A Sirius Situation
Chapter 12 Compare Contrast Muggle Wizard
Author: Jelsemium
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, JK Rowling does
Ron frowned. "Hold on, here," he said. "I appreciate what you're doing…"
"Magical shops are like that," Uncle Badger interrupted. "There's just no arguing with them when they decide that you have to reduce the price of something for a favored customer."
Uncle Badger tapped the side of the Gumball machine again. "These balls are all made from a special type of rubber from a sap that can only be found in a place call Wrigley fields, somewhere in the middle of America," Uncle Badger said. "The Bludgers are solid, but the Quaffles are hollow."
Ron reached out and turned the knob of the gumball machine but nothing happened.
"Can't let the little beauties escape," Uncle Badger explained. "The Quaffles actually float, rather than just fall slowly, so you can't risk them disappearing against the ceiling."
The teens looked up and saw a variety of objects dangling from the ceiling.
"You especially wouldn't want the Bludgers to get out," Uncle Badger continued. "They've a bit on the nasty side. Nothing like full-sized Bludgers, of course, as they're made of that special rubber instead of steel, but they can still raise a bruise, maybe even break a bone, if you're not careful."
"I'll just bet they can," Hermione said.
"Be a bit of a bother if your customers kept getting whacked in the head," Ron observed cheerfully.
Both girls rolled their eyes.
"Where are the Snitches?" Ginny asked.
"Ah, they have to be kept separate from the others," Uncle Badger said. "Their wings are quite delicate, you know." He pulled a gold and black enameled box from somewhere and opened it for his customers' inspection.
The inside of the box was lined with black velvet and there were a dozen indentations in the velvet. Ten of the indentations were filled with walnut sized copper balls.
Hermione leaned forward for a closer look. "These are regulation sized Snitches, aren't they?" she asked.
"So they are, my lioness," Uncle Badger said, apparently delighted that she had realized that. "However, these aren't nearly as elusive as regulation Golden Snitches. Copper Snitches are much easier to keep track of."
He gently pried one out of the box. "Listen." He released the ball and it fluttered off, making a low humming noise as it did.
"If you hum or whistle the tune that the Copper Snitch is playing, it will return to you," Uncle Badger said. "I can set the tune to whatever you choose." He grinned. "Well, actually, anybody can set the tune; it only takes a simple cantrip."
He whistled the tune, which Ginny and Ron recognized as the team anthem of Puddlemere United: "Beat Back Those Bludgers, Boys, and Chuck That Quaffle Here."
"But we can't use magic until we get back to Hogwarts," Hermione said, who didn't understand why the Weasleys were grinning. Obviously, she just missed some sort of wizarding in-joke.
"Ah, yes," Uncle Badger said. "The sets already have songs associated with them," he said. "Or if there aren't any songs that Mr. Potter would like, I can change the song to something that you think he would prefer."
The three looked at each other.
"Any idea of what he might like?" Ron asked the girls.
Ginny shook her head. "Not a clue," she admitted glumly. Here Harry was almost her boyfriend, and she didn't know what kind of music he liked!
"Well, that's something for you to ask him in your next letter," Ron said philosophically.
"That doesn't help us choose a tune," Hermione said gloomily.
"Mind you, I'm not familiar with the latest songs on the Wizarding Wireless, and what I don't know about Muggle music would likely fill every book in this shop," Uncle Badger said. He gestured around.
"We could pick the anthem of his favorite team, if we had a clue as to which team was his favorite," Ron said.
"Harry's never mentioned any favorite song," Hermione said. "At least, not to me he hasn't."
"Perhaps we should keep it to something we're sure he's heard," Ginny said. "A Christmas carol, perhaps?" she chewed the inside of her cheek.
Uncle Badger returned the Copper Snitch that he was holding to its nest. "I have a set here that plays and responds to 'Oh, Come, All Ye Faithful,'" he said, plucking out a different Copper Snitch.
