Snowbound
Chapter 13

-

Long after the crackling flames dwindled to glowing embers, Sam laid with his hands beneath his head staring into the hearth. He'd resignedly given up on sleeping hours ago.

No matter how many times he'd tried to drift off, the tension he felt would not subside. Perhaps it was because he'd see Josie on the inside of his eyelids every time he closed them, or perhaps it was the knowledge that the real Josie lay just feet from him in the bedroom…he wasn't sure which. All he knew was that tonight slumber would not be a refuge from the reality of the moment: that he was trapped in a three room cabin during the middle of a huge blizzard with the one person he'd hoped he'd never see again.

Above the howling of the wind and the tapping of icy flakes against the windows, Sam caught himself several times holding his breath, just to see if he could hear Josie breathing.

Shaking his head in self-disgust, he shoved himself up on his elbows. Without the warmth of his sleeping bag to protect it, his skin registered the cool drafts wafting about the living room. So, with a sigh and a shiver, Sam extracted himself from his cocoon and grabbed a few logs to toss onto the embers before they were too cool to catch the new wood on fire.

A glance at his watch told him it was almost quarter to four. With a weary sigh, Sam cast an eye toward the bedroom doorway, imagining the soft pillows and a comfortable mattress piled with warm down blankets that he had planned to be sleeping under tonight. Instead, Josie had gotten that privilege while he spent the night on the cold, drafty floor.

Muttering an expletive under his breath, he nodded grimly as the logs he'd added to the hearth caught fire at last. The sudden increase in heat blasted him, prompting Sam to push himself back a few more feet to sit on top of his sleeping bag.

Sam tried hard to remain reasonable. After all, Josie was injured. It only made sense that she took the bed and he the floor. Still, lack of sleep fueled his resentment. Rolling his eyes, he muttered to himself, "Sam, you're a chump." He stood, meaning to straighten out his sleeping bag before getting back in it, but once he had his legs under him, he realized that the call of nature was beckoning…and it needed to be taken care of soon.

Letting out an audible sigh, he walked over to the table between the chairs and picked up the box of matches, using one to relight the kerosene lamp he'd blown out several hours ago. Lowering the lantern wick so that there was just enough light to see by, he padded barefoot from the living room to the bedroom, needing to cross through to get to the bathroom.

Sam kept the lantern in his left hand, as far away from where Josie lay as possible so as to not wake her with its light. There was also that pesky irrational temptation to watch Josie sleep to deal with, but Sam refused to give in to that urge. After all, it wasn't as if his imagination didn't cause enough trouble without giving it more ammunition…

Stepping into the bathroom, he half closed the door (to shield him from Josie's view should she actually wake), set the lantern down on top of the toilet tank, lifted up the seat, and relieved himself. Once he was finished and fully clothed once more, he flushed the toilet, breathing a sigh of relief when it worked properly; this meant that, for now at least, the generator was still working, providing just enough heat to the pipes to keep them from freezing.

As Sam rinsed his hands in the sink under ice-cold water, he couldn't keep his teeth from chattering. Turning the taps off, he turned to pull the towel he'd used that morning off the rack to dry his hands…and immediately came face to face with two matching pair of bra and underwear, drip drying over the shower rod. Sam felt his mouth drop open before shutting it abruptly.

In the dim light, it was hard to tell what color they were, but they were pale, pretty, and tasteful….and really not what I need to be looking at right now, he reminded himself as he speed-dried his hands, stuffed the towel back onto the rod hastily and turned his back on the sight.

Picking up the lamp, he closed his eyes briefly to block out the image, but instead, his mind simply imagined Josie in the said articles, which certainly wasn't helping matters. Damn, damn, damn, Sam thought, now I have another picture I'll never get out of my head!

Sam took a moment and composed himself. Just on the off chance that Josie woke, he didn't want to give away how flustered he was. Once he felt he was back on an even keel, he pulled the door opened and stepped back into the bedroom.

