Disclaimer: I hardly know enough japanese words to create a pun. Prince of Tennis is not mine, but you'd better be glad because if I owned it, I would name Ryoma...Vincent.. O.O

WARNING: Long chapter starting from the word 'Next'. Probably one of my longest, and please bear with me: Bigger paragraphs. Been thinking that my paragraphs are too short these few days :D

Part I: SEIGAKU, (iii/iv) Eiji and Oishi, Golden pair. (slight Seigaku torture) (1)

Next up, after careful planning, Fuji ultimately decided to tackle the rock-solid friendship of the Golden Pair. Not that he was going to break them up, doubles partner sense, or any other kind of relationship good little junior high boys shouldn't be thinking of, but perhaps he should test their friendship, ahem ahem, this time round.

He needed a long, deserved (or is it?) rest for his brain from Tezuka. He was a hard nut to crack, so Fuji immediately rescheduled Echizen to be tortured with Momo a few days later and bring the Golden Pair up front.

It would be fun to see Echizen in agony or embarrassment, taking after Tezuka-buchou and everything, but that could come later.

Eiji and Oishi actually weren't too hard to, let's just say, meddle with their minds. To solve the riddle, you find the extremes. You get the extremes, you get the plot. You get the plot, you set a place to fulfill the requirements of that scheme and voila, you set a perfect trap right under their noses without them knowing. You just have to get the hang of it.

He has got the plot, and all he needs is co-operation from Eiji. It was the easiest to get a favour out of Eiji, especially if it was a party being held there. It was just so simple...

-

"No."

"Mou, buchou." Eiji pouted childishly. Momoshiro mourned along with him. "Fujiko-chan here planned it! We can't let his effort go to waste, nya?" Fuji nodded, looking totally sadistic. Which of course the saddened Eiji didn't notice.

Fuji's out there to get you! Stay away from him! He's a barracuda in a junior high schooler's uniform! The nearly invisible twitch in Tezuka's eyebrows was the only clue to what he had been thinking of only minutes before. "No." He added more iron to his voice, but somehow it only seemed to give the redhead more hope.

It was only until then when he noticed Ryuzaki-sensei walking towards the group. She snickered at his dilemma. "Great idea, Eiji. We didn't actually celebrate our placing in the Nationals yet," Ryuzaki looked as eager as Fuji to torture the rest of the teammates. Did Fuji's plans make Ryuzaki sadistic as well?

Eiji's face brightened up, as well as Momoshiro's. On the silent count of three, they pounced on Ryuzaki, who was staggering under their weight. Echizen was looking dully at Tezuka, focusing his piercing gaze on the twitch while sipping Ponta. Kaidoh just entered the courts, along with Inui. Oishi, sadly, left the courts to refill his bottle before the announcement. Taka scratched his head nervously.

"Do I have to make sushi on that day?" Taka said to no one in particular, but Fuji answered him. "Please do. You won't know how hungry they will be."

"SATURDAY, FIVE O'CLOCK PEOPLE!" Eiji's voice echoed through the courts.

-

"No, Eiji, you put the streamers around the balloons, not in it."

"Nya? Gomen ne! I'm too excited! The last time I invited my friends over was six years ago!" Each sentence was punctuated with an exclamation mark. Fuji winced slightly.

"Did you leave an unguarded access route to the endorphin section, Oishi?" Fuji called towards the kitchen. Oishi came out, wearing an eerily pink and frilly apron and looking absolutely retarded.

"What did he do this time?"

"He put the streamers in the balloon. I've always wondered how he did that." Oishi smiled in response, before they were wiped off cleanly like a waitress with a cloth tackling a dirty table. Never mind, what a lame description. The mouth opened wide and along with the eyes.

Skeptically, he asked. "Is that rum?!"

Fuji chuckled, picking up the flask of greenish liquid. Quite unlike the Vegetable Juices of Inui, the color was somewhat soothing. However, in the eyes of Oishi, any liquid is potential alcohol. Amusing really. "You can say it is. Basically, it is sugarcane juice. But if I leave this to ferment, it'll be rum in a few weeks."

Oishi paled. Every sentence of Fuji's was a single, whole and big mystery all by itself. Talking to Fuji was just like talking to a wall, except a wall could make you less confused. All a wall can do is to sit and stare back. He smiled reluctantly, only to take back his smile with a face of pure shock.

