CHAPTER THIRTEEN

"It's all in here, Emily." Sweetie brought her hand up to her heart, tapping it lightly with her fingers. "You have a choice. Has it been enough?" she asked, trying to explain the simplicity of it all to her friend.

"Has what been enough?" Emily asked. Nothing made sense right now. Melinda was always so clear, yet this time she was talking in circles and not making sense. Enough of what?

"Can you let go right now and not have any regrets? Can you never see Richard, Rory, and Lorelai again and spend eternity in peace? That's what you have to decide, Emily."

Emily's brow furrowed. "I don't understand. Why do I have to choose? How can it be up to me to decide? How can I be the one who decides that kind of thing?" she ranted. There were so many questions and yet no answers.

Melinda stepped closer to her best friend. "I died before my time, Emily. I didn't get to say goodbye." She closed her eyes for a second. "Yes, I had been ill and I knew that I probably wasn't going to make it … but I could have never known that I would collapse in the sun room one random afternoon and never wake up again. I didn't get to make things right with the people that I love." She moved to sit down on the couch, motioning for Emily to join her. "Preston and I had an argument that morning. A really stupid, pointless argument. But it's too late for me because I can never make things right for him again. I can never take back what we said to each other and the way things ended between us. He'll never forgive himself for storming off to work and not getting to say goodbye to me." She looked directly at Emily as she spoke. "You have to make a choice. You can make the choice that I couldn't. I didn't get to choose. I didn't get a second chance. It was just over. But you … you can wake up if that's what you want."

Emily shook her head. She didn't know what to say. "I don't know what I want, Melinda." She looked away, feeling ashamed that she couldn't just make a decision. It was too much. There were too many things to consider and to think about. How could she decide something like this in a matter of mere seconds? She needed more time.

"You have to decide, Emily. You have the power to decide. I know it sounds cliché. And I know that you hate being backed into a corner. You like control and order and to be in charge of things." She could see the bewildered look on Emily's face. "I know that this sounds crazy, Emmy, but all you have to do is wake up if you want to go back. You can still make things right with your daughter. It's going to take time, but it will happen. You both love each other so much and that's all that matters. If you want to fix things, then you can. There is still time left."

"Will I see you again?" Emily asked. She suddenly realized that if she went back then she'd have to let go of Melinda again. She would have to lose her best friend all over again.

Melinda shook her head. Emily felt the tears stinging her eyes yet she didn't turn away like she did with everyone else. Sweetie was the only person that she would allow to see her cry. She had cried in front of Richard a few times, but Sweetie had seen her through the best and the worst times in her life. She had been there in the absolute worst moments when Emily wouldn't allow anyone else to comfort her. Melinda had always been there, even before Richard.

"I miss you so much." Emily's voice broke as the memory of losing her best friend overwhelmed her emotions. Holding Melinda's hand as Preston had stood in the doorway, unable to watch his wife's heart monitor transition to a flat, lifeless rhythm. Paul had stood at the foot of the bed, watching his mother with empty eyes as she left them.

"I miss you, too, Emmy. But you have the memories of all the fun we had together over the years." She laughed as the memories came flooding back. "When we got arrested for being in a cemetery at two in the morning … and how mad your father was when he came to pick us up at the police station … Or when I got a tattoo at seventeen after my break-up with Harold …" She giggled. "You remember Harold, don't you?" She laughed again. "And then I had to hide it from my mother the next morning and you told her that I'd been bitten by a dog … You still have all of those memories with you." Sweetie smiled at her best friend. "That girl that you said you miss… She's you, Emily. She is still inside of you. All you have to do is just let her out. Stop trying to be perfect and just be you."

Emily nodded. "I know what I want now." She looked at her best friend. "I have to find a way to fix my mistakes." She sighed. "I do love my daughter. I just … it never seems like we're on the same page."

Sweetie smiled, content with the choice that Emily had made. She always knew that in the end Emily would make the right decision.

"I have so many wonderful memories with Richard," she smiled. "I have a lifetime of memories with him. It would be hard, but I know that he would be all right if I didn't wake up. He's a strong man and he would be able to go on with all the memories that we shared. I don't have enough with Lorelai. It isn't enough, Melinda. There is so much left to be resolved between us. I want to see her get married. I don't know if that will ever happen, but I want to be there if it does. And if she ever has more children … I want to be there to see them grow up this time. I don't want to miss out on any more of her life than I already have. I want to be a part of her life more than just on Friday nights. And I want her to want me in her life. It hasn't been enough! I have to go back to her!"

