Disclaimer: I still don't own any Spooks characters...

Sorry for the delay in posting this - I've been a bit busy... And it's not quite the last chapter after all - there'll be one more.

Thanks, Em :D

Requiem for a love affair

Chapter 12

Ruth felt euphoric. Harry had been with her less than a day but she already knew she couldn't go back to life without him. She slid her arms round his neck and pulled him into a warm embrace. When she finally released him, her hands lingered on his face, before dropping to his chest.

"There is something I still don't understand. Why did you fake your own death? Surely, once Mace was out of the way, the pressure was off?" Her voice was calm but her fingers fiddled nervously with the collar of his shirt, betraying the remnants of her anxiety.

"Mace had a plan B, which was already underway when he died. He knew there was a good chance I would be cleared of any involvement with al Khamir's death so he concocted evidence which proved I murdered you and then covered it up."

"Did he really believe I was dead?"

"I don't think it mattered either way to him. If you were dead, the evidence he'd falsified was so good it would have been difficult for me to prove I didn't kill you. If you were still alive, he knew there was a good chance you would come back to clear my name; save me again."

"I happen to think you're worth saving." The look on Ruth's face defied Harry to disagree. "Now tell me how you managed to avoid being arrested."

"Zaf had a contact in the Major Incident Team who tipped him off when they applied for a warrant to search my house. Malcolm disrupted their tame magistrate's life so there was a delay in getting it signed. He had also tracked down one of the jamming devices that had been used at al Khamir's shooting and he used it to screw up the comms for the surveillance team who were watching me. Whilst they were pre-occupied with sorting that out, I vanished into the night. I deviated from the plan I had agreed with Adam though. He thought I was going to Harwich to get a ferry to Holland."

"But you went north instead," Ruth said quietly.

"Yes. I couldn't involve him or Zaf anymore. And Malcolm was already in it up to his eyeballs, not that he seemed to mind. He said something about 'making it up to you', but he wouldn't explain what he meant."

Ruth sighed. "It's not important; and he doesn't have anything to make up to me."

Harry watched her, carefully. He knew there was no point pursuing the subject, so continued with his story. "I met up with an old friend of mine. We'd worked together in Northern Ireland. He's something of an expert at arranging car accidents, amongst other things. He helped me rig my 'death' and drove me to Newcastle where I got the ferry to Norway. I then went to Germany via a rather circuitous route. Another old contact had arranged some accommodation and a few other facilities for me."

"So what about Adam and the others? Did they know where you were?"

"At that point, as far as they were concerned, I was dead. I know that was a cruel thing to do, but it was the safest option, for all of us. I had to contact Malcolm eventually, though; he'd set me up with a bank account to use had I followed the original plan. I had to let him know I was still alive because I needed access to the money."

"I tried to get in touch with Malcolm."

"I know. He left several messages for you and he's been waiting for you to reply. He wanted to tell you I was alive."

Ruth cursed under her breath. If she hadn't abandoned her plans she would have known the truth weeks ago and saved herself a lot of heartache. She could feel tears starting to form behind her eyes and she passed a hand over her face.

"Hey, come on. Don't get upset." Harry kissed the top of her head. "I need to let him know I've found you and that we're both safe. You can send him some suitably cryptic message at the same time."

She nodded at him. "I'd like that." Something that had been nagging at the back of her mind suddenly surfaced. "Your car, the one you have now. It has Swiss licence plates. You didn't go straight to Switzerland from Germany did you? You haven't been there all this time?" There was the unspoken thought that he might have been only a few hundred miles away all the time she'd been grieving for him.

"No, I didn't get there until the beginning of last week. After Germany, I went to Spain, to see Catherine." Harry paused, trying to gauge Ruth's reaction to that piece of news. "I'd almost lost her before; I couldn't go on letting her think I was dead."

"No. I do understand."

"I've hated having to choose who to tell first. That's been one of the worst parts of all of this. Leaving the people I love thinking the worst and then reappearing in their lives saying 'hello, I'm not really dead'."

"I told you, I understand." She squeezed his arm. "I imagine Catherine was angry with you."

