Fan Fiction: "Dating for Dummies"
A/N: HELLOOOO! I give you the sixth chapter of my wonderful project! I've already decided to have a sequel with the shinobi and kunoichi adults. This first half of my "Dating for Dummies Project" is about the kiddies. Get ready for some SasuSaku fluff! I feel sorry for Sasuke…I really do.
A/N: I have a WONDERFUL surprise for you all! Oh by the way, it was Orochimaru who was secret character who almost cough, cough molested cough Kiba. Have fun…
Disclaimer: Hmmm…Do I own Naruto? No, I don't think I do.
Tip 6: Aburame Shino
Aburame, Shino:
Not much information on this little specimen… (FREAK!) Is from the Aburame Clan which harbors itty-bitty, teeny-weeny bugs IN their body (Ewwww…), currently seventeen years of age…
"…Kakashi-sensei is there a reason you are hiding there?"
SMACK!
Also have attachments towards fellow bugs (I swear I saw him making kissy-faces with them!), and no further info on "relationships" (I think he's asexual…)
"…Did you just kill that ladybug…?"
Bug boy seeks female with some nice pheromones (Wink, wink.), has an imaginary friend-bug-THING-whatever in his clos-OH MY-WHAT THE HELL! AUGH!
"REVENGE! For Ms. Ladybug!"
Twitch…
Bugs…ew…
Rule number six of Kakashi's book of randomness, warnings not included:
Popping the ego…Fight to the DEATH!
Chirp. Chirp!
Cheep-
"Shut the hell up you STUPID birds!" a certain Uchiha survivor threw a barrage of kunai and shuriken at a particular tree outside his apartment window.
Talk about anger management.
Now we know boys and girls, Uchiha Sasuke is NOT a morning person. You've been warned.
At Sakura's house…
"NO! I'm LATE! Kakashi-sensei's gonna KILL me!" a flash of pink hair slammed the bathroom door shut with a BANG. A crack slit through the pale wood door.
"DAD!"
Mrs. Haruno plopped steaming white rice back into the rice cooker, "You're going to need to put up a new door, honey."
The said father of Sakura glanced at his wife from his newspaper, "How is this any different from any other day?"
The woman laughed, "Now, now she's a growing teenage girl. She doesn't know her own strength and limits yet."
"Uh-huh…This is why we have a supply of doors in the basement just for her…"
His wife sighed and set some toast near the edge of the table for her daughter, "Isn't her teacher coming back today from some mission or something?"
He grunted from behind the paper, "Hospital."
"H-hospital? I wasn't aware of this!"
He leaned forward to grab a piece of toast but spilled the salt onto the table spilling its salty contents.
Uh-Oh…
Suddenly a salt shaker almost collided with his balding head. He ducked in enough time to barely miss it as it smashed into the kitchen wall.
"Dear lord woman, don't throw things!"
Mrs. Haruno swiped a packet of good luck sutras from a secret compartment, "Don't worry honey, I'll destroy the bad luck that has plagued this house!"
'I didn't know she bought those.' Was the last thought swimming in Mr. Haruno's mind as a huge bombardment of sticky notes and stuff came like a tidal wave crashing down on him. Not to mention his wife cursing off bad luck and springing into action with her trusty necklace of garlic, a four-leaf clover, and a FLIPPING silver horseshoe.
Ow, much?
Sometimes he wondered why he married her…Oh yea.
He loved her.
Such a quiet, pain-free day this was becoming!
Sakura jumped down the stairs and picked a piece of buttered toast into her mouth.
Mrs. Haruno grinned almost identical to her daughter, "Have a nice day, sweetie!"
"Bye mom! Bye dad!"
ZOOM!
Sakura was out the door in a millisecond…if that was possible.
Meanwhile in the trees surrounding a particularly pissed-off Sasuke…
"Coo…coo!"
A silver-haired man pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "Um…Orochimaru-sama I'm pretty sure owls don't go 'Coo'."
The golden-eyed snake man glared at his assistant, "Of course they do! Are you Coo-coo?"
Kabuto shook his head and looked towards Sasuke's window.