"You and Lorelai have a lot of living left to do and many years left to share with each other," Melinda smiled. It was going to be a very long time before she would get to see Emily again.

"Can I hug you?" Emily asked. In all this time, they hadn't had any physical contact.

Sweetie nodded. "You'd better make it last. We're not going to see each other for a very long time." Emily stepped closer to her friend. She laid her head on Sweetie's shoulder. In that moment, she felt like the eight-year-old girl she had been when they first met.

When she let go, Sweetie was gone and she stood alone in the empty dorm room.

She could hear an incessant beeping sound. It just kept beeping every five or six seconds nonstop. It was hard to sleep with that noise in her head. She opened her eyes, trying to see what it was that was making the noise. Her surroundings didn't look familiar.

"Sweetie," she mumbled, hoping to spot her friend nearby. The light was too bright for her eyes and she had to close them again.

Lorelai nearly fell out of her chair. Her legs scrambled to the floor as she stood up next to her mother's bed.

"Mom? Can you hear me? Mom…" She couldn't have imagined that, could she? Her mother had spoken. She had said something. It wasn't her imagination. It couldn't have been her imagination. It was too real. It was real. Emily had spoken. She had.

"Lorelai?" Emily finally asked, opening her eyes again. She couldn't move. It hurt too much. Looking up at her daughter's bewildered face, she didn't know what to think. "Where am I?" she managed to ask as her limited range of view began to take in her surroundings.

Lorelai breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of her mother's voice. The beautiful sound of her voice. It wasn't her imagination. It was really her mother. She had to take a deep breath before she could speak. So many emotions that had been welled up inside of her were all trying to escape at the same time. "You're in the hospital, Mom," she choked out, overwhelmed by the situation. Her mother was awake. She was finally awake. It felt like the weight that had been pressing down on her chest was lifted and all of a sudden she could breathe freely again.

"The hospital…" she choked out. Her throat felt sore and dry. Emily tried to sit up, but she couldn't find the strength. She tried to move her arm, but it was held firmly against her body. Her muscles felt stiff and sore. And her head ached. It was a dull ache, but it was enough to confuse her and make her feel disoriented. She couldn't really do anything at the moment but look up at her daughter.

Lorelai stood next to her mother, basically unable to move herself or really do anything but stare at her mother. Her eyes. Those eyes. Those bright, beautiful eyes. She had missed them. "You had an accident at the house. Do you remember?"

Emily shook her head. She didn't remember anything. She tried to recall the last memory she had, but nothing came. And thinking only made her head hurt worse.

"An accident?" she finally asked. Her voice was low and soft. It was not her usual tone. Emily then realized that her left arm moved. She looked down at herself. Her right arm was in a sling and she was wearing a hospital gown. Usually that would have horrified her, yet it didn't this time. She was starting to make sense of this. She was in a hospital. Something had happened to her. She had done something to her arm and the fact that it was uncomfortable to move her legs and her lower body meant that she'd hurt herself pretty badly. And that aching in her head. Something bad had definitely happened to her. Looking at the IV sticking out of her free hand, she finally shifted her gaze back to her daughter.

Lorelai looked up at her mother. "Do you want some water?" she asked.

Emily nodded and Lorelai picked up the glass that was next to the bed. "I haven't drank out of it yet," she informed her mother, knowing that the idea of spreading germs would keep her mother from drinking after her.

"Thank you," Emily smiled, slowly taking a sip from the plastic cup. The water felt like silk as it slid down her throat.

Lorelai shifted nervously, uncertain about how much she should tell her mother. "Uh … You fell in Dad's study. You don't remember anything?" she asked again. Lorelai blinked a few times. She'd never felt this way before. This was joy. This was happiness. This was gratefulness. In the last few days, she had started to let herself think that maybe her mother wouldn't wake up. She had started to wonder what her life would be like without Emily Gilmore. How would she deal with never hearing her mother yell at her again or never hearing the way her mother sighed when she would say something ridiculous at dinner and Emily would beg someone to change the subject? Yet now she wouldn't have to find out. She wouldn't know what it was like to lose her mother. And that felt oddly comforting and made her want to cry tears of joy. She'd never felt this way before. She had never actually been so grateful and so happy to just see her own mother.