"Oh yes. She swore at me, called me a few names and then clung to me. We did manage to sort everything out in the end."

"Good. So you've been in Spain most of the time?"

"No, I haven't. I only got back to Europe last week. Once I'd smoothed things over with Catherine, I decided it would be best if I had a change of scene; and a change of continent."

"Where on earth have you been?"

He smiled at her mischievously. "Have you got a laptop?"

"What? Yes I have but tell me where you've been." Ruth was beginning to get impatient.

Harry laughed. "All will become clear but I've got something to show you first, well several things."

-----

Ruth set her laptop up on the table in front of them and looked expectantly at Harry as he placed a memory stick and a small notebook down on the wooden surface.

"We'll start with this." He pushed the slightly battered, leather-bound pad at her.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "What's this? Your little black book?"

"In a way, yes. But it's not full of old girlfriends' phone numbers."

Ruth picked the book up and a gold pen slid out onto the table. She stopped it rolling and held it carefully in her fingers.

"I recognise this; you used to fiddle with it during meetings."

Harry gently took the pen from her hand. "My mother gave it to me for my eighteenth birthday."

He didn't have to explain any more to her. She knew his mother had died when he was twenty and she understood, perhaps better than most, what it was like to lose a parent at a young age. Wordlessly, she leant towards him and kissed the side of his face. It was a small gesture but filled with meaning.

"So," she turned her attention back to the notebook and started to flick through it, "why are you telling me about this?"

"That book has thirty years worth of contacts; people I've done favours for, people who've helped me. You need to know about it because one day it might just save your life."

"I don't understand."

"If anything happens to me, use these contacts. They will help you disappear again and keep you safe."

She started to protest but he silenced her. "No, Ruth. Promise me, if the need arises, you'll use this."

Her agreement was given reluctantly, but she listened attentively as he explained how to decode the information within the notebook. Once he was satisfied that she could find her way round it, he handed her the memory stick.

Ruth plugged it into her laptop and then rolled her eyes at Harry as she was prompted for a password before she could access the information it contained.

"Three incorrect password attempts will lead to all the data being erased."

"That's helpful. Do I get a clue?"

Harry looked thoughtful as he considered his response. "Hasty precious metal."

She smiled at him and started typing. An ominous beep alerted her that the password she had tried was incorrect. Her brow furrowed. "But it has to be 'Goldrush' – it's the only thing that makes sense."

"Think about the clue, Ruth."

Her fingers suddenly flew over the keyboard as she realised what Harry had said. She smiled at him as the contents of the memory stick were revealed to her.

There were three folders, the first of which held information relating to Cotterdam. There were copies of affidavits from Adam and Zaf giving the whole story of the removal of the terrorist suspects and the subsequent cover-up. Additionally, there was a detailed breakdown of how they had faked the photos and other documents used to 'prove' Ruth's involvement in the conspiracy and discredit Harry's statement. The digital video files showing both the original CCTV from the tube and the faked version Mace had shown on that fateful day in Thames House were also included.

"I can't use these." She had stopped reading halfway through Harry's sworn statement, which described how he had ordered Ruth not to report anything and sanctioned the operation to illicitly remove data from the prison.

"But you can have your old life back…"

"And end up destroying Adam and Zaf in the process? Because that's what this would do. They would go to prison for conspiring to pervert the course of justice and God knows what else. And all the good things you've done, the lives you've saved, would all be forgotten. Your name, your memory would be ruined…"

"Well, it's too late, they already are ruined. And I wouldn't worry about Adam and Zaf; they wouldn't have done any of this if they had been concerned about themselves."

"No, Harry! I thought you understood? The only thing I want from my old life, the only thing I need, is you. If I go back to being Ruth Evershed, then I can't have you. Harry Pearce is dead, so unless you have some way of making a Lazarus-type comeback, which doesn't end with you going to prison, all of this is irrelevant."

Ruth was shaking with emotion as she finished her speech. For Harry, it was absolute confirmation of her feelings for him. He didn't feel worthy of such commitment but pushed aside his guilt over the sacrifices she had made, unwilling to risk damaging their relationship by arguing with her. She believed he was worth it; he hoped she would never regret it.

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