Fan Fiction: "Dating for Dummies"

A/N: Thank you all who reviewed… (Tears) I'm so happy… (Cries profusely) Also thank you Foxie Fire for volunteering to beta-read! (Sorry I didn't come to you first to read the chapter but…school equals homework which equals soul-sucking brainless amount of time left to hurry a chapter in. Like I said…I'm SORRY!)

Disclaimer: Yes, I own Naruto! (Horde of evil, psychotic lawyers) Erm…never mind…

Tip 2: Haruno Sakura

Haruno, Sakura:

Single, hot female with an erm-eccentric inner self that if provoked will wreak major pain-age…

"Kakashi-sensei, why are you hiding in a bush?"

She's extremely smart…especially in the human anatomy (meow), is seventeen years old with an hmmm…curvaceous body, and is the second apprentice of the scary fifth hokage.

"What was that…?" Crack.

And her one true love is a self-centered bastard with no people skills WHAT-SO-EVER, also left HER for a scheming, low-life, HOMOSEXUAL snake that by-the-way caused insufferable BRAIN scarring because of a certain incident involving a rotating bed. She-OH hi Sasuke-

KA-POW!

"Sasuke-kun…"

Rule Number 2 in Kakashi's book for stup- I mean for the romantically-challenged:

Never, EVER insult a female…especially if she is a kunoichi!

Top five reasons why Sasuke Uchiha HATES with the utmost passion rain:

5. No training…how in the hell is he going to get stronger if he can't train.

4. Its annoying…every single drop of water echoing in the deepest ridges of his mind. Damn ninja senses and enhanced hearing…DAMN it all!

3. His irritating blond teammate who just happens to be in the same room as him visiting their injured sensei…Sasuke glared at Naruto, who is glaring back. STARING CONTEST! 10 minutes later…still going at it…

2. Its wet…He hates the feeling of cold droplets pelting his once-dry and should be dry pale skin. 'So troublesome…' Sasuke twitched and mentally slapped himself, 'Great now I'm sounding like Shikamaru…'

And the number 1 reason why Sasuke Uchiha loathes rain…a certain pink-haired green-eyed female LOVES it.

It was true, as Sakura Haruno announced already fifty times, she loved the rain. Every flipping aspect of it…from how it felt on her skin to the way it helped the environment.

And as Sasuke, the ever sarcastic pessimist of Team 7 asked her one little question. And Sakura, being the ever bubbly cheerful girl that she was…snapped.

Let's rewind a bit…:

Sasuke eyed the frighteningly cheerful kunoichi, wasn't rain supposed to oh-I-don't-know depress people? Obviously, Sakura didn't get the point. So Sasuke did what any other angsty, anti-social, hot shinobi would do…question said teammate's sanity.

"Are you on drugs?"

Twitch.

Kakashi rolled his eye, with much difficulty, Sasuke may be the number one rookie of his class but he was CLUELESS when it came to girls and whether not to question one's thinking abilities. It'll only be a matter of seconds before Sakura turn evil, psycho woman…poor, poor Sasuke…

5, 4, 3, 2-POW!

Kakashi blinked slowly, well that went fast…

Naruto shook his head and leaned back in his chair, for once he was being the "mature one" of the group. Suddenly his chair slid and fell back…oh yeah, REAL mature.

Top thing added to Sasuke's hate list: Sakura's inhuman strength…damn her.

"Do we really have to go?" Inuzuka Kiba scowled as Team 8 followed the yellow brick- I mean familiar wet path towards the hospital.

A certain red-eyed female jounin cracked her fingers slightly, Kiba was grating on her last nerves, "Kiba…deal with it!"

"I agree your voice is ever so loud." Aburame Shino ran a hand through his now slick hair.

Hinata pressed her two index fingers (A.K.A: The Shy Look), "K-Kiba-kun d-don't b-b-be s-so rude…"

Kiba stared at the white-eyed heiress and scoffed, "So…are we there yet?"

"No…"

Kiba took a moment, "Are we there yet?"

"Does it look like we're there, Kiba?" Shino spoke deadpanned.

"Hmmm…no…Are we there yet?"

Hinata gave a soft sigh, knowing where this was going. No doubt Kiba would continue his weird source of entertainment, that being annoying his fellow teammates, and Shino would answer sometimes if ever.

