Fan Fiction: "Dating for Dummies"
A/N: OH MY GOD! 100 REVIEWS! My lifelong dream ever since I became a fan fiction writer…THANK YOU! (Dances around the computer…and trips) UGH!
First Reviewer: Ellamoony
Hundredth Reviewer: Matt and T.K.
A/N: Should Kakashi be with someone? Not sure, the choices are Anko, Kurenai, or Shizune. (Evil Laugh) Revenge is sweet…very sweet!
Disclaimer: Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto not me…him…See! My name is DeAnna not him…ok…? Ok.
Tip 5: Inuzuka Kiba
Inuzuka, Kiba:
Dog-lover with a bad case of the fleas and cocky-attitude disease, seventeen years of age (In dog years…I really have no idea), and his little (LIE!) doggy friend, Akamaru, usually helps with his big (MORE LIES!) missions…
"What's that Akamaru…Kakashi is behind that huge statue of the Fifth Hokage?"
Erm-well he's like the REALLY minor character (HA! I'm special-er…), but he has some good moments…I think…OH! And he smells like a dog and has some odd habit of flying tennis balls… (Catch the ball…stupid…)
"I agree with you Akamaru, those are definitely NOT real. I mean seriously, LOOK at them! I mean…WOW! Those are BIGGER!"
Personally I think he's…you know…"fixed", oh and he cried during that dog movie…what was it again…Oh YEAH…Lassie (Lassie come HOME!)-
"PERVERT!"
Blink.
"What the hell, Kakashi! I was talking about the new beef dumplings they're serving now at the Ichiraku."
Oh.
"Now who's the pervert…pervert."
Damn.
Rule number five of Kakashi's secret book for secret people on secret stuff:
Guys have feelings too…even if they are tiny.
Ah!
What a glorious day…the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and Kiba just fell in a hole…again…
Well…it was a glorious day…
Why the young dog-trainer was not with his team we'll probably never know. Kiba brushed the dirt off his black shirt. He gave a low growl and set himself in a slow running pace through the village.
That was the seventh hole today! Kiba absently rubbed his sore behind in remembrance.
Why is this canine-like teen running through the streets of Konoha? Let us rewind a bit to this morning:
"KIBA! You get your butt down here this INSTANT!" a shrill voice reverberated off the walls of a certain ninja's room.
"Aw pipe-down woman, I'm coming down!"
Kiba reluctantly dragged his feet down the stairs as he made his way towards the kitchen. A cool dark eye watched him carefully, Kiba scowled fully aware of the intense stare from the head dog at his back.
He rubbed his already messy brown hair, "Where's Akamaru?"
"Isn't he out in the backyard?" Kiba leaned back in his chair to see the large glass sliding door.
Shake.
"Nope."
A middle-aged woman turned, "Odd…I swore I saw him out there this morning…"
CLICK!
And within Kiba's small, small…small brain something clicked.
"HE'S GONE!"
Kiba's mother held her hands up in front of her, "I'm sure he just went for a walk."
"MOM, I know Akamaru! He doesn't go for walks!"
"Well maybe he went to the bathroom…?"
Silence.
"I don't think so…Where could he be!"
"Dead in the middle of a lonely alleyway with rats gnawing at his bones." Kiba's sister grabbed an apple and took a chomp out of it.
"MOM!"
Glare.
"Honestly! Don't say that!"
The slightly older girl waved the topic away and patted Kiba on the head, "Instead of yelling at us, why don't you go and FIND him."
Slam!
And with that Kiba was out the door faster than you can say kibbles and bits…or around there…
Kiba slowed his pace to a halt; now that he thought of it…he had no idea where his canine companion was.
Kiba smacked himself in the forehead, just peachy!
"N-A-R-U-T-O!"
KA-BLOOIE!
Kiba smartly dodged the tree trunk heading his way. Oh yeah…who was the coolest mixed-breed shinobi in the world…
Too bad he missed the several sharp branches heading his way…
"OH MY GOD!"
Bright green eyes peered around the bridge. Sakura scratched her pink tresses, "Did you guys hear that?"
Immediately nursing the bump growing on his head Naruto sat upright, "Hmm…must have been an animal."
"Get up, dobe; you look like an idiot in the dirt." Sasuke opened his charcoal eyes.
Naruto jumped to his sandaled feet, "Well at least I don't look constipated."
"Say that again, I dare you."
"Love to. Well at least-"
"KIBA!" Naruto's voice died down as Sakura rushed towards the impaled shinobi.
Sakura pulled another dagger-like branch out of Kiba's arm, "So what brings you to this neck of woods?"
Kiba winced, "I'm looking for Akamaru. Have you seen him?"
Sakura glanced at him and gently bandaged his hand, "Um…no, I haven't."
