When it was me Chapter 4: Walk Away, a bill fanfic

Sorry it's taken me so long to update its been hectic witht he SATs but there over now!! Yay, i got an 8 and two 7s , very proud:) I promise i will get down to finishing this fic now!! Song is Dj Boonie Walk Away. The first two entries in the diary were found on random sights so thanks to whoever wrote them i can't take credit. The poem however is my own creation . Read and reveiw!!! x

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Sam awoke in the middle of the night to find the space beside her empty. A shiver ran through her body as she sat up pushing the still warm quilt off of her. A glance at the clock confirmed her thought that it was late or depending on your frame of mind early. It was 2:06am, her eyes blurred still from sleep she yawned deeply. What the hell was Phil doing up at this hour?

She felt butterflies in her stomach and began to feel increasingly sick as her little voice in her head began to bombard her with niggling worries.

Phil is being a typical Hunter, last night was just a bit of fun to him .Not like to you it meant the world to you didn't it. Call yourself the dumper, your pathetic, here you are pining after him when he's down there somewhere thinking only of her. Mia.

After all, as Sam had been reminded so many times these last few weeks, Mia was perfect; every guys dream and fantasy.

I saw you with your new girl just yesterday,
And i feel that i must confess,
Even though it kills me to have to say...
I'll admit that i was impressed,

Hearing the sounds of the television floating up from downstairs Sam slowly forced herself out of bed and began to creep towards the living room where the sound was situated. Pausing at the door to smooth her hair and the shirt she entered perching on the edge of the sofa. She smiled fondly at Phil, he was so absorbed in what he was doing he hadn't noticed her enter.

She felt that heart wrenching pain so familiar to her as she considered that Phil and Mia might possibly be better matched.

Physically just short of perfection,
Gotta commend you on your selection,
Though i know i shouldnt be concerned,
In the back of my mind i cant help but question..

He swore quietly as he missed an easy open shot on the playstation game that had so occupied him, fifa football. Sam couldn't tell from looking just which he was playing, they all looked the same to her.

"I bet you I could beat you," she smiled nervously sinking onto the floor beside him.
Spinnning hurredly in surprise he took a moment to register her comment. Then with a whistle he dug out the spare controller from under the mess of dirty clothes, some of which she noted to be hers, and held it out for her.

"You still playing for that transfer?" He searched her face cautiously as he prepared the game.

"I'm being Chelsea," She frowned switching controllers with him slowly, "I dunno, i'll tell you when i win! So do you and Mia do this?"

Does she rub your feet (when you've had a long day)
Scratch your scalp (when you take out your braids)
Does she know that you (like to play ps2 till 6 in the morning like I do)

"Are you kidding me?" He grinned, "She might break a nail!"

She laughed remembering how her and Phil had often stayed up all night on a playstation marathon, when they were friends not just when they were dating. She wondered why she hadn't asked for that transfer once more. After all Fifa was one thing Sam could beat Phil at. He was good at it oh yes, just as he was good at everything. But Sam had been getting some real practise in and knew Phil was not going to be expecting her to be good. She could easily beat him.

But you don't want that transfer do you? You love him you want him to stay. Last night was one last time, getting it out of the system for him at least. He's moved on and your still holding on.

She cursed under her breath, why did Phil teach her to love him but not how to stop.

I can't explain this feeling
I think about it everyday
and even though we've moved on
it gets so hard to walk away
(I'm gonna remember you, you gonna remember me)
walk away, walk away
(I'm gonna remember you, you gonna remember me)
walk away
(i cant forget it how we use to be)

It was Phil's turn to curse, and very loudly as she well and truly thrashed him. Seeing her laugh he lept on her tickeling her untill she pleaded with him to stop. Pasuing he kissed her on her forehead. Taking in her warmth and sweet scent.

"Phil." She murmerd still laughing. He had her pinned down on the ground, her hands on his chest to try and prevent him tickeling her any more, "Phil, is this a one night stand?"

He frowned for a moment, not liking where the conversation was going, then slowly sat back up.

"You broke up with me Sam, and remember this was just meant to be for old times sake. Just fun yeh?"

She grabbed her clothes from the floor willing the oncoming tears to wait.

"Can you call me a taxi?" she asked quietly, "I think i've made a fool of myself enough."

"No way," he shook his head, "At this time of night? You know the dangers Sam, i'll drive you,"

Pausing as she pulled her top over her head she nodded and shrugged.

I guess I gotta live my life from day to day
hoping maybe you'll come back
and though I tell myself not to be afraid
to move on but it seems I cant
no other man has given me attention
it aint the same as your affection
though I know I should be content
in the back of my mind I cant help but question

Collapsing into the chair at her house Sam shivered. Why was Phil so complicated? One minute she was sure he wanted her back the next she wasn't even sure he wanted to talk to her. He was right, she was the one who broke up with him not the other way round, maybe he was trying to hurt her like she hurt him. She sighed letting the long awaited tears fall before picking up her diary from the floor where she'd left it earlier the day before. It was open on her last entry and though blurry eyes she re-read it.

I want to be the girl he is scared to lose
The one he cannot walk away from knowing she is mad at him
The one where he can't go to sleep without her voice being the last he hears
I want to be...The one he can't live without.

Now with a sigh she scrawled the date and began her next entry.

What do you do when the only one who can make you stop crying is the one who made you cry?

We'll never be friends, We'll love each other till it kills us both, and we'll fight, and hate each other but we still won't be friends. Love isn't brains, it's blood, coarsing through our veins, screaming at us to work it's will.

Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to mend than broken hearts.

Does he kiss me on the forehead (before we play)
Show up on my doorstep (with a bouquet)
Does he call me in the middle of the day (just to say)
Baby I love you (like you used too)

Her mind drifted back to there time in Romania. It had been so special. Phil had proved reliabilty then so why had she doubted his ability to provide stability.True his previous relationships were failures but why should theres have been? However the fact that he protested love towards Mia and had still cheated on her with Sam was fresh in Sam's mind.

"Oh God" she groaned, "I'm the other woman!"

But still why was Phil, who she could swear had had more than lust in his eyes last night, pushing her away for Mia? Was he punishing her? Or was she just reading to much into what was seeming more and more like a one night stand.

Struggeling to breath through the pain Sam had a sudden memory of a poem she had been dating Stuart. It had been a long day at work and Phil had skived to be with Alfie who was ill. Stuart was taking her out for dinner but she had stopped to talk with Phil. There had been something he'd wanted to say that night, she could feel it, but she'd gone with Stuart. She'd written the poem that night but it seemed apropiate for the present. Flicking back she leafed through the pages until she found the correct one. Her eyes Glinting at the Memory.

Always

Forever and for always,
For never by your side.
For having and holding,
Until this love has died.
Together forever,
For always you and me.
For pain and gain,
Love and Loss
And rewriting history.

So hard to express this feeling
Cause nobody compares to you (to you)
And you know she'll never love you like I do

Rewriting history, that made sense now more than ever, because some things are worth fighting for and Phil was definitely one of those things. They do say that love is like war, easy to start, hard to finish and impossible to forget.