Hermione grinned. "That will do," she said. "Even if he doesn't know it, I can teach it to him!" She looked at the gumball machine. "How do you control the other balls?" Hermione made a face. "More to the point, how can we control them?"
Uncle Badger nodded. "Watch and learn," he said. He opened the top of the gumball machine and pulled out a dozen or so tin whistles on chains. "These little beauties are all that you need."
He sorted through them, studying the tags on the chains. Finally he pulled one of them out. "This goes with the "Faithful" set of mini balls," he said. He blew gently on the whistle and two of the mini Bludgers and one of the mini Quaffles came shooting through the gumball machine's dispenser.
The mini Bludgers aimed for Uncle Badger's face, but he caught them easily. "You can call all four of your balls by whistling your chosen tune," he said. "But the Bludgers won't be as cooperative if you just whistle for them. The Beater bats will help you keep them under control."
He pulled another case out from somewhere and plucked out two miniaturized Beater's bats. He let go of one of the Bludgers and gave it a smack.
The Bludger flew off and decapitated a stuffed Clabbert. Then it whirled around and dived at Uncle Badger's face. Instead of hauling out his wand, Uncle Badger whistled and the Bludger slowed down. Uncle Badger then swatted at it and the Bludger wound up sticking to the bat like it had been glued there.
"See? The whistling activates the miniature bats special protections," Uncle Badger said.
"Wicked," Ron said.
"I understand," Hermione said with a nod. Then she checked her watch.
"Do you have an appointment, then?" Uncle Badger asked with some disappointment.
Ron and Ginny looked dismayed.
"Can't you stay a little longer?" Ron asked.
"I have to meet my cousins at the Forge Mall in about two hours," Hermione said. "I need to leave myself enough time to get back. I'd hate to keep them waiting."
"Ah, you have plenty of time," Uncle Badger said. "You can Floo to old Candlewick's shop from here; he's actually got a shop in that mall. Candles being rather popular with Muggles just now."
"He's got a fireplace inside the mall?" Hermione asked, charmed.
"That he does," Uncle Badger said. "He's very proud of it, too. He'll be happy to show it off for a friend of mine."
"Excellent," Hermione said. "I need to get to the mall a bit early; I have to pick up a new toothbrush. Meanwhile, do you have any good books on Arithmancy?"
Ron rolled his eyes, and then reconsidered. "Maybe we should get Harry a few books," he said. "He's finished all his Quidditch magazines. He needs something to do, 'coz Madam Pomfrey won't let him get out of bed except to go to the loo."
"That was way more information than anybody needed to hear," grumbled Ginny.
The three began to hunt around the room for something that might keep Harry entertained.
Hermione, of course, was also looking for books for her own enjoyment. In addition to the herbal and the children's book that she'd found earlier, she bought herself a copy of Principia Mathematica by Alfred North Whitehead and Bertrand Russell, The Logical Progression of Arithmantic Formulas in Transfiguration by Professor Polly Nomial, and The Admittedly Unauthorized, but Highly Entertaining Biography of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore by Senhora Jorges Arantes.
For Harry, she bought a copy of He Flew Like a Madman: The Authorized Biography of "Dangerous" Dai Llewellyn.
Ron and Ginny picked out a couple of used books that they thought would keep Harry amused: Who Has More Fun? By Faris Wheeler, which compared Muggle entertainment to wizarding entertainment. Ginny also picked out a children's book titled "Brooms, Carpets and Things that Go Whoosh in the Air," by Atmos Feere.
"Don't you think Harry's a bit old for that?" Ron asked.
"It's got the complete history of flying," Ginny said defensively. "It's even got a section Muggle flying contraptions and how to avoid them."
Ron shrugged. "It's on your head if he doesn't like it," he muttered.
Ginny frowned, but kept the book in their pile.
Ron kept looking covetously at the swords, but restrained himself from asking Uncle Badger to bring them out. He looked at a book about classic Muggle chess games, but decided that he couldn't afford it.
Instead, Ron opted to buy Harry a stack of magazines. At a Knut apiece, Ron reckoned that he could get Harry enough reading material to last him for a month.
