing Drex's body weight off him, "What? Did I upset you, Carth?" he asked, nursing his jaw.

"Stop calling me that," He said with a glare.

Ris bared his canines, "Make me. Though I doubt you have any spine left after Ke'dran."

In the blink of an eye, Drex had Ris's arms pinned behind his back. "I'll show you spine,' he snarled.

Ris struggled, and kicked back at his knees, "That Ice Jedi had more than you in this."

"Do you want me to break both arms?" Drex hissed in Ris's ear.

"Try," Ris spat, "At least you're showing some fight, instead of being pathetic."

"How would you explain your injuries to your own master?" Drex asked, bitterness in his voice as he pulled Ris's arms tighter against him.

"I got into a fight, and I caused it. Punish me and get over it," Ris stated.

"They'd know you were lying," He snapped even as he pulled harder until he heard the crunch of breaking bone.

"Who's lying? I caused it, and I don't regret it."

Drex finally pushed him away from him, managing to angle things so that Ris fell hard, on his arm. He was breathing heavily and he glared down at him.

"Being involved is criminal," he said through clenched teeth. "I'm going to get in a lot of trouble."

Massaging his arm where he had fallen, Ris grimaced slightly at the pain, as he stood, "Stop fearing what she'll do to you, it gives her more power."

"Easy for you to say," Drex retorted. "You've never been on her receiving end." But he knew Ris was right. Ke'dran always chided him for being afraid of her.

"So I haven't. But you really give her more power than she needs. You're nearly a knight, not a child anymore. Act it and show her that you're not going to be stepped on."

He glanced away at that. Ke'dran had said much the same thing, though not in those exact words before he left for Saren VII. After awhile he turned back, "I will try harder."

"There is no try. Do or do not," Ris had to put it in there, as a lesson from their childhood, "Do it, Drex. For both your sakes."

Drex gripped his hair in slight frustration. "And how would you have me do this? There are only so many ways I have to fight. One of those ways is gone."

"Then find a new way. Just keep fighting," Ris urged.

Drex nodded after a long moment. He didn't know what knew way he could find, but he supposed he did not have much choice.

He would not be crushed.

"What way can you think of that would help?" his voice was almost pleading.

Ris sighed, "Resist. Don't take her abuse, her torments. You don't have to prove who's stronger, just resist her."

Drex went quiet for a long time, not really looking at anything. Eventually he glanced up at Ris, "You'd better get that arm seen to," he said finally.

"It's just broken," Ris brushed off, "I'll live."

"Well then I'll say it another way, please leave me alone. I need to put the room back to rights and at least pretend to have been her perfect padawan."

Ris sighed, and shook his head, "Very well. If that is all you wish. Become like Ke'dran, and die like him."

"What do you want me to do, Ris? Tell me and I'll do it," he finally said. "Maybe I just don't understand what you're trying to say in fighting, but I thought that fighting and keeping things from one's master was a bad thing, and maybe you want her to come in and find this mess? If that's really what you want I'll leave it."

A shake of the head, and Ris turned away, "Forget it. If you can't get it, if you can't think for yourself, then you're already lost. Do as you will. Or really, as she will," he headed for slipping out the door.

Drex stared after him, feeling his heart sink in his chest. The fight with Ris had left him exhausted and drained. He knelt in the middle of the mess he had made, heavy as if a blanket of durasteel were being pressed upon him. He bowed his head as the grief began to well up in him again. He had thought he was understanding what Ris had been trying to say, but all he had managed to do was to alienate him further. He swallowed thickly.

Numbly he retrieved his journal from where it had been on his bed, where he had sat on it and thumbed through the pages, staring at one of his earliest sketches. His first drawing was nothing more than ash now -- just like the body surely was.

He pressed the book to his face, as if he were hoping to fall through the pages and become part of it himself. It would be easier than living in this nightmare. He sighed a long, slow sigh before he flipped to an empty page and took out his stylus .

His hands began to shake as he wrote, especially as he realized what he had done. He had attacked another in anger. He had used Ris as an outlet for his hurt. He already had a black mark on his record for his fight with Ke'dran two years prior. The stylus slipped from his fingers. What had he done?

