Oh. I'm sorry that I haven't updated lately. I just had a couple doses of "STAR WARS FANATIC POTION", so I'm a little hyped up with the saga. Don't be surprised if you see stuff about Star Wars in the fanfic-I still need to digest it all. Thank you to all me faithful reviewers, and my new ones. XD If it isn't funny much, I'm still rusty, writer's block took over for a while.
(UberLutz) I can just imagine the summary…Link, a mobster, is commissioned to kill a pretty lady called Zelda…blah blah blah. XD
(lil-dragon-blue) (blushes furiously) Thank you, thank you. (bows)
(DragonRaiderX9) Red Bubbles! Camping tangerines, thanks, I forgot. Nagged at my brain for quite a while.
(Destati-Chan) (gobbles down muffins and smiles innocently) If you're missing any of your blueberry posters…I'm sorry, I couldn't wait. Your dog? Treacherous!
(Evilangel04) w00t! Oh.. That's cruel. That's just cruel. I feel the tiniest bit of remorse for the disclaimer…wow. I'm getting soft.
(Doodle-Pen) Does it? Yeah, I think the older one was better….(groans) Corrosive fluid…ow. That's gotta sting.
(Knuckles Spyro Fox Link Zidane) Oooh…(is blown away) Wow, I wish I had Windwaker…(sigh) Hehe. (looks around and then drops moldy cheese down toilet) Okash, thanks.
(KrystalFox) Wow, you must be dead from starvation now. I'm sorry. .
(Bikabyte) I was gone…off in Llama Land. I picked up some souvenirs. Want some? (throws live llama) Yeah, of course! Dark Link? (snickers evilly)
(Chris-Halliwell) Oooh! Me like!
(Marina) You beat it in five days? (shoulders sag) Wow, I suck so much more at games. Thank you!
(Nabooru92) Thanks!
(Nemesis and Roy) LOL. That review made me laugh for quite a while.
Dog: No…you booked them into an insane asylum…
(buries dog alive) Uh…don't listen to him.
Ehehe…Matrix 2? Very well. I'll make fun of it in the next chapter. (steals cape and runs off laughing evilly) ANONYMOOSE! ME LIKE THAT WORD! ME STEAL WORD! ME KNOW WORD IS ALREADY OWNED BY ROY, BUT ME STEAL ANYWAYS! WEEEEEE!
(Cshannon) Hehehe. Thank you!
(Princess Ayame-aka AaS) Aw. You reviewed so much! (hugs gratefully) Touche! Classic! The bomb!
(blackphoenix117) Your account got deleted? Owww…
(Mexican Chick Ryn) PERFUME? RUTO'S PERFUME? Oh. You are so evil. So evil. AND IT DOESN'T EVEN STOP THERE. Wow. That's what you call real torture. Mmm…burritos…
(The Other Link) I'll come with you to get pizzas!
Disclaimer Torture time!
Destati Chan-(feeds disclaimer to dog that never seems to be full) OW.
Evilangel04-(waves muffin wand and turns disclaimer into Goron and feeds to Volvagia) (sizzle)
Doodle-Pen-(dips the disclaimer into corrosive liquid) That's gotta sting…
Chris-Halliwell-(disclaimer transforms into piñata and signs all point to it and say "Rupees in here". Link is nearby. Need I say more?)
Nemesis and Roy, who are in an insane asylum, for some odd reason-(Big Blue Block crushes disclaimer and farts. FARTS. That's lethal. Chinese water tortuer? With leaky batteries?)
Princess Ayame-(blows up disclaimer with bomb) Beautiful!
Mexican Chick Ryn-(spray with Ruto's perfume, then have mob of angry Cuccos poo on it, and then everyone from the AAMA come and attack it.) Lovely! LOVELY!
Tune in next time for Disclaimer Torture on Channel 29375723547! (don't get mixed up with 29375723347, that's the Hylian cooking show)
The pair headed back to the temple main room.
"Hey, Navi, remember when I ate that Dodongo poop? That was HILARIOUS." Link chortled.
"That happened a few hours ago."
"Oh…yeah…" Link burst into tears.
Navi had rolled her eyes so many times she thought it wasn't possible to do it again.
"We'll go through here, back to the bridge. If we cross, we should meet another chamber."
The fairy flew over to the locked door, waiting for Link impatiently.
"Hey, Navi, you know what I'm going to be for Halloween?"
"How could be even thinking that right now? We might not survive!"
"We made it so far," Link said dismissively, like dying wasn't a possibility. "Besides, even if we did die, we'll come back to life. Good guys NEVER lose."
"I would name so many movies, video games, and stories where so many good guys died right now, but I'm not in the mood for hysterics." Navi muttered.
"What?"
"Nothing." Navi sighed.
The door slid open, and they headed back to the gap in the bridge.
Link looked at Navi tentatively.
"Fans." Navi said dully. "Behind the rocks."
