Snowbound, Part 11
By RocknVaughn

- - -

To take his mind off of all things Josie, Sam finished straightening up the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove. Maybe some tea would help settle his jangled nerves, he thought. Walking over to the kitchen table, Sam fiddled with the lamp wick, the flame inside the globe leaping higher as the added light brightened the dark corners of the room. Then he reached over and turned on the radio, hoping to hear a weather report, silently praying the news would be good.

Much to his chagrin, what Sam heard was quite the opposite: And now, your WNFL Weather-on-the-Threes… The strong weather system moving through our area is now forecast to stall out over Lake Michigan late this evening, lashing most of Kewaunee and Mantiowoc counties with high winds and heavy snow, creating near blizzard conditions for up to the next 24 hours. Additional lake effect snow could leave some coastal communities buried under two to three feet of snow by Christmas morning. Governor Jim Doyle has already declared a State of Emergency for the affected areas and has the National Guard on standby for what could be a record-breaking storm.

Great, just great, Sam thought irritably, switching off the radio with more force than necessary. As if things weren't bad enough already…now the storm's going to last for another whole day…at least. That prospect did nothing to raise Sam's spirits. Every moment spent in Josie's presence just made him more and more confused.

Logically, Sam knew that the innocent act Josie used was most likely just that: an act used to elicit certain emotions from him. She'd used it to perfection last spring, and perhaps felt she had something more to gain by playing that hand again.

However, he still hadn't determined a viable purpose for Josie to continue that charade. And moreover, a small part of him (granted it was the sappy, completely illogical, believing-in-miracles part) hoped against hope that he'd been wrong about her and that maybe, just maybe, Josie really was what she seemed.

But then, if that was the case, then his leaving her standing alone on that ball field was reprehensible. And Sam just couldn't bring himself to believe he could have been that wrong about her twice.

Sam rubbed at the wrinkles etched into his forehead. This going around and around in circles was getting him nowhere. Perhaps Josie was right: maybe just putting the past completely behind them and just acting like courteous strangers was the best way to minimize the impact of being together.

At this point, he was desperate enough to try anything.

- - -

At first, it was difficult for Josie to get the words to come. For several minutes, she sat staring at the blank pages before her, not knowing what she could possibly write that would encompass all that she was feeling.

Finally, Josie simply gave up on trying to be eloquent and allowed her stream-of-consciousness to take over.

December 23, 1999

Today started out like any other day. This morning my life was normal, boring, albeit a bit lonely. But I'm used to that now.

You'd think that, after my assignment at South Glen, I'd be accustomed to sick twists of fate; after all, who would have ever guessed I'd find my true self in the midst of being undercover? Who would have ever imagined I'd finally find my soul mate? Who would have guessed that I could have won him and lost him in the space of a minute?

So, how could I have guessed in the midst of my very average morning that the events of today would change my life? Less than twelve hours later, my life is in what I could only call chaos…the kind of emotional chaos that only Sam Coulson could bring.

Seven months after Sam walked out of my life, seemingly forever, fate deposited him back in it…if only for a while. Here, on a back road in rural Wisconsin, hundreds of miles away from our respective homes, our lives collided again…almost literally.

Losing control of my car during a whiteout of snow, I almost hit his car. He was the only witness to the accident and pulled me to safety. That could have been the end of the encounter, but, for some reason that I still have yet to fathom, instead Sam opened his home to me in the form of a small cabin his family has in this quiet, sleepy town of Oswego so I could wait locally while my car is being repaired.

Oh, and did I mention we're now snowed in together during a blizzard?

And add to that his mystifying behavior. One minute he's biting my head off, and then next he's doing something so sweet and thoughtful that it makes me want to cry. It's confusing and exhilarating and exasperating and painful to be around him again, because I know that when it's all over, he'll vanish from my life once more, leaving a gaping hole where my heart once was.

Yeah, like I said, complete and total chaos.

- - -

The whistling kettle broke Sam from his reverie. Pulling the kettle off the stove and setting it aside, he stuck his head into the pantry and retrieved a glass canister nearly full of teabags of different flavors. Tucking it under his arm, he walked across the room to the drip strainer next to the sink and plucked his favorite mug from the tray. Depositing both items on the table, Sam turned to grab the handle of the kettle and was about to pour the steaming water when he realized suddenly that he hadn't heard nor seen Josie in quite some time.

Setting the kettle down on the table abruptly, he made a beeline for the bedroom door, which was tightly shut. Battling against the internal struggle over how prudent it was for him to be concerned about Josie, he raised a fist and rapped on the door with his knuckles.

Trying to keep the worry he felt from his voice, Sam said, "Josie? You all right in there?"