"Wine?" He choked on the word with disgust. Apparently, he was against underage drinking.

"This?" Fuji replaced the flask and picked up the transparent two litre bottle, which apple juice labeling was peeling off sadly. The contents however, were far from apple juice. Only if apple juice was purple.

"That's grape juice." Fuji explained genially. Oishi looked weird, in between gagging and grinning.

He forced a smile. "And I suppose that you are going to tell me that is apple and pear juice instead of ciderjack, right?"

"How did you guess?"

"DI-AAAA-GORO?" Eiji called, expecting the stuffed teddy bear to walk out all by itself. Instead, Oishi and Fuji came to check on him. His bottom lip trembled in disappointment.

"Diagoro? Did you lose him?" Fuji looked somewhat worried, and Oishi would have been convinced if he didn't see the evil glimmer reflecting off his azure blue eyes. One great actor he was, but he couldn't stop his sadistic nature.

"DIAGORO..." Eiji's shouting muffled to a whimper, and he burst into chibi tears. Oishi jumped out of his skin, and promptly freaked out.

"Daijobu ka, Eiji?!"

"Di-diagoro.." Eiji chibi hugged Oishi around the knees. "He must be kidnapped! Maybe he would get his legs pulled out and his fluff removed! What if he gets tortured?! OISHI-MAMA! SAVE DIAGORO!" Somehow, he came to his senses again and stood up, eyes glinting with extreme determination. "I must remove Diagoro from the evil clutches of the torturer! Who's with me?!"

Drama-king...Oishi thought traitorously. Looking at Eiji's puppy- no, scratch that - kitty eyes, he sighed and stammered, "Eh. Me?" The betrayer Fuji slipped away silently during the commotion, now no where to be seen. He cursed.

Ding-dong

"Eh? Nobody?"

Dingdongdingdongdingdong

"Oooh, fun! Heheh."

Dingdongdingdongdingdongdingdongdingdongdingdongdingdongdingdongdingdong

"Urusai!"

"Mamushi! You want to fight? ARGH?!"

"Momo-chan-senpai, Kaidoh-senpai, you are way too loud."

"Is that the way to speak to your senpai?!"

"Bet you can't beat me in tennis."

"Echizen! You say one more word ahhh..."

Oishi debated whether to open the door and invite more chaos or leave the door close and let Momoshiro slaughter Echizen. In the end, his right-shouldered-angel won, and he crept towards the door, a foreboding aura right behind it. On the count of three, he held his breath and flung the door wide open.

Six figures stared weirdly at Oishi, who looked particularly frazzled for some reasons they didn't know. "Oishi-fukubuchou? What happened?" Momoshiro asked with apparant interest.

"Eiji lost Diagoro." He stated simply.

The regulars paled. They could remember how much Eiji loved Diagoro, in the sense that they could recite the tag on Diagoro's butt in their sleep, which Eiji never failed to miss out a number. During sleepovers, Eiji cried without Diagoro, and hugged anyone of the unlucky regulars instead. The latest one was Echizen. During the camp, he brought Diagoro around, and in the end Echizen had to curl up in the cupboard to sleep. Momoshiro felt sorry for him, really!

In one way or another, Echizen had a way better fate than the pillow he chewed up in his sleep.

Inui proceeded to go to the kitchen, the light reflecting off his glasses. Momoshiro and Echizen went to the spare refrigerator to raid it. Taka set down his sushi box and sat down, feeling rather extra. Tezuka, always prepared, took his english literature text to translate. Kaidoh weighed his options, and intelligently decided to stone.

Meanwhile, Inui was, well not exactly doing what all the regulars wanted. Echizen and Momo tried to save all the food from Inui before it got fed into the blender with other edible things to become something...inedible. Incredible feat, but all the regulars needed was one. One demo. It was enough.

Fuji decided that it was the right time to bring out Diagoro from Eiji's nee-chan's (Thank you for pointing out that xrap mistake :D) cupboard. He remembered when Eiji told him the doom in that particular piece of furniture, supposedly worse than his own. It wasn't actually that bad, just a couple of dozens of pink garments, but for boys it was more than torture. Fuji secretly thanked her for the hiding place.

