The Deal of Eternity
Disclaimer: Not mine and still broke with no property so don't bother suing.
Author's Note: I'm sorry it took so long. I had finals this last week. I also lost my inspiration for a bit and didn't want to shell out a half-assed chapter until I had one ready. I hope this one was worth the wait. Reminder: "Blah blah" speaking, 'Blah blah' thoughts
"Alright," the Devil says as he slaps his hand on the newly signed contract amidst a boom of thunder. "Now then I think you should start planning your first wish."
"You mean I can start wishing now?" Yuffie asks.
The Devil picks up the heavy contract and carries it to a painting on the wall. He pushes the painting to the side, revealing a safe. He quickly keys in a number code and the safe door opens. The Devil places the contract inside and shuts the door.
He quickly rejoins Yuffie and holds out a red pager. "Well before you start wishing you'll need this," he tells her as he puts the little device in her hand. "If for any reason your wish isn't going as you hoped just press 666 and it will bring you right back to me," he assures her.
Yuffie frowns at the pager. "Why wouldn't my wish go as I hoped?" she asks softly.
The Devil smiles. "It is just a security net my dear. I'm sure every wish of yours will be fabulous but you shall find that out when you make one," he promises.
Yuffie smiles back at him. "Ok I wish I was married to Reno," she says.
The Devil shrugs. "You got it," he tells her. 'Of all the things she could have she asks for something as stupid as that first. Fool.'
Yuffie squeals with delight but quickly calms down. "Ok but that's not all," she tells him. "I wish I was married to Reno and that we are very rich," she says.
"Always a popular choice," the Devil concedes. 'What is it with mortals and material possessions?'
"Is that good?" she asks nervously.
"I'm sure it is a splendid wish," he reassures her.
"Really?" she asks.
The Devil smiles at her. "Yes but what do I know?" With that said he snaps his fingers and Yuffie is blinded by a red light.
As the light fades Yuffie is gone, leaving only the Devil standing alone in his office. He smiles to himself, not a reassuring smile this time but a feral grin. "Enjoy your first wish Ms. Kisaragi," he chuckles.
Yuffie blinks to dispel the red light and notices some troubling discrepancies. First, she is now lying in a bed instead of standing in Satan's club office. Second, she has long wavy blond hair. Third, and last, she is in bed next to someone.
Yuffie inches her gaze slowly towards her bedfellow and sees spiky red hair. Firmly holding in her excitement she leans over the sleeping man and sees Reno's face. Yuffie's eyes wonder to her left hand where she sees a gold wedding band on her third finger. She bites her lip to keep from whooping with joy and waking him up.
Yuffie eases out of the bed and walks to the dresser with its mirror. She examines herself carefully. Aside from the hair and her bust, she is completely the same. She smiles at possible reasons the Devil would've changed her hair and cup size for this wish. 'How'd he know I always wanted to see what I'd look like blond?' Yuffie turns to see her profile in the mirror. 'What the hell? He's given a rack like Tifa!' She smiles provocatively at her reflection. 'Damn I look good!'
Yuffie turns from the mirror and looks over her surroundings. 'This place is huge!" Her room is easily bigger than her apartment in Junon. The room she is in has cool stone flooring with many ornate rugs to keep feet from getting cold. The ceiling is vaulted and she briefly wonders if the room has an echo. Before she can be tempted to try, and thus wake her sleeping husband, Yuffie notices there are balcony doors to her right.
Stepping onto the balcony, Yuffie surveys her home. She sees many small buildings, little roads, a large park and a stone wall surrounding all of this. Now Yuffie realizes she doesn't just own the world's largest bedroom but she owns a freaking chateau! This time she can't keep her joy bottled.
"Yahoo!" she whoops with joy. Yuffie cackles with pleasure on the balcony until she hears a voice from inside the bedroom.
"Yuffie? What are you doing out there?" Reno's groggy voice calls.
Yuffie winces. "Nothing Love, go back to sleep," she tells him.
Reno grumbles a little but lays his head back down obediently.
Yuffie giggles jubilantly as she tip toes to the bedroom door and leaves the room. She bounces down stairs, two steps at a time in her reckless glee.
"Madam Mission?" a voice asks gently.
Yuffie pauses on the last step and turns to see a little old man with a tray in his hands. The man has dark brown hair and brown eyes the color of dark soil. "Yeah?" she asks.
"Would you like breakfast upstairs, Madam?" he asks.
Yuffie smiles pleasantly. "Yeah I'm sure Reno's dying of hunger by now," she laughs as she takes the tray from the man.
"Also the ladies are waiting for you at the stables when you get down, Madam," the man tells her.
"Stables?" Yuffie frowns. She smiles. "Oh my stables," she chuckles. "Sure thing. I'll be down in a minute," Yuffie promises as she rushes upstairs with the breakfast tray.
