Once again, sorry about the delay in getting out this chapter. I am leaving my job at the end of May and moving to a new town (and there are currently four places that I could be sent, so it's crazy right now), thus it may be even longer than usual before I finish Chapter Ten. Thanks for all the compliments. They mean a lot and I really appreciate them. I also have to thank Cira for her idea that really enhanced this chapter. She suggested a certain Lorelai memory that really is perfect, so many thanks to her. Enjoy and I will try to get to the next chapter posted as soon as I can! (I'd image it will be mid-May.)

CHAPTER NINE

Emily awakened with a jolt. It had been very dark in the room and now suddenly there was a bright light in the corner. She blinked a few times, adjusting her eyes to the light, as she looked around for Sweetie. There was no sign of her. Emily was alone, sitting on the window seal of her bedroom at home. This was home, her real "home." The sight of the place made her smile. It had been so long since she'd been back here. Her bedroom was a girl's paradise. It was decorated in all white. Every inch of it was her personality when she had been twelve years old. Over the years she had changed nothing. She had grown up in this room. She had become a young woman in this room. It was this room that she had left behind to go to college and then once again to live with Richard.

She stood up, walking to the dressing table in the corner. All of her things were still there. Her monogrammed stationary that she had nothing to do with once she changed her name, the photos of she and her sister as young children, a few of her school notebooks, various letters of correspondence with old friends, it was all there just as she remembered it. It looked as if she had only been in the room moments before … not over forty ago. Emily reached down to pick up a card on the table. It was a wedding invitation. Both her and Richard's names were engraved in a flowing script and the details of their upcoming ceremony followed in smaller print. She ran her fingers across the elegant card stock, feeling her heart beat just a bit faster as she thought of their wedding day. Looking around the room, Emily saw no signs of herself anywhere in the room or nearby. It was empty. As she held the invitation in her hands, she turned around slowly. The room looked exactly as she had remembered it in her mind. She felt safe here, happy here. There were very few bad memories attached to this room. She looked up at the fleur de lis pattern that lined the top of the walls. It was a beautiful room. There was a full length mirror in the corner near her bathroom door and as she looked over at her reflection, she was surprised to see a sixty year old woman staring back at her and not the young girl that she felt inside her heart.

Stepping forward, Emily put the wedding invitation back onto the table. She walked towards the door, opening it tentatively. When she found no one in the hallway she stepped outside. As she walked down the hall she felt like a little girl again. The family portraits that hung the walls and the regal design of the upstairs living space reminded her of her childhood. As she had grown into a teenager, she had realized how cold the house was yet as a child she had felt safe and secure here.

Emily walked past Hope's room, peering inside the open door. The room was empty. Hope's bed covers were thrown to the side, but she wasn't in the room. Emily continued walking down the hall. She peered into the open door of her parents' room and was surprised by what she saw. Standing in the doorway, she looked at her parents sleeping peacefully. She hadn't seen either of them in many years. Her father had died when she was a in her forties and her mother before that.

As Emily stood in the doorway, she watched her parents for what seemed like an eternity. She had never really just looked at them before. Her father was always rushing off to some business meeting and her mother was either talking about an upcoming social function, chiding Emily for not getting married early enough, and after her wedding for not having children sooner or not having more children. Never before had she just stood there and saw her parents for who they were, just two people who married out of social obligation and learned to love each other over their fifty years together. She never saw passion in her parents' relationship – not like she had always felt in her own marriage – but she had learned love and compassion from them. She had learned the most important qualities from their own type of love.

Emily was shaken from her thoughts as she heard a sound down the hallway. She was at first startled, yet her apprehension wore off when she instantly recognized the noise. It sounded like giggling. More specifically, like the sound of her sister's laughter. It was a sound that she would recognize anywhere. She reluctantly walked away from her parents' door, proceeding down the hallway as she followed the sound of her Hope's laughter lightly echoing down the hall. As she turned the corner, Emily saw her sister in the sun room. Emily stepped forward to look inside the room. As she did so, Hope moved towards the windows that lined the southern side of the house. She had forgotten how much she and her sister looked alike when they were in their twenties. They didn't share the same hair color, but they had the same features and the same mannerisms. Over the years they had grown apart as Hope moved to France with her husband and began a family of her own, yet their unique bond had never died. Even if they didn't see each other for years at a time, it always felt like just a few days or even hours since they had last been together. And the hours that they had spent on the phone or writing letters to each other were incalculable.