"Alright then…"
"Who…who!" Kabuto placed his hands around his mouth to channel the bird call.
Glare.
"Who?" Orochimaru stared at Kabuto.
"Who what?" Kabuto asked Orochimaru.
"You said who! Whose who?" the dark-haired man snapped.
Kabuto raised an eyebrow, "It's a bird call, Orochimaru-sama."
"Oh…I knew that."
Stare.
"Sir, are you ok?"
"I'm fine, let's go back to bird calls. We must draw my Sasuke-kun from his slumber!" Orochimaru posed evil-ish-ly.
Evil laugh!
"Cheep, cheep!" Kabuto shifted slightly.
"Who are you calling CHEAP?"
"No one, sir!"
They both stared at each other for a moment.
Orochimaru huffed, "Just…let me do this."
Kabuto nodded his head and made room for the snake sannin.
"Alright…Coo-coo-ca-chu!"
BOOM!
Sasuke slammed his window open and snapped, "That's IT! KATON GOUKAKYUU NO JUTSU!"
Like I said anger management…
But that's beside the point…ONWARD to Shino!
Spring, the time of blooming flowers and sunshine days. In other words, bug GALORE! Ladybugs, flies, ants, fleas, beetles, bees, butterflies, ticks, spiders, and other multi-legged creatures that buried themselves in the dirt spring to the surface. It was in all aspects, the Aburame Clan's strongest season. Thus begins our small adventure of one and only Aburame Shino.
"Shino…don't you have training?" Shino's father leaned onto the stair railing.
The Aburame Clan's special technique…talking in dots…
"…No, Kurenai-sensei is on a mission…We have the day-off…"
His father scratched his bearded chin, "I see…the Honda Clan seeks you to escort their daughter, Hana, for the day…I trust you will do it."
Shino slipped his sunglasses on and went out the door, "…Good luck on your mission…father…"
"Hana Honda, never heard of her? Is she new?" Kiba who had found his best friend near the tea shop whistled low.
"…"
Oh ho! The secret language of Shino begins!
"You don't know, do you?" Kiba patted Akamaru's large head.
"…" Shino very enthusiastically said.
Sigh.
"Don't tell me this is an arranged marriage?"
"…" Shino contemplated for a moment then nodded.
Kiba gave another low whistle, "Damn, that sucks…I never knew they were still around."
"…" Shino shouted angrily.
Kiba patted his friend on the back, "Good luck, Shino. For all we know she could hate bugs." With that encouraging piece Kiba left quickly to tend to other matters. For a poor molestation victim, Kiba acted pretty energetic…huh, loser.
"Hello, son! Can I interest you in some potions?" a cheerful old male voice rasped. Shino turned slowly to notice an old man peddling what seemed to be a cart full of multi-colored potions. His clothes were ragged with dirt and scraps of food an apron equally as dirty wrapped around his frail torso and waist. His long black hair was stuffed and poorly hidden by a large-brim wooden triangle hat.
His large gray moustache twitched as he continued to grin almost manically, "So…is that a yes? I'll tell ya son, we have quite the stock!"
"…" In other words…What. The. Hell.
"Well sonny, there's a love potion!"
"…"
The old man or thing frowned a bit, "Ok, I'll take that as a no, how about a strength potion. Makes you pretty strong…eh?"
"…" Translation in normal English, not interested.
"OH! A smart potion! Those are REALLY popular!" the old man's confidence was fading bit by little bit.
"…" Yet again…he's not interested.
Blink.
Sweat.
The man wrung his fingers tightly, "Surely you would be a little interested?"
"…" Was that a blink from Shino, I think not.
The seller scowled darkly, "How about a talking potion to open that damn mouth of yours, sonny?"
"…" Nope.
Sweat.
"Will you excuse me a moment, dear customer?" the old man turned quickly and ducked under the cart.
Orochimaru ripped the gray moustache painfully and took a walkie-talkie, "Bird's-Eye this is Snake-Samba-Master-of-Disguise do you repeat?"
"Orochim-"Kabuto was quickly interrupted.
"No, NO! You will speak to me as Snake-Samba-Master-of-Disguise!"
Silence.
