A/N: I feel bad for her. I really do. And it's going to become worse.
And then we have Ledonian, he's old. I feel bad for him too.
Gosh, I'm so sadistic when it comes to my poor characters!
1. The golden cage
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Chapter one, Part one
Hell has no fury like a woman scorned
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I was pregnant. It was a fact for everyone to see, a fact that made me feel sick about me, about what had happened. I didn't want to have that child. I didn't want to give birth to the result of what I had gone through. I wished to rip through my skin and tear it out. That thing. That thing which made me feel so bad. But I had no time to and as soon as my status was official, I was guided to the hangar. However I was not alone, other women were with me, their status similar to mine. We were going to be shipped to our home world, to live among worshippers and a few carefully selected males until we gave birth. Whatever objection I had, I couldn't speak it. My lips were sealed, my eyes had grown as hard as stone. I think the other females felt something wasn't normal about me, they kept distance more than they'd usually do. I didn't dare to reach out, I had barely faced people since…
"Greetings." I jumped as the doors were shut behind me. My nerves made me feel mad, I disgraced myself in front of a worshipper! A damn human! I cleared my throat and fought against my wish to turn around against the doors and smash my fists onto them. She was waiting for me to speak, the human I mean. When I didn't, she lowered her head in a graceful bow, I sighed at her. "My name is Terna, and I'll be your personal servant as long as you stay here, my mistress." she spoke again, her voice was as clear as cold water. My eyes narrowed; She was young. Almost too young. Slowly I approached her, moving as smoothly as if I hovered several centimetres above the floor. My human was pale, almost as pale as the white clothing she wore. Slowly I reached out my hand and put my fingers at her chin, forcing her to look me straight into the eye. A couple of ice blue eyes met my gaze, she was young, indeed. I was puzzled, but couldn't ask, it wasn't possible. My lips didn't move and I didn't dare to make any trying noises. Noises… hastily I withdrew and shut my eyes. For some seconds I could almost feel the pain again, as if they were still inside me. All over me. I took a deep breath and forced myself to look at the girl again. Fifteen, maybe sixteen years old. She was gentle, I could tell. Her long, black hair hung over her shoulders like a curtain, a rather living curtain. Terna… oh, if that girl had been a wraith! But she wasn't, and her beauty was to be spoiled by aging and death. I smiled at her, just to assure her I was alright.
But I wasn't.
Nothing could make me feel better.
No one could make me feel alright.
I didn't leave my room for a month, Terna was pleading me to go and feed, she told me that my baby would need the energy. Which was exactly why I wouldn't feed. The creature was killing me from the inside, it constantly made me think of what had happened. If the child died then at least the queen would know I disapproved. If she was to learn it the hard way, then so may it be. A month and a day. That was when Terna gave up and called the one of my kind to come and help. She had been patient, and I was grateful for that. I am also aware of what she did was her duty, she meant no harm. But I fought. I put up a fight against the two males who came to escort me. For a moment I was back, fighting against the same kind of superior creatures, fighting in vain.
One of those males was Tiwek, I didn't know him back then, but I was going to know him. He was going to be important, not only for me, but for many others. I think perhaps they realized that something was wrong. At least Tiwek did, he withdrew and told his comrade to do the same. I didn't need to see their faces to tell what they felt, what the wondered. I knew. I spat at them, hissed and drew back into my room to hide somewhere dark where they couldn't find me.
Terna wasn't there, so I allowed myself to cry. I could find comfort in the mists of loneliness, my heart ached and my soul was beaten, but rather did I put up with that, than to put up with closeness to others.
There were no more attempts done to bring me out from my room. But they did come back, Tiwek and his companion. And I was so hungry that I couldn't control myself anymore, I ate everything they gave to me.
I failed myself.
I was forced to understand that a single individual couldn't change anything.
To accomplish things, I would need help.
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Chapter one, Part two
Personal logbook of Ledonian, son of Dinaka
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Dear people, whoever you might be, I give you my greetings and a seat beside me in this hall of guests. My name is Ledonian, but I prefer Led, and I shall now lead you through a small passage of events. But first, some corrections and basic information: You might find this room strange, some of you would describe it as "frightening", but I beg you differ. After a century you will be quite used to it, this is a warm and protective place where we keep our young and vulnerable individuals until they are strong enough to go off world. I am one of the caretakers, carefully chosen and raised by the former Queen herself. It is my mission, and I will accomplish what I have been created to do: To take care of and protect people, keep them from harm and so on, is my duty.
However, during the latest centuries times has changed as well as our hive has. The former Queen is no more, the name of pride and justice seems to have become nothing more ghosts and shadows. Whatever will happen in the future is out of my reach, but I tell you this: There's enemies in the mists. Since I am nothing but a simple caretaker, nothing but a puppet without the right to speak, there is nothing I can do to correct this. Nevertheless, my soul wish to protect and bring awareness to my people. This is what I've been raised to prevent.
There are stories among my crew, gossip and dark feelings. I fear for the future of our hive; what the previous Queens have fought so hard to build up is now beginning to rot from the roots. Truth is that many of my minions are filled with despise and hatred against their Queen. If she'd kill everyone who goes against her, there would be no more hive. Of that I'm most convinced.
We're fighting against ourselves. At the same time as we reach out hands, we make sure to bite everything that comes into our reach. And I can do nothing but to sit and watch. It sickens me. It sickens my pride. It makes me wish to feed on myself. To end this meaningless life of mine.
How can I proceed watching, how can they expect me to keep this place warm when I know that the children I care for will step into a world more cold than winter itself?
Tiwek, my brother, once told me that combat is to face the bad things about yourself: If you win you'll be a better person, if you lose you'll have to try again. Maybe he's right. Maybe our present Queen represents a bad piece of each and one of us. But how do we face her? We don't even have the right to. We're not strong enough. She would defeat us with one wave of her hand.
We're like a hive of weak or dying flies.
A collective of morons, swarming around an even huger moron. We do not dare to look away from her blinding light, for what will we find beyond the darkness of her surroundings?
And even though we're solitary beings, we will be afraid of emptiness, of loneliness.
We'd rather die by the hand of an incompetent leader than die alone.
I can't stand it. I can't stand the knowledge, to know that the children I see today will be a part of that mad machine tomorrow.
So this is the way my hive will fall. Not with a fight but with a silent whimper. It almost makes me want to kidnap all the children and save them from this pitiful loss. But I can't. Yet again I can't. I would be a direct cause to their death, and it's harder to bear than to be an indirect cause. We will fall, either way.
Have I lived to watch the end of this era?
Is this what I've been raised and worked for?
Tonight… even suicide seems to tempt my nerve, in all its disgrace.
Please, release me from this nightmare!