"Right!" Link said nervously. "Right…"
The Hylian hopped over, wiped his brow with a handkerchief and breathed deeply.
They ventured past the rest of the bridge, to the locked door.
"Uh…Navi. I have something to confess." Link said uncomfortably, guilt written all over his face.
"Wait." Navi grunted.
The fairy turned so that her backside was facing Link, and suddenly let out a stream of unrecognizable angry gibberish. When she turned back, a couple jets of steam puffed out of her ears as she glared.
"All right. Go ahead." Navi prepared to wince.
"Um…I lied when I said I knew what to dress up for Halloween."
Navi gave a few twitches before a vein literally popped.
"And I lost the silver key!" Link blubbered in a rush.
Navi tried to relax; she really did.
The fairy began drifting off to her past.
-Anger Management Classes-
"I'm in my happy place, I'm in my happy place," Navi chanted along with the other students.
"All right. The final test." The fuschia fairy instructor said, blinking calmly and opening the door.
Another fairy with a guitar walked in, smiling happily and sat down on a stool, preparing to play.
The smile triggered a massive amount of anger in Navi, but she remained calm, remembering the instructor's pats lessons.
"Get your wings shined up, get a stick of Lon Lon fru-"
Navi flew over to the fairy playing the guitar, pushed him off the stool and attempted to murder him with his guitar.
The instructor laughed benevolently and shouted, "GO NAVI!"
Later on, the whole class passed…but one fairy went into the world with a very violent temper…
Fire Temple-
"Navi? Are you okay?" Link asked cautiously.
"No, I'm not!" Navi blew up. "You are so stupid, you idiot!"
"Oh, that." Link relaxed. "Yeah, I thought we already confirmed that."
Navi had this look on her face that said only too clearly, "if you don't figure out how to open this door without the key soon, I'm going to throw you into the lava".
"Um, I'm sure we can, um, force the door open," Link said hurriedly, getting the point.
The Hylian looked around quickly, picked up a jar and threw it at the door, thinking it would smash the door to pieces.
Navi eyes turned to slits as she slowly floated menacingly to Link.
"Wait, wait!" Link shrieked in panic, taking out an arrow and stabbing at the lock with the point.
There was a loud snapping sound as a barely visible crack started spreading around the lock.
Frantically, Link started pounding at the lock with the point as if there was no tomorrow.
The lock dissolved into silver ash as Navi stared in awe.
"That's insane! An arrow shouldn't be able to do that!" Navi yelped in shock.
Link grinned. "This arrow's AWESOME, dude!"
The Hylian stroked the shaft of the arrow lovingly and cradled it like a baby. "I'll call you Squishy the Second."
Right on cue, the arrow crumbled into tiny fragments.
Link sank to his knees, scooping up the ashes.
"The power of the lock was apparently too much for it, I guess." Navi shouted amid Link's loud racking sobs. "Well, let's get going."
"I'll miss you, Squishy. You reminded me so much of your mother…or father…I couldn't tell whether it was a girl or a boy…"
Link deposited the ashes into his pocket and entered with Navi.
There was a wooden board leading up to another chamber. Lava was about 1 metre below the board, and there were three metal fences, making a large cube from the wooden plank.
Link looked uneasily at Navi.
What do Gorons have with bridges? Navi thought as she floated absent-mindedly into the wired cube.
"Shoot your hookshot, latch onto one of the fences and climb up to the top floor," Navi instructed calmly.
"How do you know all this?" Link asked incredulously as he began climbing.
"Because I've had previous partners who also tried to save Hyrule and failed so I had to kill the-um…I mean…strategy guide?"
"Oh," Link said, looking unconcerned as he got to the top. The Hylian nocked an arrow and aimed at a Keese.
"Wow," Navi said honestly. "I'm actually impressed you were going to kill something without me telling you."
"Well, I figure that after 5 dungeons, you get used to the idea that anything slimy, furry, gross looking, has more than three eyes, more than three legs, you kill."
"I guess that works," Navi sighed.
Link emptied his quiver, but he managed to kill the Keese.
A jet of lava rose up, and lowered itself almost immediately.
"Link, push that block over onto the lava. We'll use it as a mini-elevator."
"Do that I shall." The Hylian said obediently.
"You have to stop hanging around Yoda," Navi said disapprovingly.
"Yoda's got coo' " Link said defensively, pushing the block onto the lava.
"Sure, sure…" Navi rolled her eyes. "Isn't he dead?"
"I talked to him on the phone last night!" Link said devastatingly. "He can't killed that easily. I mean, he's just 800 years old and higher."
"I give, I give." Navi said in exasperation. "Get on the block already, we haven't got all day."
Link looked at Navi, and then looked at the block.
"Fear leads to the dark side," she said forcibly, trying a different tack.
"Ugh." Link rolled his eyes and hopped onto the block.
Navi smiled.