Hope heard a noise behind her and turned around. Emily followed her sister's gaze. She stood still, watching as her younger self emerged from the closet. She drew in a deep breath at the sight of herself in her wedding gown. The memories that it brought back overwhelmed her and she felt tears filling her eyes as she looked across the room at herself. She could still feel every emotion that she had felt at that age as she prepared to marry Richard. Her own nervousness at marrying a man that she felt so passionately and intensely in love with. Never before had she experienced that type of emotion or desire for any other human being. No one had ever awakened a true and real well of deep emotion within her. She did not just love him; she loved him with her whole being. He was already such an inextricable part of her life that it sometimes frightened her to realize just how much this man had become a part of her heart and soul. And she knew that he too felt the same intense emotions for her. There was also the sense of overwhelming happiness that she had found a man that truly loved her and not her social status or her family's wealth. Yet a tiny portion of her could not just push aside that foreboding sense of fear and apprehension that she felt about assuming the role of wife and ultimately mother that her marriage represented. However, ultimately, she felt an overarching sense of safety and security that she had always felt when she thought of Richard and their future together. She knew that her life with Richard would not be idyllic or serene, yet she truly didn't want that. What she wanted was what she already had: a future of unpredicted passion, filled with a love that would last beyond her own lifetime.

The young Emily stepped forward, slowly and elegantly. She walked in front of the floor-length mirror that was propped up in the corner of the room. It was there for her final fitting in the morning. She would put on the dress with her mother and Hope and they would make note of any final alterations or adjustments to be made before the evening's ceremony. As she lifted her head up, she gazed at herself in the mirror. Her long, white gown grazed the floor perfectly. The gown lay flat on her shoulders and became more fitted at the waist. It was modest and elegant yet it highlighted her small frame and thin waist. The bodice was accented with a lace pattern and the dress itself puffed out at the bottom as if she were floating. She held the tiara in her left hand, down at her side. As Emily watched herself in the mirror, astounded by her own appearance, Hope came up behind her. Taking the tiara from her sister, Hope placed it on Emily's head. When she did so, they both began to smile. She was wearing no make-up and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. Yet just the addition of the tiara completed the ensemble. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Emily watched herself standing there in her wedding gown. It had been a beautiful gown. The moment she had seen the design, she immediately knew that her wedding would be perfect. Her mother had agreed to pay the exorbitant cost of custom designing the dress, elated that her daughter was finally getting married. The poor seamstresses had spent hours making every detail of the dress perfect and keeping it in pristine condition as they worked. Yet it was worth every penny and every painstaking hour of work that the finished dress had required.

"You were such a beautiful bride." Emily turned to see Sweetie standing next to her. They both watched the young Emily staring at her reflection and Hope standing next to her. They just stood still in front of the mirror, neither speaking a word. The young Emily barely moved the whole time as Hope reached out and placed her hand on Emily's shoulder, telling her how beautiful she looked.

"I had forgotten how happy I was back then."

"Forty-two years … it sure did go by fast, didn't it?" Sweetie reminisced.

"It feels like it was yesterday. I was so young and in love. I wanted to make Richard the happiest man in the world." Emily sighed heavily. "I miss her. That young woman in the mirror, so innocent and hopeful."

"It's you, Emily."

"I know. That's why I miss her."

Lorelai bent over the clock-radio, trying to set the alarm for early in the morning. Richard had no choice but to attend a staff meeting at Yale and thus Lorelai had agreed to stay with her mother while he was gone. She pressed the stiff buttons, trying to get the blinking numbers to light up. Finally, she realized that she had to set whether she wanted the radio to come on or the buzzer. As she flipped the button for the radio, a high-pitched voice began singing, filling the room with music.

Bill, I love you so, I always will

I look at you and see the passion eyes of May

Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day

I was on your side Bill when you were loosin'

I never scheme or lie Bill, there's been no foolin'

But kisses and love won't carry me till you marry me Bill

Lorelai stopped, frozen in place. The song continued, the woman singing about her Bill and how he would never marry her. It oddly brought her a sense of calm and soothing and Lorelai began to subconsciously move her body to the tune of the music. It was almost as if she could hear her mother's serene voice softly whispering the lyrics in her ear and not the voice of the singer.

I love you so, I always will

And in your voice I hear a choir of carousels

Oh, but am I ever gonna hear my wedding bells

I was the one who came runnin' when you were lonely

I haven't lived one day not lovin' you only

But kisses and love won't carry me til you marry me Bill

She closed her eyes, remembering what it had felt like to have her head pressed against her mother's shoulder. Her body had hung limply in her mother's safe arms, worn out from crying incessantly. Her own little hand lazily held onto her mother's string of pearls, resting against her neck. It was almost as if she could still feel them against her fingers even now. She could also feel her mother's hand pressed against her back and the sway of her mother's hips as they moved to the tune of the music. The smell of Chanel No. 5 that had overwhelmed the little girl's senses as she rested her head against her mother's neck seemed to still linger in the air. In those moments she had forgotten about the pain in her ear and how uncomfortable she felt. She let the music and her mother calm her fears and worries.