Sasuke glared at Kiba, "If you don't mind, we have training. Come on Sakura."
"Well thanks anyway Sakura." Sakura gathered her things.
"I hope you find him soon, Kiba."
Foxy grin.
"Yeah mutt-face, we have a score to settle!" Naruto crossed his arms.
"I'll beat your face into the ground, stupid!" Kiba locked his fingers into a disappearing jutsu and left as suddenly as he came.
"Sasuke-kun, isn't it our day-off since Kakashi-sensei isn't here?" Sakura watched the dark-haired Uchiha tense up.
"Hey Sakura, you want to do something?"
Sakura's eyes sparkled, "YEAH! What are we going to do?"
Sasuke smirked and grabbed her fore-arm, "We're training."
Flabbergast!
"Wait…You TRICKED me! I changed my mind!" Sakura wiggled in his vice-grip but no avail.
'She smells like dog…' the last thought roamed the avenger's mind as cherry blossoms filled his senses.
Kiba dropped to the ground outside of a small shop. A bright blue sign, 'Konoha Pet's Supreme' blared blindly under the sky-blue sky.
DING-a-LING!
The store bells jingled loudly making his appearance heard. Kiba had never really been in here before. Usually this was where the Inuzuka Clan bought their multi-vitamin soldier pills and excessive nutritional dog food. His mother or sister basically did most of the shopping.
She used to say men have no sense of the beauty of shopping. His father used to say shopping was another word for male-hell and those women get a kick out of it for fun.
"Hello…my dear, what can I do for you?" a smooth voice scared the living daylights out of Kiba.
He clutched his dark vest and looked to his right. The dark hairs at the back of his neck stood up.
The woman/man/thing tiredly watched him with murky gray eyes. Silvery hair slipped from the soft bun held by a snake ornament. The silk purple kimono was voluminous under the black obi adorned with spirals that were oddly shaped as snakes.
'Purple eye shadow…' Kiba cringed as the elder leered at him.
"What is it that you seek?" the tone was slightly impatient.
'Sparkly purple eye shadow…'
"I was wondering if you spotted a HUGE dog, he goes by the name Akamaru?"
The woman tapped a finger to her pale lips, "I'm afraid not…What was your name again?"
"Sparkly eye shadow! Erm…wait…its Inuzuka Kiba."
The elder smiled showing off long fangs, "Ki-chan…"
Twitch.
'Is this lady…HITTING on me?'
"Ki-chan…what pretty red stripes you have…" the woman purred as she traced his cheeks with a long nail.
Oh…
"Listen lady, I gotta go-"
She dug her nails in his already injured arm, "What soft brown hair you have…"
My…
"HEY! Don't touch m-"
"Such delicate claws, your mom must be proud…" her arms tugged his vest.
GOD!
Kiba tore himself from her and pointed into a random direction, "Is that Brad Pitt!"
Her head shot to the left and Kiba dashed out of the store. A wizened hand grabbed the wrinkly skin of her high cheekbone and tore through it revealing smooth pale skin and golden eyes.
"Not as cute as my Sasuke-kun, though…"
COUGH, COUGH!
Ok…scary much?
Kiba's heavy body sunk into a lonely bench and let out a long breath. This was harder than he thought…He bent his head into his hands.
Helpless…
Where, oh where could Akamaru be?
Why?
Kiba smirked; Akamaru wasn't a small dog anymore.
How come…
He frowned suddenly. Maybe he was looking at this all wrong.
I am so…
The EXTREMELY deep holes, the scratches on trees, his family's calm appearance…
Helpless…?
No…he wasn't helpless.
BLINK!
The mini light bulb blinked in the empty barren wasteland Kiba calls his brain.
"Go…home…" Kiba stood up straight, home…Akamaru was HOME!
Kiba blinked, how in seven hells can Akamaru be home?
"What are you waiting for, stupid! GO!" Kiba jumped and sprinted away.
BASH!
"Naruto, you idiot! You scared him!" Sakura ground her fist into Naruto's head as Team 7 hid behind the bushes.
"OUCH!"
"This is so stupid…"
Meanwhile…in Konoha Hospital…
Sharp brown eyes glared into a lone charcoal eye. Sweat dabbed their eyebrows as they stared intently waiting for the final draw to end this madness…
"Royal…flush…"
"ARGH! I LOST…AGAIN!" Tsunade threw her hand of cards on the white linen hospital bed.
Sigh.
Kakashi and Tsunade decided to suspend their grand schemes of romance for a small game of poker.
Idiots…
Kiba slid the glass door with such floor it almost was knocked out of its hinges.
"AKAMARU!"
Silence…
WOOF!
A huge shadowy figure pounced on the poor unsuspecting, almost-got-molested-by-an-old-lady, traumatized boy.
