A/n: omg! I heard that Charlie is...gone from this gurl in English! and i screamed and then my teacher glared at me the rest of the period. I was sad. But is it true? is Charlie really gone? i didn't get to see the season finale! sigh. Ok, so thank you to the people who are still reading this! this is a really angsty chapter! it made me sad writing it! Thank you to everyone who is still reviewing too! I'm glad people still like this! I hope you still like it after this chapter.

I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I've said too much
Been too unkind

I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and
Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that
It's too late
And now there's nothing I can do

So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to
laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry

I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away

Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more

Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

-Boys Don't Cry By The Cure

Chapter 8: Boys Don't Cry

Charlie Pace felt numb.

If his hand was chopped off right now he wouldn't be able to feel the damn thing. He had failed. He had failed his promise. He had failed many promises in his life but this was by far the worst one he had failed. He had let Claire be taken, and possibly let her die.

Charlie took in a breath and closed his eyes. He envisioned her pretty face, her blonde hair, her beautiful blue eyes, and her hot Australian accent. He wanted her so badly, he wanted her right next to him, holding his hand, giving him a cute smile. Smiles that felt like they were only meant for him, smiles that she had given him so much before...the incident.

Charlie squeezed his eyes closes willing himself not to think of the incident. Instead he focused on how he was going to find Claire, she had been missing now for one week.

One whole disastrous week.

A week where all he could think about was the unborn child inside her, and the fact that it was now his. He was going to be a father.

Father.

Strange.

Charlie was probably the furthest thing you would think of when you thought father.

Charlie was a drug addict.

An ex-rockstar.

A stealer.

A manipulator.

A person who would do anything for a good high.

But he was in love and now would have someone to love him. A child. He was going to be a father. If he ever saw Claire again. At that moment he made another promise, a promise that he would most defiantly keep.

He promised that once he got Claire back, because he would get Claire back, he would tell her he loved her, and they belonged together, then he'd get Jack to marry them. Because that's how it was suppose to be, that's what Charlie needed, a family.

His family, to protect and to love.

Claire smiled at the apartment that Charlie had bought them in the large American city.

"It's gorgeous." Claire said smiling setting her stuff down in the living room.

"You like it?" Charlie asked smiling at her and coming up behind her. "I thought you would." he whispered in her ear.

She turned around to face him and planted a kiss on his lips. "I love it." And she grabbed her stuff to go find a room to put them in.

"There's only one bed right now!" Charlie yelled out to her, suddenly feeling uncomfortable telling her this. "If you want I can sleep on the—"

"It's fine. Sleep in the bed with me!" Claire said popping her head into the kitchen.

Charlie smiled when he saw the look on her face as she said those words.

"I mean, not like that. Just sleep. Like, with our heads on pillows. No grunting or anything. I just..." she frowned knowing she was digging herself deeper into a hole. "Ok. Um...I'll shut up now."

Charlie laughed walking towards her. "You don't have to shut up. I know what you mean." he said quietly looking at her.

She smiled back at him and leaned up to kiss him. He responded quickly and before either of them knew it they were heading towards the bedroom to 'sleep.'

Charlie had the dream. He had been having that dream since the whole ordeal happened.

It'd start off with Claire yelling in the bedroom, then they'd be in the jungle with Ethan, instead of Ethan hanging Charlie he'd stab Claire and then he'd walk up with a scream in his throat.

He'd been meaning to try and find Jack for sleeping pills, but Jack always seemed busy these days with trying to solve one thing or another.

Charlie sighed, rubbing a dirty hand along his face. He tried to close his eyes again but all he saw was terror. Claire's terror more specifically.

He groaned getting out of his make-shift bed and stretched. He guessed it was somewhere around 3 in the morning, but he wasn't too sure.

He got ready to go on a walk around the jungle but stopped when he heard shouts for Jack. He looked over towards Jack who moments before had been asleep, now he looked very awake and worried.

"What's the matter?" he yelled getting out of bed and Charlie went to follow him.

What if they had found—

"Claire." he whispered seeing Locke carrying the pregnant girl towards Claire. Boone was following the older man looking pale and tired, and Charlie had a split second thought of where they were.

"Claire?" he asked louder going over to the group of people who were crowding her.

Locke had set her down on an empty bed and people who had been sleeping minutes before were crowing her. He pushed himself to the front of the large group and took her soft hands.

"Claire?" he asked again just as her eyes popped open.

She screamed.