I love you so, I always will

And though devotion rules my heart I take no bows

But Bill you're never gonna take those wedding vows

Oh, come on Bill

Oh, come on Bill

Come on and marry me Bill

I got the wedding bell blues

Please marry me Bill

I got the wedding bell blues

Marry me Bill

Lorelai smiled. It was almost as if she could feel her mother kissing the top of her head as she lightly danced around the room with her daughter in her arms, singing in a soft voice as the song finally came to its end. Yet it didn't immediately begin to replay, as it had when she was a child.

"W107.7FM, your station for all the hits from every generation. We're proudly sponsored by Benson's-"

The harsh sound of the announcer reverberated in her head and Lorelai instantly snapped out of her daze. She suddenly remembered that she was in her bedroom, setting the alarm clock. It was only a memory and nothing that she had felt had actually been real. She reached down, flipping the final switch to set the alarm as the room fell silent again.

Her bedroom felt very quiet and empty now. The sense of peace and serenity that she had felt just moments ago was now gone. Lorelai sat down on the edge of her bed. Before she was able to even decipher her emotions she felt the tears stinging her eyes. For once, she didn't fight them. She didn't try to stop them or even to hold them back as long as she could. She just sat there on the edge of the bed, crying for all the years that she and her mother had lost. Grabbing the pillow, she held it to her, trying to find some sort of way to quell the overwhelming fear that she might never be able to speak to her mother again. That she might never again hear her mother's voice or feel the fire of her mother's gaze as she looked into her eyes. She finally allowed herself to realize that it really could all end and that she might never be able to erase her regrets.

"My mother is in the hospital," Lorelai announced, taking a seat at the counter.

Luke turned around, surprised to see Lorelai sitting there in her usual spot. Or what used to be her usual spot. It had been almost a year since she had been in here. He hadn't expected to turn around and find her sitting at the counter, especially not this late at night. The place was totally empty and he had been about to walk over and lock the door.

"She fell in my Dad's study. She's been out of it for days. The doctors don't know why she isn't waking up. I just stand there and look at her. And it's like I'm not looking at my own mother. I don't know who this woman is. She's not yelling at me or judging me. She's just lying there … like she's someone else's mother and not mine."

Lorelai finally looked up and realized that Luke was staring at her. She then realized where she was and what she had done in coming here. It had just felt so natural. She pushed herself off the stool and moved to the door. "I'm sorry Luke. I shouldn't be here."

"Wait!" he called out to her. She let her hand fall away from the doorknob. "Do you want a cup of coffee?" he asked. Even though it was just a few short hours away from midnight, he knew that she wouldn't turn down a cup of coffee. And she looked like she could really use it, too.

"Do you need to ask?" Lorelai teased. His question and her sarcastic reply had eased the discomfort between them. Luke reached for a mug as Lorelai sat back down at the counter.

"So, your mom isn't waking up?" he asked, trying to surmount the tension in the air.

"Apparently not." She took a sip of the coffee. Man, she had missed this. The coffee. The diner. Luke. She had missed it all so much that she didn't even realize how much she had missed it until just now. "She could have died or been seriously injured." Lorelai looked down and into her mug. "I keep remembering things about her, but not the usual stuff like the fights or the all the times that I disappointed her. I always think about all the bad stuff that happened and never about the good times that we once had."

"I'm sure it wasn't all bad. You tend to exaggerate when it comes to your mother."

Lorelai smiled slightly. He was right. He still knew that much about her. It felt familiar and comfortable and really right to be here with him. "We always argue about the same thing and I'm so tired of it, Luke."

"You've said many times before that your mother is still disappointed that you didn't marry Chris when you were sixteen and raise Rory together." Lorelai thought that he might stiffen at the mention of Chris, but he didn't. He just kept on. "She's never gotten over that."

"I just … There is no much unfinished stuff between us. I always figured that we'd have more time to … I don't know … to maybe work things out. Or at least get to a good place where we can be around each other and not feel like there is a pink elephant in the room." She was silent again. "I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't wake up. It's not all her fault. She tried to reach out to me so many times and I didn't do anything in return. I'm not entirely guilty for the way our relationship is, but I've made so many mistakes in my life." Lorelai shook her head, adding, "This past year especially." She stopped speaking. They were both silent. Neither knew what to say.

"Good coffee," she commented, finally breaking the silence.

"Thanks."

Richard lay slumped over in his chair. He would regret falling asleep in this position when he woke up as it was not conducive to a man with back problems. He had thought of going home and to bed, yet he just couldn't bring himself to sleep in their bedroom without her there beside him. So he decided to stay at the hospital and go home in the morning to get ready for his meeting. It was more comforting to know that she was lying next to him, even if he were sleeping in a chair beside her hospital bed.