Hinata glanced at her sensei through the rain; she was calm and collected… so far. The Hyuga heiress could feel the danger signs flashing bright red, not to mention the spiraling chakra flaring every now and then…

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"…"

"Are we there yet?"

"…"

Hinata softly shuffled away from Shino and Kurenai-sensei, "K-Kiba-kun I t-think y-you sh-should stop…"

Woof! Kiba chuckled and patted the giganto dog on the head.

"That's right Aka-Wait a minute!" Kiba eyed his faithful companion carefully.

"What do you mean Shino and old Kurenai-sensei are planning on tying me to a tree and leaving me out here to die and have icky bugs eat away at my dead carcass and damn me to well-down there!" Kiba waved his arms frantically to prove his point.

Hinata shook her head and coughed, this might take awhile…

Glare.

Glare.

Sigh. Kakashi watched his star-pupils go at each other. It may not be physical but he could feel the killing intent fizzing between them. Which made Kakashi-sensei ever so curious…? Wasn't Sakura supposed to be oh-I-don't-know Sasuke's biggest fan girl EVER in the existence of Konoha? So…why is Sakura literally sending killing signals to her supposed-to-be one true love? It was nagging at him all day…He was curious what could he say.

So curious that Kakashi was willing to sacrifice another limb to be shattered and cast away…

Stupid pervert…when will he learn…

"Sakura-chan…" A pink-haired head twirled around facing her curious sensei.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura felt a deep pool of guilt bubbling in her stomach. Maybe she went a little too harsh on him. Ok, yeah he was being perverted but isn't that how the silver-haired jounin usually acts?

He took a breath and plunged into the unexpected, "Are you having your period, Sakura?"

Crack.

Sakura's guilt trip cracked in two, "What. Did. You. Say?"

'Oh crap…'

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHUUUUUHHHGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

"U-um…K-Kurenai-s-sensei w-what was t-that…?" Hinata watched the hospital slightly reluctant to enter.

Kiba eyed the hospital warily, "I hate hospitals…"

Hinata moved her pale opal gaze to Kiba; she had briefly forgotten the dog-lover for a moment there. Ever since Shino and Kurenai did their "persuasion tactic" with Kiba, that being leaving the young Hyuga all alone on the road, he's been quiet as a mouse. Or bug…or whatever…

"Well we came here in the rain and cold so this better be worth it…" everyone gaped at Shino. 15 WORDS…wow that's got to be a new world record PLUS the dots!

Shino raised a dark eyebrow, "What?"

"Well Kakashi better have something good for us, because I did not just come here to waste my day-off." Kurenai stared at the hospital haughtily.

"So…why did you come here for, Kurenai-sensei?"

Blush.

"Well then! Let's go in shall we!" the new hyper-active Kurenai laughed nervously.

"That was new…"

He was scared.

Correction…he was terrified!

Naruto knew Sakura could be well…"emotional" but he didn't understand. He couldn't understand.

"Hey, hey Sasuke-teme…?" Naruto poked his equally horrified teammate.

Sasuke scowled and batted his finger away from him, "What, dobe?"

"What's a 'period'? Is it some fancy new jutsu old Tsunade taught her?"

And right then and now Sasuke's world came crashing down…

'Don't tell me…he's never…' Sasuke almost fell out of his chair. Luckily Sakura was too absorbed in her Let's-see-how-many-times-we-can-break-Kakashi-sensei's-bones game.

"So…what is it?"

Sasuke fidgeted; there was no way in heaven or hell that could get the great Uchiha Sasuke to tell dead-last Uzumaki Naruto that talk. "Dobe…has anyone ever told you…the talk?"

Naruto blinked several times, "What talk?"

"You know…the talk..."

"What the hell are you talking about, Sasuke-teme?"

"Sex, you dobe!" Everyone stared at Sasuke.

'Oh crap…'

Meanwhile, outside, Team 8 decided to go for a LONG walk FAR away from the hospital and to never…EVER speak, go near, or associate with Uchiha Sasuke…
"Sakura, I can explain…"

"You…ALL ARE PERVERTS!"

BAM!

Top two people on Sasuke's list of people to kill…a certain blond and perverted jounin…the end.

Day 2 finished.

WOW! 31 reviews on ONE chapter! That's got to be the best I ever did…Hopefully I'll get to 100 reviews soon! Thanks! Cookies for everyone!

Edit: 34 REVIEWS!