A floorboard creaked beneath Sam's bare toes, the sound unnaturally loud in a momentary lull in the howling wind. He scrunched his eyes shut and held his breath, as if this would somehow keep the sound from being heard.

Next to him, he heard Josie shift her weight on the mattress, but when he heard nothing more, he heaved a silent sigh of relief. He opened his eyes and started to shift his weight to his forward foot when he heard it—a soft, sweet rush of air that whispered past Josie's lips.

Against his will, his eyes were drawn to the direction of the sound, and the sight that met Sam's eyes took his breath away. In the flickering lamplight, her skin glowed and her hair reflected glints of gold…she looked angelic and peaceful in her slumber. Without being aware he did so, Sam turned toward the bed and raised the lantern higher, studying the way the blanket covering her to her neck rose and fell in time with her breathing, memorizing how impossibly long her eyelashes were against her cheeks, freezing this moment in time in his mind.

Again, Josie sighed blissfully and snuggled deeper into a pillow she'd cuddled up to. Sam felt a warm rush shiver through him as he imagined himself in the pillow's place: Josie's body curved up and pressed against his side, her head gently resting over his heart, a hand curled trustingly into the material of his…

Breaking from his reverie with a start, Sam peered closer at Josie's pillow in confusion. The covering of it was unlike any he remembered seeing at the cabin. Pushing the lantern closer to Josie, he studied the material closely in the soft, golden circle cast down by the flickering flame.

Suddenly Sam's heart turned over in his chest and then thumped wildly against his ribcage. He sucked in a sudden gulp of breath, trying to stave off the sudden wave of lightheadedness he felt as he recognized the foreign material to be his sweater. The sweater he'd given Josie to wear was now laid carefully over the pillow she was snuggled up to.

There was something so sweet…so endearing about it, about the idea of his sweater serving as his substitute. It made him want to pull her into his arms and hold her protectively…but it also made him want to crawl into the bed, seduce her, make passionate love to her, and make her fall desperately in love with him.

Sam had to take a deep breath to steady himself. Closing his eyes, he thought, You really are going insane, Sam. You don't want Josie to fall in love with you…you want her to go away! You want her out of your life…remember?

Even to himself, he didn't sound very convincing. Frustrated and angered at his own weakness, Sam forced himself to turn away from the enticing sight of Josie in the bed and rush from the room.

In his haste, Sam stubbed his big toe against the raised threshold of the doorway and he hopped about just outside the bedroom door, hissing in painful breaths and thinking long strings of expletives. He hobbled around the sofa to collapse upon his sleeping bag, rubbing his sore toe and cursing the day he'd ever met Josie Geller.

-

Sam rose slowly from the depths of sleep. In his groggy state, he felt warm and cozy. Rested, refreshed, and more satisfied than he'd felt in a long time, he pushed both arms upward to stretch. It was then that he noticed that he was not alone.

Cocking one eye open, he slid his gaze down his bare chest and smiled lazily when he saw Josie curled against him in slumber. Carefully, so as not to wake her, he slid his hand across her bare back to her golden hair, threading his fingers through the fine mane as if to tame its dishevelment.

In response, Josie sighed and snuggled even closer, her hand sliding up to rest over his heart. Sam's heart flip-flopped and he grinned widely; Josie often did that in her sleep and he thought it was adorable.

Sliding his hand from her hair, he drew abstract circles on Josie's back as he whispered a kiss against her forehead. He knew he would never grow tired of waking up like this, with her next to him.

A deep inhale signaled Josie's waking. Squeezing her gently, Sam leaned down and murmured, "Morning, beautiful."

Stretching her body against his like a lithe little cat, she half-breathed, half-groaned, "Mornin'…" Her eyes blinked open and she graced Sam with a brilliant smile.

Immediately, Sam felt his body stir in response, but he was content to ignore it for the moment. He gently tucked the hair on the right side of her face behind her ear and asked, "Did you sleep well?"