He knocked on the door to her room. "Emily…" She didn't respond. "Emily!"

Finally, she came to the door, standing on the other side of it. "Richard, you're not supposed to see me before the wedding."

"I can't see you, Emily. The door is closed."

Emily sighed. "What do you want?" She still had to finish getting ready and she only had an hour. Her tone was a bit impatient.

"I just want you to know that I love you, Emily. There is nothing that I want more than to marry you today. And nothing would ever make me change my mind."

Emily was slightly confused by his sudden display of affection. She looked over her shoulder at her mother who was fussing over Hope. She hadn't yet noticed that Emily wasn't in the dressing room. "I love you, too, Richard, but I have to go finish getting dressed. I'll see you in an hour." Emily stepped away from the door, a smile appearing on her lips as she thought of the words that he had just spoken.

Richard heard her footsteps as she walked away from the door. He was furious. Not with Emily, but with his mother. How could she try and ruin this day? How could she do this to him? He was about to marry the woman of his dreams and all he could think about was his anger towards his mother. He had refused to let her into his suite before the ceremony. His father had no idea what she had done and Richard had no intentions of telling him, thus Charles was left clueless as to the wedding day spat between his wife and their son.

Richard stood outside the door to the groom's suite, straightening his tie. He took a deep breath. He loved Emily. He loved her with all his heart. It was understandable that his mother couldn't comprehend why he had chosen Emily over Pennilyn as he'd never really given her a particular reason, but to do this to him right now! Why could she not be happy that he had found a woman who would make him happy? Why could she not at least accept that? Pennilynn hadn't made him happy. Pennilynn had made his mother and father happy. Yet it wasn't their life that he was living; it was his. It was his future and he had chosen to spend it with Emily. And he would spend it with her. He'd never decide otherwise. And his parents would just have to accept that. As he reached for the doorknob, he was a bit more at ease now than he had felt previously. Trix approached him, asking where he had gone.

"I went to speak to Emily."

"To call off this … this nightmare of a wedding, I hope!"

Richard pushed his mother into the suite. Trix was a bit hopeful as he rather clandestinely shoved her into the room and hastily shut the door behind them. Yet her expression fell as Richard turned to her, his eyes full of anger. "Listen to me, Mother. This is my wedding day. I love Emily and if you can't accept that, then you need to leave. I do not want you here if you cannot be happy for me. I will not let you ruin this day!"

"How dare you speak to me this way!"

"And how dare you do this to me on my wedding day!" he grumbled. "Either be happy that I am marrying the woman I love or don't be part of our lives!"

Trix threw her hands up in the air. "I just don't understand why you are not marrying Pennilynn today. She is much more suitable of the Gilmore name than this girl you've found yourself enamored with."


"Enamored," he huffed, his tone a mix of amusement and anger. He actually had to turn away from his mother for a moment to regain his composure. "I am not enamored, mother. I love Emily. I love her more deeply than your cold heart will ever understand!" Trix's eyes widened as she stared at her son incredulously. He had never spoken to her like that before. She was in shock. This was undoubtedly due to Emily's influence upon him. He'd never have spoken to her like this before he met that girl.

Richard grasped the handle to the door, his other hand sliding behind his mother's back as he pushed her forward. "If I see you in the church when I walk out with the minister, I'll assume that you have chosen to hold your tongue." He gave her no chance to reply, shutting the door in her face. "Otherwise I'll send you and father the photos."

Richard stood in place for a few moments more, trying to compose himself. This was supposed to be a happy day. Not a day for fighting and threats of severing relationships. He would know his mother's decision later, when he entered the sanctuary. For now, he wouldn't allow her to ruin this day for him and to mar the happy memories that he intended to have of this special day.

When Richard did finally walk out with the minister at his side, he found his mother seated in the front row next to his father. She didn't look happy, but she was there. And that meant the world to him. He smiled at her, but she gave no response and made no indication that she was aware he was looking directly at her. However, it didn't matter as Emily was really the only person on his mind. He knew that she was standing only a few hundred feet away from him at the back of the church.

The organ music began to play and Richard looked to the back of the church as everyone stood up. Two ushers opened the doors and he saw Emily standing there, her arm tucked underneath that of her father. Richard stood still, awed by the sight of her as she came towards him. He had no thoughts, no emotions. He was awestruck as he watched her walk down the aisle. To say that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen would be an understatement. It was an image that would always be seared into his memory yet he would never be able to describe it with any words that would make logical sense. He'd just never forget the way she had looked that day, walking towards him, about to become his wife.