- - -

The jarring sound of knocking on the bedroom door literally caused Josie to jump. After hearing nothing but the whistling wind for many minutes, the noise seemed out of place somehow. Placing one hand over her pounding heart, Josie deposited her pen into middle of her journal and flipped the cover shut over it.

Taking a shuddering, calming breath, Josie replied, "Yes, I'm fine."

There was a long pause before Sam's reply. "Can I come in for a minute?"

Josie peered down at herself. In her flannel pajamas, fuzzy slippers and fluffy bathrobe, she was about as covered as she could possibly be, and didn't see the harm in letting Sam see her. "Sure."

Sam pushed open the door to stand just inside the jamb. "I know you were probably changing in here, but I wanted to remind you that right now, the only heat we have is from the hearth in the living room. You leave this room shut up and it'll get cold in here awfully fast."

A shiver shook Josie's shoulders as if she'd only just noticed the chill because Sam had mentioned it. "Sorry," she replied, "I didn't even think of it."

Sam shrugged one shoulder noncommittally. "Hey, it's okay, I just wanted to remind you." After a moment, he found himself asking, "I was about to make myself some tea to warm me up. Would you like some, too?"

Josie stared at Sam for a long moment, blinking back a sudden shimmery haze of tears. There he went, being all sweet again; she didn't know how to react when he was like this. Softly, she replied, "That would be lovely, thank you."

Not trusting his own voice when Josie looked at him this way, he nodded and lowered his eyes. When the speechless moment passed, Sam answered, "We have several different kinds…why don't you come out and choose one?"

Swallowing a lump in her throat, Josie murmured, "Okay."

As Sam vacated the room, Josie quickly stored her journal back into her overnight bag, straightened the lapels of her bathrobe, and then followed him out to the kitchen.

As she entered the room, Sam was just pouring boiling water into two mugs perched on the table. Looking up with a smile, Sam nodded toward the glass jar closest to her. "Feel free to look through there. My mom stocks several different kinds."

Gingerly popping the lid open, Josie sifted through the tea bags, turning the tags once in a while to read their contents. After a moment, she happened across a specialty flavor that caught her eye: Michigan Black Cherry. Letting out a tiny squeal of delight, she removed the bag from the canister and placed it into her cup of steaming water, smiling as the smell of cherries wafted around her.

Sam's interest was piqued by Josie's reaction and couldn't help but ask, "So, what kind did you decide upon?"

Josie lifted the mug between both hands and took a deep sniff and sighed again. "Black cherry," she answered with a contented smile. "I Ilove/I cherries…" she confided.

"Really?" Sam replied, and then said without thinking, "Then you should taste my Mom's cherry pies; they're to die for."

As soon as they'd left his mouth, Sam wished he could have snatched the words back, because they inferred a familiarity with Josie that he didn't want to encourage.

Josie saw the look of immediate regret cross Sam's face and it stabbed at her heart. Every time she thought things were getting just a little bit better, she got another reminder that things would never be the same between them. With a wistful smile, she responded, "I'll bet they're wonderful."

A tense silence stretched out between them and Josie started to babble nervously. "I've always loved cherries…a real fiend for them. One summer, my parents took Rob and I to the National Cherry Festival up in Traverse City, Michigan. There were so many pies, and cobblers, and cakes that we couldn't decide what to buy. And we got to tour an orchard and pick fresh cherries right off the trees…Now Ithat/I was heaven. They were so plump and sweet that the juice would run right down your chin! Did you know that Michigan grows 70 percent of all the cherries grown in the United States?"

Josie's cheeks turned as red as the cherries she had spoken of when she realized how stupid she must sound. Staring down into her mug, she dipped the tea bag up and down a few times and wished the darn floor would open up and swallow her whole.

Despite himself, Sam found himself smiling. He'd always found Josie's tendency toward nervous chatter endearing. Trying to ease her discomfort he responded with interest, "Really? I didn't know that."

At Sam's comforting tone of voice, Josie peeked a look at him through her lashes. With a tiny, embarrassed smile, she said, "Yeah…but I'm sure you didn't really need to know that."

"It's all right," Sam assured her.

With a shrug, Josie felt sure that Sam was just humoring her. She concentrated on spooning sugar into her tea and swirling it around. Once she'd completed that, and Sam had spoken nothing further, Josie took that as her hint that he didn't really want her around. Carefully removing and disposing of her teabag, she picked up her mug with both hands and wandered toward the kitchen door. "Well," she hedged, shifting her weight from foot to foot, "I guess if you don't mind, I'm going to take this back into the bedroom and get ready for bed."

Josie turned to go, but stopped short when she felt Sam's hand on her arm. "Wait."

Josie took a deep, calming breath, schooled her features into something resembling calm (because, with Sam's hand on her arm, she felt anything but) and turned around. "Yes?"