"No, I don't remember anything." Emily looked at her daughter. No one else was in the room with them. It was just the two of them. She could see a confused look in Lorelai's eyes. This time she couldn't read what her daughter was thinking. Usually she could read her like a book. Lorelai was not hard to read and Emily could always tell what her child was thinking. Yet not this time. Nothing made sense right now. Her head hurt too much to try and figure it all out. She was tired. Very tired.

The two women looked at each other for a few moments, neither able to find the words to express their inner emotions. Emily looked up at her daughter. She was beautiful. Amazing. An amazing woman indeed. She hadn't raised her. Lorelai had raised herself. Yet some part of her was because of Emily and she took pride in that. She took pride in the little bit of her daughter's success that she could share. They were more alike than either of them had ever known or would ever admit.

Lorelai finally broke the silence. "I'm going to go find your doctor." She stood at her mother's bedside for a few more moments, before she finally broke their gaze, about to turn away and walk to the door.

Emily reached out and grasped her daughter's hand. "Wait…" She still felt disoriented and uncertain about what was going on. All she knew was that she didn't want Lorelai to leave. She didn't want her daughter to disappear. She felt as if she'd lose her if she let her walk out of the room.

Lorelai stopped and turned back to her mother. "Yeah, Mom?" she asked, looking down at their hands. When was the last time they had ever held hands? Her mother's skin was warm and soft and it made her feel like a little girl again, safe in the security of her mother's embrace.

Emily looked at her daughter. She felt like she was seeing her for the first time. Something about her daughter seemed different than she had ever remembered seeing before. "I'm glad you're here."

A smile slowly appeared on Lorelai's face. Her eyes narrowed. For a second, she wondered if her mother really did have a head injury. "I'll be right back, Mom. I promise. I'll go get a nurse and be back in just a moment."

Emily nodded and laid her head back against the pillow. She felt different, but she didn't know why. She didn't know what had happened or how long she had been here, but something had changed during that time.

As Lorelai had promised, she reappeared in a matter of seconds. "The nurse said she would page Dr. Reynolds. He'll be here in just a few minutes."

Emily had pushed herself into a sitting position. It was a struggle and Lorelai had to help her to sit up. "Why am I here?" she asked as Lorelai sat down next to her. It took Emily a moment to push her body, with her free arm, to turn towards her daughter. She had asked this question before, but it didn't make sense yet. It had yet to really sink into her mind.

Lorelai looked over at her mother. She still didn't quite look like Emily Gilmore. Even her eyes were different. Something about them looked different. In the past when she looked at her mother she could always see the hurt and pain that she'd caused. This time, she didn't see that anymore. It was like when she had been a little girl and her mother would do anything just to make her happy. "You fell a couple of days ago."

"How many days ago?" Emily asked.

"Um… a little over a week ago." Lorelai didn't want to give her the full details just yet.

Emily's eyes widened. "I fell and I've been unconscious for over a week?!"

Lorelai was afraid her mother was going to get agitated and she wouldn't know what to do. She had just gotten her back and she didn't want to do anything to upset her. "You hit your head pretty hard. You were in Dad's study and apparently you fell directly onto the hardwood floor. Dad and Rory found you unconscious before dinner."

"That explains the headache," she mused, absent-mindedly brushing her hand over the back of her head. It did feel a bit sore when she touched it. Then it hit her. "Your father found me? And Rory?" Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of her husband finding her unconscious. It was just like when she had found him after his heart attack. The fear that she had felt as she desperately searched for a pulse, praying that his heart was still beating. Rory had been so upset that night, seeing Richard like that.

"Rory is fine, Mom. She has been at Yale finishing her school work. We all knew that is what you'd want her to do."

Emily nodded. "Where is your father?" she asked. Her heart began to beat faster as she thought of what it must have been like for her husband these past few days. She did everything for him. He was always too busy and too preoccupied to notice just how much she did, but what had he done without her there?

"Rory and I made him go to Yale to turn in his grades." Lorelai suddenly felt bad for having sent him away. He should have been here when Emily woke up, not her. "But, he's been here the whole time. In fact, he's been sitting in this chair for days. Rory and I kept trying to convince him to go home or to go with us to get something eat, but he refused to leave you. He's been really worried, Mom."

Emily felt a wave of emotion rush over herself. It wasn't familiar. Usually she was in control of her emotions and this didn't happen.

"Rory, too," Lorelai added. "We made her stay at Yale. Dad and I knew that you wouldn't want her to get behind on her school work. But she called every day. She called numerous times every day to check on you. She's been so worried about you."