-

It was peculiar how the most random of things pop out of the most random of locations at the most random of times. It was so creepy, it almost seemed planned. Diagoro sat so wordlessly at the middle of the den that Eiji regretted overacting. Somehow, he remembered stepping over the same pattern with the square and the triangle a couple of millions of times looking for Diagoro, and now it's sitting on the exact pattern looking quite innocent. He can't help but wonder why.

Oishi had gone out to get their ice cream cake, with the special 'Seigaku Victory' with big curvy letters in blue, red and white icing. Eiji had designed it himself, and sadly he believes that everyone would like that lame slogan. Sadder still, it was going to get destroyed.

MESSILY. Pity on the cake.

Ding-dong

"O-i-shi MAMA!" Eiji bounced over to the front door like a pogostick, much to many of the regulars' amusement. He snatched the cake from Oishi's hand rudely, and took the 'masterpiece' out. By now, Inui had been trying the regulars to drink the pig intestines juice and Momoshiro and Echizen had now moved to the punch section where the alleged alcoholic drinks lurk in the shadows of the punch bowl.

All set.

Fuji slid smoothly past the ecstatic Eiji, who, right after Fuji's departure, slipped and fell, the cake flying out into the air.

"CAKE!" Eiji started crying the second time that day. Unluckily, there will be a third.

Everyone looked, Tezuka passively, Taka in horror, Momo in shock, Kaidoh in surprise, Inui in...no wait, Inui wasn't looking, he was taking notes; Oishi in motherly terror, Echizen indifferently. Our dear Fuji here looked far more amused than all the rest.

To describe the gory effect to be achieved, this part has to be written out in slow-mo. Eiji jumped, facial muscles tingling with joy, and landed on an innocent rollerblade. It moved front, along with Eiji. Oishi's mouth, most funnily, pulled his mouth open and grabbed Eiji to safety. Momoshiro looked up from the punch bowl in surprise and block off the cake with his arm. The angle landed exactly at the middle of the den. Which, if you haven't noticed, is where Diagoro sits.

Eiji stared. Stared. And stared and stared. And cried. Pretty obvious, though.

Fuji smiled. "I guess we'll have to do without the cake then. How does pizza sound?"

All the regulars, save for Inui, Tezuka and Kaidoh, CHEERED. Not for long.

-

The bell that sounded the chimes of danger, chimed again. Oishi peered at Fuji. A smile quite unlike his normal one grazed his features.

Eiji had chucked Diagoro into the washing machine to wash, and came in time to open the front door, which Oishi had been paranoid of, and Fuji had been too plotting - does that even make sense? - to open. He pulled the door wide, paid for the pizza and took them in.

Momoshiro and Echizen pounced, but Fuji took the box from Eiji's hands. "Mmm, wasabi."

"Wasabi?" The regulars chorused. Not purposely though, it was pure coincidence. Coincidences were not coincidences after you go to Seigaku. There are no such things there. It all depends on your karma.

"Of course," Fuji opened the pizza box, and the regulars' nose prickled in disgust at the pungent smell. The yellow, cheesy...cheese that covered the crust was in turn covered by layers of things. Green paste and yellow stringy cheese do not match. "Thought you'll like it."

Momoshiro, Echizen, Kaidoh, Taka, Eiji, Oishi and pratically everyone who tasted the wrath of wasabi, cringed.

"You don't want any?" Everyone firmly shook their head, like doing so would save their lives. It could.

The regulars spent the rest of the party in misery, picking at the tiny sushi Taka prepared. Anago sushi was somehow too hard to fit into the box for round sushi, was left out. It was then Eiji decided to lapse into another crying fit.

And Oishi, being Oishi, was torn between comforting Eiji and risk getting his sushi stolen by his ravenous teammates or eat his sushi and look in agony as Eiji cry in agony. It was a rare gift of empathy that Oishi treasured, but right now all he wants to do is to chuck it down the bin.

Oh woe is them.

A/N: To make up for my slowness, I prepared six of my plots for my six chapters in advance. All I need is to write it out and beta it :D Hear from me faster these few chapters :) If you do click that review button, I'd be ever so happy

P.S: neko11lover! GLOMP. Thank you for reviewing all my chapters :DD

(1) It means when part of the plot is also tortureing the rest of the regulars. Not very common, but sometimes inevitable. Sorry.