Buzz…
"Um…right Snake-Samba-Master-of-Disguise what's going on?"
Orochimaru whispered dramatically, "The chicken is hard to persuade."
"What…What are you talking about?"
"The cow has laid an egg."
More silence…
"A cow can't lay an egg, sir."
Orochimaru smacked his pale forehead, "Honestly Kabuto do you EVER take the time to go out?"
Kabuto sighed, "I know sir, but really…what's going on?"
"Is this 'Shino' character anywhere near as close to Sasuke-kun like that fox-boy?"
Think.
Jeopardy MUSIC!
Think.
Kabuto shrugged, "I don't know."
Sigh.
"Whatever…COMMENCE PLAN B!" Orochimaru stood up quickly and-
BANG!
His head hit off the cart spilling a couple potions to the ground.
Shino peered at the shattered bottles to notice the liquid spattering the road.
Guess what it is?
Water…yeah you heard me WATER. Real smart, Orochimaru, real smart…
Orochimaru-turned-old-man-disguise chuckled slightly, "Whoops my bad, clumsy me."
"Oh my, oh my! A potions peddler in the area!" a poorly made imitation of a girly voice shouted.
Oh.
My.
God.
IT'S-
"Huh, where's everyone?" Naruto sat on the railing of the usual Team 7 meeting place.
"Am I the only one here?"
Indeed our beloved foxy blond hero was the only one there. How sad…he's all alone.
But where oh where are his other teammates?
Let us see…
"Late, late, late, late, LATE!" Sakura mumbled her own little mantra as she sped down the path of righteousness- I mean bridge.
She was so blinded by the thought of Kakashi's punishments that she didn't see the dark back in front of her…
BAM!
Fall.
Sakura skidded to the ground scraping her knee sharply. And the figure toppled painfully on top of her. Her fingers clutched the dark blue material close-
Wait a minute here!
Sakura peered carefully at the fabric and her head shot up to see a tuft of midnight black hair.
Blue shirt plus black hair equals…OH CRAP!
Sakura wiggled furiously and pushed Sasuke away. Sasuke who didn't fully recover from the shock was caught off guard…again…Sakura's elbow slammed into his stomach making the young Uchiha fall off her with a thud.
Gasp!
"I'm so SORRY Sasuke!"
'Sasuke? Where's the –kun?' Sasuke winced as Sakura fretted.
Maybe she's finally over you.
'Oh god, not YOU again.'
Inner Sasuke gave a cheeky grin.
In the flesh or spirit or whatever.
'What are you talking about Sakura not liking me?'
Oh ho! So he finally listens to his heart!
'No…just tell me, dobe!'
So mean, no wonder she's over you.
'Grrrr…'
Alright, ALRIGHT! No need to get feisty-kitty-mode on me!
'…You're an idiot.'
Anyway…ignoring that little insult there, she's over you obviously. She knows you'll never care for her so she's falling out of love with you. Honestly, you outer beings are so pathetic.
'…'
What, cat got your tongue?
'This can't happen!'
No DUH Sherlock!
'…But what can I do?'
How am I supposed to know? Maybe you should get some advice…or therapy.
Glare.
'…She said…she would love me forever.'
Hey, HEY! Bad thoughts! Don't you dare do what I think you're going to do!
'She…lied…'
LA, LA! Not listening! La, la! Bad thoughts! What are you-HEY! I'm not going back in that box. I refuse! Back I say, BACK!
Sasuke clenched his fist and gritted his teeth. His eyes stung and his chest felt incredibly heavy. She was his teammate, for Godaime's sake!
She was his teammate who promised to be with him no matter what.
No matter what…
"Sasuke…are you ok?" Sakura placed a hand on his shoulder.
SNAP!
"Don't. Touch. Me."
Sakura backed up quickly, "Sasuke, what's wrong?"
"Just…leave me ALONE!"
Tears.
"Why…?" Green eyes blinked back tears but no avail as they spilled.
Sasuke's head shoot up and glared, "Because I HATE you."
Crack.
Inner Sakura growled.
Let me at him! How dare he! Sa-Hey are you ok? Hey…come on don't let him get you down.