He fumbled for his comlink and punched in Ris's code. "Ris?"

"Here," was the answering, before a pause, "Yes, Drex?"

Drex wasn't really sure what to say after a moment, how to convey his thoughts over the comlink. "Where are you?"

Another pause, "Rooftop. Why?"

There was a long pause before Drex said, "Can you come back?"

"I can. Though, give me a few moments, finishing something real quick."

"What can you possibly be finishing on the roof?"

"Just my Katas. Did you know that its dangerous to do that up here?" the tone was knowing, to the thread of his fear in his voice.

"Have you lost your mind? Why are you doing those on the roof?" the voice was sharp.

"Hold on, difficult move coming up, "there was the sound of the comm link being put down, before the faint sound of feet walking away. A moment, and then a thud and loud crunch was heard.

"Ris!" Drex yelped hearing the crunch over the comlink, growling a little at his friend's stupidity, he threw on his cloak and made to pull on his boots before he left the apartment without a thought for the consequences. He called a lift to take him to the roof.

Ris was getting to his feet as he arrived, cradling his arm, pain burned across his features, though it eased as he saw him, "How bad do you think Han'yaie will scold me for breaking my arm again? He just fixed it about five days ago."

"Kriff, Ris, you nearly gave me a sithin heart attack, I already broke it and now you're damaging it worse," he snapped, running over to him. "Just what in the Force possessed you to try and do something like this up here?"

Ris shrugged one shoulder, "I like practicing up here."

"I've already lost Ke'dran, sithspawn, I don't' want to lose you doing something stupid like falling off the kriffin roof."

Ris shook his head, "I wouldn't let that kill me. That would be rather embarrassing really."

"You wouldn't have a choice," he retorted. "Tempted to push you off myself for your stupidity."

"That would be a bit harder to cover up," Ris raised an eyebrow.

Drex stopped at that, his eyes narrowing as he caught the deliberate use of the phrase cover up. He put a hand to his head. "Don't ever do something like this again, do you understand me? I can handle it, what I can't handle is you dying doing something stupid to cover my mistakes."

Ris held up a hand, "Listen, I'm doing what he was doing all those years. We may have hated each other, but there is one thing Ke'dran and I had in common, neither of us wanted you hurt, and we were sick of you being hurt."

Drex glanced away at that. "I know." He was silent for a long moment. "Thank you," he said softly.

Ris gripped Drex's arm with his good one. "Just keep fighting. Don't let yourself die."

"I promise," Drex said softly, truly touched by what his friends were willing to do for him.

Ris gripped him even tighter. "I'll hold you to that. Now come on, let's go and see if we can harass Han'yaie."

"Han'yaie, Padawan Alvtar is in Room 211, he's next on your schedule," his Master informed him handing him a datapad.

"Again?" He resisted the urge to groan, barely. The eighteen-year-old Healer apprentice headed towards the room indicated and knocked.

"Come on in," came Ris rather cheerful response, as if he knew who was on the other side, which he probably did.

"You seem rather chipper for someone who's injured," Han'yaie remarked. He began to take Ris's vital signs.

"Wasn't I last time?" Ris asked almost sweetly.

"Though only because I get to see the prettiest healer in the ward," he gave Han'yaie a winning grin.

Drex elbowed Ris in his broken arm. "Leave him alone, or he might decide to leave that arm broken permanently, for all the times you break it, it might be safer."

Ris wince, and then half glared, "You shouldn't bully an injured person. I was just giving him a compliment."

"If I'm the prettiest Healer in the ward, then we're in serious trouble," he quipped. "You didn't really break your arm again did you?"

Ris blinked, "What would happen if I said that I did?"

Han'yaie did groan at that, not bothering to try and resist the urge to do so. "I just fixed it last week! What the sithin hells were you doing?"

"Doing my katas," another innocent look, complete with wide eyes that would have put a child to shame, "on the roof."

"On the..." Han'yaie stared a little at that and then threw up his hands in exasperation. "I really should just stop fixing you if you're going to be doing stupid things like that."

"I tried to tell him that, but he never listens to me, " Drex put in.

Ris pouted, "It's fun on the roof, though," he looked to Drex, "Like that one time. Remember I fell off and hit that air taxi's roof?"