Uncle Badger had amassed quite a collection of Muggle magazines and their wizarding counterparts such as "When Saturday Comes" the half way decent magazine about football and "When Saturday Apparates" the one quarter decent magazine about Quidditch.
He also snuck in a few copies of the humor magazine, "Whiz" (and some copies of the Muggle magazine "Viz," which looked like it had the same level of humor.)
He debated adding some Quidditch posters, but decided against them. He'd save that until he knew for sure which team Harry preferred. (Although it saddened him, he had to admit, if only to himself, that Harry might not be more influenced by his girlfriend than his best friend when it came to Quidditch teams.)
After they finished their shopping, Uncle Badger produced a passable tea of shepherd's pie and pumpkin pasties from Auntie Macassar's café, and made some cocoa to wash it down. As they ate, they wound up chatting about various books and favorite authors with Uncle Badger. They also got into a discussion about their favorite places to read.
Ginny opined that there was nothing like a squishy chair in front of the fire on a rainy day. "It's only better if there's a table with a pile of buttery scones, and a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallow Snitches," she said. She took a swallow of hot cocoa and marshmallow Snitch, and grinned.
Uncle Badger confessed that there was nothing as satisfying to him as to get involved in a good adventure story when he had something else he should be doing. "I love the adventures of Alan Quatermain almost as much as I love the adventures of Sussex Smith."
Normally Ron would have found a discussion about reading to be boring, if not downright revolting. However, at that particular moment he had his nose buried in a book about great Muggle chess matches, much to Hermione's amusement.
"So, Ron, what's your favorite time and place to read?" Ginny teased.
Ron looked up from the account of a Muggle machine defeating a human chess champion1. "Incredible, that is either some machine, or one stupid player," he muttered. He looked up when he realized that he had been addressed. "Eh?"
"What's your favorite time and place to read?" Ginny repeated.
Ron shrugged. "The orchard's nice," he said. Seeing Ginny and Hermione smirk at his book, he hastily put it aside. "What? I like reading in the orchard. Especially when I'm hiding from Mum when she wants me to get dressed up to visit Great-Aunt Stuffy Shirt."
"Great Aunt Stephana Sheerling," Ginny corrected. "She loves to pinch cheeks," she added to Hermione and Uncle Badger.
"I find it's especially enjoyable to pick up a good book when I've finished all my homework… and Ron and Harry are still struggling with their essays," Hermione admitted with a smirk. "They'll ever so casually try to get my attention, but…"
Ron's ears turned pink.
"It's so easy to get lost in a good book," Uncle Badger smirked back. "Ah, I had some days like that, too, my lioness." His eyes twinkled. "Of course, I wasn't interested in having handsome young wizards vie for my attention."
The rest of Ron's face turned pink.
Hermione blushed and quickly changed the subject. "Well, what's my total, then?" she said stacking up her selection of books, presents and the Spirit Box.
Uncle Badger jotted down the prices, added in the applicable taxes, grumbling about paying both Muggle and wizarding taxes. "That's the trouble with catering to both worlds," he muttered. He handed the total to Hermione.
"You forgot to add in the Spirit Box," Hermione protested. "You've already knocked off quite a bit from Harry's Quidditch set… and our books!"
"The Spirit Box is a gift from me, my lioness," Uncle Badger said in tones that brooked no argument. "I haven't enjoyed an afternoon like this in longer than I can remember."
"Oh," Hermione said. "Thank you!"
"You're quite welcome," Uncle Badger hesitated. "I mean that, you three are welcome here any time. You can always Floo in if you ever need an escape route."
Hermione blushed and grinned. "I appreciate that," she said. "How can I repay you?" She asked as she counted out the money that he would allow her to pay. Fortunately, he was used to taking Muggle money as she didn't have any wizarding money on her.
1 Actually, Deep Blue defeated world chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1997, so this doesn't fit the canon time line. On the other hand, Sirius isn't dead in this story, either.