Sakura bit her lip, her heart bursting through her chest, "Well sorry! It's not my fault I care!"
Run.
The nerve of him…If I ever get my hands on him-
'Please…just leave me alone.'
Inner Sakura frowned and nodded; miraculously obedient today.
Just don't let him get you down, ok?
Sasuke brushed his clothes and halted when he brushed his heart. It hurt, it really did. It was the pain of losing a friend; it was the pain of losing a loved one. It was so familiar…so familiar.
Inner Sasuke scowled darkly.
Please tell me you're going to go after her.
'It's for her own good-'
Don't give me that bull! You know perfectly well that you're only doing this for your self. Selfish prick! Do you want THAT to happen again!
Flashbacks flashed before Sasuke's onyx eyes. Dead bodies, pools of blood, him, and the blank stares of the dead; Sasuke clutched his head as the flashes swum furiously.
'No…that's different.'
Then how come your heart says yes.
'…'
Thought so, just…tell her you're sorry. I'm not asking you to ask her to marry you or something just tell her you're sorry.
'How?'
How am I supposed to know! Just think of something spontaneous!
'Like you?"
Yeah like m-HEY! You tricked me! Just tell her!
"Alright, alright!" Sasuke rubbed his head and walked to the bridge.
Shino blinked very slowly.
Hallelujah! Shino has returned from the living dead! Well…even the dead would wake up from this horror flick.
Kabuto pranced heavily to the cart in silver pigtails, a pink flowery dress with matching stockings and shiny black shoes. His face was…atrocious! With bright red lipstick, blue eye shadow, fake eyelashes, and…was that glitter?
"Dear Mr. Potion Person, would you be as kind as to give me potion for my mother!" Kabuto's voice was high-pitched and sickly girlish.
"Of course little Kabuta! I would love to!"
Kabuta…? Genius, Orochimaru, PURE genius! No one will ever know that Kabuto is Kabuta…STUPID!
Shino watched the eye-gouging scene without a single twitch then turned away.
"…I'm going to be late…" and the bug master disappeared in the noon crowd without the mysterious old man and girl noticing.
Talk about total waste of time.
"TEME! You made Sakura-chan cry didn't you?" Naruto pointed accusingly at the Uchiha. However Sasuke's attention was only on the slumped depressed female at the floor of the bridge.
He bent down, ignoring the loud blond ninja to his left towards the pink-haired kunoichi. "Sakura…"
She visibly flinched and moved away a little.
Sasuke frowned and pulled at her arm, "Let's go out tonight."
"No." Sakura moved further.
Sasuke sighed in embarrassment, "Come on."
Sakura glared at him from beneath her arms. Sasuke blushed a bit, "Um…please?"
She let her arms down from her face and eyed him warily, "I guess so…"
"WAH! SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto noisily nagged.
Sasuke gave a little cough and crossed his arms over his chest, "Well, uh, that's settled then."
"Yo, my annoying little pupils."
"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"
Kakashi grinned beneath his mask and waved slightly.
Shino slowly made his way down the street. Today's events had confused him to the point of actually reacting to them.
Wow…just wow.
Suddenly something soft banged into his forehead. His hand came up to pick a bug from his forehead. It was a shiny rainbow colored beetle known as…the LOVE bug! They were an extreme rarity these days.
"Muffin! Where did you go!"
Shino looked up just in time to see the love bug snatched from his hands. A girl his age with long brown hair and clear glasses cooed softly, "Muffin! You're safe."
Her big brown eyes stared at Shino for a moment before smiling, "Thanks for finding Muffin. I've been trying to find her for hours."
Was that blush on Shino's cheeks, "…No problem."
And with that Shina and Shino went their merry way together skipping through fields of flowers and butterflies.
Yuck…too sappy…
And whatever happened to Hana…She ran away with some guy from the tea shop. What a wonderful world we live in!
"I have wonderful news!" Kakashi sat on the bench lightly.
Three heads pushed together to capture all the news.
"The Hokage and I had discussed that since spring has come in full bloom-"
"OH! Missions!" Naruto bounced excitedly.
"Uh no."
Naruto huffed and puffed pouting for lack of missions.