Lorelai leaned forward, resting her forearms on the side of her mother's bed. Her hand reached forward, but she stopped. She didn't know if she should or not. As she debated with herself, she finally placed her hand on top of her mother's arm. "We were all worried, Mom," she emphasized the 'we.' "The doctors didn't really seem to know anything. They all said you seemed to be fine, but no one knew why you weren't waking up. After a few days…"

Emily looked down at her daughter's hand as she spoke. She watched it resting on her arm, finally looking up at Lorelai again. An image of Lorelai outside, playing in the snow at two o'clock in the morning flashed in her mind and she smiled. She lifted her arm as Lorelai moved her hand. Emily brushed her hand across Lorelai's forehead, stroking her soft hair. "You were a beautiful little girl," she smiled again. Emily shook her head, running her finger down Lorelai's cheek. "We've wasted a lot of time, haven't we?" she asked, her voice low and soft.

Lorelai averted her eyes, looking down as her mother stroked the side of her face. How did her mother seem to know exactly what she was thinking? She could only nod in agreement. "We have time now," she finally stated, looking back up at Emily.

"Emily!" Joshua exclaimed, entering the room. His voice broke Emily and Lorelai from their gaze. "So glad to see you awake! You gave us quite a scare." Emily looked over at the man walking towards her, as Lorelai pushed herself out of the seat next to her mother's bed. She moved past Joshua so that he could get next to Emily to examine her.

"Joshua," she smiled. "I'd like to know why I am here and what is going on." She was back to her usual, demanding self.

"We'll get to that in a moment. I just need to ask you a few questions first." Emily rolled her eyes. He never combined his two selves. He was always either her and Richard's doctor or their friend. He was never both.

"Just follow the penlight," he instructed. Emily felt like a two year old at an eye doctor's appointment. "Good." He took her pulse, commenting "good" again. "What is your name?"

"You already told me my name, so even if I didn't remember it, it would be pointless to ask."

Lorelai smirked. That was her mother. In that moment she knew that her mother was going to be just fine. "All right then, what is her name?" Joshua asked, point toward Lorelai.

"Lorelai Victoria Gilmore."

"Where are we?" he asked.

"In a hospital."

"More specifically?"

"Hartford?" she guessed. "You could have taken me to any hospital in the state for all I know. That's not a fair question."

"All right," he conceded. "What is today's date?"

Emily was silent. She had no clue. She couldn't summon the last memory that she had. She had memories, but none of them were really clear as to which had occurred last in her mind. She couldn't really grasp anything as having occurred most recently.

"Ok, today's date is a hard one. What about the year?" Joshua prodded. "That should be an easy one."

"2007."

"Good," he smiled.

Lorelai let out a breath. She hadn't even noticed that she had been holding it in, waiting for her mother to reply.

"Can't you say anything more than 'good'?" Emily snapped. "Don't they teach you how to have a decent bedside manner in medical school? I know it's been a few decades, Joshua, but really … you'd think you got your medical degree from a trade school in Bangladesh!"

Joshua smiled, choosing to let her comment go. It was wonderful to have her snapping at him again. She'd been making snide comments to him since they were young and foolish. This was not the first, nor would it be the last, time she had questioned what he had learned in medical school. "What is the last thing you remember?" he asked.

Emily shook her head. "I don't know. I mean … it's there, I just don't know what was the last thing that happened." She looked from Joshua to Lorelai. "I have so many memories in my head." She smiled as an image of five-year-old Lorelai hiding in her closet came to mind. "So many memories," she whispered. "I just don't remember falling or anything like that, Joshua."

"Emily, you had a major trauma. You hit your head and you were unconscious for quite a while. It may just take a little bit of time for things to fully come back to you." Joshua reached out to touch her arm. "Emily, tell me this. How many children do you have?"

"One."

"Grandchildren?"

"One."

"Where did you go to college?"

"Smith."

"What did you study?"

"History."

"Where did we first meet?"

Emily smirked. "In a bar. You were half-drunk and clinging to Richard's arm to steady yourself."

Joshua grinned. "Good. You remember all of that – even though some of it might be worth forgetting," he added. His tone became more serious again. They both smiled at the fond memory. "That is a good sign, Emily. It just means that you need some time. You hit your head pretty hard and it may just take a little while for everything to make sense again. But it will eventually. You just have to give yourself some time to process everything that has happened to you. The memories will fall into place and you'll make sense of it all."