Josie slid her arm up, leaning her elbow against Sam's chest and resting her chin in her palm. "Yes..." she answered softly. Mischief twinkled in her eyes as she continued, "…eventually…"

A chuckle rumbled through Sam's chest, shaking them both. "Well, I can't help it," he said, grasping Josie by both elbows and gently tugging her over to rest on top of him. "You're irresistible."

Immediately, Josie's cheeks flushed pink and she cast her eyes down to his chest demurely, embarrassed but pleased. She looked up and countered, "But you're biased…"

Sam rolled over so that now Josie was pinned beneath him and he grinned cheekily. "Darn right I am. Got a problem with that?"

"No…" The word trailed off into a sigh as Sam buried his face in Josie's neck to smother it in kisses. "Oh, Sam…" she breathed, her hands sliding along his shoulders as she unknowingly pressed her bare chest against his in response to what he was doing to her.

Again, Sam felt the desire in him rise, but again, he held it in check. They had all the time in the world for that. Resting his head in his hand, he trailed the fingers of his other hand down Josie's cheek. "So…what do you want to do today?" he asked her tenderly.

"Besides this you mean?" Josie pressed her hips upward against Sam's saucily.

Sam shook his head and smiled in amusement at Josie's brazen behavior. "Yes, Miss Temptress…besides that."

Josie's shell-pink lips puckered into a pout. "That's Mrs. Temptress to you."

Sam grasped her left hand in his right and brought it to his lips, whispering a kiss against her left ring finger and the two rings that were nestled there. "So it is," he responded gently. They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment before Sam prompted, "But you still didn't tell me what you want to do…"

"Right now?"

Sam nodded bemusedly.

"Well…" The mischievous glint was back. "I'm simply ravenous…" Josie said as she stretched her arms over her head in such a way to call obvious attention to her bare chest.

Sam knew Josie was just teasing him, but his eyes were still drawn right to where she wanted them to go. He simply couldn't help it. He felt his resolve to hold off until later start to slip. "Uh, huh…" he breathed, his mouth going dry.

Josie deftly slid her legs out from beneath Sam's to the edge of the bed. Grinning impishly, she sat up and said, "For breakfast, that is…" She flung off the covers and pushed herself upward, intent on bolting for the bathroom, but she didn't even make it one step before Sam had clasped his arms around her waist and rolled her over him onto her back on the bed next to him.

Josie giggled delightedly at having been caught.

"You're absolutely incorrigible," Sam accused with a smile.

"Yep," Josie said proudly, leaning forward to peck a kiss to Sam's nose. Then, she trailed her hands languidly down his chest to his waist.

Sucking in a breath in response to her touch, Sam mock-lamented, "I think I've created a monster…"

Josie's hands traveled lower, with only the bunched up sheets between her fingers and his sensitive skin. "Yes, I think you have." Finding her target, she squeezed lightly, making him gasp. "Got a problem with that?" she asked, mimicking Sam's response to her from earlier.

Rolling back on top of her, Sam pulled Josie's hands away from him to pin them at either side of her head. "Not. At. All." He responded succinctly, punctuating each word with a kiss on each of her eyes and then the tip of her nose. "However, we're going to miss breakfast if we don't go downstairs soon…" Josie's stomach took that opportune time to rumble loudly, setting them both to giggling.

Josie slid her arms out from Sam's grasp and linked them around his neck. "I know; you're right." Suddenly, a shadow crossed her features and the smile slid away.

Instantly, Sam's brows drew together with worry. "What? What is it?"

Josie's eyes slid away from his, as if her thoughts ashamed her. "I was just thinking…"

"Uh huh…about what?" Sam softly pushed a stray hair from Josie's cheek and waited.

"About…what would have happened if you hadn't shown up that day…" Josie blinked her eyes rapidly as if trying to hold back tears.

Instantly, Sam knew what she meant. "Aw, Josie…" He slipped both his arms around Josie's back and held her to him gently. "Shhh…" he soothed as he heard a suspicious sniff in his ear. "Don't worry about that now…It didn't happen now, did it?" Sam leaned back and lightly chucked Josie under her chin. "Right?"