Cough.
Kakashi cleared his throat, "Well, we've decided to hold an-"
Day 6 finished.
Operation Cliffhanger commences.
A/N: WAH HA HA HA HA! Cliffhangers! EVIL! Don't you just love your surprise!
SPECIAL CHAPTER: Of Dancing and Ninjas.
Haruno Sakura walked in the pinkish glow of the sunset. Her fingers were sweaty with anticipation as she neared picnic site. Her heart was lodged in her throat as she watched a familiar dark figure stand before the park's lake.
Yin Yang that's what they were; total opposites in the world.
He was dark she was light, he was cold she was hot, he was lonely she was surrounded, he didn't love she loved everything, he was cruel she was caring…opposites: a killer and a healer.
His world was a dark void of blood and death while hers was one of life and innocence.
He lost his childhood and she lives in it.
Sakura trembled slightly and hands clenched.
She was ready.
Too bad the rock ruined it all…
TRIP!
"You gotta be on your guard ALL the time, Sakura. I can't keep watching you all the time." Sasuke grabbed the girl by the arm and tugged her towards the plaid blanket on the ground.
Sakura blushed darkly, "So um…why did you ask me out here anyway?
Freeze.
Sasuke twitched, "Uh, let's have some music on."
Sakura nodded and watched the young flustered Uchiha press the on button on a portable stereo.
Oh, Uchiha Sasuke is quite the romantic, eh?
"I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU-"
Uh…right…a REAL romantic…What a way to tell a girl you like them by saying you hate their guts…
Sasuke pressed the next arrow quickly.
Blink.
"Sasuke…" tears bubbled again.
"I WILL LET YOU DOWN!-"
"Uh, uh! Sakura, ignore this for a minute!" Sasuke jammed his finger harshly on the button.
A smooth soft sounding melody floated out the speakers. Sasuke smirked and took a breath of relief.
"Sa-!"
"GIRL SHAKE THAT LAFFY TAFFY! DAT LAFFY TAFFY!"
Sakura stood up quickly, tears cascading down her eyes, "Sasuke stop it!"
Sweat.
His breathing was erratic and surprisingly a trail of sweat ran down his face.
Inner Sasuke frantically ran through the complicated corridors of outer Sasuke's mind,
Do something! NOW!
"I uh…Saku-"
Sakura held her hands out in front of her to stop him, "No, I don't want to hear it. Sasuke-kun let's just pretend this never happened."
Sasuke-kun…
He smirked and was about to say something when-
"Time stands still in my heart. I don't know where you are. Longing for what I deny, Can we just turn it around tonight…?"
Both teenagers stopped in the midst of the stereo playing.
"Sakura…"
"And do you know without you I just go crazy. And do you know that all I think about is where you are. And do you know that only you can save me baby from going through this life all alone…"
"Sakura I'm…sorry."
Blink.
Smile.
"It's ok. I don't think I can stay mad at you for long." Sakura gently took a hold of his arm.
He scoffed as he blushed lightly tainting his cheeks, "You're so annoying."
"Let's go to the Ichiraku, Naruto and the others are waiting for us." Sakura tugged his arm.
Maybe this wasn't such a disaster after all…
"What no kiss!" Kakashi peered from a telescope.
"KA-KA-SHI-SEN-SEI!" Sakura fisted her hands and Sasuke's hand crackled with blue lightning chakra.
Sweat.
"Uh…Who's this Kakashi-sensei fellow? I'm a bird…Coo-coo-ca-chu!"
"DIE!"
Hatake Kakashi sent to the hospital for emergency burn treatments and fractured skull.
In other words…He's an idiot, the end.
A/N: Whew! I've just noticed but…there are no squirrels in this chapter. Well there goes my trademark…Ha! Anyway, I'm sure people are wondering why I have this…"phobia" of squirrels. Let's just say they ate my internet access. They chewed through the wire and ruined it…grr…HATE squirrels! So…The songs I used were "I (hate) Everything About You" and "Let You Down" by Three Days Grace. Also the main song which I've been playing for the past few hours is: "Do You Know (I Go Crazy)" by Angel City.