She screamed loudly and she jumped off the bed and into a corner.

"Who, who are you?" she yelled tears running down her face then she spotted Charlie. She had rage written all over to face and Charlie was for a fleeting moment, scared.

"You!" she spat pointing at him.

And everyone looked at Charlie curiously.

What could the ex-rocker have done to the pretty blonde Aussie?

A lot. Charlie mentally answered as she advanced at him.

"You! What are you doing here!? Why are you here!? God! The last time I saw you—"

"Claire? Do you remember anything?" Jack asked looking at her.

Claire looked towards him confused. "Who are you? Who are you people? Where am I?"

"Everyone! Just back up!" Jack said speaking to the group.

Claire turned her attention back to Charlie, hate still etched into her face. "I hate you." She whispered but Charlie caught it.

He heard every single little word. And when he heard those 3 awful words he desperately wanted his stash. Too bad he had burned it weeks before. Charlie took a deep breath in and walked towards Claire despite her hateful words. "Claire? Do you remember anything? Why you are here?"

"I was on a plane, I was on a plane, to go give me baby away." Claire said crossing her arms. "It's Thomas' baby, for the record." she added glaring at him as Charlie felt a smile tug at his lips.

"No it's not. It's mine." he said walking closer to her. He wanted to make her remember right then, he needed her to remember then. They were doing to good, until... "Claire, I've missed you a lot. You, this guy, named Ethan took you. I was with you, I tried to help you."

"All you've ever tried to do Charlie, is help yourself! You're a selfish druggie who only wants to get high! That's why you weren't suppose to know about my child. You won't make a good father, drug addicts don't make good fathers." she spat waddling over to him. She was right in his face now. "You just ruin other people's lives. You ruined mine, that's for sure. And when you ruined it, you didn't even care, you just looked at me with your blue eyes. I still remember the raw emotion in them. Happiness. There was happiness in your eyes. Happiness that you ruined my life. How do you live with yourself everyday, Charlie? How do you live with yourself when all you do is use people?" she asked looking into his blue eyes.

Charlie stared at her feeling awful and numb. He remembered, he remembered it all.

But how did she know?

"How do you know?" he asked quietly.

"I've always known Charlie. I've always known." she said quietly then without warning she slapped him hard across the face. "Stay the hell away from me Charlie Pace. I hate you."

And she walked away as everyone in the caves saw the whole drama that had played out right before them curiosity vibrating off them they watched.

Charlie couldn't look at any of them, all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die. I guess Jack marrying us was out of the question, he thought sadly walking into the woods.

Claire smiled walking into the kitchen and setting the bags down. It had been a long day at work. After the first couple of months, Claire had decided to get a job, it was driving her insane just sitting around all day being bored and watching TV.

She needed adventure, and money.

Charlie was usually gone all day doing god knows what, she had given up asking what he did all day after about a month. Now Claire had been working for 6 months and living in America for almost a year, and she was loving it.

True, her and Charlie had their differences but ever since moving there it was like starting over, and she felt amazing. Charlie though, often acted a little weird and she tried to deny what he was doing.

Drugs.

Claire sighed shaking her head to get rid of that thought. She started to take the groceries out of the bags when she heard a crash from the bedroom followed by a giggle.

Claire froze feeling her insides turn to ice.

She set the frozen french fries down and headed to the back of the apartment where the bedroom was. As she got closer a voice in her head told her to turn back, grab her purse and run. But of course that human curiosity was tugging at her, and she pushed on. She finally got to the bedroom and with a shaky hand reached out and opened the door.

Smoke blocked her vision for a few seconds but it was cleared away when she saw her boyfriend in a Kama Sutra position with some brunette who she had never seen before. Needles were all around the room, on the floor on the bed, and there was an ashtray with possible 30 cigarettes put out. Claire took a deep breath in and felt her nails dig into her palms.

Charlie was there in bed with another women.

She stared at him and after ripping his mouth from the brunettes his pretty blue eyes met hers. She saw no remorse there, no recognition, no sadness, and no apology.

He was numb.

He was calm.

He was happy

And most of all he didn't care that she had seen him.

Claire felt tears well up in her eyes and she left the smokey room with all the needles. She left the frozen french fries where she had set them. She left the naked brunette on top of Charlie smoking her cigarettes.

And most of all she left Charlie Pace, high and alone.

(A/n: So? how was it? Good? bad? would it be wrong if I asked for reviews? I hope it wasn't too angsty!)