"Absolute insanity, of course I remember, your Master nearly skinned me alive," Drex huffed. "For letting you do such a stunt."

Faint shrug, "It was just once. She really should know better. But then, not even my Master can resist me," Ris gave that grin again, and he batted his eyes at Han'yaie, "I'm just accident prone."

"Except when you do things on purpose," Drex muttered.

Han'yaie frowned. "This was on purpose?" He glared at Ris.

Ris was swift to respond, shinning out his sharp canines in his smile, "I wanted to see how much my arm could take. Need it to be in the best of shape, you know. Didn't know it was that fragile. Do you think you did it right, Han'yaie dear?"

"Ris if you call me dear again, I'm going to drug you and dunk you in a bacta tank to where you can't talk and order you there for the next week."

Those big eyes were real at that point, in horror, "You're a really touchy guy, you know."

Han'yaie huffed. "You would be too, if you had to deal with patients like the two of you all day."

Ris tsked, "If I kiss you, will it make you feel better?" his eyes sparked.

"Just try it and see what happens, "Han'yaie said, glowering at him.

That pout again, and Ris took to looking like a kicked pet, "I would figure you would be flattered."

"I'd be flattered if you actually kept your arm whole for a few weeks," he retorted going over to gently examine it with his scanner. "Compound fracture," he said with a sigh. "You know the routine."

"Oh yay, the machine again," Ris looked less than thrilled.

"You'll be there for a week," Han'yaie said checking his datapad again.

That dropped Ris's jaw, "It took a day last time. What are you thinking, cutting my arm off?"

Han'yaie gave a shrug. "The damage is worse this time, and that's what I've logged into the datapad."

His eyes gave nothing away. In truth he wasn't serious, but if Ris wanted to be stupid and play dirty, he could too.

Ris growled a little, "Come on, Han'yaie, it's still a broken bone. You're not keeping me a week."

Han'yaie merely arched an eyebrow. "You'll follow my prescribed treatment or the Council will get involved."

Ris glared, "You are possibly the most evil person I know."

Han'yaie gave him a look. "Is that so?"

A slight nod, then a pause, "Alright, maybe tenth most evil person I know," he perked then, "But I still love you."

Han'yaie rolled his eyes at that. "You're incorrigible." He threw him a medical ward gown. "Change into that and then stick your head out the door. Don't let him leave," he pointed a finger in Drex's direction before he stepped out.

Ris huffed a little, "I think I'm leaving."

"Just change, Ris, " Drex sighed, and put a hand to his head.

Ris eyed him, even as he stripped, "You all right?"

"I'm not the one with the broken arm," he muttered.

Both eyebrows rose, "It's not like it's bad. I'll be just fine. Give me a day."

"Or a week," Drex retorted.

A shake of the head, "Han'yaie is just being irritating. He does that when I mess with him too much."

"You should know better than to mess with him," Drex shook his head a little. "Do you need help getting into that gown?'

Down to his under cloth, Ris strove to get the gown on, taking it slow, "Probably. I hate these things."

Drex said nothing and began to help him tie the gown into place. "Everyone does," he said after a moment. "I think that's why they make them so ugly.

"So that we'll want to leave faster?" Ris had to put in.

"Of course, and so we'll be reluctant to return," Drex gave him a pointed look.

"I like the healers though. Some of the best looking girls are here," Ris smirked playfully.

"If you feel that ready, I'm going to bring Han'yaie back in and tell him to keep you for two weeks."

"You're number three on my evil list," Ris pouted, "You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I?" Drex eyed him challengingly. "Who's number one and two?" he asked out of curiosity.

"Number two is this crime boss I know. Number one is shared by two people we both know."

Drex arched an eyebrow at that and then shook his head. "Speaking of the two people, I better get back. You'll be all right to sit on the bone knitter for awhile won't you?"

Ris nodded, "Better get, I'll be fine."

Drex squeezed his good shoulder reassuringly. "Ris, thanks."

A slight shrug, "Don't mention it. It's what friends do."

Drex gave him another slight smile, before he left, his heart feeling a little lighter that he had such a good friend who cared for him that much.