Josie nodded and sniffled. "I know, I know…But it could have, Sam…"

Sam sat up and pulled Josie into his lap, holding her. "But it didn't," he repeated soothingly. "I'm right here."

Josie turned and wrapped her arms around his shoulders as if holding on for dear life. "I can't even imagine what life would have been like without you."

Sam's heart clenched in his chest and he felt as if he couldn't breathe. "I know…" he choked out past a lump in his throat.

In a strange sense of deja-vu, it was if Sam was looking at himself in the mirror, except it was a different him…the Sam that had chosen differently. Suddenly, he could imagine what it would have been like without Josie…and it was a miserable, lonely existence.

He squeezed Josie closer to him, trying to gain strength from the warmth of her body…but it was if she wasn't even there. Nothing could touch him. Instead, Sam was cold, inside and out…and still, all he could see was himself, the self without Josie. The image grew larger and larger, as if he were falling into it. Sam reached outward, backward, trying to latch onto Josie, to have her pull him back from this nightmare…but there was only air where she should have been.

Desperately, Sam clenched his left fist, and for a moment, he felt the weight of the gold band Josie had given him just yesterday pressed against his palm. But it seemed to melt before his eyes, smoke rising up and away from him, carrying it into the ether.

"No!" he gasped. And still he was falling…falling away from Josie…away from the life he knew and loved…

-

Sam jerked awake, gasping and shaking, Josie's name on his lips in a tormented whisper. He was drenched in sweat, even in the chilled night air. Placing a trembling hand over his pounding heart, Sam flopped limply back against the sleeping bag.

He'd had many, many dreams about Josie in the last seven months, but none had ever felt as real as this one. In these first moments after waking, it was as if he could still see through the looking glass to the other side…at what his life could have been had he chosen to forgive…to believe. The hollow where their love had been ached and gnawed at his insides.

In his weaker moments over the past months, he'd caught himself wondering what might have been, but had never quite been able to imagine it. Now…he no longer had to wonder. Of course, that's if Josie had actually told the truth in her article…and that was a very big if.

His mind slipped back to that day when Aldys had given him Josie's letter. A pang of regret washed over him as he thought of that sad little envelope still sitting in his desk drawer at South Glen South. Right now, he wished to God he'd read it. Maybe it wouldn't have changed his mind about Josie…but maybe it would have.

All he could think was that, if he'd been wrong about Josie…then he'd abandoned his true love, not once…but twice; and the thought was almost more than he could bear.

Sam, you're being ridiculous…he tried to reason against the tide of emotion. You're wishing for something that could never have been. That dream was about the Josie you loved, not the real Josie. You've got to stop torturing yourself and move on!

Logically, he knew he was right. He was torturing himself, and for what? For a woman who'd made him fall in love with her just so she could ruin his life…for the sake of her precious career.

"Okay, that's enough…" Sam said aloud to himself. He shimmied out of the sleeping bag without unzipping it and hastily rolled and tied it, setting it out of the way in the corner. He piled a couple of logs onto the dying fire and sat down to tug on his snow boots. While he was relieved that the generator was still working, he knew that the fuel must begetting low. It would need to shovel a path to it just to refill it…and there was no better time to get started than the present.

Sam shrugged on his coat, tucked his hat on his head and stuffed his hands into his gloves before stepping into the blustery dawn.

He grunted as he dug into the deep snow and shoved it aside. He hoped the physical labor would get his mind off his problems. Yet, even as he worked, still the dream would not let loose of his soul. It stuck in the recesses of his mind, refusing to go away.

Leaning heavily on the handle of the shovel, he wiped snow away from his eyes as he squinted back toward the cabin. Like it or not, he could not forget how it had felt to hold Josie in his arms and know in his heart and soul that she loved him as much as he loved her. And even though he still thought he was crazy for even thinking it, Sam couldn't help but seriously wonder for the first time since he'd walked out of her life: What if? What if I was wrong?