Down at the stables, Yuffie stands demurely back from the door as the chocobo trainer leads out a large gold chocobo. The chocobo is thickly muscled in his legs and his back feathers are so long and thick that instead of standing on end they bend back to drape over the chocobo's rump.
Tifa laughs as the trainer brings out the chocobo. "See? What did I tell you? This chocobo was meant for the breeding shed," she proclaims.
"Yeah," Yuffie agrees mischievously. "The same could be said of Cloud too, right?" she suggests. Yuffie breaks out into giddy chuckles.
Tifa, Shera, and Elena join in her laughter.
Yuffie stands by the chocobo and pats his head. "He's an amazing thing isn't he?" she asks her friends.
"He sure is, Yuffie. What are you going to call him?" Shera asks. She hands Yuffie a water bottle.
After taking a nice gulp of water, Yuffie smiles gently at the bird. "I'll call him after the most magnificent thing I've ever seen," Yuffie promises. She hands the water bottle to Elena. Yuffie turns to her friends. "I'm going to call him after my loving husband, Reno!"
Yuffie turns back to the chocobo and so doesn't see the anxious looks Tifa and Shera throw each other or Elena choke on the water. Yuffie does see Reno out of the corner of her eye with Patricia. Patricia is a pretty blond with large green eyes and curves to make any man salivate.
She turns to watch her husband leave with Patricia Ealey. "Ah Reno must be leaving for his karate lessons with Patricia," Yuffie tells her friends over her shoulder, thus missing Elena glaring at the others.
Yuffie does catch Reno smiling and looking Patricia over though. Her eyes widen and she starts shaking with fury but says to her friends, "Yes I'm sure that's where he's going."
Reno leans towards Patricia and brushes some of her blond hair from her face. His hand lingers on her cheek. Yuffie's face starts to redden but she says to herself, "I'm sure of it." She twists a lock of her hair around her fingers uncomfortably.
Then Patricia leans towards Reno and squeezes his ass. Yuffie starts hyperventilating with rage and yanks her hand down. She cries in agony and wounded vanity as her movement rips out the entire lock of hair.
Her friends wince and Shera pats her back sympathetically.
"Reno!" Yuffie calls as she races to the gazebo.
Sitting on a bench in the gazebo is Reno and Patricia. Reno quickly pulls away as he hears Yuffie's yell and readjusts his sunglasses to hide his eyes. He looks up and smiles as Yuffie joins them. "Yes Honey?" he asks politely.
Yuffie smiles nervously and asks, "I just was wondering how the karate lessons are going? How's the progress?"
Reno's eyes dart to Patricia before turning back to Yuffie. "Oh yeah I'm doing great. Pattie here says I'm a quick study," he tells her.
Yuffie gives him her jester grin. "So would you like to demonstrate what you've learned?" she challenges him playfully.
Reno's eyes dart back to Patricia's briefly again as he rises from his seat. He steps out of the confines of the gazebo and breathes deeply. Then he performs a roundhouse kick, or he tries to as he manages to only turn about 90 degreesand his foot is at waist length. A completely crappy roundhouse.Even a novice would be able to see Reno didn't know the first thing about karate.
Reno smiles at the end of his display and sits back down with Patricia. He nods to Yuffie and asks, "Pretty good huh?"
Yuffie's smile is more a grimace as she says, "Oh yes it was pretty good." Her eyes harden and she glares venomously at Patricia as she growls, "Pretty good for eight months of lessons with... Patricia."
Elena hands Yuffie the envelope and tells her, "That stupid little whore has been screwing around with Reno for the last six months."
Tifa nods her head in agreement. "Yeah she's been having your man right under your nose," she confirms.
Yuffie thumbs through the photos in the envelope. Each photo is more condemning than the last and when she finds one with Reno's pants around his waist and Patricia unbuttoning her shirt Yuffie stops, afraid of how bad the next photo will be.
Shera sighs and wraps an arm around Yuffie's waist. "I'm sorry Yuffie. He's scum," she tells her.
Yuffie doesn't reply but stares into space with her face blank.
"Yeah Yuffie. Just forget him," Tifa urges her.
Elena nods in agreement. "Keep those photos for when you divorce his sorry ass," she advises Yuffie.
"What if she loses them before she can show a judge?" Shera asks curiously.
Elena blushes. "Well, I sent Reeve to the photo shop with the camera and negatives. He thought he was saving me money when he ordered double prints at half price," she confesses.
"Double prints?" Tifa mutters.
"He paid for them," Elena says.
That finally snaps Yuffie out of her trance. "Double prints? There are more of these damn pictures?" she demands shrilly.
Elena nods gingerly.
Yuffie studies her friends. "How bad is it? How many people know he's a cheating son of a bitch?" she demands as she storms to the house, leaving her friends gaping after her.