She sighed. "Where is Richard?" she asked. She wanted to see her husband. Everything would be all right, if she could just see her husband. She could look into his eyes and know the truth. Then she'd know that she was going to be fine.

"He's on his way," Lorelai announced. Emily looked up at her.

"He's been very worried about you," Joshua informed her.

"Really worried," Lorelai added. Emily smiled at her daughter. Lorelai wasn't just referring to Richard. She felt an odd feeling overcome her. It wasn't so much a sense of peace as a sense of understanding. Looking at her daughter, she knew that they would be OK. She knew that it was going to take time and that they were going to undoubtedly have many more fights in the future, but they would be OK. For the first time in a really long time, she felt like she and Lorelai were in the same place again. And she finally felt at peace with her daughter and their demons.

Joshua checked Emily's pulse once again, glancing up at her heart monitor, and made a few more notes in his chart before his pager went off. He had just started to explain to her some of the injuries she'd sustained during the fall. "I have to take this," he sighed. "I'll be back soon." Moving to the door, he looked back at Emily. "I'm glad you're back. Maria will be relieved."

"Maria?" she smiled, turning her head to the side a bit. She knew that he was relieved too. They had shared quite a special friendship themselves over the past forty-five years. He didn't have to admit to it, but she knew that he too was grateful that she was all right.

"Yes, Maria," he smiled, exiting the room.

"How do you feel?" Lorelai asked, sitting on the edge of her mother's bed.

"Like a rag doll," Emily admitted with a heavy sigh. "My arm, my wrist, my ankle … I must have broken or sprained every major bone in my body. How am I ever going to make it to Rory's graduation like this? I don't even know if I can walk by myself right now!"

"It could have been a lot worse. It looked really bad when you were lying in the office. The way you landed and how shallow you were breathing." She had to force herself not think about that image of her mother. "You're actually pretty lucky, Mom."

Emily looked up at her daughter. "Yes, I am," she smiled.

"Can I ask you something, Mom?"

"Of course, Lorelai. You can ask me anything."

Lorelai took a deep breath before speaking. "Do you think we'll ever be able to forgive each other?" she asked. "For everything that happened in the past..." She sighed. "It just … it doesn't seem as important any more, you know?"

Emily was silent for a moment, figuring out how to respond to her daughter. "I think that we already have forgiven each other in our own way."

"What do you mean?" Lorelai asked.

"I know that we've had our share of fights these past seven years, but at least we cared enough to fight." Emily laughed uncomfortably. "Maybe that is our way of learning forgiveness. I'd rather we were yelling at each other than not talking all together, like the way it was for so many years. Or when I used to have to trick you into calling me. Maybe just being a part of each other's lives these past few years is our way of moving on from what happened in the past."

"I kind of prefer it when we're not yelling. It's a lot easier to get along. And a lot more pleasant for everyone."

"Yes, it is," Emily agreed.

Lorelai looked down at her hands. They were folded nicely in her lap. "I do care, Mom. These past few days … The thought of you not being around … I just …"

"I know," Emily smiled, placing her hand atop her daughter's. "I know, Lorelai."

"Do you think we're going to be OK?" she asked, finally looking up at her mother.

Emily nodded. "I think we're still going to fight and annoy each other for years to come. I am going to criticize your decisions and you are going to complain about me every chance you get. But you're my daughter, Lorelai. I may not agree with the choices that you make and the way that you sometimes chose to live your life, but I'm never going to stop loving you. I never have, Lorelai. I never have," she repeated.

"I love you, too, Mom," she smiled. They were both silent. It had been many years since either of them had said those words. Many, many years. A lot had happened in those years, most of it bad. Yet all of that pain and hurt seemed so much less important now. Blame and placing fault didn't have as much weight now as it once had. It all seemed so trivial and meaningless now.

Lorelai took a deep breath. "Rory's going to be so excited to see you. She was really worried."

Emily smiled. This was their routine. They would connect and then one of them would change the subject when it got a little too uncomfortable.

Emily leaned her head back against the pillow. "Lorelai, I need you to be honest with me about something."

"What is it, Mom?" She was a bit apprehensive about what it was that her mother wanted to know.

"How bad do I look?" Emily asked. "I've been laying her for days. I must look like a nightmare."

Lorelai laughed, relieved by her mother's vanity. "Actually, Mom, you look like the most beautiful woman in the world right now."

Emily smiled.