Ooogies, I'm excited. The whole plot is revealed after the Barinade.
Disclaimer: (delivers a few blows with Biggoron sword)
Link was too petrified to move, while Ruto's mouth opened, but no sound came out.
Navi wanted to say, "Ok, people, let's try to kill this guy,", but the words got caught in her mouth and came out as, "Ah."
The Barinade hadn't yet noticed their presence, and was...talking?
"What??? I can't be called Queen or King or something? Stupid...darn...royals!"
Navi noticed an Octorok squeaking away.
"Well, Mr. Barinade, you have no royal relations, so you can't be called...eh....King Barinade."
"That's not fair!" the Barinade whined. "Gohma and Dodongo get "King's" and "Queen's" in front of their name! I'm a boss, too! AND I'm much more powerful than them!"
The Octorok trembled in fear, but straightened himself and continued squeaking away.
"Queen Gohma comes from a very respectful generation of royalty over the kingdom of skulltulas. King Dodongo was made king over the Dodongos because apparently he burned one of the best Gorons in the city."
The Barinade grumbled. "Well, King Dodongo didn't have any royal relations."
"Sir, we in Jabu-Jabu would be glad to call you our King."
A sort of pink tinge appeared all over the Barinade.
"Well....true. All right! Leave, Smithers!"
The Octorok looked relieved, and dived down, out of sight.
"Now...I can examine this beautiful jewel which I stole from that irritating brat."
The Barinade's tentacles seemed to be rummaging in the ground.
"Ahh...no, that's not it..."
Link squinted as he flattened himself against the wall and saw the purple words, "How to Get a "King" or "Queen" in front of your name."
Ruto managed to hold in a gasp as the Barinade withdrew a sparkling sapphire.
"My stone!" she whispered to Link.
Link grunted and placed his hand on the hilt of his sword.
"This will be easy."
The Kokiri sword whizzed through the air like a missile and went straight into the Barinade's...stomach?
Wheezing, the Barinade slowly started to sink to the ground, and the sapphire clinked and fell, stopping a few feet in front of Ruto.
Ruto leapt to the stone and picked it up, nearly yelling, "Woo hoo!"
Then she walked back to Link and said, "you can take me home now."
Link gulped and watched with growing unease as the Kokiri sword suddenly thrust itself out of the Barinade's stomach and went flying back to Link.
Point-side.
Link's eyes widened as it headed straight for his neck.
He raised his arms to shield himself and-
The Kokiri sword missed an slammed straight into the wall a few centimetres away from Link's neck.
It quivered for a few seconds and then remained jammed and still.
Link whimpered and fell to the ground in a faint.
Navi's eyes widened as she drew up all the facts:
-Ruto equaled nothing.
-Link was armed to the teeth with a boomerang, bombs, a sword, and a slingshot, but fainted.
It looks like it's up to me...Navi thought, trembling.
Ruto took one look at the fallen Link, Navi talking to herself, and put it together.
"What's goin' on?"
Navi ignored Ruto, too lost in thought to hear her, immersed inside millions of battle strategies.
"Well, excuse me, I thought you people were supposed to attack me!" the Barinade snorted indigantly.
Ruto frowned. "Hey, didn't you...didn't you take my stone?"
"Wha? Oh, are you that brat that Ganon ordered me to steal from?"
Ruto's fins curled up into fists.
"Don't you dare call me a brat!" Ruto snarled.
Navi didn't notice anything as Ruto became a blue blur, ramming straight into the Barinade.
The Barinade went flying through the air and slammed into the wall.
"You brat-" the Barinade started to gasp.
"It's Princess Ruto!" Ruto yelled.
Ruto did a few cartwheels and used her fins to cause a few gaping wounds.
Blue blood poured out in puddles.
And that was when Ruto lost it all.
"Ick! Ack! Eewwwwwww!!!"
The young Zora started hopping up and down, screaming at the top of her lungs.
"Stop it! You're giving me a headache!!" the Barinade shouted over the sound.
The blood slowly started to seep into the ground.