Yuffie races to her bedroom and finds Reno combing his hair in front of the bureau. He had just come out of the shower and had a towel wrapped around his waist. Yuffie almost stop to gawk before she remembered he was a unfaithful whoremonger.
"You bastard!" she shrieks. Yuffie slams the door shut behind her as she confronts him. "How could you do this to me? We are married or does that mean nothing to you?" she demands.
Reno ignores her and continues to calmly comb his spiky hair.
"Speak to me god damn you!" Yuffie orders.
"You want to know?" Reno asks. "Fine, you asked for it." He turns to her and growls, "I loath you. Every time I look at you my skin crawls. If I ever have to fuck you again I will be so ill I'll vomit nonstop until I die and I'll be happy because it'll mean I never have to look at you ever again!" he screams.
Yuffie stares at him, appalled and speechless.
Reno smiles at her reaction and turns back to his reflection to primp. He sees her still staring at his back and demands, "What are you still doing here?"
Yuffie huffs and puts her hands on her hips as she says, "It's my house asshole."
Reno turns to her and snarls, "Get out!" Yuffie stubbornly stands her ground. "I said get the fuck out!" Reno screams as he throws his comb at her head.
Yuffie barely ducks down in time. "Have you lost your mind?" she yells.
The bedroom door flies open and Elena steps in. "Yuffie there's a problem at the factory. We have to go now!" she tells her.
Yuffie glowers at Reno as she dashes to Elena. Elena leads Yuffie outside to a large black jeep surrounded by at least seven other jeeps. Yuffie warily climbs into the vehicle, noticing the other jeeps full of men in SOLDIER uniforms and carrying assault rifles along with large swords.
They drive into the countryside for about two hours in which Yuffie ponders not only what could be wrong at the factory but also just what the hell it is the factory produces. 'I always did think making materia jewelry would be a big business. That must be what I've made all this money from.'
The convoy stops at a dilapidated building with a water wheel and scrawny chocobos tethered to the front.
Yuffie walks into the factory and frowns as she sees neither materia nor jewelry but green leafy plants. 'What the fuck? Is this a joke? The Devil made me a damn florist!' Yuffie looks at the hard faced SOLDIERs and frowns thoughtfully. 'SOLDIER doesn't come cheap. I must be the richest damn florist on the planet.'
Elena drags a man towards Yuffie and drops him to the ground. "Barret here was found stealing," she tells Yuffie. "We searched his house and found a kilo hidden under the floor boards."
"Stealing what?" Yuffie asks.
Elena frowns at her and waves her hand to the plants, "Of the product."
Yuffie scoffs at Elena and walks towards the wall of plants. "Are you telling me we drove all the way out here because Barret stole some houseplants?" she asks. Yuffie fingers one of the plant leaves. "What is this stuff anyway?" she asks as she sniffs the plant.
She jumps away from the plant in alarm. "It's marijuana!" she screeches. "This is fucking pot!" Yuffie flings her arms in the air and cries, "Oh shit! This is bad." 'Married to Reno and rich. Married to a two-timing Reno and a drug dealer. Oh I'm going to get that crooked devil back for this when I see him.'
"Yuffie," Elena taps her shoulder. She points to two men sitting in the corner. One is Rufus and the other is Palmer. "They aren't happy with their shipment," she warns Yuffie.
Yuffie walks slowly to the men in the corner.
Rufus stands up a flings a lock of hair from his face as he informs Yuffie, "We were extremely unimpressed with your goods Mrs. Mission."
Yuffie smiles nervously and says, "Well guys I don't know what you're doing with this stuff. In fact I'm thinking of getting out of the business..."
A burst of gun fire outside silences Yuffie. Into the building marches Patricia, Reno and half a dozen SOLDIERs. Patricia sneers at Yuffie and declares, "You lost your man and now you've lost your nerve. I'm in charge of this place now."
"Patricia you don't want to fuck with me right now," Yuffie warns. "Take a look around. Every man and woman in this building would give their life for me if I was in danger. Do you think you can just waltz in here, say you're in charge and expect everyone to just buckle under?"
Reno laughs and says smugly, "These are my men. They will do whatever I tell them."
Yuffie chuckles derisively in his face and turns to Elena. "Do you believe what this idiot is saying?" she asks.
Elena shuffles her feet anxiously.
"Elena?"
Elena smiles sheepishly at Yuffie.
"You suck!" she yells.
"Shoot her!" Patricia orders.
The SOLDIERs pull their rifles up and open fire on Yuffie. Elena dashes out the door while Yuffie knocks over and dives behind a table. Bullets volley off the table and Yuffie looks around desperately for a safe way out.
'Oh god please help...' Yuffie frowns and reaches into her pants pockets. Inside one of the pockets is the red pager the Devil gave her.
'Smug bastard probably knew this was going to happen.' Yuffie sullenly punches 666 into the pager and was enveloped in a bright red light.