"Josie, I'd like to talk to you for a moment…if you don't mind."

Josie raised her eyes to Sam's and immediately wished she hadn't, because it was happening again…that thing that always seemed to happen when their eyes met…that feeling of vertigo, of unsteadiness, of being slightly off-balance. "O..okay," Josie stammered, trying to look away from Sam's gorgeous green eyes, and finding herself unable to.

Sam blinked several times and tried to compose himself. Still, the green of Josie's marvelous eyes were hard to ignore, especially when they held such questions in their depths. Finally, he forced himself to look away, toward the direction in which he wanted Josie to take. "Why don't we sit down at the table?"

Still, Sam hadn't removed his hand from her and Josie felt her arm tingle and her heart pound in response. Not trusting herself to speak, she nodded and walked back toward the table, pulled out a chair and sat.

Sam crossed to the opposite end of the table and sat down as well, taking a moment to sip at his tea to soothe his jangling nerves. Earlier, he'd thought that offering the olive branch to settle things between them temporarily was a good idea; now he wasn't so sure. While putting their past aside made sense logically, Sam sensed the impossibility of it before he even voiced it. Every time he looked at Josie, all he could see, hear, and feel were the memories. How the heck was he supposed to put that aside when it was all he had?

You just need to stay focused, his logical mind encouraged. You were able to hold out eight months ago; you can do it again now.

Before he could change his mind, Sam plunged forward, "I've been thinking about what you said earlier…about us trying to get along…and I think you're right. We should try harder to get along. Holding grudges isn't helping the situation. What happened back in May is water under the bridge now, and we should both just let it go. We're both adults; surely we can get along for a couple days. When this is all over, you'll go your way; I'll go mine, and we can forget any of this ever happened, all right?"

Josie didn't know if she wanted to laugh or cry. When she'd told Sam she thought they needed to talk, she'd meant that they should talk things out; discuss each other's side of things to make more sense of what had happened between them.

Sam wanted to smooth things over, but he also wanted to pretend that what they'd shared had never existed. The pain that she felt squeezing her heart made it hard to breathe. She didn't know what was worse: the knowledge that he could just put her out of his mind as if she'd never meant anything to him, or the knowledge that in a few days' time, he'd be gone from her life again anyway.

Still, if he could be this casual about it, then darn it, so would she…even if it killed her. Forcing her lips into a courteous smile, Josie responded, "Sure, if you think that's best."

The sting of polite rejection Sam felt at her words surprised him. Why should it matter to him that it appeared so easy for Josie to put him aside when it was practically killing him to do so? He should have seen it coming. But irrationally, Sam had hoped that Josie would show more emotion, that maybe she'd crack and tell him how she really felt about him. Apparently, this was her answer.

Bitterness made his words clipped, short. "Yes. I think that's best."

Josie's eyebrows scrunched together as she studied the sudden tension in Sam's face. His mercurial mood changes at breakneck speed were enough to give her whiplash. He'd said he wanted to put the past behind them, but when she agreed, he didn't seem happy with that.

Unsure of herself, yet unable to just let things lie, Josie asked tentatively, "Sam, I gave you what you wanted…why are you upset with me again?"

"I'm not upset," Sam immediately denied.

Josie sat back in her chair, crossed her arms across her body, and gave Sam a droll look. "Yeah, and I'm Queen Latifah," she challenged. "Would you please tell me what this is really all about?"

"Nothing."

Shaking her head, Josie stated the obvious, "Look Sam, I don't think this is getting us anywhere. Ignoring the situation won't make it go away. I think we need to actually talk about what happened, work through it…not brush it under the rug."

Sam stood up abruptly, his chair skittering backward away from him. If she'd really had feelings for him, she'd had her chance to make things right…many times, in fact, in the time he'd known her at South Glen and in the 8 months since. But she never had. And now she wanted to talk about it?

Josie stood also, and put out a pleading hand toward him across the table. "Sam, I told you…I can explain. I can explain everything if you'd just listen to me."

"Why? Why should I listen? So you can fill my head with more lies? I've had enough of your lies to last two lifetimes."

Fat tears hovered on the edges of Josie's lashes, but she blinked them away angrily. She'd be damned if she'd let Sam see that he'd made her cry. "What can I do to convince you? What can I say to make you understand?"

Sam stalked to the kitchen doorway, giving her a derisive look over his shoulder. "Nothing. Not one damn thing." After a moment's pause, he declared. "I've had enough. I'm going to bed."

Josie stared at Sam's retreating back as he stomped across the living room to the bench seat, shoved it open, and yanked out a rolled up sleeping bag. Quickly, she straightened her head before Sam could turn around and catch her gawking. Placing both hands on the table to steady her, Josie quietly allowed the tears she'd been holding back to fall.

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