"Noooo! Eeeee! I can't afford to lose anymore blood!"
"How come?" Ruto asked, freezing.
"Well, it's because Ganon took some blood from Jabu-Jabu when he was sick. He killed some Biri, and mixed it up with the blood to form me." the Barinade explained patiently.
"Ah, I see." Ruto replied, nodding.
"Yes, and-what??? What am I doing!!?!?!? It's time to kill!"
The Barinade suddenly started spinning all over the room, deadly whips (SAN: Sorry if it's like Majora's Mask, this was purely out my imagination! (shifts uncomfortably)) protruding and slashing the wall, causing blood to spill out.
"Yes! Health!"
The Barinade's whips vanished from view as he went sweeping towards the wall and absorbed the blood.
Ruto gulped.
The Barinade seemed to be growing to a monstrous size.
Navi was still in mid-air, untouched and unaware of anything happening.
Link, fortunately, was stirring.
"Eughhh...what's going on?"
Shaking his head, the Kokiri's eyes widened as he spotted his sword embedded in the wall. Then his gaze slowly met the huge Barinade.
"Augh."
Link fell down, pretending to be dead.
"You coward!" Ruto screamed.
"Here! Take this and kill him!" Link said in a muffled, weak voice, which was really poor acting.
The Boomerang went whizzing through the air and cut straight into the Barinade and flew straight into Ruto's open palm.
"Nice!" Ruto yelled as started running into the Barinade.
"What are you doing!?!!?" Link asked, bewildered, abandoning his acting.
"Killing this thing!" Ruto screamed.
Ruto shoved the sword into the Barinade and grunted as the Barinade tried to force it out.
Navi looked at Link with a look that clearly said, "What are you waiting for, you dingbat?? Help her!"
Link's face melted to one of reluctance and fright.
"This is for our lives!" Navi yelled.
Link reached out a hand to his slingshot, but it paused in mid-air.
"So you're waiting for a girl to take the big nasty monster out???" Navi taunted.
Link's face contorted in rage as his hand went flying down to the slingshot while his other hand whizzed down to his bomb bag.
All Navi and Ruto saw coming from Link was a hailstorm of Deku Seeds. They pelted the Barinade and pushed him back further into the wall inch by inch.
Suddenly it all stopped.
Link dropped the slingshot to the floor with a ,"I'm out." and quickly took out a bomb.
"You wouldn't...you wouldn't dare-" the Barinade whispered in a deathly, frightened voice.
Link ignored him and threw the bomb with all his might straight at the shaken monster.
It was like everything was going in sllloooowww motion. The bomb slowly started to make it's way to the Barinade while Link sneezed in slow motion and Ruto opened her mouth in surprise in slow motion.
"Get-out-of the way!" Link grunted to Ruto.
Ruto pulled the boomerang out and scrambled to the wall.
KABOOM!
The bomb exploded on contact and left everyone clouded in smoke and coughing.
Ruto took her chance and started to make her way back to Link while Navi flew through the smoke hoping she was going in the right direction.
"Guys?" Link wheezed. "Is the boss gone?"
"I think so," Navi coughed back, knowing she had found Link.
Link waved his hand around to part the smoke and squinted.
The Barinade was bleeding profusely and didn't look at all like he was ready to fight or get up.
"Ow...." he moaned. "I didn't expect this."
All of a sudden, red bumps started popping up all over him, until he was covered in them.
"Wow, he has a lot of pimples," Link noted.
"No, Link..." Navi said softly, flying over to the Barinade. "See? He's going to die soon."
Splat!
Navi grimaced as green goo splattered all over her as the Barinade exploded.
"I see," Link laughed.
"I wouldn't be talking, smart guy," Navi growled as she tried to shake it off, but it remained stuck tight, and the more she moved, the more the bonds of green tightened over her.
"Look! A light!" Ruto yelled.
Navi's attention was quickly diverted to the blue light shining.
"Yes!!! We're done!"
Navi sighed. "Let's get to Princess Zelda and tell her we have all three stones."
The trio stepped-well, Navi flew, onto the portal.