Hooray!
Confetti burst before his slits for eyes and sneezed as the multicolored paper tickled his nose.
"Congratulations little bro! You passed the Inuzuka Clan TEST!" Kiba's sister pounced onto him and threw confetti everywhere.
Blink.
"Wait…this was a test?"
Nod.
"And I almost had a heart attack and almost got raped by some old chick down at the pet store?"
Blink.
"Erm…You got WHAT!"
Kiba smirked and closed his eyes. Anger ticked through his red-blooded veins.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1…and BLAST-OFF!
"YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS!"
Day 5 finished.
Operation Scare-the-crap-out-of-Kiba a success.
A/N: Uh yeah…I had a lot of fun scaring the crap out of Kiba! So…did anyone figure out the "secret" character who tried to molest Kiba? Hmm…anyone? Also I want to say...I LOVE YOU ALL! SPARKLY PURPLE EYE SHADOW!
SPECIAL CHAPTER: Hinata's BIG day!
Small hands tugged nervously at the hem of her black vest. Hinata twiddled her thumbs as she looked from side to side on the road passing the Ichiraku. The delicate heiress wasn't nervous…NAH! She was bursting with hyper-ness and excitement.
Just who are you kidding?
Hinata was practically sweating bullets as a familiar tuft of blond hair came into view.
Blush.
Ok Hinata, breath…BREATH damn it!
He's wearing an orange shirt…
Hello…? Earth to Hinata, are you there?
Sniff…is that cologne?
I can't feel my legs…OH NO! I'm DISABLED!
No…it's cinnamon…
I'm hyperventilating…Breath in, breath out, repeat.
Orange cinnamon…
"HINATA-CHAN!"
OOF!
Note to self…don't space out.
"So…what's new?" Naruto slurped the last of his soup and set his TENTH bowl aside.
Hinata swirled her noodles around, "U-um…F-fine, I g-guess…A-and you?"
"Just PEACHY! Did you know, I beat the crap out of Sasuke today?" Naruto excitedly bounced in his seat.
"O-oh…" Hinata shrinked more in her seat. Disappointment gently scrawled all over her face.
Naruto stopped his frantic ranting by her sudden depression, "Hey, hey, what's the matter?"
Hinata dropped her chopsticks and grinned awkwardly, "W-what d-do you m-mean…?"
Frown.
"There's no need to hide it."
"W-what…?"
"I won't laugh, you can tell me."
Opal eyes shyly gazed into cerulean blue, "Naruto…"
He shook his head and rubbed vigorously, "Please."
There was once a shy girl…
Vines of warmth wrapped itself around Hinata's body, "I-it's nothing, really."
Her voice grew stronger…
"Sakura-chan always said hiding your feelings is bad. She said the mind needs some outlet-thingy to keep ourselves healthy."
Hinata's eyes downcast, "…"
Her skin toughened…
"She said when someone is sad or lonely the best thing is to be there for them. No words needed…just there with them."
Innocence fading…
"I want to be there…"
Naruto's head shot up to watch the young heiress, "Hinata…"
Her heart fell…
Smile.
"I want to be there for you."
And fell…
Tears.
"I want to see you cry, laugh, shout…"
For the boy with the shattered heart…
"Would you allow me…Naruto-kun?"
Picking up piece by little piece…
Hinata blushed and covered her flushing cheeks, "A-ah…I'm s-sorry!"
Grin.
"I'm glad you're here, Hinata-chan."
A calloused hand reached over to encase another.
Blink.
"Na-!"
"FINALLY! Let's celebrate Naruto's loss of virginity!" Kakashi smacked the poor boy on the back making him nose-dive into the ramen bowl still full of hot soup.
"HALLEUJAH!"
"KAKASHI-SENSEI, YOU PRICK!"
Boom!
"I'll gonna STRANGLE you!"
SLAM!
Hinata blinked slowly, comprehending the sudden flurry of events. She shrugged, just laugh it off…laugh it off.
Bonk.
Dun, dun, dun…ACORN of DOOM!
Hinata crushed it with the pressure of her chakra.
"DAMN SQUIRREL!"
With that the boy with the shattered heart and the shy girl walked away, hand in hand, heart with heart.
Meanwhile…
Two lone figures were bound and tied feet first onto a branch in the middle of nowhere.
"This sucks." Kakashi scowled beneath his mask.
"Tell me about it! You ninjas are so sensitive."
Oh god…Talking squirrel in the area…
This is going to be a long night.
A/N: And that was the special chapter of Naruto and Hinata's date! Next chapter, I'll post a Sasuke and Sakura fluff chapter since I feel the urge to write some fluff. (Note the reason why the chapter was extra cutesy and poofy.) Don't know why but I do…
The acorns are COMING! Press the button, quick!